Reconnecting With Your Past In Hell
Chapter 11
Song - Mad World - By Evergreen Terrace
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you 'cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world
Mad world, mad world, mad world
Naomi hadn't slept a wink through the night; she was too concerned about Louis and Eliza who mourned their parents through the night by crying into Naomi's lap. She spent the night rubbing she young children's back and telling them that everything was going to be okay. Now Naomi had finally got the two children to settle and she could see they were about to drop.
''Are you going to take care of us now Naomi?'' Eliza asked her.
Naomi offered the 11 year old girl a warm smile ''Of course I am. You and your brother are my responsibility now. I owe that to your parents'' Naomi said kissing the girls forehead
Eliza smiled up at her and then her eyes started to droop and then the young girl was asleep. Naomi left them inside zipping up the tent tightly behind her. She made her way over to the Morale's family tent and started to pack up Louis' and Eliza's belongings into bags in the tent. Once she was done with there's she moved onto collecting Miranda's and Morales things and taking down their tent. Sighing and letting a single tear fall down her face she passed on their lost camper's things onto Rick.
''How are the kids?'' asked Rick.
''Their okay. Didn't sleep a wink last night but I got them to sleep now Chester is keeping them company'' Naomi said smiling at him looking over at Andrea ''Amy hasn't come back yet?'' she asked him.
''No hasn't left her sight all night won't let anyone near her either. She pointed her gun at me a few minutes ago. Are you okay with looking after Louis and Eliza?'' he asked her.
Naomi nodded ''yes I'm perfectly fine with it. They were with me when their parents died I owe it to them'' Naomi explained.
Rick nodded at her and left her. Naomi looked around the camp and it was a graveyard littered with dead bodies, she spotted Daryl slamming a pick axe into one of the deads head and Naomi sighed as she walked up to her truck to put Louis' and Eliza's bags into the bed of it. Once she did that she made her way over towards Lori.
''Hey you need any help?'' she asked her.
''No honey, you just get those little ones ready and calm for saying goodbye to their parents'' Lori said.
Naomi nodded and walked back up towards her tent to see that within the ten minutes that she had been gone, Louis and Eliza had woken up. She smiled at them softly.
''Hey, kids. How you feeling?'' she asked them both.
Both of them looked at her blankly, not knowing what to say to the women. Louis looked at her then his lips began to move.
''Do we get to say goodbye to mummy and daddy?'' the eight year old asked.
''Yes of course sweetie. But that's later; right now I need you to stay in the tent with Chester for me. Can you do that?'' she asked him as well as Eliza.
They both nodded at her nervously. Naomi could see the pain in both the children's faces, they had lost their parents in the worst way possible and now a woman who let them play with her dog was looking after them. She knew this was going to be hard for them, Naomi was no stranger to grief the scars on her wrists proved that enough.
She brushed away the thought quickly and looked at the kids one more time, kissing them both on the forehead and left the tent again to hear shouting coming from where the men were burning the walkers that had attacked camp. When she looked she could see Glenn with a sad, serious look on his face shouting right at Daryl while from the back Daryl looked tense but soon backed away from Glenn. She had heard every word. Naomi caught his eye and gave him a confused look as she walked towards him.
''Ni, don't need ya hear right now! Those fuckers left Merle for dead. Don't need ma help clearing the geeks'' Daryl hissed.
''Daryl'' Naomi said looking at him with one eyebrow raised.
Daryl looked at her with a glare ''What woman? Ain't done note wrong'' he said.
''Behave. I saw you and Glenn and heard what was said'' she said crossing her arms across her chest.
''You, ain't got no right to say that to me! Ni I got this'' he snapped.
''I know you're upset. No need to be pissy. Just listen to Glenn we bury our dead. If I see you dragging anymore bodies into the burn pile that aren't walkers. Especially if it's Morales or Miranda's. Our dead deserve a proper goodbye got that?'' Naomi said getting a little emotional.
Daryl sighed ''Fine. But still don't think these fuckers deserve it!'' he snapped.
''Don't care. Andrea, Louis and Eliza deserve to say goodbye to their loved ones properly not watch them burn'' Naomi stated solidly staring at Daryl with wide eyes.
''Since when were you best mates with Andrea?'' he scoffed.
''I'm not. But she has as much right as everyone else to say goodbye to her sister properly! Got that?'' she snapped at him.
Daryl backed away from her ''Alright. Alright'' he said.
Naomi smiled at him ''Thank you. Now I'm going to check on Louis and Eliza. Behave!'' she scolded him.
Daryl only glared at her but this soon turned into a smirk as he watched Naomi walk away, now he knew that their friendship was getting back on track and he knew this because he had just let her win an argument.
