Pacifier.
Ch. 11
Nursemaid Matau.
Summary: Oh no! A malfunction with the Mask of Time has turned Jaller, Hahli, Matoro, Kongu, Hewkii, and Nuparu into toddlers! And the Turaga have to take care of them all and find a way to change them back! What cute chaos will ensure!?
Non-canon verse, obviously. Although this takes place while everyone is still on Mata-nui.
HUMANIZED!Bionicle.
A/N~ It's here people. The chapter you've all been waiting for. Matau's turn to babysit. God almighty, what could go wrong? Just Matau alone…in a large, old as dirt building…with six kids…with no supervision…for twenty four hours…
A/N 2~ Now edited!
…
MAMA, WE ALL GONNA GO TO HELL! 8DD
That's all there is to it. Bring lots of water and a blunt object to fend off the minions of Hades!
NO POV.
X~X~X~X~X~X
Matau learned something today…
Well…a lot of things actually. But there was one that stood out the most at the moment. And in all honesty, he was starting to run out of reasons to laugh off the inevitable tongue-lashing he was to receive not even in ten minutes… (1)
He looked around the ruins of what was once the kids' playroom. He turned his attention to the ceiling now, or what was left of it, as he stared up into the next floor up. A few crumbles of debris fell from the unstable holes and gaps.
He was so ingrained in his own astonishment, he didn't even notice a couple of birds flying in through the hole where the wall and window used to be. (2)
Off behind him, the toddlers were just a bit confused by the sudden change in scenery. Jaller was especially agitated. He didn't like change! He wanted his wall and ceiling back! (3)
So all of this now placed on the table, and only a few minutes remaining before the Turaga came by to switch shifts, and possibly Dume if he decided to come back…
But anyways, back to that lesson…
He learned something today, and it was somewhere along these lines…
He was utterly, and royally, screwed.
And to think, it all started out so innocently this morning…
x~x~x~x
"Finally! Now that mister icy-stiff is finally gone, you all get to have some fun with your favorite-loved uncle Matau!" Said mentioned Turaga sang after a thoroughly drawn out (and rather brutal) battle with a certain, overprotective ice Turaga concerning his little Matoran's wellbeing.
'Really! He acts as if I'm going to eat him!' Matau thought. Although he had to admit Matoro was, in fact, cute enough to eat. (4)
But back to all seriousness (as serious as Matau can be, anyways), Matau was actually quite eager to get started with his shift. See, unlike his snooty colleagues, he enjoyed a good day off from his duties, even if it meant spending it with a bunch of kids. Because, let's face it, Matau was practically still a kid himself. Just a really, really big kid…a really, really, big, and really old kid.
Matau pouted at the notion of being old. He was not old, damn it! He was…well aged. Like a fine wine. (5)
'That's it! Well aged!' his mental scrutinizing now settled, he set his attention upon the expectant toddlers before him. All of which were looking up at the weird green person with expectant looks on their round faces, as if expecting him to do something.
"So kids! What do you wanna do?" he started.
The kids all looked at each other silently, as if mentally conversing. Quite frankly, it made Matau a bit uncomfortable.
But now that he was looking at them all, he seemed to notice something a bit…off.
Red, black, white, blue, and brown. Ta-Matoran, Onu-Matoran, Ko-Matoran, Ga-Matoran, and Po-Matoran. Five in all. That didn't sound right. Weren't there six of them? Who was he missing?
"Wind-fwy! Whee!"
"Hm? Kong-AH!" Matau didn't bother finishing his inquiry, not when he could see his missing Le-Matoran standing atop the open window sill with his arms spread and flapping like a chicken.
Now see, Matau wasn't exactly the most alert or cautious of the Turaga. If anything, he was a bit too laid back for his own good at times. Now, however, seeing the little hellion crouched down slightly and making the motion to jump became one of those rare occasions where he wasn't just going to stand there and let the little bugger plummet to his death!
"Kongu NO!"
"Whee!"
The other kids were a bit unsure of their current babysitter now. He was silly, and seemed fun at first, but now he was just weird…
I mean, who in their right mind would just jump over to a random window, screaming at it all the while, and simply lay there dangling out of it? It was weird and made no sense to them. Was it some kind of adult game? Cause if it was, it didn't look very fun. If anything, it looked painful…
Matau released the breath he had been holding during the split moment of launching himself through the window and catching his charge by the pants. It didn't take long for his relief to usher into the pain he was feeling in his middle. Because, let's face it, lying halfway out of a window isn't exactly the most comfortable of predicaments.
