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"Joker. How are things?" Garrus asked, standing well back from the pilot's seat. Only Shepard could get away with standing right over his shoulder.

"Can't complain. Have you seen this chair? Leather! Fits me like a glove." Joker sighed happily. "This upgrade is almost perfect." He jerked a thumb in the direction of the glowing blue avatar that represented the ship's AI, and shook his head.

Garrus shrugged. He'd spoken with EDI once or twice since he'd come on board, and found her robotic but unoffensive. Then again, she wasn't stationed at his elbow while he was working … and he was considerably less protective of his guns than Joker was of the ship in general. "You'll get used to it."

"It's a hell of a lot better than being stuck in Alliance drydock, that's for sure." Joker frowned at something on his screen, sitting forward for a better view, then he punched a button, watched tensely for a moment, and relaxed back into the chair.

"How long have you known about … all this?"

"Not too long. I guess Cerberus recruited me about a year ago? Something like that. They told me they wanted a consultant on a new ship they were building—it was only after Shepard woke up that they told me they were rebuilding the ship." He smiled. "I guess they figured I'd have busted something from excitement if they'd told me sooner."

He might have, Garrus thought. "And Shepard? When did you know they were rebuilding her?"

Joker swung his chair around. "I get you. Why didn't I tell anyone? Like you, and Alenko?"

"Something like that."

"Because Cerberus would have had my head, that's why. It's super hush-hush, naturally, when you bring the Savior of the Citadel back from the dead."

"'Super hush-hush' and not telling her best friends are two different things. Does Liara know?"

"Probably, but not from me."

"So you were a good little soldier."

Joker rolled his eyes in the direction of EDI's avatar. "If I had tried, you think the information would have gone through? I don't."

"Cerberus had a vested interest in Commander Shepard's resurrection remaining confidential," EDI said. "You should understand that, Mr. Moreau."

"I do. Which is why I never tried to contact anyone. Keep up, EDI," Joker snapped. He swung his chair back around, the silence heavy in the cockpit.

"I understand," Garrus said to the back of the chair, taking his leave. Joker had always been temperamental, but the AI was making it worse, definitely.

He went through the CIC, noting that Shepard wasn't there, pacing in front of the galaxy map. Possibly that had to do with Yeoman Chambers at her usual post, fingers tapping away at her keyboard. Shepard didn't like having her every move monitored any more than Joker did, and it was clear that Chambers was there as much to keep an eye on all of them for the Illusive Man as she was in any kind of administrative or counseling capacity. Garrus wasn't sure about this human insistence on working through your feelings, anyway. You took your feelings to the battlefield, and you worked through them with bullets flying into the oncoming enemy. That was the turian way. His one conversation with Chambers had convinced him that her training in the psychology of non-humans had been scanty at best; he didn't think he would be making use of her services during this trip.

As he went through the weapons locker, Jacob gave him a brief, not particularly friendly, glance and an even briefer nod. Garrus returned the nod with a deliberately courteous one of his own. He wasn't sure if the human's hostility was because of Garrus's species, or because Garrus was Shepard's friend. Mordin Solus was the only other non-human aboard at the moment, although they were en route to pick up a krogan warlord, but Mordin kept himself to himself, busy in his lab. Garrus was more out and about, trying to figure out what Cerberus's angle was and if they, and the mission, could be trusted. As for being Shepard's friend, Garrus couldn't help that, and he was glad to be aboard for her sake as much as for his own—she needed someone here who was looking out for her well-being. Miranda kept an eye on Shepard, but it was a clinical eye, not one that worried if Shepard was getting enough to eat, or sleeping enough. And Dr. Chakwas had her hands full with the entire ship's medical concerns; she didn't have time to watch Shepard specifically.

But Garrus did, and he didn't like what he saw. Shepard had always pushed herself, but now it was harder, less forgiving. More as though she wanted to punish herself. And it concerned him.

As he had expected, she was in the shooting range. He crossed his arms and watched her, noting with approval that she was still using all the things he had taught her on the original Normandy. Proof, if he had needed it, that she was Shepard and not a clone with a rudimentary upload of Shepard's memories.

He let her aim and fire a few more shots before leaning forward and keying the intercom. "You're still dropping that shoulder when you're tired."

"I'm not tired."

"Please. Try that on someone who doesn't know you. When was the last time you got a full night's sleep?"

"I was asleep for two years, Garrus! That's enough to hold me for a long time."

Seeing that she had put the gun down, he buzzed himself into the range, standing over her. "You know none of that was your fault, don't you?"

"It wasn't my choice, either."

"Which part?"

She frowned up at him. "I didn't want to die, Garrus. But I also didn't want to let Joker die. If I had it to do again, I would do it again, just the same."

"But you wish they hadn't brought you back?"

"Yes! No. I don't know." She sighed. "So many people have already been lost, and we don't have any idea what's going on over on the other side of the Omega 4; what if they're all already dead? What if this is doomed before we start? It just … where is the Alliance in all this? Where's the Council? Burying their heads in the sand, again, pretending everything's going to be fine, and here I am over here doing all the work for them. Again. And for what, just so I can die again?"

"So you work your fingers to the bone trying to prove … what, exactly?"

Shepard shook her head, smiling a little. "I don't know. Maybe it's less that I'm trying to prove something and more that I just don't dare stop to think, or maybe I can't do it at all."

"I hear Daniels and Donnelly have a weekly Skyllian Five game."

"I'm just supposed to sit and play cards while people are dying?"

"Shepard." He hesitated, then used her first name for the first time since they had been reunited. "Zia." He caught her by the shoulders, holding her still as he looked down into her brown eyes. "People are dying across the galaxy all the time. One by one or collectively, you can't keep people from dying. You are trying to save those you can save, and that's laudable, but if you don't stop to laugh, or rest, or eat, or spend time with friends, then what's the point? Your exhaustion won't save anyone, and it won't atone for the lives you couldn't save. It will only imperil the ones who are waiting on you, and those who accompany you in the process."

She wanted to argue, he could see that, but instead she blinked and looked away, sighing. "I know you're right. I just can't seem to be able to close my eyes without seeing …"

"People in pain?"

"Nothing," she corrected. "I see nothing. And I spent two years seeing nothing, thinking nothing, feeling nothing—knowing nothing. I don't want to go back to that."

The truth dawned on him suddenly. "Are you afraid if you go to sleep you won't wake up?"

The pain in her face told him he had it right. "Silly, isn't it? But … yes."

"Not silly at all. Look, though—look around you. This ship is recreated down to the last detail. You are recreated down to the last detail … as far as I can tell, at least. Cerberus put a lot of time and money into you. You think they'd do that just to let you go again? Not a chance."

"I suppose."

"Hey." Garrus put a finger under her chin and tipped it up so she was looking into his eyes. "I'm not going to let that happen, all right? I will personally stand over Miranda with a gun to her head until you're up and about again if anything happens to you. I promise."

Zia managed a smile. "You know that sounds terribly creepy, right?"

He chuckled, glad to see some humor brightening her eyes again. "Maybe so—but I'd do it anyway."

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Now, will you go and get some rest, or at least something to eat?"

"Only if you come with me."

"Deal."