It was a while later and Naomi was getting Louis and Eliza ready to say goodbye to their mother and father when she felt Daryl come up behind her.
''Talking about going to the CDC to see if there's a cure. Jim got bit he's in the RV best keep these two away from it'' he mumbled making sure the children didn't hear.
Naomi looked up at him with a sad expression ''Poor Jim, always the good people that have to go'' she sighed.
Daryl nodded ''Come on let's take these two to say goodbye to their mummy and daddy'' Daryl said.
Naomi nodded at him and took Louis' and Eliza's hands as they started to walk up towards the graves that have been dug by Jim the previous day. Naomi felt the children's hands grip tighter to hers as they stood in front of Miranda's and Morales graves. The children instantly burst into tears and Naomi bent down and hugged them close to her tightly as they sobbed. She rubbed their foreheads soothingly as Rick began to speak about each individual they had lost. But Naomi couldn't ignore the memory of her grief anymore; the memory took over her mind beyond Naomi's control.
She didn't want to do it. But Naomi found herself doing it again. Using a steak knife she had gotten from the kitchen drawer she dragged it harshly across her right wrist. This was the only thing that took the grief away. Her grief for the death of her baby brother. Her mother had gone into labour and being fifteen Naomi had been so excited to finally have a sibling on the way. But when it was over there was no noise coming from him. Once he had been checked over they found out that he had died. Charlie Samuel Bates had been a still born baby.
This tore Naomi apart, her tears wouldn't stop, she shut out Daryl completely whenever she saw him at school she'd walk straight past him, a blank look on her face and she hated ignoring him but she knew she couldn't talk to anyone because she knew she would break down. So one afternoon whilst home alone she pulled a knife from a draw and began cutting her wrists finding that it relieved the pain for her.
She had been doing it for three months now, she hardly spoke to anyone anymore and when she did it was barely a sentence. Now she was sat under the bleachers after cheerleading practice getting her release, she felt that heartbroken, she felt guilty, maybe if she hadn't fussed over her mum so much then maybe Charlie would of arrived alive and healthy into the world.
Her mother had told her that it wasn't anyone's fault that they had lost Charlie. But Naomi disagreed with her. It was her fault for getting to excited and fussing over her mother, if she hadn't of ruined the mood for everyone then Charlie would be alive now. She knew people were talking about her, how pale she had become, how much weight she had lost, asking why she only wore long sleeved shirts in such heat and why she was pushing the people she loved the most away. Daryl had tried so many times to get her to come back but it hadn't worked Naomi would only look at him. She showed no emotion towards him or anyone, her grades dropped dramatically and people started to worry about her more than ever. Her mother and father couldn't even get her to talk. Her cheerleading friends were even worried; yeah bitches can be caring too. Naomi knew she had lost herself and was close to losing everyone around her.
Suddenly Naomi heard voices coming close towards her; quickly she shoves the knife in her bag and pulls her sleeves down cautiously. But it's too late Daryl is already stood in front of her looking at her with a pained expression.
''Ni what the hell are you doing?'' he asks in a soft voice.
''N-n-n-n-n-n-nothing. Daryl I'm doing nothing'' she stutters.
Daryl takes an intake of breath ''Give me the knife'' he breaths.
''I-I-I don't know what you're talking about'' Naomi stutters again shoving her bag behind her.
''Ni give me the knife'' Daryl says sternly.
''Daryl I don't-'' she starts.
''Give me the fucking knife now Ni!'' Daryl snaps.
Naomi pulls a shaky hand behind her accidently exposing her cuts causing Daryl to storm forward and grab her by the arms kneeling in front of her. This exposes her left wrist which is also covered in cuts but not as fresh as the ones on her right.
Daryl begins to shake her ''Can't you see what you are doing to yourself Ni. Look at your wrists!'' Daryl demands shaking her again.
Naomi only looks at him wide eyed as a few tears escape.
''Look at them!'' he demands again.
Naomi's whole body begins to shake as she turns her head towards her left wrist and then she crumbles. Daryl instantly pulls her into his arms.
''I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's the only way I could deal with the pain'' Naomi says through tears.
''Shush. Shush. It's okay. I'm here now Ni I'm going to help you through this'' he promises beginning to rock his hysterical best friend back and forth in his arms.
Naomi snaps herself out of the memory to find herself crying into the children's hair as Rick continues to speak about the dead around them. Her hand brushes across her hip where three stars lie with the name 'Charlie' engraved there also. This is the only thing she has to keep his memory alive and a part of her was thankful that he wouldn't need to experience this world since he would only be eighteen now. Then the service is over and Naomi is taking the children back to camp.
