Mushi and the Jolly Green Giant
"Muffin! Nom, nom, nom!" I garbled to myself, twisting the muffin in half and stuffing the bottom part into my mouth. Ever since I was little I ate my muffins like this, saving the top for last. I did that with fries too, always eating the fries before the main course. Also, when I ate something with multiple colors I always ate my least favorite color (or flavor depending on if it was a flavored item) first. Let's just say that I can be OCD at times. Just like right now I made sure that I stepped on every single crack in the pavement.
It was nice sitting back in my new apartment last night after coming home from the beach and, despite everything that happened there, my heart felt lighter for some reason. After thinking about it, brooding about it, and then crying it out while reading Macbeth with a large pile of starburst wrappers piling up beside me on the papasan chair, I knew that things were all right.
"Fuck," I sighed after stepping in a rather large puddle, one leg of my twin-produced beige dress pants getting soaked. Really, does everything have to happen to me?
"Kate-sensei?" A small voice made me look up from my duel-tone trouser leg. Haruhi, looking extremely adorable in her boy's uniform, was walking down the stairs of what seemed to be her apartment. Huh, to think that I lived this close to her and didn't even know it until now. Well done Kyoya, well done indeed.
"Off to school, Haruhi? Would you mind if I walked with you?" She tilted her head to the side and smiled at me, nodding in the affirmative. How could she still be so cute even after I had gotten to know her this well? After a bit of silence and walking a few more blocks Haruhi lifted her head and spoke.
"I heard about what happened at the beach. Kyoya told me about your sister, and Hikaru and Kaoru told me about how you reacted once you found out that everyone knew. They have a bad habit of trying to invade your personal life."
"I've noticed. Really, it is better that everyone knows. And now, everyone does because Kyoya is an evil rich bastard."
"All of them are rich bastards," Haruhi was one hundred percent correct on that one. She began chuckling with her tinkling laugh; I joined her. She was, of course, right about all of them. I remember one of the first conversations that I had had with Haruhi, where she said 'They all are a little bit much sometimes, but you can't help but be drawn to them. It isn't just their faces or the wealth either. Each of them has something special, something unique.' Already I had found out that they were all very crazy in their own way, but that worked for me.
Haruhi and I chatted about miscellaneous things, including the fact that she was entirely afraid of lighting and how both Kyoya and Tamaki had opened her eyes to some things, as we walked to Ouran Academy together; I even shared half of my muffin top with her and watched her scarf it down with a smile on her face. It made me proud that she was as much of a glutton as I was.
"Would you think that all of the boys, yourself too, would want to come over for dinner this evening? I'd like to do something for them to say 'wow guys, I'm sorry for being a douche.'"
"As long as you're going to plan on having a lot of patience, go for it. I think that apologizing to them might be good for them as well," She shrugged and I nodded. It would be a good thing to apologize, especially since I acted like a complete asshole towards them.
IIIII
"I was extremely disappointed with your assessments when I graded them this weekend. I know that punctuation is difficult for even native speakers, but since everyone in the class had B's and A's up till this point, I didn't think that it would be too difficult for you guys to understand the basic rules for commas." All of the students were whispering. I wasn't raising my voice to them, but I was being stern because there was no reason that the entire class, Kyoya, Haruhi, and Tamaki as exceptions, should have gotten below a C on the comma assessment.
"Can we go over it again then?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked together, both of their voices seeming completely board. Hikaru was even drawing in his notebook, both of them leaning on their hands, blankly staring up at me.
"Alright. If I have an independent clause followed by another independent clause, do I put a comma?"
Silence. I was met by blank stares. Tamaki was staring out the window, something that he often did. Kyoya was looking at me in the 'If you call on me I will scrape your face off with a scalpel' way. Honey was napping on the desk; Mori I knew would just go 'hmn' if I called on him. I stared at Haruhi, but she was looking at me with blank hazel eyes.
"If I have an unessential piece of information do I set it off in commas or leave it alone?" Hikaru's pencil snapped and Kaoru took out a pencil sharpener from his bag and handed it to his brother, his cheek soon again resting on his hands.
I sighed and leaned back on the blackboard, crossing my arms in front of me, "If I have an IC followed by another IC I need to use either a semicolon, a period, or a comma with a coordinating conjunction. A nonessential phrase or clause is always offset by commas. Understand?" No response, and no one was writing anything down.
"Alright, kiddos. What's going on? You are usually all way more responsive than this."
Silence again. I knew that there would be days where this would happen, days when students would be completely unresponsive. There were so many days like that when I was in high school and college, days when I was in class but really my mind was back in my bed.
"Well, since no one seems to be interested in commas today, I'll read something. Let's see." I walked to my desk and scrounged around in my backpack and pulled out a small book of poetry, "How does some William Taylor Coleridge sound?" Of course no one responded. Though I did see Mori's eyes shift upwards slightly. To my great surprise everyone stopped what they were doing to quell their boredom once I started reading, so I muttered a grateful 'huh' and continued the poem.
