Title: History Book Part 1: A Horse is Not a Home
Rating: M for language and smut.
Pairing: Seblaine, Ex-Klaine; AnderCohen-Chang, Blam, & Blittany friendship.
Genre: Angst, Friendship to Romance
Warning: angst?
A/N: Hii omg talk about long time no see. Man oh man. This one is a long one so am I forgiven? I hope so. I'll check in on that at the end haha. So um here are some things to know. This chapter is one part of a two part arc in the story. It starts on the night that we last left off on but it's Seb's POV. The main title of both is from a song by Dry the River that Mara116 introduced me to so shout out to her. Yay! There's even more to her brilliance so I'll just wait until after you guys read this to rave about it! The subtitle I suppose or the one for this part, at least, is from "A Horse is Not a Home" by Miike Snow—a personal favorite of mine. In the song I use the song "Wipe Your Eyes" by Maroon 5 and you can thank my friend Dom for that! If you want to talk music that kind of pushed this chapter forward because there's more, talk to me! Okay so I will indicate time. I had sectionals in this chapter and a character I really love is brought into this as well. Okay I hope you like it and I didn't flop miserably. Enjoy!
—FRIDAY NIGHT—
Sebastian stood, ridged and wheezing for breath as he surveyed the destruction.
His in house room was peppered with evidence of every bottled up emotion he wouldn't allow himself to feel explosively coming to head with his considerably weakened ability to entomb all of it any longer.
There were many ways to describe Sebastian; there were many ample descriptions that people generously (or not so generously) supplied attached to the utterance of his name. Lack of control was not amongst those things. He was a Smythe, bred from a profuse lifestyle—an elite—and always, always, the picture of class. Smythes didn't do this. They didn't lash out, engage in physical altercations and didn't conduct themselves as barbarically as he had the past few days, and over a boy no less.
Sebastian once prided himself on his perennial control in any given situation, but he was quickly learning that with Blaine, none of that applied. With Blaine his emotions, his actions—his everything—slipped out of his fumbling, grappling hands making a mess of things.
He really made a mess of things.
And when the bitterness, the sadness the anger and the fear streamed into his self-loathing—when it spread like a cancer,
Sebastian broke.
It was a gentle progression, like watching a feather drift dismally through brittle air as it floated down and landed, with just enough weight on an unfortunately placed detonator within him.
He arrived home from the restaurant to an empty house (surprise, surprise), left only with his smothering thoughts and the perpetual silence that filled the entire atmosphere of the house. He was left with the restless buzzing of adrenaline under his skin, residual from the fight in the restaurant bathroom, and the biting sting, the reality, of what he'd done.
He finally drove Blaine away; finally fucked things up between them beyond repair. There was no going back now that Blaine finally saw him—his true nature. Everything he warned Blaine about, everything everyone warned Blaine about, coming true was the last thing he wanted, but his ways were rooted so deep, it's not like their could have been any other way for this to play out. He was an asshole—completely undeserving of everything Blaine was willing to give him and he was always so willing.
This predestined fuck up had rendered all of Blaine's efforts useless and all the chances Blaine gave him looked foolish now. Sebastian risked the only person he cared about and he lost. He was left with nothing—with no one—but himself, just like it was from the start and probably how it should have been all along.
He missed Blaine though. He never expected to feel this strongly displaced without him but he missed him already and he hated it. He wasn't even ready to begin to address why he felt like this (It actually physically hurt) and maybe that was the problem. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to face it, but his room in the pool house was stained with suffocating memories of Blaine. He couldn't even be here, so he ran.
As his body swiftly moved through the chilly night, up into the still house, he paid little mind to where he was going until he realized he stupidly led himself to the room where it all began. This room was a lie and he thought: maybe his subconscious was implying that he'd been lying to himself all along. He'd deceived himself into believing that he could actually achieve some semblance of happiness in someone else—in Blaine. He never could with his own parents and wasn't going to with Blaine and he was stupid to think he could so maybe he deserved to feel like this.
It was amazing how brutal, how unforgiving, his mind could be, in its ability to resurface every bad memory and every self-deprecating thought. He was lost, without anyone to reassure him and so far from the capacity to do it himself. It was crippling. What everyone else thought was impossibly conceited ego, was his coping mechanism because very few people in his life readily stood by to support him or help him and now he'd blown it with the one person who would.
