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Important A/N at the bottom.

Chapter 11 – Goodbye to You

So what did I decide to do about Mike? Well, I decided not to decide. I knew I was avoiding, but I just wasn't ready to face the ramifications of that decision yet. A huge part of me – I don't know if it was my heart or my very soul – just couldn't bear giving up on Edward. The very idea made my breath catch and a sharp pain shoot through my chest. I couldn't lose Edward. Everything in me rejected the very idea. But the truth was that I already was losing him. The truth was that he was never mine to lose in the first place.

I continued my friendship with Mike, and we had grown even closer. He sat next to me in every class we had together. We walked together between classes whenever possible. I invited him to join me at my table for lunch, and he was warmly welcomed by Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. I knew that the general population of Forks High assumed that Mike and I were a couple, and I didn't do or say anything to discourage that assumption. He was endearing and easy to talk to and always made me laugh. Mike was everything to me that Edward had once been…and simply wasn't anymore.

Edward had pulled away from me – well, from all of us really. The six of us were rarely alone together nowadays. Edward spent more and more time with Tanya and her friends. I would occasionally see him in the hallways or across the cafeteria, but it was always at a distance. I sometimes could feel his eyes on me, and I would catch him watching me with sadness clearly etched on his face before he quickly looked away. I wanted so badly to reach out to him, to erase the pain he seemed to be feeling, but that just wasn't in my power. Whatever was going on with Edward was plainly something that he was going to have to work out for himself.

~*~

One day in late May, Mike and I were sitting at our table in the cafeteria waiting for the rest of the gang to join us when Alice and Rosalie swooped down on us.

"Hey you two, Rosalie and I have just come up with another one of our brilliant ideas," Alice greeted us without preamble.

"We're not taking no as an answer from you, so it would be best if you'd just give in now," Rose added.

I laughed at my best friends. I really did love them both – even when they drove me insane. But when did any of my friends ever give me a choice in following their plans, and why would they think I'd expect a choice now?

Distracted by my thoughts, I blurted out, "Can't you at least give us a hint of what Mike and I are agreeing to before we accidentally sign away our first born or something?" Then the implications of what I'd just said caught up to me.

Oh God! Please tell me that nobody else noticed the huge fucking Freudian slip that just came out of my mouth!

I hadn't meant it that way.

Had I?

I glanced up at Alice and Rosalie and saw them smirking back at me. I chanced a quick glimpse at Mike and was met with a raised eyebrow and a grin stretched across his face.

Of course they all noticed. I couldn't be that lucky. Fuck!

I felt my cheeks grow warm with my blush as I stammered out, "I mean, umm… So what's this brilliant idea anyway?"

Alice bit her lip in an attempt to control her amused expression before continuing, "Well, have you seen this weekend's weather report?"

"No, Alice, I haven't. Not all of us are enthralled by the Weather Channel like you are."

"What? I find it relaxing," she said with a hint of irritation in her voice. Well at least that seemed to distract her from my earlier faux pas.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and got back to the point at hand, "Saturday is supposed to be beautiful, for a change. It's supposed to be in the sixties with not a cloud in the sky, if you can believe it."

"So, we were thinking that we should make a day of it," Alice said. "I think we should pack up some food and have a picnic at the creek."

I knew exactly what Alice was talking about, of course. There was a large creek about a mile and a half away from Alice's house. There was a path leading to it through the woods surrounding her neighborhood. We had spent many happy hours there as children, splashing in the shallow water. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon.

"It would just be Jasper and me, Rose and Emmett, you two…and Edward and Tanya."

Strike that. I can think of a million better ways to spend a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

I opened my mouth to tell Alice there was no way in hell I was going, but her pleading expression stopped me. I could tell that she really wanted this to happen.

Well, I'm going to have to get used to Edward and Tanya sooner or later.

It's been almost a year already, genius. I think the "later" ship has already sailed.

