Chapter 11

Sorry again for the delay, new job has me really busy but I am not giving up on this story! So please be patient. I will update when I can!

Lexa woke slowly opening her eyes letting them adjust to the light, she stretched her arms and legs. Sitting up she looked over to Clarke's tent then up at Octavia spotted opposite from Lexa across the fire. Octavia smiled at the Commander.

"Get some sleep Octavia" Lexa said smiling slightly when she seen Octavia's face perk up before the girl got up quickly running to her tent pulling off her coat at the same time.

"Thanks" Octavia said disappearing into the tent.

Pulling over her pack she stripped off her layers of clothing until she was left in a light grey singlet with tight black shorts, she pushed her clothing into the pack.

Making sure her boots were tied she left her dagger in her pack, only needing her sword. Getting up she stretched again before taking off in a run, heading to the left of the camp she ran until she could no longer see the camp behind her. Stopping she allowed her breathing to catch up.

Trying to remember the last time she was able to train, it had been a while because she couldn't recall the memory.

Spotting a huge branch she smiled, stepping back a few feet she charged up jumping straight up she latched onto the branch with her hands. Pulling herself up and down until her muscles burned, dropping back onto the floor she rested her forehead onto her knee. Wiping off the sweat she stood back up jumping up again doing the same thing before she couldn't pull herself up again dropping down to rest again. She spent a while repeating this, her arms burnt and she had drenched her top in sweat.

She felt better, she always felt better after training. She felt energised again, getting her sword off her back she walked towards a smaller tree. Bending her knees she held her sword high, ready to attack.

Running towards the tree, she practiced several different attacks. Hearing a crack she stopped when her sword was lodged into the tree. Using all her strength to pull it out she decided she was done training for today. Cringing as she could now smell herself she definitely needed to bathe.

Jogging back to the camp she stopped to pick up her pack and took off again towards to nearest river, by memory it was a bit of a walk. She jogged there hoping to return quickly, speeding up when she spotted the first sight of water. Stopping at the edge she bent down pulling out some fresh clothes before stripping off. She washed herself and then her clothes, laying back she wet her hair pulling apart her braids and running her hands through her hair cleaning it as best as she could. Looking down at her chest, under her collarbone she smiled running her fingers over the tattoo. It was the most recent tattoo and the most cherished one, it ended on the ball of her shoulder. It was the most painful to get of all her markings.

Spotting movement in the water, she saw the fish swimming and felt her hunger rise. Slowly moving out of the water doing her best to not scare off the fish she grabbed her dagger crawling back into the water she watched the fish swim around her legs, steadying her arm she plunged it into the water when the biggest of the fish swam in front of her. Pulling her dagger out of the water she watched the fish flop around on her blade before it stopped moving completely. She pulled it off and caught another big fish, moving out of the water she redressed making sure to cover her newest mark. She started her way back to camp scaling the fish as she went.

-

Clarke woke yawning, wincing when she ran her hands over her still bruised face. She almost forgot, getting up she walked out of the tent spotting Lexa by the fire, she quickly looked away.

Taking a seat on a log by the fire she couldn't see Octavia.

"Where's Octavia?" Clarke said.

"Sleeping" Lexa replied stopping her movements with the dagger "Are you hungry?"

"Where did you get that?" Clarke asked looking at the fish.

She needed to bathe, getting up she collected some fresh clothes and took off in the direction Lexa pointed too.

Lexa placed the fish near the fire, staring at it she looked up at the sight of Octavia stumbling out of her tent.

"I smell food" she mumbled moving over to sit next to Lexa.

"It's cooking, you should head off to bathe while it does" Lexa said "Clarke just went just follow that direction" she said pointing.

"I smell?" Octavia mocked hurt.

"Yes" Lexa replied smirking.

"Alright I'll be back soon" Octavia replied.

-

"Hey" Clarke said walking up to Octavia on her way back to camp

"Morning" Octavia said stopping in front of Clarke

"How are you Clarke?" Octavia said suddenly serious

Clarke smiled at her concern, it was sweet.

"Better, I get headaches a lot though" Clarke replied

"You look a lot better" Octavia said smiling at Clarke.

"Pfft yeah even with my face not as bad I still have scars" Clarke frowned "anyway I'll see you back there" she said walking off.

"Clarke" Octavia said stopping the girl in her tracks

Clarke didn't turn to face her but she didn't move either waiting for her to speak again

"It's okay to talk about it, you don't want to bottle it up, it will eat at you until you go crazy" Octavia said

Stepping forward, she placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder urging the girl to face her. When Clarke turned to face her she had tears in her eyes, looking down.

"After mount weather I didn't think I could possibly feel any worse than I did then, but I do" Clarke burst out speaking so fast Octavia almost didn't understand her.

Clarke sank forward pressing her forehead against the brunettes shoulder.

"If you didn't feel anything Clarke I would be worried, but you're healing and it takes time" Octavia replied.

