It might surprise one to know that like the reapers the demons, too, have a library, something Ciel found out rather quickly as he prepared for the test. It became his most favorite spot to just sit, relax, and study for his upcoming test that was about to come upon the next month. Sebastian had given him a study guide for each section of the test so that studying would be simpler but he always provided visual examples and quizzed his master on various phrases, definitions, and dates of history. The test was to be on three sections; basic demonic rules and protocol, the overall history, and the hardest part-language. Demon language was like latin mixed with greek and hard to grasp for the young earl who was used to English speak and terminology but with Sebastian by his side who was very well versed in the demonic language Ciel knew he could manage it.
"Now let's go over it again, how do you say hello and goodbye?"
Sebastian was asking this, in his teaching outfit, to Ciel who was sitting upright in a chair, chewing on his lip trying to his hardest to remember how to say these words properly for the last section was verbal. They were together in the library along with Cinis who was making a tower of blocks at Ciel's feet. To her this test seemed extremely boring and tedious and everyone was making such a big fuss of it. Was it really so important? She thought not. She thought she could live her whole life without learning half this stuff but she hoped that when the time came for her to take this so called grand, imperative test that it would not be so tiresome.
"Avete et Avtio?" Ciel struggled to articulate, rolling his tongue in the Latin way.
"Very good, master. Just roll a little bit more, Latin is all about the passion and Greek has a kind of rustic love in the words. Try to feel the passion of the lettering and you'll be fine. Now, I will ask you a few more. How do you say, 'I'm very happy to see you,'?"
"Hmm…Eimai poly beata vide eseis?"
"You're doing well. Now the person testing you will ask you questions in demon language and you must answer. Let's try, shall we?"
"Alright, go on."
"Misericors es simera(how are you today)?"
"Maxime kalos, gratias. (Very good, thank you.)"
"Magnificus domine mi! (Magnificent, my lord)"
"Gratias gia tolaudo. (Thank you for the compliment)"
They continued on back and forth with the questions and Ciel got most of them right. When they were finished Ciel was left alone to study more phrases and sentences of the demonic language for he knew the rules and history like the contract in his eye but the tongue was too foreign for him to simply wing it. He wanted a perfect score and he'd get jus that come hell or high water. Cinis scrambled up on the chair, peeking over Ciel's knee to see his nose deep in a book of conversations.
"Ciel. Hey, hey, Ciel. CIIIEEELLL PLEASE TALK TO MEEEE!"
"What do you want?" Ciel calmly questioned, trying not to bite her head off.
"Play with meeeeee!"
"I'm busy studying for this. It's very important."
"No, I'm more impory-tant!"
"Cinis, really, go play somewhere else."
"Geesh…is it that special?"
"Yes, now go. You're breaking my concentration."
Cinis whimpered but realized that no matter how cute she made herself sound or appear that Ciel was not about to give her the time of day. Finally she gave up on him and decided to find herself a nice picture book to read. He was glad he finally settled down for she was literally getting on his last nerve. Sometimes he found he couldn't stand her and other times he couldn't understand her. She could speak in a way he didn't understand fully. Some words were things he had learned or variations on them but others were just strange sounding and the way she spoke them was unusually antique. He chose to just ignore it knowing that no conclusion he came up with would make any sense.
Cinis seated herself next to Ciel's chair, looking at the colorful illustrations in her picture book. She read softly to herself but not loud enough to annoy the blue eyed boy who was giving his all to focus on these complicated vocabulary words and sentence structures. He felt a slight pressure on the back of his shoulder which made him look up to see Sebastian over him, looking down at the certain phrase Ciel was trying to grasp. He was holding in his hand a tea cup of warm blood that had a cinnamony scent to it. Ciel gave him a puzzled look as he reached forward to point at the word with his gloved fingers.
"This one, right here, this is Parallagi, it's how we say change. Not the money type of change but a change in form. So the sentence is, in English, the caterpillar changed into a butterfly."
"I see. I wasn't certain on that one or the animal terms. Let's see if I can get this right. Et bruchus parallagio se papillo. Is this correct?"
"Yes, you are starting to grasp that Latin roll of the tongue. You speak a little slowly; it needs to be a bit more swift and sassy. The essence of Latin speak is it's sexual undertones and the essence of Greek is its poetic romance, it's a strong language. It's like French and German put together. I understand that it's tough to articulate at first but soon you will be able to speak as fluently as I do…well, maybe not as much as I."
"You've had lots of practice; I've only hand about two months. Still I must say that I'm proud of everything I can say."
"As am I. You never fail to grasp another language. Think of how quickly you learned French and German. With what I said in mind this should become easy for you. I think it's the Latin you can't get right, yes?"
"I'm not so good at it, yeah. I've never encountered anyone who spoke Spanish of any sort and to know the predecessor to Spanish which is Latin, particularly old Latin, is not an easy concept to get hold of. The closest I've come to anything like this was Italian, but you know how I feel about them."
"Indeed, I know all too well. I find them the same way you do; at least the ones I have met have been as such. By the by, this is for you," Sebastian said gifting his master with another cup of blood.
"Oh? Another one? What for?"