Sebastian glanced around the room that was staged to appear as if he was the son his parents wanted. He looked at the bed where for a fleeting moment Blaine actually wanted him and the feather settled.Boom. Consciousness
The bedside table lamp was the first to go—thrown and smashed against the walls. The expensive artwork adorning the walls were ripped off next and thrown down. None of these things reflected anything about him in the slightest; he wasn't truly wanted here. He yanked the covers off the bed (the same covers from that night) and stripped it clean of the memory of Blaine on it with him. Everything on the dressers wound up unceremoniously tossed to the ground in his fit of rage and when the eye of the storm passed, he just stood there in the numbing stillness of the wake of his destruction.
Ten, twenty, possibly thirty minutes passed until he was casting a parting glance at the room as he exited. He spared no bother to shut the door behind him—to hide what he was feeling. It wasn't like anyone would notice.
—SATURDAY—
Sebastian awoke the next day with the immobilizing aching feeling of having not slept at all weighing heavily on his eye lids. He'd slept well into the afternoon.
The drowsy teen peeled his thick covers off of his sweltering body, the sudden shock of the brisk air consequently thrusting him into full-on consciousness. He felt no motivation to actually get up and face the day; instead he lay staring blankly at the ceiling. He was content to spend the rest of the day just like this—lying in his bed, inside, where he couldn't fuck things up.
Deciding that was he plan for the day, he curled back under his covers and threw his duvet over his head with a huff.
At three-thirty he finally trudged out of his bed and into the shower as he could no longer sleep and restlessly tossed and turned until he'd had enough. He stood under nearly scalding water long enough that his skin turned an angry red and the bathroom became thick with billowy steam and after an undetermined amount of time he stepped out of the shower slowly, got dressed in lounge shorts and a white t-shirt before plopping down in front of his entertainment center to not-watch the marathon ofUrban Legends that was currently playing on his TV when he turned it on. Blaine loved watching this. He probably would have been over watching it with him, coming up with some sort of game to make things interesting he'd-he needed to stop thinking about Blaine.
A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, confusing him momentarily as to who it could be, though he had to stomp down the little bit of hope that it might have been who he was hoping it was. No one ever came out to the pool house other than Dorene and Yesenia, their maids, and neither one were scheduled to work.
Sebastian squinted when he opened his door as the sun was ironically shining too bright for his bleary eyes even if it wasn't producing much heat.
"Buenos tardes, Mr. Sebastián." Yesenia offered, forcing a smile that, despite her efforts, didn't conceal her annoyance for being called in.
"Buenos tardes, Yesenia. What are you doing here? You're off today." Sebastian posed kindly. Albeit what anyone thought of him or would expect, Sebastian was always kind towards the help. They held a special place in his heart as they were the only people he had that seemingly cared about him growing up.
Yesenia shook her head, following up with a heavy eye roll. "You're parents are back from your mother's home in France with guests Mr.Sebastián. It was upon their request why I am here. Your mother asks that you come greet them and join them for dinner."
Sebastian sighed into the door panel, eyes cast downwards as he replied. "Tell them I'll be right up." He responded quietly. His despondence could be detected from Jupiter at this point. He didn't need this today.
Yesenia watched him for a moment, casting a look of pity upon him before nodding sweetly and retreating back to the main house.
He took the time to dress presentably as a Smythe should, knowing anything less would be harshly disapproved and criticized by his mother and father and the company they kept.
Once dressed he walked up to the house and into the den where his parents were sitting with General Clarington and a boy, around his age, whom he'd never seen before.
"Ah Sébastien ! Bonsoir mon chéri ! Allez, come sit with us."
Sebastian furrowed his brows at his mother's overzealous—fake—excitement upon spotting him in the den archway.
"'Ave you met General Clarington and 'is son 'unter?" His mother, Renée asked.
Sebastian eyed the patrons of the room, lingering on his mother and silent father (who hadn't even looked to acknowledge his presence) before turning his lips up in a stiff smile and extending his right hand out to the General.
"It's a pleasure to see you again General."
General Clarington took his hand in a firm shake as he nodded. "Likewise young man. You haven't met my son yet. This is Hunter." He replied, turning to draw focus on his son.
Hunter jerked his head up in acknowledgement as he too shook Sebastian's hand with an equally firm grasp.
Sebastian was the first to pull away as he slipped his hand back into his pocket and stepped back, not knowing what to do. Now that there was someone his age around, he was surely expected to stick around and keep him company rather than be excused to his "room".
Oh god his room.