The rest of my classes for the day went pretty much the same, no one answered any questions and in some of them I read poems or short stories. In my Introductory Spanish class we watched the "One Semester of Spanish Love Song," on YouTube, to which all of the students laughed hesitantly at first and then began to laugh with a more upbeat rhythm. To be honest, I was glad when my Introductory German class was over, and it was time for lunch.
I heaved a heavy sigh and leaned back in my chair, my neck draping so that I was looking at the wall behind me upside down. Soon enough my vision was blocked by the bottom of a powder blue jacket and a black notebook.
"Guten Tag, mein libeling. Do you have a question for me?" I asked, righting myself and turning around in my chair so that I could look up into the eyes of my student. My mind was torn between wanting to smack him and to hug him. Where was his right to discover my inmost secret and blast it to the world, but then again, as Kaoru had said, "You can't ignore people who want to love you unless you want to be alone forever." So as much as it pained me to say, I kind of owed him.
"Miss Amendier, I…"
"Kyoya, there's no need to apologize."
"Uh…" Kyoya stuttered. I think I actually made the Shadow King uncomfortable. His usually cool persona wavered only slightly. Just a small little bit, but it was enough for me as he continued, trying to be so damn cool as he righted his glasses with his finger, "I did not come up here to apologize, Miss Amendier, I merely…"
"Lies. Haruhi told me this morning about what else you did at the beach," I heard him stutter again, smiling deviously despite myself, "Despite that hard and cool exterior, you're as warm as Tamaki on the inside. Kind of like a biscuit: crunchy on the outside and fluffy on the inside."
"You are mistaken. As a studier of language and idioms I know you have heard of the phrase 'nice guys finish last.' Indeed, nice guys, like Tamaki, always finish last. As I intent to always finish first, there is nothing soft permissible. However, Miss Amendier, your theory is an intriguing notion in its own way."
This time it was my turn to stutter as Kyoya walked out of the classroom. That boy really was quite amazing in his ability to never let his guard down around anyone. Though I didn't believe a word that he had just said except that he didn't want to finish last, I could see that someone, Tamaki specifically, had somehow weaseled his way under Kyoya's skin. I'm sure that that is a story left for another time, and I am anxious to hear it.
"Is it safe to come inside?" I heart Kurt's voice say from the doorway, his hand knocking against the panel. Without even thinking I stood up, clasping my hands in front of me. Oh gosh…really, these past few days have been an emotional roller coaster with enough g-forces to destroy gravity's hold on anyone.
"I told you last night; I am not mad at you. I understand what you tried to do, and I really can't blame you. I'm quite thick-headed."
"That's what he said."
"Touché, Hisugawa," I giggled as he walked in and pulled me into a hug, "Touché"
Again, one of those moments to pause and reflect on my life. Oh my goodness, what a ride this has been. The person who was holding me in his arms, as well as a pair of devious foxes, a bunny rabbit and a giant, a shadow king, a fathering tranny, a bipolar prince, and Haruhi all seemed to grab my ribs with an iron pry bar, bearing my heart, malleable and ripely beating.
I am such a NERD!
IIIII
When I opened the doors, there was the Host Club dressed in waiter cosplay. It would be normal if they were all sitting in their respective places directly parallel to the doors, but as with everything in this damn school nothing was normal. Hikaru and Kaoru stood in the middle of the room gyrating in opposite directions from one another, scratching all over their torsos like rabid dogs.
Kyoya was sitting calmly at a table, his laptop open in front of him. His head leaned to the side, rubbing the back of his jaw and neck on his shoulder secretively. Mori was sitting on the couch helping Honey scratch himself, tears welling up inside the small blond teenagers eyes.
"What the hell is going on?" I asked as I walked forward to greet Haruhi who had her arms crossed, trying to hide that she was scratching her arms.
"Just watch. You'll see in a second or two." I cocked my head to the side before hearing a bloodthirsty scream coming from the adjacent room before watching a small white things scurry across the floor, Tamaki chasing after it with a cardboard box.
"Come on, kitty. I just want to play with you and make sure that you get to a shelter. I'm not going to hurt you." Tamaki was talking to the cat.
Of course that was going to work. Cats usually respond to being chased after by tall blond boys who are carrying a cardboard box. There was no way that that wasn't the best plan in the world. Sarcasm was dripping in my thoughts like a leaky faucet. Drip. Drip. Drip.
Honestly, what did that moron think that he was going to accomplish?
"You found it boss." Hikaru and Kaoru stopped scratching themselves long enough to begin chasing Tamaki and the cat, who had decided that it would be the best course of action for it to begin darting under the couches.
