Chapter 11: Flowers? A Candle?
Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
"Hello?"
"Nadir. Izzz -hic!- me."
"Erik…it's midnight here. I was asleep!"
"I'm sorrrrry, Nadir. But it's an emerrrgency. And in -hic!- emergencies, one duzznot take the time to cal-cul-ate the timeee difference between the -hic!- yewww kayy and New York!"
"Erik…you're wasted…"
"Nooooo! Yeah. I dun -hic!- no. Everything's spinnnning. Oh, God, Nadir. You havvvve to help me."
SMASH!
"Erik! What the hell was that!?"
"Nothing, Nadir. Aren't you gunna ask me what the emergennncy is?"
"Did you just break a glass!?"
"A bottle of chardonnnnnay, to be precise. Ha, ha, ha."
"Ok…what's the emergency?"
"I'm -hic!- in love."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Nadir? Are you there? Did you -hic!- hear me? I'M IN LOVE!"
"Erik…"
"Don't use that tone with me -hic!- Nadir. I don't need your pity. Tell me what to -hic!- do? What do I do!?"
"Uh. Well. Does she…love you back?"
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, Nadir, you are tooooo funny."
"Erik…call me back when you're sober. We can talk about this when you're sober."
"No! Nadir! Don't -hic!- hang up! I need advice!"
"…"
"Well?"
"Does she know you love her?"
"Ha! Ha! Ha! You have to stop with these -hic!- jokesss, Nadir. You're tooo funny, I'm getting a bloody stich! 'Hello Christine, I'm aware that I'm -hic!- fourteen years your senior, antisocial and as hideous as a -hic!-corpse that's been -hic!- rottinggg for two decades, but would you like to -hic!- marrrrry me anyway?' "
"Oh, Erik... Has she seen…?"
SMASH!
"No Nadir, she has not bloody seen!"
"For God's sake Erik, stop breaking glass! You'll hurt yourself!"
"Too late for that, -hic!- Nadir. I'm bleeeeeding already. And I'm not talking metaphorrrically. Ha! Ha! Actually, I should clean thisss -hic!- up. I'm dripping- goddammit. Wait one -hic!- second. Wait for me."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Nadir?"
"Yes, Erik."
"Ah, you waited, you're a good -hic!- friend. So. What do I do?"
"Uh…have you tried, you know, to woo her?"
" 'Woooo her'? How?"
"Uh…flowers? A candle?"
"FLOWERS? A -hic!- CANDLE? AS IN, ONE CANDLE? CANDLE SINGULAR? I'm paying -hic!- one-point-two-five pounds a minnit to speak to you, Nadir, and that'sss the advice you give me? That's horrific -hic!- advice!"
"Ok, ok! Calm down! What about, um, you could …write her a love poem?"
"I think I just threw up a bit in my -hic!- mouth."
"Look Erik, I don't know. I'm not good with this stuff."
"You were -hic!- married once."
"An arranged marriage. You know this."
"Yes. I wish I had an arranged -hic!- marriage with Christine. It's the only way she wuddeva…oh, but that would be cruel. I'm being -hic!- cruel. She deservessss so much, much, much, -hic!- better. But not Raoul! Not him."
"Is Raoul Christine's boyfriend?"
"No!"
"…"
"Well…maybe… He has probably asked her –hic!- though. They are probably together now. Or maybe…maybe she is aspleep- asplee- asleep in bed. Don't even tell me the time, Nadir. I need to -hic!- throw up. Talking about him has made me feel…sick."
"I don't think it's Raoul who has made you sick, Erik. I think it was probably the third or fourth bottle of wine."
"Fifth."
"Lord above."
"…"
"…"
"Hic!"
"Look. We should both really get some sleep. But…"
"But?"
"Just make sure she knows. Before you abandon all hope. Don't- don't-profess your undying love or anything. And certainly don't do it while you're drunk. But just… make sure she knows you feel …warmly towards her, you never know, she might return those feelings. You're a good person, Erik. You have things to offer too."
"Yuareahgud friend, Nadir."
"She's…she's twenty-one then?"
"I am a -hic!- sick man, aren't I."
"My wife was ten years my junior. If she's mature…it could work. I don't want to give you any false hope though. Just…don't forget how young she is. Remember the stupid things we used to do at that age."
"Thankyou -hic!- Nadir."
"Go get some sleep, Erik."
"Guddnight."
"Not a proper chapter", you say? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of Erik breaking wine bottles in the background. :) :) :)