I knew that Edward was not going to give Tanya up. He'd already proven that. But I also knew that I couldn't lose him completely. If friendship was the only thing he could offer me, I needed to happily accept it. Okay, well, maybe not happily, but accept it nonetheless. I was going to have to bury my feelings for him and move on. It was time. Maybe this occasion with all of us together would be a first step. Alice and Rosalie had made it pretty clear that they considered Mike and me a couple. Could I take this opportunity to finally make things official between us? Would my heart finally let me?

"What time do you want us at your house, Alice?" I asked her with a sigh.

"Well," Alice said, "I was thinking that you and Rose could spend the night with me on Friday. We could get a head start on getting stuff ready for the picnic. Bake cookies and that sort of thing."

"Maybe the boys could stop by for awhile," Rosalie added. "We can't spend our entire Friday night working now, can we? I'll definitely need some play time too."

A wicked smile graced Rosalie's lips. Alice and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. We had a very good idea of what she had in mind for her "play time."

"Geez, Rose. Do you and Emmett ever just talk anymore?" I asked her.

Before Rosalie could answer, Alice quipped, "You know, Bella, it is kind of difficult to have a meaningful conversation with someone else's tongue in your mouth."

"Oh, that's right. I always forget that minor, insignificant detail."

Rosalie laughed and gave Alice a light smack on the arm. "Like you and Jasper are any better."

"'Tis true," I said. "There have been times I've worried that Jasper was actually going to gnaw off your face, Alice."

"Laugh it up, Fuzzball. One day soon, you're going to be the one we're telling it's time to come up for air," Alice responded with an evil glint in her eyes as she glanced from me to Mike and back again.

I blushed furiously. I should have known better than to tease them like this in front of Mike. The temptation to embarrass the hell out of me was too great for them to resist. Luckily, I was saved by Emmett and Jasper appearing at that very moment. The rest of lunch was taken up with filling the boys in on our weekend plans.

~*~

After lunch, Mike walked me to my Spanish class. He'd been quiet, and I wondered what had him so preoccupied. Did he not want to go on this picnic with me? Had I been worrying about him wanting to be more than friends for nothing? I decided it was best to try and give him an out.

"Hey, Mike. You do know that you don't have to go on Saturday if you don't want to, right?"

Mike grasped my elbow and led me over to the edge of the hallway, out of everyone else's way. He stopped and turned to face me. His serious expression was making me nervous. I was afraid that I wasn't going to like what he had to say.

"Bella, I have to be honest with you," he began.

Now I was pretty much certain I wasn't going to like what he had to say. There weren't very many good conversations that started out that way.

Mike took my hand in his and continued, "I'd very much like to go Saturday. I really enjoy spending time with you. But…"

"But?" I asked, waiting for him to elaborate.

"But I want to be sure that you really want me there. I don't want to be an obligation for you. Or a convenience. So tell me, Bella – what do you want?"

I took a deep breath and considered my answer. I looked into Mike's eyes, hoping to find some clue of what he wanted me to say. But then, I already knew what he wanted me to say. Or at least, I thought I did. However, telling him what he wanted to hear would not be answering his question now, would it? No, he had asked me an honest question, and he deserved no less than a sincere answer from me. Now if only I could figure out what that sincere answer should be. What did I truly want? Gee, talk about a loaded question. Finally I just decided to open my mouth and see what came out.

"Mike, all I can say is that I don't really know how to answer you. I mean, I like you. I really do. And I have a lot of fun spending time with you. But I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for anything more right now."

I flinched slightly at the wounded expression my words caused. I had to make this better fast.

"Mike, you wanted honesty. Here it is. If you do decide to come Saturday, I can honestly say that I would be with you not out of obligation or convenience, but because I truly enjoy your company. Is that enough for you?"

I was relieved when I saw a huge grin spread over Mike's face. Maybe I had stumbled my way into doing the right thing for once.

"Yes, Bella. That's enough. For now."

