Chapter 11
A lot of this won't be medically accurate, apologies in advance
A week or so passed and things at home were pretty awful at the moment. The day basically revolved around Rachel trying to force Gaby to eat and Gaby point blank refusing. Over the last week or so Gaby had seemed to start losing weight even more rapidly. There had been a few more occasions where Gaby had fainted.
Rachel had taken her to the doctors on the Monday, the doctor seemed very concerned about Gaby and had mentioned that if her weight kept declining they would have to screen her for inpatient treatment at a specialist clinic. Gaby seemed terrified at the prospect of this, but Rachel was at her wits end and was starting to think maybe that would be for the best, she was petrified of Gaby getting any worse than she already was, she was starting to look skeletal. Rachel couldn't believe how serious all this had gotten so quickly.
The doctor had arranged some therapy for Gaby, but there was of course a waiting list. In the meantime, she had asked to see Gaby again on the Friday, she wanted to keep an eye on her until her treatment programme started.
Rachel was trying to act as normal as possible in front of Ivy and Hannah, as she didn't want this to affect them, however, both of the girls could clearly tell something was wrong with Gaby and were both feeling a bit unsettled.
Amy couldn't stand the fact Gaby wasn't eating and had made it very clear how she felt about it all, this only seemed to add to the tension in the house at the moment though.
It was a Thursday evening, and Rachel had just cooked dinner. Meal times were Rachel's least favourite times, she would sit at the table with Gaby until she'd eaten enough food, and there would nearly always be tears and arguments.
They were all sat at the table and Rachel was trying to make some conversation and take attention away from Gaby staring into space, cutting her food into tiny pieces.
"So how's everyone's day been?" She asked
"It was good, we got into a big water fight at lunch time" Hannah said
"Ah so that was why your school dress was all wet" Rachel said "Well I'm sure your teachers would have been delighted about that"
"She got really cross with us all" Hannah said
"I'm not surprised young lady"
"Rachel, when's Mum coming home?" Hannah said, secretly she hoped it wasn't going to be for a while, Hannah loved being at her aunties house even if there were a lot of arguments going on at the moment
"Erm, well she's home in 5 days I think, but you know you don't have to go home straight away, just see how you feel"
"Is she back with Mick?" Hannah asked
"I don't know love" Rachel sighed, she felt so bad for Hannah, she was such a sweet girl but very young for her age and needed a loving family, something she didn't get much of at Mel's. Rachel knew that Mel loved Hannah very much, but she would often snap at her or dump her at Rachel's whenever she needed a break.
"I hope she's not" Hannah mumbled quietly "Do you like Mick auntie Rachel?"
"Erm, yes I do" Rachel said, this wasn't exactly the truth, Mick wasn't the best man for Mel to be with in Rachel's opinion, but she didn't want to say this in front of Hannah.
"Auntie Rachel?" Hannah said
"Yes" Rachel replied feeling quite amused by all Hannah's questions
"What's sex? They were talking about it at school today and all laughing"
This caught Rachel off guard a bit, she really didn't want to get into this now especially in front of Ivy. She'd just about managed to have the growing up talk with Hannah, but she would really prefer not to get into all this with her, however she knew that at 10 Hannah id need to know some of the facts before she got them from someone at school. She couldn't believe Mel hadn't had any of these discussions with her.
Rachel noticed Amy laughing and glared at her.
"Darling, can we maybe talk about it a bit later?" Rachel said
"Why? Is it something bad?"
Rachel sighed realising Hannah wasn't going to let this one go
"No love it's … look I promise we'll have a proper talk about it later, when it's just the two of us"
"Okay, I'll remind you to tell me about it later in case you forget"
"Right" Rachel said, really not looking forward to this conversation in the slightest.