"Well don't just stand in the middle of the room Sebastian. Sit down and act as if you have the manners you've been raised with." Victor Smythe scolded, eyeing Sebastian expectedly, sipping his scotch, and looking like the way Sebastian's face turned red with frustration was a delightful sight.
Victor enjoyed the power he possessed over others. It could have come with being a state attorney or maybe that was why he was a state attorney to begin with. If there was anything he knew about Sebastian though, it was that the teen would never challenge him back; never with guests around or at all really.
They sat in the den, a constant stream of chatter flowing between the adults that Sebastian didn't care to act like he was even remotely interested in. Like a saving grace, Yesenia rounded the corner to inform them their chef was ready to serve dinner.
Dinner went in the same fashion with the two boys zoned out and Sebastian wondering how this became his weekend, that he couldn't even sulk in peace.
"Sébastien." Renée reached over from beside him to fuss over his hair, stopping when he, as politely as he could manage, brushed her hand away and discreetly cast a hard glance at her.
"Don't" he murmured quietly, hoping only she could hear.
Renée pulled her hand back, embarrassed despite his efforts. She cleared her throat, pushing through with a determined smile and the apparent lengths she was ready to go through to portray them as a loving family was astounding. Too bad he wasn't in the mood to play along—to revel in the sham and greedily bathe himself in what things could be like if all of this wasn't just for show.
"You 'aven't touched ze sautéed mushrooms Sébastien. Ze General was kind enough to bring it over, you should try it.
Sebastian's chest caved in as he exhaled in shock, crooking his open jaw to the side and glowering at his mother in disbelief. This was a new low.
"Don't be rude Sebastian. Try the food General Clarington's new wife was kind enough to make for us tonight. It's a shame she couldn't join us." Victor pushed when Sebastian hadn't made a move for the food.
Yesenia's soft voice cut in from the corner of the dining room where she was pouring more scotch for the men of the table. "Mr. Sebastiàn is allergic to mushrooms" she stated looking both shocked and disappointed as she crossed the room, placing Victor's glass on the table harder than she intended.
Renée shook her head with a small forced laugh. "Don't be ridiculous, Yesenia. I would know if my own son 'as allergies. I would know." She replied simply as if to dismiss the fact that if Sebastian ate the mushrooms his throat would close up immediately for the mere fact that it was not to her knowledge.
Sebastian could feel, practically taste, his father's eyes glaring into him hard like it was his fault a crack was now visible in their façade. He spoke calmly. "Well I am. Mika—my nanny at the time," he explained to the general, ignoring his parents all together, "she took me to the ER because you guys," he stared at his parents, "were…away." In a meeting at the home office, too busy to answer Mika's panicked calls.
General Clarington cleared his throat and wiped at his mouth with his napkin, offering an attempt to alleviate the tension spreading throughout the room. "It's a good thing she was there. I'm sorry, if I had known I would have informed my wife."
Hunter looked up, having suddenly taken an interest in what was happening at the table, and then casted a frowning glance in his direction. He wholly and completely understood, it was written all over his face. He didn't pity Sebastian, he just knew—he saw past what his parents were trying to do.
"It was." Sebastian agreed. "She was always there for me when I was younger. Until father…"
"Sebastian." Victor cut in, harsh and demanding, while his mother silently pleaded with him to stop.
Sebastian looked down at his plate, gathering food onto his fork and pausing before his bite, looking up into his father's similar green eyes. "I was only going to say until you let her go Father."
The color of his father's face deepened—a dark red of contained rage—but Smythe men did not act on their aggression, it was not in good taste. Sebastian knew this would come back to him one way or another. He didn't care.
Yesenia brushed a comforting hand on his back as she gathered the plates from the table when the stilted conversation died completely and it was clear that dinner was over.
"Well." Renée started, clasping her hands in front of her with reinvigorated determination and a smile on her face. "Why don't you show 'unter the pool 'ouse—we are renovating 'is room you see—and we can leave the men to meet in private." She continued, looking between the two boys excitedly.
Sebastian scoffed. If his mother tried half as hard at actually being a mother to him as she did pretending she was, she wouldn't have to lie so pathetically.
They all stood and Sebastian nodded for Hunter to meet him in the kitchen. He was stood at the center island table, pouring himself a glass of water when a figure appeared at the archway. When it seemed like the figure wasn't going to move he curiously trailed his eyes up only to be met with the sight of his father—taut with fury.
Victor stalked up to him, stopping closer than what Sebastian would deem reasonable, making it too uncomfortable for him to even look his father in the eyes.
