It's been awhile. Its summer, i have no excuse. except that i've been a bit busy and distracted from one of my favorite couples. I've missed writing for these two very much and i hope that many of you will continue to read this story now that i have returned again (yay) shout out to the 100 + reviews i've gotten thank you all you've been brilliant readers and helpers in this fic that turned into something else. Please continue to read, review, and enjoy

Note: there's one part where amy's and the doctor's povs jump back and forth quickly (just think of it like you're watching a movie or something...it sorta works)

disclaimer:

ME/The Doctor: Rory, listen to that.

Rory: Er, what? All I can hear is...you own nothing

ME/The Doctor: Exactly.

Chapter 11

The Beauty of Knowing

Music began to play. A mixture of flutes and violins spread their voices across the chapel and into every open ear. Smiles broadened on the guests' faces as they stood up to see the bride walking down the aisle. None of them seemed to notice the mounting tension and anxiety upon the girl's entrance. None of them seemed to notice the bits of blood on the wedding dress.

And no one noticed the tears in her bright green eyes as she walked closer and closer to Rory's side.

And yet, even though the fate of humanity was crashing to the ground with every step Amy Pond took, she felt a slight spark of hope in her chest.

She had spoken to him.

Somehow, through some mystical, almost magical, way, she had been able to speak to him through her thoughts. And it hadn't really mattered that she told him about the world ending. And it hadn't really mattered that he kept disappearing and reappearing. None of that had mattered.

She had heard his voice. A melody she had longed to hear as if it was her oxygen and only chance at a full life.

He had told her to be brave, so she would be brave. He had told her to be strong, so she would be strong.

He had told her to be her brilliant self.

And so she would try to be…

"I'm glad you're going to be my daughter," whispered Mrs. Williams in Amy's ear.

Amy turned to look at Mrs. Williams. There was a genuine smile on the woman's wrinkled face. It was as if she truly was everything that she seemed to be. It was as if she had not helped murder a harmless man in a church. It was as if her hands were not stained with death and blood.

It was as if everything was perfectly normal.

"Rory loves you so much," she continued happily. "And you are so good for him."

Amy sighed. "And he needs me, I know."

Mrs. Williams nodded and then took a good look at the young woman whose arm she held. "I do hope everything is alright."

Amy nodded.

"It's just," Mrs. Williams whispered, "well, you are walking rather slowly, dear."

It took Amy a moment to realize that, indeed, she was walking rather slowly towards Rory and Father Robert. No one, except Mrs. Williams could notice, but it was still true.

"Oh," said Amy. "I suppose I am."

"Maybe you should walk a little faster," suggested Mrs. Williams, keeping her voice low.

"Well," said Amy, thinking quickly, "this is how my mother walked on her wedding day, to my father."

"Oh."

"Yes," lied Amy, "and well, they're both gone and will never get to see my wedding. This way, I can keep them with me a bit, like they're in my soul, helping me."

A small smile spread across Mrs. Williams lips. "How sweet dear. Would you like me to walk in that pace with you?"

Amy smiled now. "I was hoping you would."

Both women then, walked slowly, almost painfully slowly, for the anxious groom waiting for his bride.

Rory sighed under his breath. The Formian was anything but pleased. This was the second time he tried to marry the human girl. The first time had been rudely interrupted by that stupid priest, and now, now at the rate she was walking…

This is going to take forever!

He wanted to grab her arm and force her down the aisle. But, what was the point? She would eventually reach his side, and the ceremony would begin. And then she would be his, under his control, finally after all this time.

The ending of the world and the rise of the Formians could afford to wait a little longer.

Amy closed her eyes briefly, wondering if he was on the other side of her eyelids.

Amy!

Her heart beat faster. She was surprised that the entire room did not hear its drumming.

Doctor, you're…

I'm in a bit of a situation, he said quietly. Amy could see dark figures turning on her Doctor. They were holding weapons and approaching him slowly. Their rhythmic footsteps, moving closer and closer to the Time Lord.