"How about you Ivy has your day been okay?" Rachel asked
Rachel was aware of the fact Gaby was yet to start her meal but didn't want to draw attention to it
"Yeah, it's been good, for my birthday could I maybe have a sleepover?" Ivy asked
It was Ivy's birthday in a couple of weeks' time, Ivy had been to a couple of sleepovers before and really enjoyed them, but Rachel wasn't sure about having them round here, 6 did seem very young still
"Maybe, I'll have to speak to their parents" Rachel said
"So, I can have one" Ivy asked sounding delighted
"I didn't say that, I'll think about it Mrs"
They continued to chat for a while, this was the first time in ages they'd all talked together at the table, Rachel realised that this was really important for the younger girls as she didn't want them getting caught up in this, she realised however she needed to get Gaby to eat
"Gab start eating your meal before it goes cold please" Rachel said sounding quite firm
Gaby very slowly started to eat
"Right girls do you two want to put your plates by the dishwasher and watch some TV for a bit, Ivy I'm going to run your bath soon"
Hannah and Ivy did as they were told, and then went off to the living room
"Rach can I go too?" Amy asked "I'd rather not stay for the soap opera that unfolds every meal time"
"Amy" Rachel said sternly
Rachel knew that Amy had no tolerance towards Gaby's problem, it surprised her because normally Amy and Gaby got on great and Amy was a very caring girl, but she just didn't seem to understand this at all
"Go on, you can go" Rachel said
Amy left, leaving Gaby and Rachel alone
Gaby was fussing with her food again, Rachel also noticed she was shivering
"Just me and you again then Gaby" Rachel said
Gaby didn't respond, just continued pushing her food around
"Pick up the fork and eat" she said sternly
"I'm not hungry"
"Gaby we're not doing this tonight, now pick up the fork"
Very reluctantly Gaby ate a mouthful, it pained her so much to eat. She hated herself more than ever before. She felt like her eating disorder had completely taken over her. She knew she was unwell and she badly needed help, but she didn't know how to stop it. She no longer had the energy to do anything, everything was an effort, all that mattered was losing more weight.
"Mum I can't eat anymore" Gaby cried
"You can, and you will eat more Gaby" Rachel said "You've got 15 minutes to get everything eaten"
Rachel hated having to speak so firmly to Gaby, but there was no other way to get through to her. Gaby was clearly physically unwell now as well as mentally, she had constant headaches, her skin was white, and she'd pass out at least once a day.
"I've had enough"
"We're not leaving till it's gone Gaby" Rachel said
Gaby forced some more down herself, she felt horrible. She'd stopped even feeling hungry anymore.
Rachel ended up spending the next 45 minutes getting Gaby to eat, she didn't fully finish her meal, but It was a close as she was going to get her to finishing it.
Gaby went off to her room after her dinner. Her headache was worse than ever, she tried to lie down but it wouldn't go away. She didn't feel with it at all, everything seemed blurry and she was shaking rapidly. She'd ordered more slimming pills off the internet after Rachel had confiscated the last lot and she's taken quite a lot of them earlier , ever since she did though she'd been feeling even more awful than normal.
About half an hour passed and Gaby was starting to get worried that something wasn't right, she was sweating loads and trembling, she also felt really sick.
Slowly she got up and walked across the hall.
Suddenly she bumped into Amy
"Amy I don't feel well" Gaby said, her speech was slurred
"oh my god Gaby, you look terrible"
"I took my slim pills earlier and I think I took too many" Gaby admitted, she was feeling pretty scared now as she felt awful
"Slimming pills are you stupid Gaby" Amy said sounding worried "How many?"
"About 8" Gaby said, she felt like she couldn't breathe properly, everything was spinning around. She was aware that Amy was talking to her but couldn't make out what she was saying, the trembling was getting even worse, suddenly she collapsed to the floor and everything went black.