Kongu, however, was more or less disappointed his mission of flight was interrupted by the funny green dummy-head. He wanted to fly darn it! He wanted to be like Air Toa Petepan! Like in Steve! (6)
But nooooo! He gets caught, literally, hauled back in, set on the ground, and his window locked. Stupid big green dummy person!
"Okay…now that I have saved your little tukis-rump from death when I wasn't even here for more than five minutes, perhaps we should do something less bad-dangerous?" Matau suggested meekly.
The kids didn't really seem to understand what he was saying, tree-speak concept aside. But whatever the weirdo wanted, they supposed…
One by one, the kids broke off from each other to go do whatever it is they wanted to do. Play with toys, watch Steve, mess with the arts and crafts stuff, or in Matoro's case, take another nap.
What was it with that Matoran and naps…? (7)
'Oh whatever. This is lame-boring!' he thought.
And with a pout, Matau plunks himself down onto the couch with crossed arms. This was so stupid. This wasn't hard or exciting at all! Was this what the others were complaining about? Ridiculous!
Well…as long as he was here, he might as well do SOMETHING. It was a good few hours until lunch, and let's face it, he was bored. Just what the others were complaining about, he would never know. He was almost tempted to give the kids a few spoonfuls of sugar just to one-up the others. But that would be irresponsible. And Matau was anything but irresponsible!
…well, he thought so anyways.
"Wonder what Dume is up to…?" he wondered aloud.
And like the mature, responsible, and sensible man he was, he left the toddlers all alone. BUT he made sure to lock the door! Because, you know, three foot toddlers are perfectly capable of using a ridiculously high knob.
The kids seemed to pay no attention to their ditching babysitter, instead choosing to continue doing whatever it is they were doing. Today seemed to be one of those slow days for them. And it was boring…
Kong loathed boring…
So he was going to make his stay un-boring!
…he just had to figure out how first.
While the other kids were off having a quiet play-date with their toys and each other, Kongu scanned the room with his mischievous lime-green eyes. So far, nothing was really in the room. Which meant one thing.
He had to get out of the room.
But how?
'What would Toa Petepan do?' he thought.
Easy! He'd whip up his awesome Wind Powers of Friendship! Then knock the door with the Kick of Caring! And then, he'd use his epic Mask of Friendship to defeat the evilness that was the door! YAY! (8)
…but he didn't have those kinds of powers, so he'd have to figure something else out.
So what could he use to get out of this baby-room full of…well…babies?
"Kongu! Lookie!" Hewkii called.
The mentioned Matoran looked over to where his partner in crime was pointing. His face nearly split in half from the grin he suddenly grew out of nowhere.
It was tall. It was green. It looked fun. It was shiny! All of the qualifications Kongu needed. He had to touch it, darn it!
The green dummy left his stick behind! His lime yellow-green eyes settled on that weird stick Matau was always carrying around propped up against the couch. It was all mostly dark green with a big spikey disk on top. It was shiny and had a bunch of other weird doodads along the top! Maybe it was some kind of new toy? (9)
Kongu toddled over to the spikey thingy and stared up at it. It was around four and a half feet tall, much taller than himself, but it still looked very interesting to the curious Le-Matoran. Although a small part of him was wondering if he would get in trouble for touching Matau's toy…
He looked back at the other toddlers. Everyone was watching the weird box thingy, playing, or if you were Matoro, nodding off on his penguin. He looked back to the big tall toy.
Oh well. It'll be alright! Nokama said that it was good to share after all. And if Matau got mad, he'd apologize and say he didn't know. Which was sort of half true, but he was too curious to really care!
He grabbed the rod of the staff, tugging ever so gently to test its weight. It was a bit heavy, but not too heavy for the little Matoran.
"Haha! Whoa!" he twisted on his feet as the staff began to tilt in his hold. It was rather top-heavy, but he managed to balance himself out.
Kongu looked up and down the tall toy, his mind trying to figure out just what it was and what it was meant to do.
…yep! Just as he thought! He had no idea what this toy was!
Feeling the sudden urge to swing it around for no real reason, Kongu tilted the stick forwards with a giggle, Hewkii watching in amusement as it tipped and tipped…
It tipped a little too far over.
And landed not even a few inches away from Matoro's head with a sharp, wood-on-metal cutting noise. And still, the oblivious toddler remained asleep.
