Disclaimer: I do not own Free! or any of its characters.
I-I can't tell him. Haru's hands were shaking. He'll just look down on me. All I do is disappoint. All I ever do is disappoint people around me. He took a deep breath, "Hai."
The doctor looked down at his clipboard and began writing. "May I ask why?"
Without any hesitation, Haru spoke softly, "I'm not good enough. I'll never be enough." He didn't mean for those words to slip but it was too late to try to take them back.
The doctor continued writing, "I see."
The conversation went on for almost an hour. Haru felt like crying the entire time. The room felt hot and he avoided eye contact. He felt humiliated. I knew it. I'm just a burden to everyone. Frustrated tears started forming in his eyes. I bet everyone hates me by now. Makoto. Rin. Nagisa. Rei...and I definitely know my mother hates me. How would she look at me now? She wouldn't care. She wouldn't care about any of this. She's never cared. Never.
A few weeks later, swim season was over for the team with all the things that had been happening to Haru. He was seeing a psychiatrist every other day. He was put on heavier doses of antidepressants and during each session, he was asked if he had taken them. The dolphin's body still wasn't back too 100% but it was getting there. After suffering a seizure, damage to his vital organs, a coma, and slight brain damage, his body was frail.
School was almost out for the summer break. While other students, were busy planning vacations with their friends, the swim team was still hanging out by the pool whenever possible.
Haruka had always been pretty quiet but it had gotten to an entirely different level. He was speaking less than usual. Almost rarely ever. He'd give nonverbal responses but as for actually opening his mouth, it wasn't happening, at least not in public it was.
He'd been in the pool, silently doing laps without acknowledging anyone around him. Just back and forth, back and forth. All of them were in the water practicing their own weaknesses.
Gou blew her whistle and pointed at Rei, "Rei-senpai! Pick up your speed! We need more than turtle strokes!"
"H-hai!" He caught his break and jumped back in the water as Gou timed him.
Eventually, Haru climbed out of the pool and went into the locker room. Nagisa put on his usual pouty face. I thought he was getting better… It's almost his birthday. He should be happy! Happy! He got out of the water and followed the dolphin. When he came in, he heard the sound of water. Nagisa peaked around one of the walls to see Haru standing there in the shower with a blank expression on his face but Nagisa knew better. He'd known Haru for years. A stoic face meant that he wasn't in a good place. Up until now, Nagisa had only seen this expression from Haru once, when his grandmother passed away. Just then, a tear glided down Haru's cheek. As more tears fell, the redder his eyes became but his face never changed. They look up to me and I can't even do this one simple thing right anymore! He just kept his gaze on the shower head. After a moment, Haru looked down at his body and sneered. His body had gone through so many changes lately that he barely recognized it. He closed his eyes and sighed then reached forward to turn off the water. Nagisa averted his eyes and leaned back against the wall he was hiding behind. Haru-chan...
Three days later - 7:30pm
Haru was in the kitchen preparing dinner. The mackerel lay in the frying pan while Haru watched it grimly. Since waking up from the coma, he was still trying to get back to his normal self which included the problems he had been having with his memory. There was certain tasks he still had trouble doing, swimming being one of them which aggravated him more than anything but he was adamant about hiding his difficulties from his teammates and even his psychiatrist. Haruka didn't want to admit to himself that he needed more help than he figured. The dolphin was so deep in thought that he hadn't been paying attention to the fish. The grease in the pan suddenly popped and landed on the hand that was holding on the pan. The oil startled him so badly that he accidentally hit the pan. As the pan began to fall to the floor, Haruka hastily back away from it. With eyes wide, he stared at the pan on the floor and the boiling grease spreading from beneath it. His eyes narrowed as he moved further away until his back hit the wall. He lifted his arm and glanced at the worsening burn on his hand. Haru closed his eyes, let out a deep breath, dropped his arm by his side, and looked up towards the ceiling. There were dark bags under his eyes from countless sleepless nights filled with ongoing thoughts mixed with the fatigue that his medication caused him. He let himself slide down the wall until he was sitting in fetal position on the floor. He folded his arms on his knees and lowered his head. His eyes gradually became heavier with each passing minute he sat there. The exhaustion overtook himself. Haruka ended up falling asleep where he was.
Meanwhile...
The rest of the team and Rin were over Makoto's place planning for Haruka's birthday. They were discussing it for hours, going back and forth on what they wanted to do versus what would excite Haru. Makoto was going over the list that Rei made while they were all talking. The orca was writing names beside each task.
"Okay Rin, you're in charge of cake." Makoto said without even glancing at the boy.
Rin raised an eyebrow, "Why me? Why not one of them?"
Makoto's green eyes met with Rin's red ones with a shadow cast over them but still kept a smile on his face, "Because I trust you."
Rin then recalled last year when they were in charge of getting the cake, they managed to both get it and destroy it. Rin sighed and rolled his eyes, "Alright then what are those two doing?"
Makoto looked back down at the list, "Nagisa you're on-"
Before he could finish, Nagisa leaned over the table and raised his hand, "Balloons!"
Rei pushed his glasses up, "That's not on the list."
Nagisa turned around to look at Rei and puffed out his cheeks, "Haru needs balloons!"
"It's not on the list."
"Balloons!"
"List."
"Balloons!"
"List!"
"Ba-
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Rin yelled. He sat back and pushed his hair out of his face, "You're giving me a headache, geez."
Makoto nervously spoke up, "Y-you can do balloons Nagisa."
The night continued this way until they parted ways and Makoto went to bed, ready to start with the plans in the morning.
1:47am
Haru slowly lifted his head to the flickering of the kitchen light. He blinked as he looked at the light. A couple of minutes passed before he looked down and steadily brought himself to his feet. He glanced at the burn on his hand again then over at the pan on the floor. That's when he noticed that this entire time, the stove was still on. He scowled and walked over to it. When he finally turned it off, he turned to clean up the mess on the floor that was beginning to give off a fowl smell from the mackerel. Once the kitchen was back in order, Haru started towards his bedroom. He rubbed the back of his neck that had begin to ache from the position he was sleeping in. He climbed into bed and emptily stared at the ceiling. Happy birthday Haruka.
To be continued...
A/N: Computer's fixed! I'm so sorry for the wait :(