"Hikaru, Kaoru, you take that side of the couch and I'll take this one." Tamaki ordered, flinging his arm gracefully at the twins and then to the couch, all three of them getting on their knees and waiting.
"How long has this been going on?" I turned to Haruhi who had begun to scratch the back of her neck. As soon as I saw her reach behind her I realized that my legs were beginning to itch.
"A few minutes after opening everyone began to scratch themselves. Kyoya-sempai and Tamaki-sempai thought that it would be better if we closed the club for today because the girls were getting rather uncomfortable." Immediately I looked over at Kyoya who was silently calculating in his black notebook, the tip of his pencil subtly rubbing the underside of his chin.
"That makes sense to me. Does Tamaki really think that he is going to catch that cat?" Haruhi looked at me and rolled his eyes before shifting her eyes back to where the twins and the Host club king were on all fours.
"Ah! My beautiful face! C'est horrible!" Tamaki screamed, flying backwards dramatically while holding his cheek that had obviously been scratched, the white cat running from where Tamaki's body had just vacated and heading towards where Honey was sitting, his eyes still filled with tears.
"Mori-sempai, jump on it!" Hikaru and Kaoru yelled, leaping in synch with one another over the couch and past the bawling Tamaki who was still mourning the wound to his face.
"That's what she said," I grumbled, trying not to laugh. Up until this point it had always been me who was the frantic one, running like a chicken with its head cut off in order to evade some torture or awkward situation that these boys were professionals at putting me in. It was great to see them all (except for Honey because he was just so adorable and looked so much like a little boy right now that I couldn't help but feel bad for him and actually had to force back the maternal desire to kiss the boo-boos and make them feel better) going crazy because of one little kitten. Even Kyoya seemed to be bothered even an iota by what was happening.
"Uh oh. Watch out Kate-sensei." Haruhi nodded her head forwards where a white fluffy kitten was galloping towards where we were standing.
Oh shit. I placed my hands out in front of me, only to feel a small wet nose touch my collarbone and curl up into my arms, shaking.
"Stop!" My yell rang out, stopping the twins from leaping at me when they were only inches away. I looked down at the little white cat that had begun to lick my arms. Poor little thing. It was no bigger than my forearm, "Aw, were those big mean teenagers trying to catch you. Don't worry; Kate is going to protect you from those idiots." I kissed the top of the fluffy things head before glaring at the twins and Tamaki, all three who were looking as if they wanted to have kitten-a-la-king for dinner.
Pretty soon all of the hosts, except for Kyoya and Mori, were looking at me, all of them looking at me and scratching themselves with huge eyes that said 'help us Kate, please help us,' except, as I said, for Kyoya whose eyes said "death to that wretched thing that lost the Host club money today", and Mori whose eyes said, well, nothing.
"Would all of you quit looking at me like that? Come with me. Let's grab my stuff and all go over to my house. I swear. Men are such babies." I tossed my hair back and turned, rolling my eyes with Haruhi as she walked alongside me mumbling "damn rich people" under her breath
All the way back to my house I held the small white cat that was still trembling slightly, though not as much as before, while the sextet of gorgeousness followed Haruhi and me, all of them itching wherever they could reach.
Really, why me? I had just gone to the Host Club to walk Haruhi home; I didn't think that I was going to play mom to a bunch of snobby teenage boys who were so pristine that they couldn't even handle a few fleas. Dear God, baby Jesus, why were sweet girls like Haruhi and myself stuck with these boys.
"Aright, go in and sit on the couch. If you find a little black thing on your legs or arms then just pick it off and squish it as hard as you can. Haruhi, can you get some athletic tape out of the first aid kit and some ice cube cubes out of the freezer. If you see one of the guys with a red mark or bump on his legs then put a piece of ice on the bump and wrap it on with the bandage. And all of you, would you stop itching, it's going to make it feel worse." I rolled my eyes as I walked over to the sink and filled it with soap and lukewarm water.
"You're going to hate me for this little one," I whispered to the cat as I dipped it into the water, rubbing the soapy water into the kitten's skin and fir, ignoring its tiny woeful protests. Behinds me everyone was surprisingly quiet, and I could feel holes beginning to form in my back. I felt like an ant under a magnifying glass on a really sunny day.
"Ame-sempai…" The twins called towards me at the same time I pulled the white cat out of the water and dried it off. At this point it new that it was useless to wiggle around and try to get free, so it let me finish drying its coat off. I placed it on the floor and it stood there for a second, walking to the edge of the counter and peering around the barstool towards the boys in the livingroom.
"Leave this kitty alone. It's mine now, and that means if you hurt it then you will die. I'm going to go change. Behave."
Once I got in my room and shut the door I walked to my closet and started banging my forehead against it. Tonight I was going to highly medicate myself before going to bed. Tylenol PM, thou art my relief! I pulled on my pajamas and flopped my robe over the top, staring at myself in the mirror. Good grief! My eyes were bloodshot after one day, and one Monday to be exact. Someone out there hates me.