"Rachel" Amy screamed "Come quickly"
Rachel had just finished tucking Hannah in when she heard Amy shouting, she quickly ran over
"Oh my god" Rachel said when she saw Gaby
Although Gaby had fainted a few times, it seemed different this time, normally she'd come around in a couple of seconds but she seemed completely out of it
Rachel knelt down and took her pulse, which was very faint
"She's taken a load of diet pills"
"she can't I binned all the pills"
"Well she must have got more, she's taken 8 of them but she was feeling ill before" Amy said crying
"Pass me the phone" Rachel said
Amy felt too shocked to move
"quickly" Rachel shouted
Ay jumped and ran to get the phone
Rachel rang for an ambulance, they promised they would be there as soon as they could
"It's okay Gaby, Mum's here, you're going to be okay" Rachel mumbled, tears running down her cheek
After what seemed like forever, the ambulance finally arrived. Rachel let them in and they went up to see Gaby.
They did some tests on her.
"Blood pressure is extremely low, we need to get her to hospital"
"Is she going to be okay?" Rachel said through tears
"We won't know till we get her to hospital, she's severely malnourished"
"Amy will you be okay looking after the girls" Rachel asked
"yeah. Ring me as soon as you know anything"
"Of course, I will"
They then took Gaby down and got her in the ambulance
Rachel stroked Gaby's hair, praying everything was going to be okay.
After about 5 minutes Gaby came around a little bit. She was startled when she realised where she was and started to cry.
Rachel jumped up and sat next to her on the bed she'd been put on, she quickly put her arm around her
"It's okay sweetie, you're on the way to hospital, you collapsed at home so we had to call an ambulance"
"Hi Gaby, my name's Megan. How are you feeling?" The paramedic asked
"Not good" Gaby said, her speech was still slurred and she started to shake again
Suddenly she felt really sick, she opened her mouth to tell the ambulance lady but ended up being quite violently sick
Rachel held her hair back and rubbed her back and Megan got her a sick bowl, but it was kind of too late
"Sorry" Gaby said
"Don't worry, we're more than used to it, they'll be able to get you cleaned up at the hospital. Now is it okay if I ask you some questions"
Gaby nodded, she was shivering loads, so Megan got her a blanket
"Mum says you've taken around 8 diet pills, have you taken anything else?"
Gaby nodded
"Okay, do you think you can tell me what else you've taken?"
"Laxative and some pills to make me sick"
Rachel couldn't believe this, she didn't realise Gaby had any more pills
"Right, how many did you take of each chicken?"
"5 laxative tablets and 3 of the other ones"
"How long ago did you take all these pills Gaby?"
"after school"
"So about 5 hours ago?"
Gaby nodded
"And Mums shown me the slimming pills, but do you know what brand the other pills were?"
"No, got them online" Gaby said sleepily
"okay lovie, and have you taken all these pills for weight loss?"
Gaby nodded, starting to cry again
"Alright my love, Mum do you want to take Gaby's hand, I'm just going to do a few more tests now she's awake"
Eventually they got to hospital, Gaby was taken through to one of the assessment rooms.
Gaby had fallen asleep, Rachel stroked her hair, she felt so helpless, she couldn't believe it had come to this, she felt like such a failure as a mother.
A little while later a doctor arrived. He spoke gently, and Gaby seemed to relax a bit. After he'd carried out some assessments he sat down. He also got a chair for Rachel and Gaby was laid on the bed.
"How are you feeling now Gaby?" He asked kindly
"I don't feel well still"
"You're suffering from severe malnutrition Gaby, that along with taking all the tablets has put a real strain on your heart, we've also found ketones in your blood, which happens when the bodies deprived of food, they're toxic to us and make us very unwell"
"Is she going to be okay?" Rachel asked sounding desperate
"Luckily yes, but she could have easily not been so lucky. It's my guess that Gaby's eating disorder has developed into anorexia nervosa" He explained "All we can do now is monitor her, but I think she's out the woods"
"So what happens now?" Rachel asked
"It's my feeling that Gaby needs some impatient treatment here, it might not be for long, but I think she'd benefit from some close supervision in the early stages of her recovery"
Rachel knew this was for the best, she was terrified that if Gaby went home now, she'd still refuse food.