Mike guided me back into the stream of students filling the hallways and walked me the rest of the way to class. His hand never relinquished its grip on my arm. And I found that I didn't mind it…not in the least.

~*~

Saturday night, I sat alone in my room. I didn't bother to turn on my light even though I knew I wouldn't sleep for hours, if at all. So I sat in the darkness, a pillow hugged to my chest and silent tears sliding down my face.

How had this day gone so horribly wrong?

Well, let's see. Your insecurities. Your stubbornness. Your pride. And don't forget your temper.

Yes, thank you. I already knew that it was all my fault.

I knew that I had handled everything badly. Now I could see all the little things that I should have done differently. Now I could clearly see every one of my mistakes. But at the time, I hadn't thought, I'd just reacted. Of course, that's exactly why I'd made such a mess of things.

The day had started off innocently enough. Everyone gathered at Alice's house at exactly eleven o'clock, as ordered by General Pixie herself. Jasper had brought Mike with him. Edward and Tanya had ridden with Emmett. Alice, Rose and I already had the food prepared and packed away in a large picnic basket that belonged to my Aunt Mary. We had two large red and black plaid blankets folded neatly and ready to carry with us to the creek. Emmett lifted the picnic basket as if it weighed almost nothing and didn't actually contain a meal for eight people. Alice and Rose each draped a blanket over one arm, and we set off on our hike to the creek.

At the end of Alice's street, we stepped off the pavement and onto the wide dirt path leading through the woods. Emmett and Rosalie walked with Jasper and Alice ahead of us, both couples were holding hands and exchanging loving glances as they talked and laughed together. Edward and I walked with Tanya and Mike between us. I was determined to ignore him, so of course I tried to glimpse him out of the corner of my eye every three seconds or so. I noticed that although Tanya was chattering away at him endlessly, Edward didn't seem to be paying much attention to her. He definitely wasn't contributing to their conversation, even on those rare occasions that Tanya was forced to stop speaking and take a breath. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

I wondered what Edward could be thinking about. But then I caught myself and shook my head to clear it. It shouldn't matter to me what was going through Edward's mind. Hadn't I wasted enough of my time trying to figure that out?

I looked over at Mike, hoping he hadn't noticed me shaking my head at myself like a crazy person. Luckily, Mike seemed to be distracted at the moment. In fact, if I had to guess, I would say that Mike appeared to be nervous. He was fidgeting, twisting his fingers together and looking around a bit frantically. When he caught me watching him, he actually blushed. Great, now I had two males to try and comprehend.

I needed a distraction of my own, and who better to do that than Emmett?

"Hey, McCarty. I think the veins are about to pop out of your bicep. Basket too heavy for you?" I taunted him.

"Save it, Swan. I'm doing just fine, thank you," Emmett growled at me.

"Hmmm… That was a very shitty tone there, Emmett. Did I hit a nerve?"

"Not at all, Swan. Everyone knows that I'm more than man enough to handle a stupid picnic basket."

"Are you sure? If you want, I can carry it the rest of the way for you," I suggested mockingly.

Emmett surprised me by turning around and holding the basket out to me, a huge smirk gracing his lips. "Well, since you were nice enough to offer, my arm could use a little rest, Bella."

Everyone froze and looked at me, waiting to see what I would do. I knew that I couldn't back down from Emmett's challenge now or I'd never hear the end of it. Besides, it had been my big mouth that had gotten me into this mess in the first place. I reached out my hand and took the basket from Emmett. As soon as he let go and I finally felt the full weight of it, the picnic basket hit the ground with a sharp thud.

Seeing the self-satisfied expression on Emmett's face solidified my resolve. I couldn't back down now. Taking the handle awkwardly in both hands, I lifted the basket a few inches off the ground and began to inch forward with it held in front of me, banging me in the shins with every step.

Emmett laughed and started to reach out for the handle. "Here, Bella, let me take that back."

"I've got it, Emmett," I snapped. "I'll be just fine."

