A/N: What's this! Could it be? A super early update?! It sure is!
I got a little better of a response than usual for the last chapter and I wanted to show you guys I appreciated it. Let this be a lesson to all of you, the more of a response I get, the more I'm motivated to update early. Not that I'm trying to bribe you or anything…okay maybe just a little XD
And a special thanks to tineyninja, VampireDoll666, StrawberrtSweetCakes, Liz, and the guest who all reviewed last chapter. I appreciate it a lot!
I hope you enjoy this chapter, and as always, I would love to hear what you think :D
The next month after Christmas seemed to go by quickly, and before Kakashi knew it, he was already well into his fourth-month of pregnancy. He couldn't believe he was already nearing the half waypoint.
But as excited as the thought had made him, there were some not so pleasant things that had went along with it. The main one being, he had now officially formed a baby bump. He knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but that didn't mean he had to like it.
It was still fairly small; most people would probably just assume that he had eaten way too much over the holiday season and gained a few pounds. But there was a definite bulge in his lower abdomen, and his once defined abs seemed like nothing but a distant memory.
It could still be concealed pretty easily under most clothing though, which meant that his secret was still safe from the public, at least for a little while longer. Although all his clothing was beginning to get a little uncomfortable to wear, so Kushina had insisted that they go shopping soon to buy him some 'maternity' clothes, a thought that had made him cringe. He hated words like 'maternity' or anything that made him feel remotely like a woman, which seemed harder and harder to avoid. But despite how upsetting some of the realities could be, he knew he just had to grit his teeth and bare it, at least until he had the baby…and then when he regained his former body and abilities he would be able to put any insecurities behind him.
As for other insecurities he was having, namely those involving Iruka, they were able to work some of them out, but that didn't mean they had disappeared completely.
It was the day after Christmas when Iruka had come to talk to him. Kakashi had admitted to the younger man that he had just been having some doubts and fears about the road ahead, but didn't get into too much detail. He didn't want Iruka to know that he was doubting his commitment, after all that was the whole point of the trial run in the first place…and he certainly didn't tell him about his fears of Tsubaki stepping in and trying to be involved in the child's life.
The other man probably thought he was already unstable enough, considering their first few run ins, he didn't want to make it any worse by starting to babble irrational nonsense to him.
Iruka had done his best to reassure him, despite the lack of information he had. He even went so far as to confess that even though they had called this whole thing a 'trial run', that the moment he had seen the sonogram he had already made his decision. There was no way he could walk away now, no matter the consequences.
Iruka's words had comforted Kakashi enough that he was able to push all his other insecurities aside, and at least temporarily allow their trial run to resume. But he was still hesitant to deem it anything but a 'trial run' refusing to completely let his guard down. Iruka might have been sincere in his words, and it might have brought him a certain peace of mind, but that didn't mean things couldn't still change…
After all, his mind had completely changed when it came to wanting to have this baby in the first place. He had absolutely, 100%, wanted to get rid of it at first, and now here he was, at yet another appointment to make sure the child was perfectly healthy and there were no complications. So given his own change of heart, he wasn't completely ready to dismiss the idea of Iruka having one as well.
Kakashi sighed impatiently, pushing all his thoughts about the past month aside, as he waited for Lady Tsunade to hurry up and get back into the exam room she had left him in. She had begun her regular weekly exam, and asked him to take off his shirt so she could properly feel his abdomen, and make sure everything felt normal and was developing like it should.
He had been embarrassed when he had taken off his shirt, and Tsunade had seen his now apparent baby bump, but he supposed as his doctor, it couldn't really be avoided. But what embarrassed him even more was the fact that he was now sitting shirtless in the exam room all alone.
Tsunade had to run out to grab something, and told him to wait right there, that she would be back in a second to finish the exam. Which had definitely been more then a few seconds ago.
He picked up his shirt annoyed, about to put it back on, when the door began to open.
"About time you got back…" He said impatiently, but trailed off when he looked up and saw that it wasn't Tsunade that had opened the door at all.
Standing there was a brunette woman, with her long hair tied back, and she was wearing glasses. She was fairly short and slender, and looked like she was probably in her mid to late twenties. Kakashi didn't recognize her, but judging from her uniform, she must have been a Jounin ranked medical ninja.
The woman looked fairly surprised too, obviously not expecting to see anyone in there, and certainly not a man. This was the maternity ward after all. Her eyes trailed down Kakashi's chest, until it landed on his swollen abdomen, causing her to gasp in surprise.