Her Time Lord.

What's going on?

I'm having a bit of difficulty fighting off the creatures from my alternate reality. It'll just take a moment.

Are you alright? Amy bit her lip.

I'd be more worried about you at the moment, he replied. It seemed as if he was trying to defend himself with his screwdriver and a large broom. Amy took a sharp intake of breath.

A silence filled as they both seemed to look at one another through the darkness behind their eyes. The Doctor smiled at her, giving her his usual grin as if everything was at it should be. As if nothing horrible was about to happen.

You need to stay alive, he said quietly.

You need to stay alive too, she pointed out.

The Doctor's image faded from her mind as she opened her eyes and looked at Rory.

For me, she had forgotten to say. You need to stay alive for me.

For me, he had forgotten to say, as he opened his eyes. You need to stay alive, for me.

"So," he said, walking backwards at the oncoming family. "Ever heard the joke about the Time Lord and the ghosts of his future?"

"No," said Lizzie darkly.

The Doctor sighed. "You should, it's rather a good one. It goes something like this."

At that moment he stopped backing up and ran towards his enemies full speed. As he ran he took a deep breath of air, letting his lungs fill up with oxygen. He smiled and thought the same thing over and over and over again.

None of you are real. None of you are real. None of you are real. None of you are real.

He ran smack into Rory and fell on his back. He stared up at the four angry faces. He tried to chuckle, but it came out as more of a whimper.

"Odd," he said, standing up. "That should have worked."

"What were you trying to do?" asked Andrew.

"I can't tell you," said the Doctor. "It ruins the secret."

He tried to sound secretive and mysterious but, inside, he was filled with worry and fear. He knew that this was not real. He knew that none of them were real. Yet, they were physically there. They could hurt him, could kill him.

He looked into Amy's eyes and still saw traces of sadness. Part of his heart unwillingly went out to her.

"I still love you," she mouthed to him.

It stung worse than any knife could.

Rory loaded the gun. "Enough games Time Lord, you have two options now."

The Doctor sighed. "The John Smith disguise usually works. That's disappointing."

Rory continued, ignoring the Doctor's comment. "We take over your little ship and let you stay here, if you don't put up any fight."

"And if I do put up a fight?"

Rory chuckled. "Then we take over a dead man's ship."

"The end of the Time Lords," sang Lizzie happily.

The last Time Lord looked at her and sighed. "You seemed so innocent when we first met."

Lizzie shrugged and said nothing.

"What will you do with my ship?" he asked quietly.

"Destroy it," answered Andrew. "It cannot exist anymore, the age of time travel is gone! All traces of it must die."

"Morbid little boy, aren't you?" the Doctor said to him. "Now you, I knew you were not so good from the first moment I saw you."

Andrew shrugged and said nothing.

"Doctor," Amy begged quietly. "Doctor, please, do as Rory says."

He gazed into her eyes. How could there be pain in her eyes for him? How could there be pity, or remorse, or sympathy in her gaze? How could she love him? How could she care about him?

The Doctor closed his eyes and saw her.

Amy!

Doctor! Now's not a really good time.

What's going on? The fear was clear in his words.

The priest is starting the ceremony.

He sighed quietly, hoping that she would not hear his frustration. Yet, he could see her standing in front of Rory. He could see her in her white dress holding Rory's hands, and bending her head down so he would not see how her eyes were closed. And he could see how she shook in fear, in terror. He could even see Rory's delighted grin.

And that made him angry. And that made him fill with rage. And that made the last Time Lord ready to do battle again. And that made him know how much he loved her.

Can you delay it?

I'll try, she said. Have you fixed the situation?

Um, he replied, working on it.

You'll be careful?

He felt like he could beam at her concern for him. Yes.

Doctor?

Yes?

She sighed. I wish this was all different.

I know you do, he said gently.

I wish I wasn't marrying him.

Obviously, replied the Doctor, because he's evil.