He held his hands up, palms forward, in a gesture of surrender and began walking backward towards the place where Rosalie stood waiting for him. "Whatever you say, Swan," he said lightly. And then, because Emmett simply couldn't help himself, he added in a low, husky tone dripping with invitation, "Just let me know if you want me." That earned him another smack upside the head from Rose. "Ow, I meant if she wanted me to take the basket back, of course. Why does everyone always think I only have sex on the brain?"

"Oh yes, Emmett. You're just so misunderstood," Rosalie rolled her eyes at him.

I was glad that she always seemed to take Emmett with a grain of salt. Another girl might have pouted or started a wicked fight over something like that. Rosalie was secure enough to let Emmett be himself without worrying about the state of their relationship every time something stupid passed his lips. They really were sorta perfect for each other.

As Emmett turned from me and resumed walking beside Rosalie, Mike silently reached out and grasped the basket handle. He didn't take it from me, but his hand rested beside mine and the basket swung between us. He was taking most of the weight, but he let me take some of the responsibility too. I really liked that.

I couldn't help but smile as I looked at him. "Thank you, Mike. That's really sweet of you."

Cue Mike's blush. It was nice being on the giving end of a blush for a change. "It's nothing, Bella. I just…well, I think we make a pretty good team."

"You know, I think so too."

I suddenly became aware of Alice murmuring something to Jasper, a look of serious intent on her face. I knew that look. Alice wanted something. Jasper may not know it yet, but he was about to give Alice whatever she wanted. Not that Jasper would ever even dream of telling her no in the first place.

I didn't have to wonder what was going on for long. Jasper's head began to turn towards me, and he started talking. "Bella, why don't I take the picnic basket for awhile? It's got to be getting heavy…" Whatever he had been about to say next trailed off as he finally looked over his shoulder and saw Mike and me carrying the basket together. "Umm… Never mind. I see you've got everything under control."

I saw Alice throw Jasper a murderous glance before she also turned to look at me. I don't know how she contained the squeal and the bounce. Knowing her like I did, I could clearly see that she wanted to. But uncharacteristically, she managed to restrain herself.

Seeing Alice turned towards us, Mike said, "You know, Alice, I didn't know you lived out here. Did you know my grandparents are your neighbors?"

"Seriously, Mike? I didn't know that," she answered.

"Yep, they live a couple of streets over from you."

She raised an eyebrow quizzically and asked, "Then why haven't I ever seen you around before? I thought everybody knew every single detail of everyone else's life out here. It's like Forks concentrated."

"Well, they just moved in a few months ago – late winter is not exactly the best time of the year to get out and meet the neighbors," Mike explained.

"Oh, your grandparents must have bought the Welches' house. Let me see. If neighborhood gossip serves me well, then your grandparents are Thomas and Catherine Ellis."

Mike laughed, "You are well informed."

"See, I told you," Alice said smugly.

"Well, I promise that you'll soon be seeing a lot of me around. I spend a lot of time with my grandparents every summer. My grandpa likes to garden and landscape, but he isn't as strong as he used to be. I volunteer to do the heavy manual labor."

"Really? We should see you often then. Won't we, Bella? You know, Bella practically lives with me during the summers. You should let us know when you'll be around, and maybe we could hang out – when you're not busy with your grandparents that is." A wicked gleam shone in Alice's eyes, and I knew she was plotting something. "You know, you should just call Bella and let her know when you'll be out here. That way we'll know when you'll be free."

Yep, definite evil Pixie plotting afoot.

"The only problem with that is that I don't have Bella's number," Mike responded in a too innocent tone.

Okay, Mike's in on it. It's not a plot, it's a conspiracy.

"Oh, that's easily fixed," Alice said. "Bella, give Mike your number."

Now I probably should have been pissed. Or at the very least I should have been embarrassed. But I just wasn't. I didn't mind giving Mike my number. I mean, he was a friend, right. Jasper and Emmett and Edward called me all the time. What was the difference? Okay, maybe there was a difference. Maybe there was something more significant about giving my number to Mike, but I realized that I was okay with that. He was a good guy. Why should I fight getting to know him even better?