"Just what, kind of stunt do you think you're pulling?" Victor bit at him, crowding further into the teen so his words only crept as far as Sebastian's ears.
He stood a little straighter, daring to glare at his father. "Being allergic to mushrooms isn't a stunt. It's not my fault you didn't know."
A dark sound rumbled beneath Victor's chest as he stared down at his son, cocking his head to the side and pulling Sebastian's glass of water out of reach before he could pick it up. "Have some respect. What do you think your grandmother would think if she could see you now—how you've been behaving?" He spat.
Sebastian narrowed his eyes at the older man, jaw set and fist clenched. His father really loved the power he possessed over people, especially Sebastian. It was hard to take it all in stride when his heart was twisting and contracting painfully. He didn't need this.
Before he could even reply, Victor continued. He had Sebastian just where he need him for his words to settle without any misunderstanding. He was not one to be made a fool of by anyone. "I have half the mind to make you sleep in that room of yours as it is for the rest of the time you live under my roof you ungrateful little shit. I work to buy you anything you could ever want and you repay me by throwing a tantrum. You're going to keep General Clarington's son company while I try to fix what you've possibly ruined. Do. Not. Treat Hunter like one of your little toys. I won't have you embarrassing my name any further."
Sebastian turned his head away from his father's harsh words and waited, breathing hard and fast through his nose until his father turned to leave the kitchen.
Hunter entered the kitchen as soon as Victor was out. Sebastian thought he might never catch a break.
Hunter gestured towards the back door, wordlessly questioning if that was the direction to the pool house.
Sebastian nodded and led them out to the back porch. He welcomed the cool, fresh night air into his lungs, letting it clear his mind and hoping just maybe it would numb him.
"Don't cry. I can't take this night getting anymore awkward." Hunter spoke calmly like he hadn't just witnessed the very meaning of dysfunctional and he didn't even know the half of it.
Sebastian didn't have it in him to snap at Hunter like he wanted so he settled for glaring at him. "I don't cry" he finally managed when he realized Hunter wasn't going to take back his words or at least act like he felt guilty for them.
"Alright so this pool house…"
"My room," Sebastian corrected, not for the first time, "I don't sleep in the main house."
"I don't blame you." Hunter commented as he sauntered over to the stairs leading down to the pool house.
Sebastian walked over to his mini fridge once they were inside his room and pulled out two Pepsi cans. He joined Hunter in the entertainment center, dropping into his recliner and handing the other boy the can of Pepsi he brought over for him.
Hunter opened his soda while he admired the room and spoke. "So I take it you're other room isn't being renovated?"
Sebastian shrugged. "Probably is. I trashed it."
Hunter raised an eyebrow, stilling his hand before he could sip his drink. "Because of your parents."
"No, they're never home—I wasn't expecting them to be."
"Don't tell me it's because of a girl…"
"I'm gay."
"Then a boy?"
Sebastian hitched an eyebrow up as he regarded Hunter. The other boy hadn't appeared to have lost interest in animosity towards his admission. Sebastian was never one to apologize for his sexuality either way; chances were he was better than the person judging him anyways.
"Yeah…" he dragged out. He wasn't sure why the other boy cared.
"Well…that's pathetic."
"I'm not going to defend my sexuality to you." Sebastian countered watching Hunter over his can.
"No need. It's pathetic either way. Was he worth the dramatics?"
Sebastian realized Hunter's intentions weren't to outright insult him. This was just how Hunter was and he though this must have been what it was like for people who talked to him. Hunter was an asshole too and Sebastian somehow found comfort in that.
"More than I'd like to admit."
Hunter leaned back into the couch, nodding his understanding. "Did you dump him or did he dump you?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "We weren't' dating but he isn't' talking to me anymore so it doesn't matter."
"You probably should have admitted it then."
Seriously?
"Feel free to mind your own fucking business at any time."
"Calm down Smythe. I'm not to blame for you messing up with what's-his-face."
Sebastian's eyes narrowed. "His name is Blaine first of all and luckily no one asked for your input. Do people even like you? You look like a serial rapist."
Hunter shrugged, a cocky smile tugging at his lips. "You like me—which is a good thing since I'm officially attending Dalton on Monday and I can't be bothered to deal with people trying to incorporate me into their ridiculous groups. I should ask if people even like you in turn and don't as far as my looks, don't even act like you wouldn't want to willingly sleep with me. I'm extremely attractive." He countered sipping his soda obnoxiously.