Hugging Clarke close she ran her hand up and down her back soothing the blonde.

"I just am so confused! One minute I am angry at her and then the next I want to hug her because she looks like a wounded animal" Clarke exclaimed

Octavia just smirked at Clarke, when Clarke pushed her away suddenly she frowned.

"Oh come on Clarke, only you would picture Lexa like a wounded animal" Octavia said giggling

"What?" Clarke frowned

"Well yeah she's not exactly all smiley and stuff but she just has the same expression you can't really read her" Octavia said

"Well I can"

"And that is because you pay attention to her because you love her" Octavia replied stepping back a little waiting for Clarke's backlash

"Whatever, go bathe you stink" Clarke said turning and walking off

"Shut up not you too!" Octavia shouted at her back

Clarke just smirked wiping away the last of her tears hoping she didn't look like she had been crying, but knew she would.

-

Lexa heard her before she even stepped into sight. She carried on pulling the fish away from the fire and pretending she didn't hear her.

She instead waiting for Clarke to sit down before walking over to her and handing her some food, she knew the stubborn blonde would never ask.

Handing the fish to her she just nodded when Clarke mumbled a thank you, turning back on her feet she returned to her spot starting to eat herself.

Clarke frowned at Lexa's silence, she watched as the commander finished eating and walked off into the distance without a word.

-

Clarke was returning to camp before the sun made an appearance, she had been doing this for the last 4 nights. She would barely sleep for an hour before nightmares took off causing her to wake up.

So it was easier to just go for a walk or go bask in the nature she always loved, she made sure to be quiet because she didn't want questions thrown at her, from Octavia anyway because Lexa still had not spoken to her. She was on the verge of smacking her upside the head but her pride was telling her to just ignore the obvious ignoring Lexa was doing.

Although she had caught the girl staring at her a lot, Lexa had just pretended to look past her causing Clarke to almost roll her eyes.

Tonight's nightmare was different, it was the worst she's had. She barely held it together long enough to make it a safe distance away before she fell to the floor trying to gather herself to stop the flow of tears. Thinking about her dream again she stopped and jammed her eyes closed, lifting her head slightly upwards she breathed slow and steady, she opened her eyes quickly when she heard footsteps behind her, still frozen on the spot she calmed slightly when she smelt Lexa's earthy scent wash over her.

"Clarke" Lexa said.

Her voice was full of concern and it was soft, she tensed slightly when she felt a soft slightly cold hand rest on her bicep.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked

Clarke swung around looking into bright green eyes that were very much alive unlike in her nightmare, she couldn't stop herself when she flung herself into the unprepared commander causing them to stumble back until Lexa's strong body got balance again.

Lexa was shocked, but she gripped her arms around Clarke's waist and buried her face in the blonde's neck.

"I have watched you come out here every night I couldn't stop myself from asking if you're okay" Lexa mumbled out into Clarke's neck.

Clarke didn't speak she just tightened her arms around Lexa's neck she felt herself calm down after a few moments. She pulled back cutting off all contact and looked into Lexa's eyes.

"Why haven't you spoken to me?" Clarke said with her voice breaking, her lips trembled and more tears spilled out of her eyes.

"I was giving you space to think Clarke" Lexa said stepping back to create more room in between them.

"Are you okay Clarke?" Lexa asked again

"Yes, no! I don't know I miss you, and I'm mad at you and I'm mad at myself for missing you" Clarke exclaimed throwing her hands up in exasperation.

"And I don't want space! I don't want to be treated like I'm fragile, yes I'm not my best but I don't want that pointed out all the time" Clarke threw in

"Clarke you told me you hated me" Lexa said looking away sniffing and blinking rapidly

"I don't hate you!" Clarke exclaimed growling in annoyance

Lexa looked at Clarke confused, she was confused Clarke was having a lot of mood swings. It was Clarke's fault but still it confused her a lot.

"I am just starting to feel actually awake again, I felt like I was stuck in a dream, and you were the easiest target because Katherine basically painted a bullseye on your back" Clarke said "You make me feel things and that's a lot better than feeling angry all the time, I'm not ready for forgive you for your mistrust and being controlling but I can work on that if you can work on your issues"

Lexa nodded feeling exposed she crossed her arms over her chest looking down and avoiding Clarke's eyes

"I can do that" she whispered

"You have to open up to me Lexa" Clarke said "You can't keep secrets, you can't have all of me if you aren't willing to give me all of you"

"I know I'm sorry" Lexa said looking up at Clarke with tears in her eyes

Clarke's body pushed her forward again stepping into Lexa's space, she brought her hand up to cup Lexa's cheek before dropping it to her side.

"I'm healing too Clarke" Lexa said softly getting a nod from the blonde

"What about us?" Lexa asked

"I can't think about that yet Lexa" Clarke said

Lexa just nodded "We should get back" Lexa spoke walking past Clarke.