"Do you have your cell on you, Mike?" I asked.

He reached into his pocket and handed me his cell phone. I smiled apologetically as I released the basket handle to program my number into his phone. When I handed it back to him and he returned it to his pocket, a happy, satisfied expression graced his features. But when I returned my hand to the handle next to his, our fingers once again brushing against one another, his grin widened even more. I smiled back shyly, until I happened to catch Edward frowning at me. I bit my lip nervously and looked away. Suddenly, I felt like I was doing something wrong. I remembered then why I had been fighting getting to know Mike better. I was still in love with Edward.

It was then that a giggle to my left caught my attention. Looking past Mike, I saw Edward's arm around Tanya's waist. His fingers were rubbing along her side.

"Stop that, Edward," Tanya laughed and squirmed under Edward's touch. "You know how ticklish I am."

Edward leaned toward her, and I thought he was going to whisper in her ear. Instead, I saw his nose skim along her jaw. He let out a contented hum and then said quite clearly, "And you know how I just can't keep my hands off you, baby."

Edward's response made Tanya giggle again. She put her hand atop Edward's to still his fingers, but left them there on her side. "You know I love your hands on me, Edward. Just make sure they behave."

"But what's the fun in that?" Edward's wicked smirk, the one that made my knees go weak, graced his lips.

Usually this kind of PDA between Edward and Tanya would have made me feel a deluge of emotions that had become familiar whenever I was around the two of them together. The usual suspects, if you will. Revulsion. Mortification. Envy. Humiliation. Today I felt all of those, but I also had one emotion overriding them all. To put it simply, I was pissed. Why did I let him get to me like this? Why did I allow Edward to have this power over me? Well, I was tired of it. I wasn't going to let him do this to me anymore. And I was going to show him that I was done with him, once and for all.

I was just starting to sketch my diabolical plans in my head when Jasper decided it was his turn to carry the picnic basket. Jasper's eyebrow rose as he took in the evil grin on my face. He knew I was plotting something but had no way of knowing that he was giving me a huge assist. I was grateful that he didn't ask me what I was thinking. Emmett would have called me on it, but Jasper knew when to just leave things alone. When Mike and I handed him the basket and I immediately entwined my fingers with Mike's, Jasper just grinned back at me before returning to Alice.

Mike was obviously surprised that I was now holding his hand. But the surprise quickly slipped away and was replaced by a radiant joy. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it. I saw Edward watching, and I gave Mike an encouraging smile. Edward's expression darkened and my heart leapt.

Take that, Cullen. Let's see how you like it.

What I didn't realize was that I had started something between Edward and me, a cold war of sorts. No one else seemed to be aware of it. In fact, it took me awhile before I grasped exactly what we were doing. But it became clear as the day wore on that we were locked into a fierce battle of one-upmanship with Tanya and Mike as our unwitting pawns.

When we finally reached the creek and set up our picnic on its bank, Mike and I shared a blanket with Edward and Tanya. I wanted to make sure Edward got a front row view of me being over him. I couldn't hold Mike's hand while we were eating, of course, but I flirted shamelessly and touched him every chance I got. Edward leaned into Tanya and nibbled on her ear, telling her in a voice loud enough for all to hear that she tasted sweeter than the strawberries we'd packed. I narrowed my eyes at Edward and proceeded to ask Mike if I could have a bite of the cookie on his plate. I think I shocked everyone when he held out a bite size piece to me, and, instead of taking it with my hand, I brought my lips to his fingers and took it with my mouth. Edward's nostrils flared.

After we had finished eating and the food had been cleared away, Edward sat at the base of a tree and leaned against its trunk. He patted the ground between his bent knees, and Tanya went to him, turning around so that her back rested against his chest.

Hmm… Nice trick, Edward. She comes when you beckon. Does she sit up and beg too?