Sebastian suppressed a smile as he switched the TV on. It seemed he'd met his match in Hunter and though he wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of letting him know it, he felt there was something about Hunter that made him feel like the other boy could stay.
There wasn't much on so they settled on watching major league soccer until Hunter had to leave with an agreement that they'd see each other on Monday.
—MONDAY—
Blaine gathered his books and shoved them carelessly into his messenger bag as walked out of his first period class.
If there was an accurate way to describe his morning so far, he'd say it was something akin to waking up on the wrong side of the bed and landing in a pile of shit. He was never careless about anything he did, especially when it came to school, but he just wasn't up for the day at all; the pulsing pressure of his headache spreading and making it hard for him to stay up never mind putting forth effort to put his usual energy into the day's expectations (and there was the resolutely denied reason looming in the back of his mind and tugging at his chest—he missed him. But no.)
He maneuvered around two boys who thought the ideal place to stop and engage in a celebratory bro-hug-high five compilation, that included so much spinning and so much yelling, was right in front of the doorway despite the eight or so boys still trying to exit, including himself.
Just as he was in the clear, like a cosmic joke he wasn't in on, a tall form stepped in his path. He took a moment, eyes turned downwards and breathes steady, to calm the rapid pace of his heart with every exhale. He didn't like imposing his disagreeable temperament on anyone.
Eli's smile was the first thing he noticed. It was hard not to—the boy really had the kind of smile that pulled attention—it was mesmerizing. Blaine noticed two things in that moment. One it made him feel good. Eli had this aura about him that brought him back down to earth but at the same time it disappointed him.
Where Eli made Blaine feel good, being with Sebastian made Blaine feel larger than the bounds this life gave him. Sebastian didn't just bring Blaine down to earth he floored him while simultaneously lifting him up without Blaine ever realizing what the other boy was doing to him until he tried to tear him out of his mind, and even more, out of his heart only to realize the harder he tugged the deeper the roots Sebastian Smythe created would grow—he was falling. And he knew he shouldn't, knew it was wrong—so, so wrong—to compare the two and to think so much of the boy who was sure to have him mad by the end of the year while Eli stood in front of him, looking at him like that. It was so beyond rude and for that was he any better than Seb—giving Eli only a little to hold fast to, hoping maybe one day he'd get the whole decadent meal rather than the seductive scraplings?
There hadn't been any promises made between he and Eli, he knew that, but there hadn't been any promises made between he and Sebastian either and well…
Clearly feelings didn't' work like that, but he was just so tired of giving everything without any capability of stopping himself and only getting allowances in return. So he thought his mom might have been right; he needed to take care of himself first and Eli wanted to give him his full attention. So maybe he would learn to feel for him what he knew he—his body—was quickly beginning to feel for Seb. Mind over matter right?
"What are you smiling at?" Blaine asked, ducking his head down with a shy self-deprecating smile and adjusting the strap to his messenger bag on his shoulder.
Eli smiled and pulled them along in the direction of Blaine's next class, extending his hand out and holding it out in front of Blaine. He held his hand out until Blaine understood what he meant and handed over his heavy bag. "Oh you know…" He replied, hoisting the bag on his shoulder where is own, much lighter one, was already placed, "Only the hottest guy to walk the halls of Dalton."
"Oh man James Ryan! Where is he?" Blaine quipped, peering around the hallway for the already graduated Dalton alum who defied everybody's attraction type for the four glorious years he attended Dalton. (Two of which, were Blaine's freshman and sophomore year.)
Eli guffawed, "The rudest."
"Have you seen James Ryan."
"Pictures, yes."
"Try and deny it." Blaine challenged, self-assured and it seemed the smiles and laughter Eli brought with him, instead of irritating him like everyone else that morning, were enough to dull the pounding in his head to the back of his mind—enough to lighten his mood.
Eli bit down on the inside of his cheeks to stop the knowing smile threatening to betray him.
Blaine broke into a full body laugh at the blazing heat spreading over Eli's cheeks. "You so can't deny it. It's okay—he has that effect on people." Blaine reached out and clasped the taller boy's hand, moving in front of him and walking with his back turned on the direction they were moving in so he could lay sympathetic honey eyes on him. "I mean it. There's a support group if you need to talk about all the reasons that guy should not be allowed."
"Fine. Fine, you're right—but only if I get to hold your hand the rest of the way." Eli smirked as Blaine froze, staring down at their clasped hands.
"Um…"
"Only if you want Blaine. You don't have to. I was kidding.'