"It can be rather draining, learning new things, so I thought you might like another cup. Am I wrong in thinking so?"
"No," Ciel whispered to him gently, smelling the claret colored liquid inside the cup, "I did need something to wake me up. I don't know if I will be able to finish the whole cup. It smells different, did you flavor this?"
"Not at all, I let the blood speak for itself. As it dances on your tongue I want it to tell a story of flavors. Whatever you smell and taste is unique to each cup, my lord. If it smells different it's because it is different. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like cinnamon. It's a pleasant aroma."
"To me it smells of cumin and tasted like mint leaves. A strange combination for sure. Each demon perceives blood differently, as you well know."
Ciel took a small sip, letting the flavor speak. It tasted like it smelled, heavily like cinnamon with a bit of nutmeg. A bit too sweet for the now demonic boy but all the same enjoyable. It brought him back to when he first tried gingerbread and found it to be the one thing he looked forward to on Christmas. He wondered how young the person was whom Sebastian had killed for Ciel could taste the youth behind it, young blood was, after all, very sweet and the younger the sweeter. He cared very little though as he swallowed half the cup then gave the rest to Cinis who was very thankful. To her it tasted like apple cider with whipped cream, just sweet enough for a small child like herself.
She returned the cup to its owner who simply smelled the remnants of what had been there while looking over his definitions and conversations. He found himself smiling at the cup as if it was a precious little baby.
"Mon butler,"Ciel spoke softly, calling to his butler in French.
"Oui, Mon Seigneur?" Sebastian replied, gentle and curious as to the sudden change in language.
"Vous etes reflechi.(you are so thoughtful)"
"Bien sur, C'est mon travail- Non c'est mon plaisir."( Of course, it's my job, no. It's my pleasure)
Ciel looked up at Sebastian with a delicate smile to which he responded by doing the same, tilting his head at the boy. He pressed the book to his chest, being careful not to crush the tea cup in the process and then decided to try out a phrase he had learned in the book, hoping he would get it right.
"Eisthe beati ego sum beati?" (You are happy because I am happy?)
Sebastian then pondered not the answer but why the question was asked. Why was Ciel so worried about Sebastian's happiness? Sebastian could not look directly into Ciel's eyes much longer, they were so pleading, so innocent and yet so violently wicked, so soft and so hard at the same time. Sebastian merely pet his head and turned away making Ciel feel cold inside his chest, his heart feeling like it would soon turn into ice. Ciel was asking if his existence made Sebastian happy, a cruel question to ask one who had wanted to kill him in his sleep. Happiness? What was that? Sebastian wasn't sure what true happiness was really, he could understand the concept of course but only experienced it a few times. Was he happy with Ciel?
"You want the truth?" He asked in plain English, turning away as to not see the hurt feeling in Ciel's eyes when he did say the truth.
"Yes, not because of the contract, because of how you feel. We have eternity together, let us be honest with each other."
"Fine then. My answer is no."
"That is alright."
Sebastian turned around, daring to look Ciel in his eyes. He wasn't hurt by the statement? If anything he seemed pleased. Sebastian had assumed Ciel had wanted to hear yes for Ciel was so needy now, needy for something Sebastian could not provide him with fully thus making him an inefficient butler. Ciel placed the tea cup gently on the table and went back to his book with a small laugh.
"You are stunned, why is this so?"
"Well…I thought you had wanted to hear yes."
"Whatever you said would have sufficed."
"I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Then you could never understand me. From the first day until I was a demon you have served me because of the contract, making me happy was all a part of that but your own happiness would come later, when you devoured my soul. In a sense making me happy did make you happy. Now I have no soul so while working for me makes me happy it does not make you so. I can accept that reality. In some sense I am your pawn as you are mine. You made me do things because it would flavor my soul all the more and I made you do things because of the contract. Now without that soul what are we? If you had said yes I would have assumed that you were lying anyways, because truth of the matter is you couldn't care less if I was happy."
Sebastian breathlessly chuckled, his finger curled under his lip like he had something to consider. His master looked back at him, questioning his actions. Sebastian walked forward again to meet with his master, leaning down on his knee to properly bow.
"My lord, may I speak?"
"You may."
He rose before stating bluntly, "You are wrong. It is simple this, that I do not know what happiness truly feels like. When you smile I smile back but I am not happy, I'm not much of anything but emptiness. What you request of me I cannot give you. I am sorry I cannot be your resourceful butler as always. You require emotion and I can only feign so much of it. I cannot feel sadness, nor real glee. I can be amused but rarely ever happy. I can fear but am rarely ever afraid. I can fret but I'm never truly worried. So how can you ask such a complicated question? To be straight forward I must say that over this year and then some I have learned to appreciate you once more and perhaps will regain more and more a different outlook on you as time goes on. For now I cannot be certain how I feel but I do know that I, at the very least, enjoy your company. Is that not more than you could ask for of a demon?"