I'll just bet she does.

I retaliated by lying my head in Mike's lap. Mike didn't seem to mind, but a discreet glance at Edward showed me that his face had flushed and his eyes had darkened to a forest green.

Then Edward caught me looking at him. His eyes flashed as his hand turned Tanya's face to his. He captured her lips in a searing kiss, his lips parting hers and his tongue dipping into her mouth. Tanya actually moaned. Loudly. And I had reached the limit of how far I was willing to take this war – in public.

I sprung to my feet and addressed Mike, "I feel like a walk. Care to join me?" I reached a hand down to help Mike to his feet, and kept my hand in his as we left my friends behind. This was going to be one very long walk I decided. And if I had anything to do with it, I would come back looking slightly disheveled. Let Edward's imagination try and fill in the blanks of what Mike and I had been up to.

We walked in silence for a long time. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mike thinking, and I wondered what was going through his mind. I didn't know what to say to him. I was determined to follow his lead. So until he decided to finally speak to me, the silence would continue. Eventually, we came across a felled tree. It was a large, old tree, but it as yet showed no signs of decay. It made the perfect natural bench, and Mike led me over to it. He sat and pulled me down beside him. I was pretty sure that I would soon find out what was on his mind.

Mike cleared his throat and said, "Bella, I think I know what's been going on here today." He paused and glanced at me before quickly looking away.

Fuck. I had gotten so caught up in playing my game with Edward that I'd completely forgotten I was using Mike to do it. The last thing I'd wanted to do was to hurt him. I felt terrible.

"You do?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"Yes. I do. I mean, I know you said you weren't ready for the next step, but the way you've been with me today – the holding hands, the flirting. Have you…" He stopped and took a deep breath. "Well, it seems to me that maybe you've changed your mind. Have you decided that you want to be with me?"

He was looking at me with such hope and trust in his expression. I hadn't thought it was possible for me to feel any worse, but suddenly I did. Mike didn't deserve the way I'd treated him. He was such a good person, and all he wanted was to be with me. I was ashamed of what I'd done to him. I brought my lower lip between my teeth and brought my eyes to the ground between my feet. I could feel my face heat up as my shame washed through me. I heard a gasp beside me.

When I looked at him questioningly, Mike shocked me with his words. "My God, Bella. You're so beautiful. You literally take my breath away. I want nothing more than to love you. Please, Bella. Please, just let me love you."

My thoughts and emotions were a jumbled mess. I felt so horribly guilty for using him before. And I really did like him so much. I knew that I didn't love him, but I felt like I owed him a chance. And honestly, it was a heady thing to have someone declare his love for me like that. Before I had a chance to really think things through, I heard myself say, "Yes, Mike."

A blinding smile broke over his face. His hands came up to capture my face between them. I knew what he was planning to do, and I willed myself to just let it happen. "I love you, Bella," he said just before he kissed me.

It wasn't what I had been expecting. There weren't any fireworks. But his lips were warm, and as he brought his arms around me, I liked the feeling. He was a good kisser, I decided. It felt comfortable to be with him like this. As our kiss ended, I decided that it was entirely satisfactory for my first kiss. Sure it hadn't happened exactly the way I'd been planning it. I had always planned that my first kiss would leave me breathless. Of course, I'd also planned that my first kiss would be with Edward.

Mike broke into my thoughts as he got to his feet. "We should probably be getting back." He reached out and took my hand, helping me up.

Our walk back was filled with plans and flirtation and laughter. Luckily, Mike didn't seem to notice that he did most of the talking. He just seemed to be so happy that he didn't realize that I had no responses for most of what he said. Most importantly, it didn't seem to dawn on him that I had never told him I loved him too. I cursed myself for the thought. I pushed it down deep inside of me. Mike deserved happiness. And for some reason I couldn't comprehend, he thought that I could make him happy. I could do this. At least, I could try.