Blaine shook his head absently and smiled. "No it's fine." He nodded confidently to dispel the doubt creeping at the corner of Eli's mind—visible through his eyes—and turned beside him, switching hands, and allowed the bright-brown eyed boy to lead him quickly to his next class.
The rest of the trek was filled with breathless chatter, as they aimed to beat the late bell, that faltered the moment they rounded the corner because,
Sebastian.
Beneath the cold stone wall that went up the exact moment their eyes met, Blaine could see that Sebastian looked exhausted. There was a fragile quality to the way he held himself like his unapologetic confidence was an afterthought that took too much effort to put forward. He wasn't sure if he was the only one that noticed it, but Blaine saw it and he was impaled with the strongest undeniable impulse to. Let. Go. Of. Eli's. Hand.
Sebastian was standing with a boy he'd never seen before. Blaine couldn't make out what the boy was saying but something hot thickened underneath his skin at the sight of them—he was so pathetically jealous and angry because of it.
Sebastian couldn't be what Blaine needed and it hurt like the punishment reserved for the second circle of hell. The other boy hurt him, but he couldn't help it—couldn't help that he practically broke his neck to look back at him as they passed, eyes locked on his deep green ones.
They looked so breakable—probably already broken—and all Blaine wanted was to be everything Sebastian needed him to be but he couldn't, wouldn't; not if Seb couldn't-wouldn't let him in and return the sentiment. He wasn't going to be used like that, not anymore, so he turned his head, tore his eyes away and reaffirmed the grip of his hand in Eli's.
He ignored all the ways their joined hands suddenly felt wrong—the awkward space between their palms, the clamminess and the vice like grip that felt like a damn chain—all expelled from his mind, essentially leaving room for the headache to return.
Eli pulled Blaine to the side of the classroom door before Blaine could leave him, looking so deep into his eyes, the smaller boy thought he was looking to find his naked soul and it made him want to squirm in his grasp.
Eli spoke softly. "You're—um—you're better looking—than James Ryan…to me anyway. I think you're the hottest guy—the most amazing guy to ever walk the halls of Dalton." Because Eli could feel it—the pull Sebastian had on Blaine and maybe even the pull Blaine had on Sebastian. He looked an equal measure of determined and of a thin lead pencil a break away from giving up already.
Blaine wanted so much to change the part of him that made his body feel so strongly for Sebastian as naturally as it took in air, it just wasn't easy to get him out of his system.
"Thank you, Eli." Blaine offered with a diffident smile.
"Don't do that Blaine, it's okay. I get it. I'll see you at lunch yeah?"
Blaine nodded, extracting his hand from Eli's grasp and turned into the classroom just as the late bell sounded.
He'd been the last to enter the room, thus landing him with a choice between the only two open chairs in the back of the room and away from Nick and John.
He had already resigned to permitting his mind to drift during that class when the door opened once more and in walked the boy that stood with Seb earlier, barreling through the door and awakening the hot clench of jealousy. He knew what it meant that this new boy (already? In a couple of days…) was entering the room late. It made his head throb in the worst way and really he just wanted to close his eyes and remove his presence from this reality even just for a little while…except he couldn't stop staring.
The boy handed a yellow slip to their teacher, Mr. Adams, and swaggered down the aisle, plopping in the only seat available—right next to Blaine and he was still staring!
The boy dropped his head to the side to meet Blaine's gaze with a fury igniting lopsided grin on his face.
"I suppose you're concerned with whether I'm screwing your lover boy?" Hunter drawled as if the topic already bored him.
That Blaine wasn't expecting.
"What—"
"Rest assured Anderson. I'm not even remotely bi-curious."
If Blaine's jaw was hanging as he stared… he didn't want to talk about it.
The boy eyed him up and down huffing out a chuckle and even the way his mouth formed the words he spoke held an air of arrogance that had Blaine's mind blown. It could have been the fact that his head felt like it was splitting in two but it was really difficult to process that there was someone whose ego equated to, if not surpassed, the ego of one Sebastian Smythe.
"Are you waiting to gossip about this or…?"
Blaine shook out of his stupor. "No I—"
"Because I don' do that either,"
"That's not—"
"You should talk to him though."
Through the haze of his irritation of this boy's complete lack of tact, those words pierced through the fog and settled exactly where Blaine didn't need them to. This guy, Blaine hadn't even seen him before, and he knew so much and so much more than him and Blaine was once again nearly knocked over with the compulsion to find Seb and make it right. He remembered the look on his face in the hallway and it wasn't fair and he didn't need it; not now when he was trying to desperately to do right for himself.