Everyone gathers in a circle and Naomi still clings to Eliza and Louis who stand close to her while she has her arms around either one of their shoulders. Eliza is clinging to her doll as a discussion begins.
''I say the CDC is the best option for us. They are working on a cure, we could save Jim'' Rick stated.
''Rick man are you sure? Fort Benning is always an option'' Shane offered.
''The CDC has to be the safest option'' Rick demanded.
''Fort Benning is 100 miles in the other direction the CDC is better'' Lori added.
''How can we be so sure that the CDC is still there?'' Naomi asks still clinging to Eliza and Louis.
''It has to be! If they have a cure worked out they will keep going!'' Rick stated.
''So that's it we're going to the CDC?'' Shane asked.
''Yes and I say we leave as soon as possible'' Rick said.
''Are you sure? I mean we will arrive there when it's dark'' Naomi added.
''Yes! We leave today! Everyone get ready to move we leave in an hour!'' Rick demanded.
Naomi rushed Eliza and Louis up towards her tent where Chester still lay. He looked up at his owner and jumped up quickly as Naomi began packing up her belongings back into her suitcase and then all her weapons into her duffle bag. Her sleeping bag came next and 20 minutes later her tent was no longer their and everything was now in the bed of her truck.
She fastened Louis and Eliza into the passenger seats of her truck Chester sat in-between them. Naomi places her hand gun and machete in the passenger seat that lies next to the driver's seat in the front of her truck. Naomi climbs out and winds down the windows before locking the door behind her and travelling in the direction of Daryl.
''You all set?'' he asks her.
''Yeah I think so everything is packed up and ready to go. What about you?'' she asks taking a look over her shoulder and seeing Merle's bike in the bed of his truck ''isn't that Merles?'' she asks again.
''Yeah am all set and yeah crashed mine a year after ya left dint bother getting another one'' Daryl explained.
''Shame. I used to love climbing on it to piss my parents off'' Naomi said smirking up at him.
Daryl nodded his head and brushed his hand across his chin ''yeah they didn't like me much did they?'' he asked.
Naomi nodded her head ''hated that you were a bad influence on me'' Naomi said winking
''I was not!'' Daryl exclaimed.
''Keep telling yourself that!'' Naomi shouted as she walked away from him climbing into her truck and bringing it to life.
The group were now on their way towards the CDC, there was no conversation shared within Naomi's truck Naomi and Eliza only stared out their allocated windows at the open road while Chester had decided to come and sit up front with his owner and lay his head on her thigh. Naomi was quite thankful for the silence it gave her time to dwell on what had happened in the past 24 hours and it calmed her down that they were finally leaving the place that had caused the group hell. It really proved that in a world like this the safest places really aren't safe for long.
Suddenly Rick came to a halt in front of her causing Naomi to slam on the breaks hard. She stopped the car turning off the engine. Machete in hand she left her truck.
''Stay put guys'' she said whilst walking towards the crowd of survivors gathering. ''What's going on guys?'' she asked.
''RV broke down again. Needs a new hose'' Glenn stated.
Naomi nodded ''Oh I see. Give me a shout if you need me I'm gonna get back to the kids'' she said.
Glenn nodded at her as Naomi made her way back to the children.
''What's going on Naomi?'' Eliza asked her.
''The RV's broke down nothing to-''
''Ya'll Jim it's bad I don't think he can take much more!'' Jacqui exclaimed.
Eliza and Louis both looked at Naomi with wide eyes.
''It's okay just stay in the car I'll be back in a minute'' she said leaving them again.
When she got back to the group Shane and T-dog were going off ahead confusing her for a moment but then she realised it must be something to do with the RV. She walked up to Lori and smiled at her.
''Wow'' Naomi said amazed.
''I know. How are Louis and Eliza holding up?'' she asked kindly.
''Surprisingly well'' she answered nodding.
Everything after this was a blur for Naomi. Shane and T-dog returned and they fixed the RV then they left Jim behind under a tree of all things and now they were outside the CDC panicking and screaming. Naomi had Eliza and Louis behind her as everyone begged for Rick to leave but he wouldn't move adamant that the camera had moved. Walkers were advancing on them and Naomi was shooting her gun as much as she could.
Lori was begging her husband to move as everyone started to walk away from the CDC. Naomi abandoning her instinct to protect the group and her motherly instincts took over as she covered the children in her arms pulling them away from the CDC's closed doors. Suddenly a wide light spread across the blackness around them causing everyone to freeze stunned at what they were seeing.
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you 'cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world
Mad world, mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world, mad world
If I'm in your world, mad world