Fulfilled
Rating: Back to PG-13 (I think).
Chapter 11
Once More With Feeling Archer's POV~~
They've been at it for three days. Three days of practically non-stop sex between the man I've always claimed as my best friend and my wife. I've looked forward to the half an hour each day that I've been able to escape the shuttle. For thirty minutes each day I'm not forced to hear the sound of Trip and T'Pol having sex not three feet away, or feel the occasional stray hand or foot, usually belonging to T'Pol. Those thirty minutes each day have been my sanctuary and I dread coming back to the shuttle. But unless I'd like to be eaten alive by the planet's animals, I don't have much of a choice. Though I'll admit, that with each additional moan of want from T'Pol or sigh of happiness from Trip, that option looks better and better. You'd think they could be a little quieter.
That isn't really fair to them, I suppose. This shuttle's so small that the simple sound of their bodies grinding against each other seems louder than it would be otherwise. In short, I'd be doomed to be miserable, even if T'Pol didn't have Trip up against the bulkhead.
It's funny, in a cruelly ironic way. The past couple years, the sound of our bodies thrusting against each other has pretty much been the only sound present in our bedroom. I'm not saying T'Pol just lied there, because her body reciprocated. But her voice never did. I always chalked it up to the fact that she was Vulcan. But who knows? Maybe keeping quiet was the only way she could insure that she didn't slip and call out for Trip instead. Because her voice is damn well responding to him.
I don't mean to sound so bitter. I'm incredibly grateful that Trip is here. I'm thankful that he's saving her life. But there are just two things that keep returning me to a slightly less appreciative state. First, there's the tiny little fact that I'm her husband. Why doesn't she want me to save her life? Why doesn't she want my touch? She must have wanted it once. She did agree to marry me.
T'Pol is sick, though, so I could overlook the fact that she chose Trip. It would still hurt, but I could attribute her unfaithfulness to her condition and we could pull through with the hope of rebuilding our marriage still intact. Except for the fact that one little word keeps echoing inside my head.
Again. What did she mean by "again?"
I don't have a date or a time to refer to for when the precursor to "again" happened.
Now, even when T'Pol and Trip take a break from their. . . activities, I can't sleep. My mind keeps wondering how long they've kept such a secret from me. How long has T'Pol wanted to call him Trip? When did they love one another? When, how, or why did they stop? Was it because of me? Was I in the way? Was it before or after T'Pol and I became involved? Was it a mutual decision? Was someone left waiting? Who broke who's heart? Has Trip been longing for T'Pol for as long as she's apparently been longing for him?
So many questions, and no answers. It's not for lack of trying. My mind's replayed every moment Trip and T'Pol have spent together and none of them give me any clue to anything that they might have felt for one another. Their years on Enterprise were always characterized by fighting.
~~
"It's not like I've spent the past twenty-five years fighting with her."
~~
How long ago was it that Trip said that? Three days, I think. And come to think of it, he's right. He and T'Pol have been extremely civil to one another during the course of our marriage.
*The entire course of my marriage.*
Has T'Pol wanted Trip for that entire time? Has she wanted him, more than she's wanted me? When I reached for her, did she wish I were Trip instead?
I'd never thought that T'Pol could be unfaithful. When I announced my wedding to my aunt Melinda, the only good thing Mindy could think of to say was, "At least you'll never have to worry about a Vulcan cheating on you." I'd believed it, even if, unlike Mindy, I knew that Vulcans did have emotions. No one could have convinced me that T'Pol's would have ever wanted someone other than me.
I wouldn't believe it now, except for . . . "again."
It comes to my attention that they've quieted down. I suppose they're sleeping. It's the only time they're that quiet. While they sleep, I'll continue to go crazy. As they rest in the comfort of each other's arms, completely unaware of the heartache that will continue to keep me awake through most of the night, I'll lie here and feel as worn as the weeks old uniform I wear. In a couple of hours, when T'Pol reaches for Trip *again,* and Trip whispers for her to be quiet, I will think how unnecessary it is because I won't have been asleep anyway.
It's amazing, really. Twenty-five years are completely destroyed in three days.
Damnit, T'Pol, if you didn't want me, why didn't you at least have the decency to tell me, instead of continuing to make me look like a fool?
And Trip, my *friend,* you may have "rejected" her, but why the hell didn't you tell me that she wanted you in the first place? Didn't I deserve at least that much?
It's taken a lot of love on my part to continue in a marriage as difficult as the one T'Pol and I have had. There have been times that, frankly, I've wanted to walk right out the door. The silences combined with the pure agony of watching her career continue to sky rocked while mine seemed to reach a standstill haven't made our union as easy as I had hoped.