"What's your name?" Blaine found himself asking, the first sentence he managed to complete since the boy entered the room.
Hunter looked as if he wanted to extend his arm out for a hand shake, like it was a habit, but thought better of it.
"Clarington, Hunter." Hunter responded.
Blaine was going to ask how he knew Sebastian only the loud slamming sound in the front of the room drew the boys' attention up front where Mr. Adams was glaring at them.
"I'm sorry…you come into my class late and think disrupting my lecture with your incessant whispering is the way to go? Is that how you plan to pass this class Mr. Clarington? Do you have something you two would like to share with everyone?"
"Well Mr. Adams," Hunter began sitting up in his chair with the kind of gall that rendered the room silent the moment his first word fell from his lips. "I've read the material at my leisure in middle school. I expect to pass this class with my above average brilliance. As far as sharing goes, if it was my intention I would have stepped to the front of the class."
The entire room joined Blaine in gawking at the brazen boy, a coalition of amused and bewildered faces flipping back and forth between Mr. Adams and Hunter.
There was something about Clarington that seemed to set their teacher back as he opted to stand down with a muttered "Don't let it happen again."
It occurred to Blaine why Sebastian seemed to so comfortable with Hunter. Something told Blaine, Hunter understood Sebastian in a way he never could. Though he breathed with relief that their relationship wasn't sexual, he still felt a pang of something bittersweet.
Hunter was someone Sebastian couldn't push away for once and it made Blaine feel sad that he didn't' get to watch Seb discover this. Hunter was fully capable of pushing back anytime Seb tried and it seemed Hunter believed it was worth it. He realized Seb hadn't had anyone until now that wasn't Blaine or one of Blaine's friends. He didn't have anyone that understood him without complication. He suddenly wanted to know this new guy and it scared him. It wasn't because he liked Hunter per say, but because Sebastian enjoyed his company and there wasn't even sex involved; there couldn't be. They were becoming friends and Blaine hadn't even stopped to think why something like this was so critical to why Sebastian couldn't let him in before. Sebastian had never even had a friend like this never mind what Blaine was throwing at him. He'd gone about it all wrong and now too much was messed up.
Blaine stopped staring at the other boy, ducked his aching head between his bent arms on the desk and drifted off for the remainder of the class. After class, he went and got excused for the rest of the day. He hoped that the next time he saw Seb with Hunter again he'd be better prepared for the emotional punch in the gut that came attached to the sight of them—of him.
Sebastian watched with amused judgement from his spot, leaned up against the cool tiled walls in the bathroom, as Hunter pulled at the red and blue striped tie around his neck. "Can you stop being a girl for two seconds so we can go? We only have an hour to get down to the bus for sectionals."
Hunter narrowed his eyes at Sebastian through the mirror. "I'm doing you a favor Smythe, don't push it. This was your idea anyways."
"We needed another member since Jeff broke his leg—idiot—and you led your last glee to victory. I want to win and you like winning and you can sing. I see no better outcome than you joining but if you're going to hold us up, we can do it without you. I figured since you're stalking me now you'd be more appreciative of the time I'm giving you with me."
"Nice try Bas, you get none of this." Hunter teased as he sauntered over to the bathroom door, throwing an incredibly self-assured smirk over his shoulder. "Now let's go win back you're boyfriend's affections so you can stop being pathetic and depressing."
"We're not boyfriends and I'm not trying to win him back. I told you that already."
They walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs leading towards Dalton's main entrance.
Hunter hmm'd knowingly. "The song you contributed to the set list suggests otherwise." His smile only grew as Sebastian cast a hard look at him.
"Let this fucking go Hunt. It's none of your business."
"Get your head out of your ass and I will. Your moping is really unpleasant."
Sebastian halted his steps. "Then why not leave me the fuck alone?"
Hunter stopped too and rolled his eyes at the other boy's petulance. "Because we're friends. Get over it."
He left Sebastian standing there, confused and slightly frustrated with the way something inside him expanded at his words. Hanging out with Blaine must have ruined him.
The companionship Hunter offered suddenly began to feel like something he wanted.
The warblers arrived at Crawford County Day after a rather rambunctious bus ride that made Sebastian want to throw himself out of the window and into oncoming traffic.
Between Hunter muttering a constant stream of complaints and blame, the boys singing and talking at the very top of their lungs and actively not-staring at the enthralling way Blaine's excitement lit up his eyes (while he sat with fucking Eli) he was ready to give up the competition all together in favor of crawling into his bed and hibernating until this was no longer what life had to offer him.