It was this that finally snapped Kakashi out of his frozen state. He had been so caught off guard by the woman's presence that he hadn't been able to move. But after seeing her eyes land on his stomach, and the gasp that followed, he quickly put his shirt on, hiding away the evidence…but it seemed to be too late. The damage was done.
"I'm sorry," the woman apologized, giving a small bow before she hurried out of the room.
Kakashi cursed under his breath and tried to chase after her. He left the room, looking frantically up and down the halls, but couldn't see any signs of her anywhere. He began to mentally panic; he couldn't believe someone had found out. Sure it was only a matter of weeks until he wouldn't be able to hide it and everybody would find out, but he wasn't ready for that, not yet. He hadn't had time to mentally prepare himself, and just prayed that this woman would keep her mouth shut…she was a medical ninja after all, didn't that mean there was some sort of confidentiality rule? And who knows, maybe she would just think he was fat…just some random fat guy sitting in the maternity ward with his shirt off…
He sighed defeated, heading back into the exam room, hoping that Tsunade would hurry the hell up so he could get out of there…not to mention ask her about the woman that he saw, hoping that she would be able to do something to ensure his secret was kept.
…
"You know, you don't have to walk me home like this. I know you were busy with work today…you should've just went home to relax." Kakashi said, breaking the comfortable silence that had come over him and the other man.
"Well I felt bad for missing the appointment, and wanted to know how it went." Iruka replied honestly. Over the past month, Iruka had made it a priority to be there for all of Kakashi's appointments, not only so he could hear first hand how his child was developing, but also to be their to support the other man, particularly when it came to anything involving a needle. So today when his shift in the mission room ran long, because of them being short staffed, he had felt guilty for not being there.
"Everything is fine, and we are both completely healthy." Kakashi reported, and saw the younger man visibly relax at that. "But there was something that did happen…" He trailed off, not sure he should even mention it. It really hadn't been that big of a deal, but it was something that he hadn't been able to shake.
"What happened?" Iruka asked a little worried, when he sensed the distress from the other man.
"Well, there was this medical ninja, a woman, who walked in on me in one of the exam rooms while I had my shirt off…I can't be sure if she figured it out or not, but going by the reaction she had, I'd say it's likely…"
Iruka listened quietly as the other man spoke, seeing the worry in his one exposed eye. He could understand Kakashi's apprehension at the idea that his secret could get out, especially before he was ready.
In all honesty, he himself was worried about the day that the secret would become known, even though he would never say that to the other man. But no matter how committed he now was to this child, he couldn't completely forget about his worries and fears when it came to his fiancée finding out. Would she leave him? Would she forgive him? How would things work if she did forgive him? How would it all affect Kakashi?
There were so many unknowns about what his future held and quite frankly he found himself becoming more and more anxious about everything. He had even found himself waking up in the middle of the night sometimes; having what he was sure was some sort of panic attack. When that would happen, he would usually leave the room, not wanting to wake Tsubaki, because the last thing he would want is for her to try and talk to him about it.
He knew it was only a matter of time now until things would be out in the open, and there was nothing he could do but wait and see what happened. And he would just have to accept whatever it was, because at this point, there was no way he could stand the thought of not being in his child's life.
As hesitant as he was at first about the idea of being a father, thinking there was no way he was close to being ready, over the past month or so, all that had changed. From the moment he had first heard his baby's heart beat, and seen its first images during the sonogram, he had fallen completely in love. And nothing, or no one, was going to change that.
"Did you tell Tsunade?" Iruka finally asked, after snapping himself out of his thoughts.
"Yeah, and she said she would look into it, but I know how busy she is…and she didn't seem to be that concerned. I guess she has faith that all her staff would uphold the patient-doctor confidentiality thing, but I don't know." Kakashi sighed, slowing his pace slightly as his fears from early began to sink back in. "I know it's silly for me to be so worried about the idea of people finding out…I mean let's face it, it's only a matter of weeks, maybe a month at most, before people start figuring it out anyway. I mean Christ, It's gotten to the point that I'm supposed to go shopping with Kushina to buy some maternity clothes tomorrow…but still…is it wrong that the idea of people finding out scares me so much?"