But I stayed. Why? Because I love my wife, and because I made a promise that I would stay with her – 'til death us do part. I stayed, and I tried to be a good husband. Even with Laura. . . I wanted her so much, I suppose partially because she was the complete opposite of T'Pol. She was wild when T'Pol was gentle, passionate when T'Pol was calm, and laughed when T'Pol would only arch an eyebrow. But I never cheated - not physically. Because I loved T'Pol, and because I loved Koval.
But I must have been blind, or a fool, or both. Because somewhere along the way, the wife I loved began to want my best friend. But *when* ?
It couldn't have been on the ship, or while we were in the Expanse. Especially not while we were in the Expanse. Both Trip and T'Pol had their own problems in the Expanse, and besides T'Pol never hesitated to tell me how "disconcerting" she found Trip's behavior in those days.
Yet, for every year that we've been married, they've been civil. When did it change? Moreover, why didn't I notice? They were always right there, in front of me. How much of a blind fool could I have been not to have seen it when it happened? Unless it happened when I wasn't around, which would have meant an away mission of some type.
~~
"How are you feeling, Trip?"
"Oh, a little rough around the edges, but other than that, I'm just fine."
"Two weeks in a Romulan prison with T'Pol must have nearly driven both of you insane."
"Oh, it . . . wasn't so bad."
~~
That was the first conversation Trip and I had upon his and T'Pol's arrival back to the Enterprise. I never thought anything about it, but . . .
~~
"Nah, that was different. I never hated T'Pol."
"Sometimes I used to wonder."
"I never did."
"I really wondered on our wedding day. You seemed pretty unhappy for a best man."
"I wasn't unhappy for ya I was just . . . worried . . . that ya were doin' the right thing."
~~
Worried that I wasn't doing the right thing? Gee, could that have been because he knew T'Pol was in love with him? And apparently, that he was in love with her as well?
I wonder what happened in that prison. Was T'Pol sick, as she is now? Was he there for her, when I couldn't have been? If I had been available, would things have been different? She thought – she *said* she cared for me before the capture. If she hadn't have been captured, would she still have cared for me?
Then that just about says it all, doesn't it? My entire marriage has been a scam. Even in those early years, when I was still so happy with T'Pol – they apparently meant nothing. I wonder how foolish I must have looked to both of them. Everything I might have tried to do to be a good husband didn't really matter. There was never anything I could have done, really, since T'Pol wanted someone else.
Part of me is furious, and part of me is just heartbroken. I've devoted twenty-five years to that woman, and it's all been for nothing. Hell, if it hadn't been for Koval, my entire marriage would have been pointless.
I wonder what horrible thing I've done in my life to deserve losing my son and my marriage in the span of three weeks. If I live to one hundred and twelve, I'll never be able to get the sounds of T'Pol and Trip's moans or the sight of Koval struggling to remain alive out of my head.
At least Koval, unlike T'Pol, loved me in return, even if we did have our differences. So many times we fought over his choosing the Vulcan way over the human way. But in the end, he was so, so very human. So frail. Those blue eyes of his were full of –
Blue eyes. Trip's eyes are blue. In fact, no one in my entire family has blue eyes.
But, no. It isn't possible. Koval was my son. *Mine.* The eyes are a genetic fluke, that's all.
~~
"I do not wish to attend the museum with you again this weekend, father."
"Koval, it's our tradition, just you and me."
"I know, Father, but I wish to accompany Trip and Charlie on their expedition."
"No. You can go upstairs and unpack. You aren't going."
I watched as Koval stomped up the stairs, his temper the only visible signs of his humanity. Trip stood beside me, not looking at all happy.
"Admiral-"
"He's my son, Trip, and he needs to spend bonding time with me, not you and Charlie all the time."
"Well, maybe you don't deserve him."
~~
It was Trip's parting shot that made me give in, and I allowed Koval to go fishing with Trip and Charlie. It's that same parting shot that is haunting me now. Did Trip have an alternative reason to think I didn't "deserve" to have Koval as my son?
I turn and glance over at T'Pol and Trip for the first time since this agony began. T'Pol's arms are draped across Trip's chest and it's all I can do not to reach across and shake them both awake. I need my questions answered and I can't wait another three days.
"It's a real selfless thing you're doing, Jon." I hadn't realized Trip was still awake. I focus my glance on him. Even in the dark, the brightness of those blue eyes are clear for me to see. How could I have been such a fool?
"Selfless?"
"You must really love T'Pol to be willing to let me save her life like this."
That's what makes me stop. Because right now, saving T'Pol's life is all that matters. Regardless of what may or may not have occurred with Trip . . . or Koval. . . I don't want her to die. If the horrid suspicions I'm having about Koval are right, though, I'm not so sure I'll be able to say the same thing about myself.
"Trip, I must have you. Again."
As Trip and T'Pol renew their passion, I contemplate the very real possibility that I may face losing my son twice in the span of three weeks.
~~
To Be Continued. . .