When it was their turn to preform, they took their places with their backs turned towards the crowd and their head's bowed.
Sebastian seized the small moment of opportunity, took a chance, and peered up to where he knew Blaine was standing.
Blaine was staring back wide-eyed and stunning and Seb told him. Silently he told him with his eyes and even maybe his heart that this—what he was about to do, about to sing—was all for him.
It was for him—all of it. Blaine's heart raced as he stared into Seb's eyes and was faced with the bare truth, moments before he had to perform. He couldn't dwell on it—didn't have the time and it made him dizzy.
The beginning notes of the song were being sung and Seb was turning to own his solo and all Blaine wanted was to watch him. But the show must go on—even as the words of the song sunk in and he was certain he was probably experiencing a heart attack.
I'm afraid that I gotta do what I gotta do
But if I let you go where you gonna go
We gotta make a change time to turn the page
Something isn't right I don't wanna fight you
We've been through tougher times you know it gets worse
We can't turn this around please let me be first
And as I feel your tears spilling on my shirt
Something isn't right I don't wanna fight you
Hey you, come on over and let me embrace you
I know that I'm causing you pain too
But remember if you need to cry
I'm here to wipe your eyes
The warblers all pivoted to face the front to join in on the chorus. The moment Blaine faced the crowd, his eyes immediately closed in on Sebastian—the way he moved, the soul he poured into every word that crooned past his lips—he meant every word.
Please don't lose your faith
Don't worry 'cause I'm here to keep you safe
I promise if you let me see your face
That I won't let you down
I won't let you down
I'm here to wipe your eyes
He meant it.
Blaine didn't know how he did in the song or the others even. He gave it his all or as much of himself that he could because most of him was lost in the storming cloud of emotions Seb had caused.
When their turn was over, his chest worked in overtime to supply air his lungs desperately needed. He'd been knocked entirely breathless.
Their eyes met again and held each other's gaze—a publically held private conversation with too many words floating to the surface to even begin to decipher what this all meant—soon broken by Eli wrapping Blaine in a suffocating embrace.
Apparently they'd won.
The bus ride was oddly quiet considering their win. Most of the boys were asleep, worn out from their performance, including Hunter who hogged most of the seat to himself, forcing Sebastian to move to the row in front. He leaned up against the coolness of the window pane and relaxed into it.
He felt so naked in the light of his performance; it was unsettling. Blaine knew now how strongly he felt.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, pulling him out of his mind. When he registered who it was, his fingers moved at the speed of light to unlock his screen.
Killer B: You were amazing tonight.
His chest swelled.
Sebastian: Thank you. You were too. No one shines
brighter than you Killer B. Not to me.
His hesitated to send it, thumb hovered over the send button for what felt like eternity and no time at all before he pressed send, sighing heavily as he watched the text go from 'sent' to 'read.'
He didn't think Blaine was going to reply. His phone vibrated though, scaring him and relieving him all at once.
Killer B: I'm not ready. Not yet.
Sebastian nodded mutely, ignoring the drop of his heart.
Sebastian: I can wait.
The two boys found each other's eyes over the seats and held each other's gaze. Blaine chewed on his bottom lip and smiled small and sweet before turning back to Nick and Eli, leaving Seb with something warm to hold on to.
There was hope.
E/N: So sorry this took so long. There was a lot of boring life stuff and my birthday and then I just kind of set it aside and then there was sooooo much editing because sometimes my brain is crazy and Gotta Be Writin deserves an award for patience or something because he had a lot of work lol. Anyways was it worth it bc I don't know. I hope so.
So if you'd like to know the amazing thing I was talking about that Mara did that deserves hugs and cookies and love you should go to my tumblr. i made a post about it! ( openmymindcomeinside . tumblr there-once-was-a-girl-named-mara-bless )
Thank you to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favorited ( me and the story. That was nice to see!) I'll reply to those that I can. As for Kay and Apple Juice (this still excites me. I got apple juice for my birthday. I was so happy. People don't realize how much food makes me happy. and Apple Juice omg.) Thank you both for your kind words :). Hoping to see more this time around hopefully some familiar people and new people as well.
I can't shake the feeling that I'm forgetting something but yeah until next time. Hopefully sooner! *crosses fingers* There's so much more to come for this History Book. There's a lot of things about Seb's family that come to light and not all of them are in these two chapter's either. I'll just say that it isn't all that it seems!