"It seems that when I was at Division 4 for a check-up the other day, Shunsui, I overheard a few people talking." Ukitake sat at Shunsui's cluttered desk in the Eighth division office. Shunsui himself was reclining on the long couch beside the far wall, hat pulled over his eyes, fan waving leisurely in his hand.

"Really, Jushiro? Whatever were they discussing?"

"You, of course, my friend."

"Hmm, what about me?" yawned Shunsui. "I always like to hear the latest gossip about myself." He paused. "Did you know that I'm hermetically sealed for freshness?"

"Good heavens, Shunsui, what are you talking about?" asked a baffled Jushiro.

"Yes, according to the gossip, I've supposedly had some of me sealed in a jar and donated to the

local sperm bank where I have fathered fourteen children. None to Nanao, unfortunately." (1)

"I'm sure you wouldn't mind donating that one in person," offered Ukitake.

"Jushiro, what do you take me for?" Shunsui would have pretended to be offended, but decided it was too strenuous. "Nanao is my family. She's like my daught…no, more like my wi…no, my cous… Anyway, I'm captain to her vice captain. It would be against protocol, although the thought has crossed my mind on numerous occasions."

"And is it proper protocol to send five unfortunate Shinigami out on a ridiculous, fortune cookie nonsense quest in order to get your vice captain a date? Or is it abuse of personnel?"

"They're not idiots, Jushiro. They know a tall tale when they hear one. And other than twisting Hisagi's arm a little…okay, a lot…they're doing this because they want to. These tasks are simple and easy for them to do, and will keep them out of trouble for all of five minutes until this tedious lack of activity is over. Besides, Nanao and Hisagi'll make a cute couple, don't you think?"

"I thought you didn't want them to be a couple."

"Ultimately, I don't, but you're forgetting one important thing, Jushiro. Even families need a vacation from each other. She'll be back when her little 'vacation' with Hisagi is over. I'm counting on him to get bored and move on pretty quickly. After all, how could he get too involved with Nanao, eh? She's not the easiest girl in the world to get along with."

"Maybe not for you. I don't have a problem with Nanao. Speaking of the dear sainted lady, where have you sent her this time?" asked Ukitake.

"She sent herself, Jushiro. She got angry and yelled at me for not giving her a message. Isane stopped by earlier, gave me a note for Nanao and I put it on my desk where she was sure to see it. She blames me for hiding it on her and she left the office in a huff, but I'm innocent. Surely you see the note there, right?"

"Did you help her look?"

"I directed her from the couch, but she must the blind. The note is right there. Now do you see why we're at loggerheads? She's unreasonable."

"I don't see a note, Shunsui." Ukitake moved some papers and peered around stacks of reports, looking for the missing note.

"It's in plain view. I'm sure of it," protested Shunsui. "I was drinking my morning coffee when Isane came in and handed me the note. I put the note on my desk…"

"…and then set your coffee cup down on top of it, Shunsui. It's right here, hidden under your coffee cup." Ukitake waved the wayward note in his hand for Shunsui to see.

"I don't see how she missed that. I'll have to scold her for not looking hard enough, the lazy girl."

"You should know about lazy. Now, about what I heard in Division 4 today..."

"I'm sure it's nothing." Shunsui waved his hand in the air as if dismissing the idea. "They're having a slumber party."

"It seems…" started Ukitake. He stopped abruptly and gaped at Shunsui. "How do you know that? Oh, Shunsui, don't tell me you read the note."

"Of course, I read the note. I have to protect Nanao from unsavory influences."

"And yet, you're throwing her to the wolves with this scheme of yours."

"I trust Hisagi. He's a lot like me -- a drunkard, a womanizer and a damn fine warrior. That's how I know he won't stick around too long."

"Speaking of drinking," continued Ukitake, "it seems, and Kiyone confirmed this through Isane, that the other day, Hisagi showed up pissant drunk at the fourth very early in the morning with Abarai and Kira. They wanted something to sober him up quickly. Isane heard them whispering to each other about a small window of time in which to accomplish their so-called 'mission.' I assume this has something to do with you?"

"Gossip, just gossip," yawned Shunsui, readjusting his hat over his eyes. "It's nice to know that they're taking this seriously."

"She also heard them mention breaking and entering, and Hisagi kept muttering something about jail. If you ask me, they're taking your list of half-baked fortunes a little too seriously."

Shunsui waved off Jushiro's concerns with his fan. "Nonsense, simple tasks from a simple list. Change a light bulb; help an old person to cross the street. Nothing more, nothing less."

"The rumor is also traveling the grapevine that Hisagi borrowed shoes and make-up from Rangiku. She was telling everyone about it. Now why do you suppose he needed those?"

"I don't have a clue," he chuckled. "Perhaps he has a sister."

Ukitake walked over to where his friend was lying. Leaning over Shunsui, he took hold of the fan and said quietly, "Rumor or Matsumoto, whichever you prefer, also has it that someone else is pulling the strings…someone like you, Shunsui. If our fearless Soul Reapers do get into trouble because of your hare-brained scheme to 'take a vacation' from Nanao by getting her a man, it's very likely that this will eventually get back to her before you want it to…if it hasn't already."

Shunsui slowly sat up on the couch, coming face to face with Ukitake. "Now that might be a problem."

A/N Task #3 with Kuchiki in a few days. :o)

(1) I have to thank DolphinWhisperer for the 'hermetically sealed for freshness' line that she threw at me in a challenge. She had me stumped on this one, so she came up with that little tidbit about the sperm bank. I can't take credit for that.