"You idiotic pest. Get off." I heard Kyoya grumble from the other room. Oh, if he was hurting that little kitten then there was going to be a smack down right here and now. I gritted my teeth and opened the door.
"Kyo-chan, it loves you!" Honey had gotten off of the couch and walked up to Kyoya who had the most sour expression on his face. I covered my mouth to stifle the sinister laughing that was vibrating its way up my trachea.
"It looks like you've made a friend, Kyoya-sempai." Haruhi said innocently from where she sat on the floor next to Tamaki, her words were subtly tempered with malice. I knew I loved this girl.
The small what kitten had somehow crawled its way up Kyoya's body and landed on his shoulder, curling up on the cosplay, its pink nose nuzzled in the crook between the Shadow King's neck and shoulder.
I should have resisted. I should have been a good teacher and saved my student the embarrassment that this one particular moment was bringing him, but at one singular moment my eyes locked with the amber ones of the demon foxes. It was infinitely better to have them as accomplices rather than enemies. Quietly I leaned over towards where I had placed my phone and got in a position against the wall to where I could see Kyoya's seething expression and the curled up cat perfectly. In one moment the twins and I had blackmail for centuries to come as I took a picture with my phone.
"Miss Amendier, you should have no intention of replicating that photo unless you want to face severe consequences." He was trying to remain so cool, but it totally wasn't fooling me. I clicked a few buttons, ignoring him, "Miss Amendier."
"Consider this my apology to the rest of you for reacting the way that I did at the beach," five simultaneous cell phone beeps rang, giving me the goosebumped sensation of my own makeshift Hallelujah chorus, "Kyoya, you and I already ironed out our differences earlier today, so consider this a favor. Think of how much money you could make when the copy that I sent to Mr. Hisugawa's e-mail is made in poster sized format, framed, and placed in Music Room #3. Of course there will be duplicates made and left unframed, as well as wallets. You wouldn't want to disappoint those girls, and I have it on good authority that you take unauthorized pictures of the rest of the host club and sell them to the customers," In truth I bought one copy of each book to help Haruhi pay back her debt faster, but that wasn't the point, "The girls want, nay deserve, to have your coolness and sweetness memorialized in eight by twelve color copies."
Bam! I flung my hand in the air and made my fingers snap together in the tobacco chewers snap as I walked back to the kitchen and pulled out two folds of pizza dough that I had made the other day.
"Everyone up for food?" The stunned silence lingered over the Host Club before the small kitten leapt off of Kyoya's shoulder and onto the shoulder of Mori as he was the first to walk towards the counter. The rest of the boys followed, even Kyoya, though his arms were crossed and his glasses were especially glinty, "I have all of these toppings," I pointed to the miscellaneous veggies and meats, "everyone take a piece of this dough I cut in quarters and roll it out into a disk and put whatever cheese and toppings you want on it."
The boys were looking at the dough curiously. Haruhi shook her head, making me laugh as she demonstrated the way to make a pizza, muttering "damn rich people." That girl made me so freaking happy.
"Ame-san," Honey had been lifted onto a barstool by Mori so that he could reach the countertop in order to make his own pizza.
"Yes sir?"
"What are we going to name your kitty? It has to have a name." Honey said in his sweet voice as he reached up to pet the kitten that was sitting on Mori's shoulder proudly, placing Usa-chan prominently in my view to fully orchestrate his point.
"You should name it something in Japanese," One of the twins suggested calmly. I think it may have been Hikaru, but I wasn't paying enough attention to the voice because I was pounding the pizza dough into a circle.
"You speak Japanese all the time now and only speak English when you're in class, so a Japanese name would fit the best." The other twin, probably Kaoru, spoke after as the little white kitten jumped onto his head and pulled at his bangs then jumping over to Tamaki's head.
"It has to be something daring and brave, a name befitting a Shakespearian History!" Tamaki twirled his arms in his normal flamboyant gesture.
"HICKKKK!" Little white fuzzball! He not only got a swipe at Tamaki's doll-like face, but he also hissed at the Host Club King.
"Sorry Tama-chan," Honey said sweetly as the little kitten jumped onto the counter and wobbled over to Kyoya, getting a look from the Shadow King that could crash a Mack-truck, and then deciding that he was safer if he scurried over to where Usa-chan still lay, "Takashi, do you have any ideas?"
That wasn't going to work Honey. As brilliant as Mori might be on paper, when it came to speech it just was not going to happen.
"Mushinomi," Mori…said…way to judge Kate, way to judge, "Mushi for short." Mori continued his speaking as he grabbed the small white kitten and handed it, Mushi, to me gently.
Awwww, Mori! I wish that we could paint him green and call him the Jolly Green Giant.