So sorry I haven't updated for like an age of this world. *eats a mushroom* well, I am now. ;D So, read on, my minions.

Thalion Estel: You will know who is is momentarily... thanks for the review!

Elektra Elentari: The unknown person is... not telling!

LOTCR: *slays you* Watch the Star Wars prequels! They're not as terrible as a lot of people think. Revenge of the Sith is awesomeness. YOU STOLE MY MUSHROOMS, HUH?! DEEEAAAATTTHHHH! *dramatic charge in slow motion* oh and btw there is an explanation for the Force. But I'm not going to tell you. Mwahahahaha. well, I suppose I will spare your life since you spent a large chunk of it writing that hilarious story. XD

Neril: So sorry this took so long. I was frying mushrooms.

ElvenPrincessOfNarnia- Kate: Lol I was too when I wrote it.

Phillip Callaway: *snickers evily*

Sixty-four K: *hands you TWO mushrooms* One is for the one hundredth review, and the other is for reviewing LOTB while my data was out. :D

Fan of JRRT: The face is... *dramatic silence*

Guest: Who indeed?

ccgaylord: You are about to know...

Avatar Pip Took: I am going to change that. Awesome idea.

RandomReader738916: You will know shortly... and yeah, I'm so funny, right? *pats self on back*

FlyAwayFree: Mushrooms? You bring mushrooms? *devours them all*

Legolas gasped once again in utter astonishment. It was Boromir! The former Gondorian pulled his hood back up angrily. Legolas grabbed his arm.

"You are supposed to be dead!" he stuttered. "How...?!"

"The orcs revived me, and I grew strong on their mushrooms." Boromir answered. "These mushrooms are much tastier than the ones we fry in Gondor. Simply irresistible." Boromir sighed in contentment. "Only then did I see how wrong we were, how wrong I was. One does not simply live without the finest mushrooms available."

"Uh, yes you do. You totally do." Legolas countered. "I have for centuries."

Boromir ignored him. "Have you even tried one of these mushrooms?" he inquired, holding out some.

Legolas glared at him. "Ego, mibo orch!" (go kiss an orc)

Boromir smiled. "Why, certanly!" he laughed, and kissed the nearest orc on the cheek. It growled with annoyance, but did not move.

Legolas made a disgusted sound. "Boromir, why didn't you just kiss Lurtz, and saved yourself the pain of near death?"

Boromir did not bother to answer. "Now will you try some of these tasty, fine, oh-so-delicious absolutely scrumptious mushrooms?

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Whatever, give me one, if it will make you shut up." He bit into the juicy mushroom. It was the best thing he had ever tasted. He needed more! Now!

"Give me another!" he shouted.

Boromir laughed evily. "First you must join with the Mighty Dark Lord Pippin."

Legolas didn't even really notice Boromir's words. All he could think about was that mushroom, and the overwheming tastiness was making it impossible for him to think straight. He tried desperately to clear his mind, but all he could think of was mushrooms. He sank his head into his hands.

Pippin had been watching the whole scene with mild amusment. Lazily, he twiched his hand at Legolas. "You care about nothing but obtaining more of Pippin's mushrooms." he muttered.

Legolas raised his head, and a mindless grin slowly grew on his face. He turned eagarly to Boromir, and knelt at his feet with ridicoulsy eager look on his face. Pippin was vaguely reminded of a dog he used to own who used to beg him for treats every few minutes. Legolas spoke in a grave voice. "I care for nothing exept obtaining more mushrooms, oh wise one. How can I ever thank you for this?"

"It is not me you must thank." said Boromir. "Thank him." He pointed to Pippin.

Legolas spun around and sank at Pippin's feet. "Let me serve you, oh wisest of hobbits! Please, let me have another mushroom!"

Pippin was unimpressed. "Where is that dwarven friend of yours?"

Legolas turned his tear-stained face at Pippin. "You mean Gimli?"

Pippin sighed with impatience. "Of course I mean Gimli, you slow witted elfling! Yiu else would I be referring to?!"

The "slow-witted elfling" whimped with fear. "Do not be angry with me, Oh Master of All Mushrooms! You must understand, our small wits are no match for yours. We only wish to serve your magnificence!"

"In that case, you will find Gimli and turn him to serve me." Pippin snarled, kicking the cowering elf away from him in digust. "Do not fail. If you do, you will never taste mushrooms again."

"Oh, do not speak of such horrors!" murmered Legolas. "I live only to serve you, and I will obey your command!"

Pippin turned to Boromir. "Where is your brother?"

"He's going to attempt to turn the dwarves." Boromir answered. "He has made them a chicken pie with mushrooms in it. Once they have tasted the mushrooms, they will be yours, unless they have some unknown way of walking away from mushrooms."

Pippin glared. "There is no 'unknown way' of walking away from the power of mushrooms." he said with absolute confidence. "I have a new mission for you. Faramir can guard the prisoners."

"Your will is my command." Boromir bowed gravely.

"You will turn Radagast and Gandalf to me. Radagast should not be difficult, as he alreasy loves mushrooms. Gandalf may be harder to turn, but I am sure you are up to this task."

"Of course, my Lord." Boromir bowed and left. As he walked out of Barad-dur, he caught a glimpse of Merry. He was staring at the ground with a depressed look on his face. As Boromir watched, he drew his lightsaber, slowly and thoughtfully twirling it around. Boromir stalked up to him.

"What exactly do you think you are doing? Why don't you watch the Mushroom-Orcs properly? Look at them! They are eating your Lord's Mushrooms!"

Merry gave the orcs an careless glance. "Why does it matter? Who cares about mushrooms anyways?"

Boromir started in surprise. "You speak words of high treason!"

Merry laughed. "High treason to who?"

"You know Who!" snarled Boromir. "He will not forgive you this time! Twice now I have saved your life, and you act like a fool!"

Merry shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever."

"Whatever!?" shouted Boromir. "How could you be so changed in so little time? Wait - WAIT! There must be a Jedi about!" He spun away from Merry, drawing his lightsaber. "Where are you? Show yourself!"

A figure hidden in the nearby shadows soundlessly waved his hand. Boromir sighed, and sheathed his lightsaber. "Mushrooms are worthless." he muttered, and lay down for a nap. The cloaked figure stole into Barad-Dur.

Review or... *pulls out lightsaber*