At this point both men had stopped walking altogether, standing alone in the empty, snow covered, street. Iruka could sense the apprehension coming from the other man, and instantly felt concerned. All his own fears and insecurities seemed to disappear, and all he wanted to do was find some way to get rid of Kakashi's.
He wasn't sure what he could do, because despite the fact that he tried to be there as much as he could for the other man, when it came down to it, he still had no idea what he was going through. No matter how hard he had tried he couldn't seem to put himself in Kakashi's shoes, and all his own fears seemed to pale in comparison to what he must be going through.
"No, it's not wrong. I think it's a perfectly normal reaction. I mean, this is something that is completely new to the shinobi world, and it's definitely bound to shock most people. So I think it's perfectly natural to be a little worried or upset about the idea that people are going to find out, especially before you're ready." Iruka replied gently, placing one of his hands on the other man's arm, hoping to bring him what little comfort he could.
Kakashi seemed to relax a bit at the touch, and could feel some of his nerves begin to fade away. "You really think so? You don't think I'm pathetic for being this upset about it?" He asked, knowing what the answer was going to be, so he felt a little stupid for asking at all…he blamed it on the hormones. Whenever he did something that he normally wouldn't do, or say something he normally wouldn't say, over these past few months he would just blame it on the hormones. Which he had to admit it was a useful excuse.
"Of course not!" Iruka practically shouted, quickly lowering his voice back down, "There's nothing you could do that would ever make me think you were pathetic. The shear fact that you decided to see this pregnancy through makes you incredibly brave in my mind. I don't think a lesser man would have been able to make that choice like you did. And it's perfectly natural to be having certain fears or doubts, and trust me when I say you aren't the only one…"
"Really?" Kakashi asked, conflicting emotions surfacing at the other man's words. On the one hand, hearing Iruka call him brave for the decision he made brought him a certain amount of joy. He had no idea why that made him so happy, but it did. But on the other hand, hearing that Iruka was likely having his own doubts, made him feel a little guilty. Here he was, so consumed with his own fears and insecurities over the past month that he never really stopped and considered what the other man might be going through. And in a weird way, he was almost relieved to know he wasn't the only one with fears…it made him feel like maybe Iruka understood what he was going through a little more then he initially realized.
"Really." Iruka answered, averting his gaze from the other man's. He felt guilty the moment he had brought it up…he wanted to make Kakashi feel better, not stress him out more by burdening him with his own insecurities.
"You know that this is a two way street right?" Kakashi said, placing his own hand on the other man's arm. "You've been trying so hard this past month to be here for me…to bring me whatever food it is I want…or to be there at all my appointments…that I never really thought about the fact that I should be there for you as well. Don't ever hesitate to talk to me about anything."
"I wouldn't want to burden you with anything and cause any extra stress on you…" Iruka said, hesitantly looking up at the other man, his heart breaking when he saw the look in his eye.
"The only thing that is going to cause me more stress is to think that you are having your own doubts and fears, and instead of sharing them with me, you are keeping them to yourself." Kakashi said, knowing he was probably being a little hypocritical at this point, knowing that there were many fears of his own that he still wasn't sharing with the younger man…but still. "You should be able to rely on me, just like I have been relying on you! We are in this together after all…or at least that's what I thought…"
Damn emotions, Kakashi cursed to himself, as he felt his hormones once again take over. He looked away, not wanting Iruka to see him cry, when the other man did something he hadn't been expecting.
Iruka hated that he upset the other man, and did the only thing he could think of to bring him any sort of comfort. He pulled him closer with the arm he had still been holding, bringing him into a tight embrace.
The move had surprised Kakashi, causing him to tense up briefly, before he quickly relaxed into the embrace, bring his own arms around the other man. The two of them stayed silent for a few minutes, just enjoying the comfort they were receiving from the other.
It was a weird feeling, Iruka thought, having the other man in his arms. He was so use to having Tsubaki in his arms, her being so much smaller then him, but Kakashi was an inch or two taller than him, and had a slightly bigger build then his own, yet it didn't feel as weird as he figured it would. There was something about the other man, a certain vulnerability that made Iruka want to hold him, to keep him safe…the idea caused the tan man to blush, thinking how stupid of a thought that really was.
This was Kakashi Hatake after all, probably the strongest ninja in the village, except for maybe the Hokage himself. And even though he might be a little vulnerable now, he was still the copy-nin, and he certainly didn't need a Chuunin level teacher protecting him. The thought made him want to pull away, feeling very foolish all of a sudden, but he didn't because he could still feel the sobs wracking the other man's body. He couldn't possibly take this comfort away from him, not now.