No, began Amy, and, I mean yes, that too. But…

And then her image faded from his eyes and he opened his eyes to the other world. The Doctor stared at the family of four ready to kill him. This was his last battle, his last hurrah, his last chance. And he was not sure how to win it. He was not sure how to defeat the forces of evil standing before him. Because this battle was different. Because this battle was real, but it was also a dream, and it was also in his mind.

Because sometimes we see ourselves in the worst light imaginable. Because sometimes our darkest shadows morph into real images of flesh and blood. Because sometimes we need to fight the demons in ourselves. Because sometimes, we are our own worst nightmare.

The Doctor looked at Rory. He looked at Rory and he saw himself. He saw the controlling, domineering creature of evil that he was. He saw the man who wanted everything a certain way and wanted everyone to be a certain way. He saw a man who did not hold back his anger but was able to act on every impulse, use every muscle.

The Doctor looked at the children. He looked at Lizzie and Andrew and saw himself. He saw the innocence of each day in their eyes. He saw the truth, the ancient truth, hidden behind the naivety as well. He saw too the nagging feelings tugging him one way or another. The little voices full of little suggestions, seeming so pleasant, so docile.

And then he looked at Amy. He looked at Amy and saw everything he desired in the entire manifest itself in her. He had created her pain, so he could save her from it. He had created her weakness, so he could be stronger. He had created this hell for her, so that he could be the one to free her from it. And he had created the pity in her eyes, and sorrow in her words.

She was the Amy from his darkest thoughts and dreams. She was the Amy who fell helplessly in his arms and was blessed by his every touch. But she was not his Amy. She would never truly be his Amy.

Because his Amy was not perfect. His Amy was full of mistakes, of fear, of pain. And his Amy was strong, perhaps stronger than him. And his Amy was brave and would never take abuse in silence. And his Amy…his Amy would never force him to stay if he had to leave.

It was that knowledge that killed the Doctor. She had not told him to stay when he left her. She had accepted it, and only told him to return once the world was in danger.

But he wanted her to force him to stay. He wanted her to need him so close that she couldn't breathe. He wanted her to need him. To need him so badly that it hurt her. That it cut her and bruised her.

The Doctor saw how very much he was like Rory in that moment.

"None of this is real," he whispered. "None of you are real."

They all stood before him. Each one representing a different part of his darkest thoughts, of his secret soul.

"You came from up here," he continued pointing to his head. "And I suggest you go back there, now."

They did not move.

"I don't think you understand this," said the Doctor with determination. "You're manifestations from my mind, and nothing more." He turned now to face Amy. "My darkest thoughts come to life. And now you must go back into the darkness."

First Andrew disappeared, swept away into the breeze as if he had never existed.

Then Rory vanished, a certain calm on his face.

Lizzie stood beside her mother. But then she too was gone, though she tried to grab and claw her way towards the Doctor. And so it was just Amy and the Doctor standing in front of each other.

"I need to let you go," whispered the Doctor.

"Why?" asked Amy.

The Doctor sighed. "Because you're not her. You're my creation of her."

"But you don't want to go back," she insisted. "I can see it in your eyes."

The Doctor shook his head. "I have to go back. I have a world to save."

"But you don't want to!"

But you don't want to. And wouldn't life be easier? Wouldn't it all just be easier here? Wouldn't you want to live life with the perfect image of her?

No!

No!

Because it should be hard. Because loving her should hurt me, not the other way around. Loving her should be painful, should sting, should cut me like a thousand knifes. Because that's what love is. That's what it means to love another person with all of your soul.

"I do want to," he said calmly. "I want to go back home, back to her."

A tear fell down the creation's delicate cheek. "All the pain you've ever felt for her, it'll come back. Seeing it outside of your body, seeing it in me, will be nothing compared to how it'll feel once the pain is back in your body. You don't remember the sort of excruciating torture it is."

The Doctor smiled. "Bring it on."

And with that Amy was gone. And the Doctor, without giving it a second thought, went to work fixing the TARDIS. He thought of nothing else other than starting up the ship, other than making sure it would run again. His face was a mask of serenity, of momentary calm.