However, there was a nice lock of his hair on the other side of where the saw-blade of the staff lodged itself into the floor…
"…oops." Kongu said meekly.
Nuparu seemed to be the one to notice the sudden noise, and also the hair missing from his friend's head. And being the ever loyal friend he was, as well as possibly having no idea of a haircut being painless, he puffed his cheeks in anger. (10)
"You hurt matty!" He yelled, running over and tackling Kongu to the floor and starting a scuffle.
"Hey!" Hewkii eventually joined in to stop Nuparu.
The brunette toddler received a nice whack to the head, giving a startled cry, to which Jaller responded by getting angry and leaping into the pile of wrestling toddlers. Hahli chose to try and break it up, to no avail, as none of the boys seemed keen on listening to her meek pleads. Seeing this, Hahli began to cry, and only started bawling when a misplaced kick from Kongu hit her knee.
Matoro, meanwhile, was finally waking up from his nap. His hand reached out and unknowingly pushed a switch on the top of the staff as he used it to push himself up. He sat up tiredly as the staff began vibrating to life, rubbing his eyes.
Now more awake, but still drowsy, he looked to the racket that woke him up in the first place. Oh, the others were fighting. And Hahli was crying! What had happened? And how did he sleep through something like this again?
Vrrrrr…
"Hm?" he looked back at the staff that he now just seemed to realize was there and blinked as it made noises.
The round blade imbedded in the floor began to jerk and whir, before finally starting to rotate at a slow, steady pace. After a moment, it picked up to being nothing but a blur. And with nothing holding or controlling it, it began to saw its way forwards towards the wall…
He watched, completely ignoring the fighting toddlers as he followed the very odd occurrence before him.
Up the wall the saw went. It cut through a wall clock as it moved in a vertical direction for the ceiling. It slanted slightly on the way up, cutting a slanted line as it cut past the meet between the ceiling and the wall, and began its trek across the ceiling…
This was, honestly, a very weird thing for a toddler to watch. He wondered if he was dreaming. Yeah, he had to be dreaming. Although why he's dreaming of a saw, he'd never know.
Crack!
"Owie!" Okay, maybe this wasn't a dream. As far as he knew, dreams didn't involve a chunk of ceiling falling very hurtfully on your head courtesy of the saw now making its way across the ceiling.
Tears began to water up in his eyes from the pain in his little head. But he held it in; good boys don't cry. Besides, it wouldn't do to have a full set of six toddlers wailing in the room. Matau would-
Wait…where was their babysitter!?
x~x~x~x
"But Duuuuuuummmmeeeee!"
"Shut up. I am not letting you just shirk off your duties and leave those hellions alone just because you were having an easy time!"
"But I-"
"No buts!"
"…will you at least let go of my ear?"
"No."
Now, if people were around, they'd register this sight as, to be blunt, very weird. But there was no one around, so the humiliation of this sight was not as bad, but it was still very weird. (11)
It wasn't everyday you get to see Dume dragging his colleague down the hall by his ear like a misbehaved child, after all…
"Come on Dume! They're not doing anything bad-evil! I don't know what the others were whine-complaining about."
"Shut it. If you had experienced half of what we were subjected to, you'd be sitting in the corner rocking. Now shut up and do your job!" Dume snapped, shoving Matau into the door leading to the toddler's room.
"Ugh, alright, alright! Geez, you sound worse than my mother…" Matau grumbled, digging in his pocket for the key to the door.
"Just can it and make sure those beasts haven't broken anything of mine!"
"Geez, your worry-concern for them is so heart-warming…" Matau said sarcastically, sliding the key into the door. (12)
Dume flipped him a very delightful hand gesture before turning to leave. He didn't plan on sticking around to possibly get roped into-
CRASH!
Both Turaga paused at the loud, but very dull, crashing noise. It sounded like someone had taken a wrecking ball to a building a few blocks off!
"…what was that?" Dume growled, glaring at Matau as if just knowing it was somehow his fault.
"I don't know. It was probably just a building collapse-falling or something. You heart-know how run down the city is." Matau pouted.
Dume had to begrudgingly agree. It wouldn't be a first time a building finally collapsed from its last leg around these parts. The fall of their city and loss of Matoran also meant a loss of building management, hence numerous buildings collapsing from their poor condition. (13)
"It sounded rather close. I should probably check if it wasn't-"
Bang! Bang! Bang!
"WAH! Matou! Matou!" (14)
The door banging and childish interpretation of Matau's name suddenly rang through the door to the toddler's room. Matau quickly forgot about the noise and unlocked the door, slipping inside.