"The team are amazing, we'll get Gaby the very best support possible and she'll be with other girls her age who know what she's going through"
The doctor spoke to Rachel for a bit longer before Gaby was taken up to her ward.
Rachel followed Gaby up.
She felt a little more relaxed when she saw the ward, it was nicely decorated, and the colours were all bright, overall it had quite a cheerful feel to it.
Suddenly though she saw a girl walk past, she looked to be around 13 years old, Rachel couldn't help but gasp when she saw her, her cheekbones were completely sunken, her arms were like twigs, it looked as though she was going to snap in two at any minute. Rachel hadn't thought it possible to be that thin and still be alive.
She started to worry that maybe Gaby being surrounded by all these girls, would only make everything even worse.
As soon as Gaby was settled into her bed she fell asleep again.
Rachel didn't want to leave her, but she was told that she'd have to go, in this ward they were really strict on visitors.
"When can I come back and see her?" Rachel asked one of the nurses
"Tomorrow morning at 9"
"How long do you think she'll be in here for, I'll have to bring her some stuff"
"It's not my place to say … but she's lucky she's been brought here at this stage"
"How do you mean?"
"Well with the majority of them, the girls aren't brought here till they are at a much lower BMI than Gaby's, it makes it so much harder to recover, Gaby's still in quite an early stage, that means it should be easier to help her develop a normal relationship with food again pretty soon. There's so much help on hand too"
"I hope she can put this all behind her, I've been so worried"
"It wont happen overnight, but with the right support, I have every confidence she'll get there"
"Thank-you" Rachel said, wiping away her tears
She then said goodbye to Gaby and left.
She felt totally exhausted by the time she got home.
After explaining to Amy what was going on, she went upstairs to bed.
Despite how tired she felt, it took Rachel ages to get to sleep.
When morning came around, she packed a bag up for Gaby.
Amy was brilliant with helping the girls get ready for school, the house felt so strange without Gaby though.
Rachel got breakfast ready and the girls all sat down
"Where's Gaby Auntie Rachel?" Hannah asked
"Well I wanted to talk to you two girls about that, Gaby isn't very well at the moment, she became very ill last night and had to be taken to hospital"
"Is she okay now?" Ivy asked sounding worried
"Not really, Gaby's going to be in hospital for a little while"
"Is it because she's not eating?" Hannah asked
"Yes love"
"Why isn't she eating?" Ivy asked
"Well because Gaby has a horrible illness at the moment, its called anorexia and it's where you think your fat even when you're not, it causes you to lose lots of weight"
"But Gaby's really skinny now" Hannah said
"I know love, but when you're anorexic you don't see yourself the way other people do" Rachel explained
"Will she get better"
"Yes Ivy, that's why she's in hospital, so people can help her to get better"
"So when she comes out will she eat normally again" Ivy asked
"Yes, well that's the aim, but it's going to be really hard at first" Rachel said
"Are you not going to work today auntie Rachel?"
"No love, I've rang in and explained I need to look after Gaby"
The girls had a few more questions and Rachel did her best to answer, before long it was time to drop them all off at school.
As soon as she'd dropped Amy off, she drove over to the hospital, she was a little bit early, but she hoped that they would let her in anyway.
It took her a while to find the ward, but eventually she did.
The nurse saw her and walked over. It was the same one from last night, she was just finishing her shift
"Hiya Rachel, Gaby's just eating her breakfast but you can go through as soon as she's finished"
"What, she's actually eating?" Rachel asked
"Yep, and without too much fuss either, I think she scared herself last night, it brought home how serious it is"
"Thank god for that"
"I mean, she's still got a long way to go, and it won't be easy, but I know she's going to make a full recovery" she said "She's become quite pally with one of the other girls, Pippa she's called"
"Do you think it's healthy, for her to be surrounded by all these thin girls, Gaby isn't as thin as them yet won't it just make her feel worse"
The nurse smiled "They need support from people their own age, going through the same thing"
The nurse chatted to Rachel for a bit longer and then it was time for Rachel to see Gaby
Rachel was surprised to find Gaby sat up in bed, reding her book.