The young earl thought about it for a while. He could only truly expect so much from Sebastian given what he was. Ciel was very needy, he expected so much and gave nothing in return, especially now that he had no soul. The least he could do was make it easy on the poor demon who worked hard and long to make sure Ciel was happy all while Ciel never tried to make him happy. He had been very selfish, he saw that now. But now with a lifetime ahead of them Ciel could recognize his flaws and change as well as focus less on himself and more on others. Without the company and revenge there was no need for Sebastian really. This was a selfish contract, Ciel thought, and it wasn't fair either.
As Ciel looked at his butler he knew that he needed to stop acting like a child and really act like a man. Otherwise it would be torture for the both of them. He needed to be considerate, even more so than he was, while still remaining himself. He pitied the man in front of him now, realizing that through it all Sebastian had been there and gone through such lengths to make everything right. He was capable of it, of course, but even he needed a break, even he could get worn down.
Ciel closed his eyes, feeling his past actions wash over him, imagining himself in Sebastian's shoes. This gave him a new perception, one he told himself he had to keep. He had to keep it to keep Sebastian. His father had always said treat others how you want to be treated. He would do just that.
"I suppose…no…You ARE right once again. I can't expect you to be 100 percent perfect in every field. You can't emote like a human because you aren't human and I should know that. I accept whatever feeling you do have and the fact that you value our time together is enough. I value it as well."
"I'm so glad you see it that way, my lord, and not as me being rude but as me being a demon. It's just the truth and the truth is not easy to tell being me. You are the only person I have never lied to and I'm sure with me it's the same for you."
"It is. You hold every secret. I can be openly honest with you. Now that that's over with, let's continue studying."
"Sic est kyrie mou. (Yes, my lord)"
They continued their studying like this for the required time until the final day came for the test. Ciel was put into a group of others who were going to take the same test and then put into a room where he would take the written portion. That part was too easy for words, almost childish in its simplicity but now came the verbal section of the test. He was told to go follow another demon to another room where he would be verbally tested. The demon had shifted into human form to make Ciel more comfortable but honestly Ciel was already used to the demons now but he didn't say anything else. The male had very short light brown hair and hazel, almost almond shaped eyes. He had a very square jaw and muscular form with a small beard that made him appear almost thirty five. He said his name was Legion though it was spelled Li-Jin but honestly Ciel didn't care what his name was.
"Alright, let's begin."
After about ten or so questions they stopped and Li-Jin gave him a pat on the back congratulating him on such a good job but Ciel felt like he was babying him so he told him to stop in which he responded that he was acting just like his third daughter named Disan. The man then went on and on about his problems with his six daughters but Ciel just stared on bored beyond compare until it was that the next person had to be tested verbally. After about three hours of waiting they got their test results back. Ciel wasn't sure what the number was he didn't know much about numbers in the demon world so he took it to Sebastian who beamed with pride.
"My lord this is most becoming! You've achieved a very high score, almost as high as mine was. I'm impressed, honestly. I thought you might not do well in language but you passed with flying colors."
"I never thought I would do badly but such a high score? I wasn't that cocky. Perhaps if we keep this up then all my tests will have shining achievements."
"Indeed, master. They said you had taken long in the language department though. Was it harder than your grade lets on?"
"No, it was that Le-jin guy, he was blabbering on and on about his daughters."
"Oh, you got him? Le-Jin and I were class mates and warriors together. He has always been…sentimental."
"More like Semi-mental."
"My lord, you actually managed to make a decent joke!"
"Oh shut it, you. I can be funny when the time calls for it. Well Cinis wanted to know how it all went so I suppose we should visit her. She would find me eventually anyways."
They went off to find Cinis who was very glad her "husband" was so smart. Ciel then retired into the library to study for his next test even though it wouldn't be taking place for another year. Sebastian found him curled into an arm chair with a pile of books around him and another sloppily placed in his hand. He was fast asleep. Sebastian shook his head in shame, pinching the bride of his nose and smiling.
"Oh master, what am I to do with you?"
He lifted up the boy gently from his resting place and carried him to bed. Ciel whispered in his sleep about fire and Tanaka. He was having a nightmare about his house burning down again. He thrashed about until Sebastian calmed him down but Ciel continued to scream until he woke up in a cold sweat, panting hard as he now lay on his bed.
"SEBASTIAN!"
"Right by your side, my lord."
"Oh…for the love of hell…that was the most intense nightmare I've had. Everything was more real. I could smell it, I could feel it, I could taste it."
"Perhaps because you are not supposed to be sleeping your dreams are more, pardon the expression, hellish. Do not worry, though, it is all over now. I am here."
"Yes, you are here. That's a good thing. When all else burns you are what remains."
"Precisely. It will always be as so, until the ends of time, my master."
"Sebastian…"
"Yes?"
"Hug me…"
"Pardon?!"
"I said hug me damnit. Don't question me, just do it!"
Sebastian grasped Ciel in his arms, hugging him tight, wondering why the sudden need for close contact. Ciel was afraid again; such a vivid dream could do that. He had tried to cast aside fear and it had worked but it always came back again or at least it would until he could get rid of his human side. If all else disappeared he would still fear one thing. Now Sebastian realized why Ciel didn't just terminate the contract already. He needed Sebastian. He needed his companionship. Ciel was afraid of one thing above all else- Being alone.