"What the hell is-?"
"MATOU!" the kids suddenly came barreling towards him and attaching themselves to his legs when he wasn't even halfway through the door. All were bawling and pointing hysterically to either each other, or the back of the room. All of them were spilling numerous complaints incoherently.
"Kongu hurt Matty!"
"Nupu hit Hewkii!"
"Hewkii hurt Hahli!"
"Ja hit me!"
"Wall! Wall! Wall!"
Through all of this, what really caught Matau's attention was Matoro's exclamations of 'wall'. What about the wall? What could possibly be wrong with the-
…oh dear god.
"WHERE THE HELL DID THE WALL GO!?"
"Matau! What are you yelling about? And what about the wall?"
Dume's voice from behind him suddenly set off numerous red flags in his head. There was no way he was going to let Dume see this and not pin it all on him!
"Matau, what is-"
"Nothing!" Matau promptly shoved Dume out before he could catch sight of the room.
Or what was left of it anyways…
"What are you-!?"
"Uh, nothing! Just the kids being kids! Hahahaha! Just, uh, wait there a second!" Matau slammed the door shut, locked it, and pinned himself against it for good measure.
Although, in doing so, he was faced with the rather large gaping hole where the back wall would be, and the fact that he wasn't seeing things as he originally hoped.
The back wall was gone. Half the ceiling connected to that wall was gone, and there were what looked like saw blade cuts everywhere. The floors, the ceiling, the walls, on tables and chairs. It was like a scene out of a cartoon!
And the wall…
'What wall!?' was his first thought.
Dear sweet mother of Mata-nui on stilts, Dume was going to mutilate him…
"How did this even happen…?" he rasped, too astonished to express any exaggeration.
Seeming to understand his words, all fingers pointed to Kongu. He saw this, and somehow, he wasn't as surprised as he should be. But he was wondering how Kongu managed this all by himself.
"Kongu stole your toy!" Nuparu said in a tattling manner. (15)
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
Matau ignored their argument as he tried to wrack his brain for what they were talking about. Toy? He didn't have a toy on his person. What were they…?
…oh.
The mental image of a certain staff crossed his mind. Said staff was equipped with a jungle saw-blade, and was quite capable of inflicting this kind of damage. He had no doubt that Kongu got his mitts on it and somehow did all of this.
But that being said, it wasn't Kongu who was going to get the blame here…
"I'm gonna die today aren't I?" he asked himself.
Maybe it wasn't too late for him to change his name and run away to join the circus…
x~x~x~x
Which brings us back to now. With Matau still standing before the gaping hole of what used to be a wall, unable to think of some form of a cover up, and awaiting his possible demise in five minutes.
"What the hell!?"
…maybe less than five minutes, that scream being heard from the ground below considered. Matau gulped and crept over to the edge, peeking down. He blanched a stark white at seeing his fellow Turaga standing in front of the now blocked front door, staring at the pile of wall in astonishment.
One of the Turaga, Nuju, suddenly looked up and spotted him. And it didn't take a rocket scientist to put the pieces together. His fists clenched, his frame shook, and his face turned a tinge red.
"MATAU!"
Yep, Matau was, in fact, going to die today…
x~x~x~x
"Are you bloody insane!?" It wasn't even one of two of the Turaga yelling this, but all six.
"Uh…" was all Matau could get out.
After a thorough beating from both Dume and Nuju, he was rendered slightly incapacitated at the moment. He was still counting stars, and wondering if he was missing a few teeth. He was also pretty sure one of them shoved their staff up his nose. That, or they punched it hard enough to make it feel like that…
"You left them all alone for the entire time!? And with your saw of all things!?" Vakama snapped.
"I always figured you weren't that bright, but now I just know you're an idiot…" Onewa grunted. He was far past angry, and was in fact, quite impressed. It…in all honesty, was a rather impressive feat. By toddlers of all things.
"I said I was sorry!"
"No, that's not sorry! Sorry, is when you step on someone's foot in the movie theater! Sorry is when you spill a drink on your friends carpet! Sorry is when you ask, 'oh, when's the baby due?' but then it just turns out the person's just fat! SORRY is when I get through turning you inside-out for ruining my Coliseum!" Dume roared. (16)
"Oh come on already! What do you want me to speak-say!? That I was a stupid-idiot for leaving them alone for a few measly-small hours!?"
"No, we want you to walk into the street, wait for a bus, and bend over!" Nuju snapped. (17)
"Hey! They didn't get hurt!"