Because inside, he was screaming. Because now all the pieces were back in him, and all the voices in his head, all the insecurities returned. But he pushed it away; he pushed it away because he was the Doctor. Because he was a Time Lord. Because he was going to save the world again.

Because he was heart wrenchingly in love with Amelia Pond.

He closed his eyes. I'm coming. I'm coming. Please believe me.

And across space and time, the girl who waited heard him speak to her in her thoughts. Amy heard him and was filled with determination and spirit.

"The vows," Father Robert was saying, "is an important part of any marriage ceremony. In their own words, the couple discusses how they feel about one another. They talk about the love they feel for the other. Who would like to go first?"

Rory sighed. "I don't have much to say."

Amy smiled at him. She took his hands in hers and let memories of the Doctor flow through her body. "That's alright Rory, I have a couple of things to say to you."

"Begin," said Father Robert.

"I remember," began Amy, "when I met you all those years ago, when we were both young children."

The Formian sighed. This was going to be long. She was going to drag this out…

But it didn't matter, the Formian reminded himself, because she would grow tired eventually. The pretty speech would end, and they would be joined together forever.

No one could stop that now.

"When I first saw you," said Amy with a smile, "I admit, I was a bit frightened of you. You seemed very smart, like you knew everything and weren't afraid to speak your mind."

"Damn it!" yelled the Doctor, kicking at the TARDIS.

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized, "I'm not have the best day."

"But," said Amy, "you were very kind to me. You were always so kind to me, even when you knew I was crazy, or wrong. And you never looked down on me, didn't criticize me. And you grew up with me, went on journeys and adventures with me."

"That's very sweet," said Rory.

Amy smiled. "Thanks. But I'm not done yet."

"Oh," said Rory. "Go on."

The Formian cursed.

"And as I grew up, the spot in my heart filled with thoughts of you, until you took it over entirely. Until you filled it up."

"Come on girl," urged the Doctor to his ship. "I need you now. I need you now to be the best you will ever be. I need you to be all that I know you can be."

He touched a gear softly. "So please, please work."

"I think my heart told me that I loved you, before I could even speak the words properly. I'm not even sure I knew what it meant to love someone, to give your heart to another person. But it's never something they teach you in school, it's never something that you learn about. You just know it. You know it because your heart becomes a rocket when you're near the one you love."

The engines started purring slowly. But the Doctor felt that he could sing when he heard the familiar noise.

"Almost there, almost there."

"And when we were apart," continued Amy talking to one man but speaking to another, "and I realized how weak I felt, how very disorderly I felt, I knew I loved you. Like a car that doesn't run properly. Like a broken ship."

"I know you can put yourself together again," said the Doctor soothingly to the TARDIS. "You have to believe that you can. I've done all I can to make you whole!"

The TARDIS began to come to life.

"I come to life in your arms," said Amy squeezing Rory's hands. "And I love that only you can do that for me, because no one else has ever done that for me."

Rory looked at her, trying to smile but unable to do so.

The Formian was very angry. The Formian did not believe that Amy was actually talking about Rory during this little speech of hers.

"You're in my soul," continued Amy, "you're in my lungs, in my every breath…"

Music. The Doctor heard the music of the TARDIS as it breathed with new life and happiness.

"I knew you could do it," the Doctor said with relief.

The Doctor went quickly to set the coordinates.

You need to live. You need to live for me. If I could talk to you now that's all I would tell you. Why didn't I tell you this before?

"Maybe I've told you this before," said Amy grinning at Rory's blank expression, no longer seeing Rory there at all. "But I need to say it again: I love you. I love you, and that's about everything in my life I need. And I would go anywhere with you, do anything and everything for you."

"Geronimo!" whispered the Doctor as he and his ship disappeared from his dreams and he began to race through space towards his home, towards her.

Towards reality.

WHAT DO YOU THINK!

i'd love to hear thoughts, feelings, anger, whatever!