Shortly after we returned to the others, we packed up and headed back to Alice's house. Mike and I made no formal announcement about our change in relationship status, but we didn't hide it either. We held hands and Mike would occasionally wrap his arm around my waist and kiss my temple. I knew that everyone had figured out something had happened between Mike and me. I caught knowing smirks exchanged between Rosalie and Emmett. And I thought Alice might actually vibrate herself to death in her excitement. I just wished they could all be a little more discreet in their enthusiasm. I didn't want to make a big production about this. Really, it wasn't such a big deal. This was just me trying my damndest to forget about Edward and move on. This was just me attempting to live without my heart. See, no big.

We reached Alice's house just as the pinks and purples of sunset emblazoned the horizon. Both Tanya and Mike had to be home early, so Emmett agreed to take them home and then come back. The rest of us walked to Alice's cemetery to watch the moon rise and the stars come out. Conversations went on around me, but I blocked them out. I had so much rattling around in my brain, and I craved quiet. I got up and walked away from everyone.

"Bella? Where are you going," Rosalie called behind me.

"I'm just going for a little walk. I'll be back soon."

"Are you sure you should be walking around here by yourself at night, Bella?" Jasper asked.

"I've done it plenty of times, Jazz. I'll be fine. Don't worry."

I wandered aimlessly between the headstones. I didn't allow myself to think about everything that had happened. I didn't allow myself to think at all. I just felt the night close around me and listened to the crickets' chirping. I suddenly realized that I was no longer walking. I had stopped and wrapped my arms around myself, although I wasn't really cold. I stood there and looked up at the stars hanging over my head, dazzled by their multitude and feeling truly insignificant in their light.

"So how was it?"

I was startled to hear Edward's velvet voice directly behind me. I hadn't heard him approach.

"How was what?" I asked. I felt like we'd started a conversation in the middle. I had no idea what he could be referring to.

"Hmm… It must not have been very good then," Edward replied unhelpfully.

"Edward, I'm a little lost here. Could you give me some context to go on?"

I had turned to face him. I had misjudged how close he was to me, and I was forced to tip my head back to look at him.

"I was asking about your first kiss. How was it? Was it everything you'd imagined it to be?"

I could feel the heat creep into my cheeks. "How did you know that Mike kissed me?"

"It doesn't take a genius to figure these things out, Bella," Edward answered. "The two of you go for a walk, and when you return Mike can't quit grinning like an idiot and your face is all red. Something must have happened between you two. I assumed it was a kiss. Was it something more than that?"

"No!" I said too quickly. Edward looked at me with an amused, disbelieving expression. I had wanted to assure him that nothing else happened between Mike and me, and I had achieved the exact opposite result. I took a deep breath and tried again. "It was just a kiss, Edward. One kiss, that was all."

"And was it everything you'd wanted in a first kiss? Everything you'd dreamt about," he pressed me.

"It was…" I struggled to find the right word. I didn't want Edward to think I hadn't liked kissing Mike. But I couldn't lie to him either. "It was nice," I finished lamely.

Edward chuckled, "Nice? Bella, that's hardly the best way to describe a first kiss between two people. If they're the right two people that is. How did it feel when he kissed you exactly?"

Edward was asking me to describe how another boy's kiss had made me feel? What was it? Torture Bella Day? But if he was determined to hear it, I wouldn't give him anything other than the truth.

"Well, if you must know, Edward, it made me feel warm and safe and secure."

"Mike's kiss made you feel safe," he asked in a mocking tone.

"Yes. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"There is absolutely everything wrong with that," Edward told me. "The last thing a kiss should make you feel is safe!"

I was starting to get angry. Why were we even having this conversation? Why did he feel it necessary to talk to me about this? "Edward, maybe you would be so kind as to tell me how I should have felt? You know, since apparently I must have done something wrong."

Edward reached out his hand and cupped my cheek. "Ah Bella, you didn't do anything wrong really. It's just that a kiss should make you feel electricity and heat, a spark. Evidently Mike doesn't do that for you."