"But they could have! And how do you explain that bump on Matoro's head!? He could have a concussion!"
"Oh for god's SAKE Nuju! It's not like he split-cracked his head open or something! I mean, geez! Cut the cord already! You're scary-weird when you're all maternal!"
Nuju's face could have killed an army of Manas at Matau's words. His mask unintentionally activated and split a rather large piece of wall in half he was so angry.
"I'll cut your FACE you son of a bitch!"
"GAH! Not the face!"
The others gave up. They were too emotionally drained to deal with this. And honestly, Nuju was beating Matau enough to contribute for them and many others, if the green Turaga's girlish screams were anything to go by.
But Dume had finally lost all semblance of patience by this point. He was getting these kids out of his hair, and he was getting them out now!
"That's it. I've had it. Vakama!" He snapped.
"Erm, yes?" Vakama asked nervously. That look Dume was giving him could not be anything good.
"I have had it up to here with those little monsters! You and the others have exactly one week to figure this out and change them back! I am not having them here a moment longer!"
"Dume! You can't do that! They're children! We can't keep them in our koros, too much suspicion will arise." Nokama tried to reason.
"Exactly. People are already asking where these Matoran are! Do you have any idea how many times Macku has come over for Hewkii? I swear she's acting as if he's been murdered!" Onewa exclaimed.
"Well if you all don't solve this, then there is a chance he and the others are going to be murdered. They are not my problem!" Dume snapped. (18)
"How dare you say that!? Dume, these were once just as much your Matoran as they are ours!" Whenua snapped.
"Shut up! I am not going to discuss this any further! One week to either find different living arrangements, or a way to change them back, and that's it!"
"But-!"
"Discussion over!" Dume promptly stomped off back to his half ruined Coliseum, growling the whole way.
The others stared after him in a slight daze, as if their brains were trying to catch up to what had just happened.
By this point, Nuju was long done beating up Matau and was joining the others in the stare off. Matau decided then to get up and open his mouth.
"Ah, don't heart-worry about that stiff. He's just going through withdrawal." He said. (19)
This time, Nuju did, in fact, knock a tooth out of his mouth.
Although he was somewhat grateful it was his turn to babysit…
To be continued…
X~X~X~X~X~X
Wow, wasn't this just a load of chaos? XDD I know you all were probably expecting something more chaotic, but I think I did pretty well. That and I'm getting excited on doing Nuju's bit. I had his entire plot planned out long before I published the first chapter! *uber excited*
1)- In case some of you didn't know, this is the one chapter where it starts at the end of the scenario, and plays back what had happened prior.
2)- Mom! There's a bird in the house! XD
3)- Cainophobia: a fear of new things or change. Lots of kids develop this fear in their early years after they have become comfortable and accustomed to their routine. This can later stem into adulthood in the form of someone who craves control and a daily schedule.
4)- Get your box of Matoro noms! Box of Matoro noms! They're uber delicious and cute!
5)- ...PFT! Yeah, sure, whatever you say Matau.
6)- Cookies and cake to those who can figure out where the 'Petepan' ref came from! Btw, he's talking about the air toa he saw on TV in our previous chapter.
7)- Some kids have sleep prone bodies due to either a weak immune system or as a coping mechanism for various reasons.
8)- You all...have no idea...how bad I was cracking up while writing this paragraph. I swear, I head-desk'd at least three times before I had to turn away for a minute to collect myself.
9)- Matau's staff is, in fact, equipped with a rotating saw. Look it up.
10)- Its common fact. MANY kids are afraid of getting their first hair cut because they think it'll hurt. Come on, its scissors to your head, so of course they would think it would hurt.
11)- We all know Matau gets yanked by his ear on a regular basis. Don't you dare deny it. XD
12)- Ah, Dume's concern for the toddlers' wellbeing is just so heartwarming, isn't it?
13)- This is actually a very believable thought. The city of Metru-nui in shambles and overrun with Rahi and left-over Visorac webs, it must be pretty unstable.
14)- The kids can't pronounce certain names. Matau is now pronounced Mataou. (Matt-oo.)
15)- Kongu is one of the few words they can pronounce correctly. Its only two easy syllables. Kon-goo.
16)- Cookies to those who get where a good half of his rant came from. 8D
17)- I have in fact said this exact phrase to one or two people in real life.
18)- SOMEONE needs a Midol.
19)- Dume - Alcohol = EXPLOSION.