She smiled when she saw her Mum and put the book down
"Hey darling" Rachel said, going over and giving her a hug before sitting down on the chair beside Gaby's bed
"did you bring some stuff over for me? I hate having to wear this hospital gown"
"Yeah I've brought quite a bit for you and I can always bring more over if you need it" Rachel said, "So how you feeling?"
"Okay" Gaby said, her eyes filled with tears though "It's just hard I can't believe I collapsed like that and …."
Gaby suddenly stopped, realising all the other girls could hear their conversation
Rachel could tell Gaby didn't feel comfortable
"Gab, do you feel well enough to go on a little walk?"
"Yeah"
"Right how about you go and get dressed and I'll speak to one of the nurses check it's all alright"
Gaby started getting dressed and Rachel went off. The nurse said it was fine as long as they didn't go far and were back within half an hour.
Rachel went back and got Gaby
"Come on then Mrs"
Gaby still felt a bit unsteady on her feet, so Rachel linked arms with her
"There's a costa just down here, fancy a coffee?"
Gaby nodded her head
"Right you get us a table, I'll go and pay"
Rachel got two coffees and a little pack of biscuits
She went over to where Gaby was sat, there was hardly anyone there, so they could talk in private
"You gave me such a fright last night Gaby" Rachel said, taking a sip of her coffee
"I'm sorry" Gaby said quietly "I'm really sorry for everything, after everything happened at school, I just got it into my head that I was fat, I thought I'd just lose a bit of weight, but then I got so obsessed with it all, I'd challenge myself to eat fewer and fewer calories every day. I was in control at first, but then it started to completely control me. I wished It would stop, I wished I could just eat normally but I became terrified of eating anything and I just didn't know how to stop it. And then I started taking pills, I thought taking the laxatives and diet pills would help me loose weight even quicker, but then I took too many and I felt awful"
"Oh gaby" Rachel whispered putting her arms around her "You've been so brave there, telling me all of that. I just wish you had felt like you could talk to me sooner"
"I wanted to, I just couldn't" Gaby said "Because I knew that, that would mean getting help and I didn't want it"
"And what about now? Do you want help now?"
"Yes, I want to get better. I was really scared last night, I thought I was going to die. One of the girls on here died a few days ago, Pippa told me, I don't want to end up like them Mum" Gaby cried
"Darling, I am so pleased to hear you say that" Rachel said "And you know I'm going to be here all the way don't you, even if things do relapse a bit I'm going to support you"
"Do you hate me Mum" Gaby cried
"What" Rachel said in disbelief "I love you to pieces, I've just been so scared"
"I promise I'll get better" Gaby said
"I believe you Gaby, but like I said you're not on your own"
"It's so weird In here, you can't do anything by yourself, they watch you really closely when you eat and you're not even allowed to go to the toilet on your own, in case you make yourself sick"
"It must be horrible" Rachel said, knowing she would hate to have someone watch her every second of the day "But they're only doing it to try and make sure you don't get any worse, everyone's in here because they're dangerously underweight and they have to make sure that you don't lose anymore"
"Well I'm not going to, I'm going to get better" Gaby said
"Oh Gaby, that's such a relief" Rachel said "I've bought us some biscuits, do you want one?"
Rachel wasn't sure if this was pushing Gaby too far, but to her surprise Gaby nodded her head
Rachel handed her one, and Gaby paused for a few seconds. Automatically she started counting calories and guessed how much fat would be in one. However, she then stopped herself. Nervously she brought the biscuit to her mouth and bit into it. Gaby smiled and took another bite, and then another, and then another, before long it was gone.
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