"Well, you know this was only my first time. Maybe the spark will come when I've had a little more practice," I said uncertainly, looking down in embarrassment.

"The spark should be there every time, Bella. It's either there between two people, or it's not." Edward's hand slid down my cheek until his fingers firmly tipped my chin up so I was once more looking up into his eyes. I would never admit this out loud, but I could still get lost in the emerald fire of his eyes. Maybe that's why I didn't see what was coming next until it was too late.

"Here, let me show you," he said a split second before he brushed his lips lightly over mine. At the moment that our lips touched, I felt a jolt run through my body. That jolt repeated and intensified as Edward pressed his lips more firmly against mine. He kept one hand on my chin, guiding my mouth where he wanted it. The other hand found the small of my back and pulled my body against his. I gasped at the feeling, and he took advantage the instant my lips parted. I felt his tongue dart inside my mouth and touch mine. My entire body felt like it had been set ablaze. It was a feeling so delicious that it actually curled my toes. Of their own volition, my fingers wrapped themselves in his bronze hair. I was lost to this feeling, to this kiss, to this boy whom I loved. There was no way I could ever stop this kiss on my own. I didn't have the strength to pull away.

I was so lost in Edward, that I didn't know how long we clung to each other like that. It could have been seconds or minutes or hours. But eventually Edward once again slowed and softened our kiss. And I knew that my second kiss was almost at an end. It was then that I actually began to hear the small voice at the back of my brain that I was certain had been shouting at me the entire time Edward had kissed me.

There was no denying my second kiss was exactly perfect. Kissing Edward was everything I had ever dreamed it could be. Except… That voice at the back of my mind was screaming at me that my kiss with Edward had been perfect except that everything about it was wrong. Suddenly I was enraged at Edward for pulling me back to him, like a planet with its orbiting moon. And I was ashamed of myself. Just when I thought I had escaped him, I was his satellite once again. No! I would not allow him to keep me tied to him any longer!

Edward's lips lingered on mine another moment before he pulled back to look into my eyes. I didn't know what he was planning to see there, but I was pretty sure he didn't find what he was expecting. I knew my eyes were sparkling with unrestrained fury. I didn't think; my body just reacted. I didn't even realize what I had done until I heard the loud crack of skin connecting with skin, I saw Edward's head snap to the side, and I felt the sting in my upraised hand.

My anger overrode the shock I felt that I had actually struck him. "Now, Edward? You decide to kiss me now? You could have kissed me any time within the last year, and I would have happily kissed you back. Instead you wait until I'm involved with someone else? I guess Alice and Rosalie were right. You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me either. Well, that's too damn bad, Edward. This cannot happen again. You have Tanya. And I have Mike now."

My words brought a twisted wince to Edward's features that my slap to his face had been unable to accomplish. The outline of my hand was clearly defined scarlet against the whiteness of his cheek. I couldn't bear to look at it. I couldn't bear to look at him right now. I pushed my hands against his chest, easily breaking the hold he still had on me.

"I'm going to forget this ever happened, Edward. I suggest you do the same." I turned my back on him and strode across the dewy grass, returning to where we'd left our friends. I left him standing there alone.

This time I was the one who walked away. And I didn't look back.

Nominations for the Indie Awards are open now through January 28th!

http://www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com/

The purpose of these awards is to promote new authors and bring attention to quality fics that may be, as yet, largely undiscovered. Please take the time to go to their website and nominate your favorite stories.

I hope that some of you will consider On a Lonesome Road worthy of such an honor.

Are you so frustrated with Edward at this point that you just need to vent? Come visit me at the On a Lonesome Road thread at Twilighted. Believe me, I'm not very happy with him right now either. http://www(dot)twilighted(dot).net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=7308&start=0

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. And extra special thanks go to Nina, Gemma, Delta, and Ravyn…you guys know what you did.

Chapter 12 will be posted next Tuesday, February 2nd.