And Kakashi was definitely comforted by the embrace, as much as he hated to admit it. He was completely embarrassed that he let his emotions get the better of him like that, and that Iruka was seeing him in this state…but like so much over these past few months it seemed to be out of his control. He just ignored his embarrassment and how vulnerable he felt, and just accepted the comfort he was receiving from the Chuunin, it bringing a certain calm to him that he couldn't seem to get anywhere else.
It was almost funny how small he felt in the other man's arms, considering the other man was the smaller out of the two of them. His stomach gave a slight churn as he thought about it, him becoming embarrassed at the idea. But no matter how embarrassed he felt in that moment, he wasn't about to pull away and lose that comfort…it had felt too good.
A few more minutes passed by, both men continuing to enjoy the comfort. It wasn't until Iruka felt Kakashi's sobs stop, and his breathing even, that he hesitantly pulled away.
"I'm sorry I've kept my feelings about everything from you, and I promise I'll be more honest from now on. The last thing I want is for you to be worrying about anything you don't have to."
"I'm glad to hear that," Kakashi said, feeling much of his anxieties from earlier fade away.
The two of them stayed silent for a few moments, both suddenly realizing how close they still were to each other. Both of them realized it, but neither of them made a move to back away.
There had been so much built of emotions between the two of them, that it began to cloud both of their minds and judgments, both wanting to continue the comfort they were receiving. Both of them without even realizing it, slowly began leaning their faces closer to each others, until they were mere inches apart.
Iruka suddenly realized what was about to happen, his mind telling him to pull away now, before he did something he regretted, but his face didn't budge. They had gotten even closer now, when Iruka suddenly sensed something.
He jumped away from the other man, landing in front of a near by alley, where he had sensed the presence coming from. He had been so distracted by the whole situation with Kakashi that he hadn't noticed it at first, but there had definitely been another shinobi in that alleyway recently. It wasn't until he sensed a surge in their chakra level, and sensed a malicious intent, that he had noticed the presence.
"What is it Iruka?" Kakashi asked, a little worried when he saw the other man had pulled out a kunai knife. What had just happened? He cursed the fact that he was losing his abilities as shinobi, and felt completely useless in that moment.
"I guess it's nothing…" Iruka said hesitantly. He had just agreed moments ago that he would be more open and honest with the other man, but he wasn't sure what he should do about this. He had definitely sensed a malicious intent coming in their direction from another shinobi, and knew he should probably say something. But at the same time he didn't want to stress the other man out anymore then he already had. They had both been through a lot that day, and the last this he wanted to do was needlessly worry Kakashi. "I thought I sensed somebodies presence, but it looks like I was wrong."
"Are you sure that's it?" Kakashi asked hesitantly, their almost kiss from earlier completely gone from his mind now, as a new set of worries began to set in. He might not be able to sense presences anymore, but he was still a Jounin trained ninja, and he could sense a certain apprehension coming off Iruka.
"Yes, I'm sure." Iruka said, giving him what he was hoping was a comforting smile, as he put his kunai away. "Why don't I finish walking you home now? It's getting a little cold out here."
"Okay…" Kakashi hesitantly agreed, still unsure if Iruka was being honest with him or not. But he decided not to argue right now, because Iruka was right, he was starting to get a little cold, and he couldn't wait to get home to the left over cookies he had waiting for him. The thought of Iruka's cookies was almost enough to make him forget about all his insecurities from that day altogether.
As they began walking again, Iruka's nerves calmed a little a well. Kakashi seemed to be content in that moment, and that's all that mattered to him. But still…he knew he wouldn't be able to shake the feeling that something was wrong, and planned to make an extra stop after he dropped Kakashi off. If there was one man that would know what to do, it was the Hokage.
A/N: Thoughts? What did you think of that almost kiss? And what or whom could Iruka have been sensing? Any guesses?
And P.S. I'm not sure if it's an actual thing that a ninja would be able to sense 'malicious' intent like that. I remember during the war that Naruto in his ninetails chakra form or whatever, was the only one able to sense the white zetsu clones because of their malicious intent or something like that…so considering that, it's unlikely that Iruka would be able to sense something like that, but it's also unlikely that Iruka would get Kakashi pregnant, so let's just pretend it's a thing XD