Chapter 11: Compromise
While flying back to Headquarters, and doubling back about 3 times to make sure they weren't being followed, Tonks found Remus flying next to her. As she glanced over to find him there, he was already looking at her. His eyes conveyed what he wanted to ask; are you alright?
Yes, I think. What about you? Tonks nodded, the most she can convey with body language, horrified as she glimpse the blood caking the right side of his face as they flew under the streetlamps to land.
He didn't see her expression as he looked away upon her nod. They landed and Tonks found herself following behind Emmeline and Elphias, beside Remus.
"Are you alright?" Tonks turned and demanded as they stopped while Mad-Eye got Grimmauld place open.
"I'm fine," Remus replied, his eyes watching her softly.
"Right…" Tonks said sarcastically, finding her fingers already tracing the right side of his face. He froze, staring as her fingers worked up his cheek. The dried blood made his cheek feel rougher than Tonks think it usually would be. As her fingers traveled up his temple, his eyes were already glued to her as hers were to his.
They were just so distracting.
"Nymphadora, Remus," Mad-Eye barked from the step at Grimmauld Place. Instantly, Tonks dropped her hand from his face. They blinked, looking towards Mad-Eye, who was already limping halfway into Grimmauld Place. The rest of the order members had apparently gone ahead without them.
Sighing, Remus burst into a soft chuckle before walking to the steps of the house, "After you, Nymphadora," he smiled, deliberating on her name, stopping at the bottom of the steps to the open door.
She walked in, "Don't call me Nymphadora," she said, "Both of you!" she shouted down the hall at Mad-Eye's retreating back.
Mad-Eye ignored her as he disappeared into the kitchen. She heard Remus still chuckling softly behind her as he followed her down the hall.
"Watch the umbrella stand," He said, his voice coming off with a smile.
Smiling, Tonks replied, "Shut up," Very deliberately, she made it pass all the obstacles leading to the kitchen.
The moment she entered the kitchen, it was obvious the people in the kitchen had a very different mood from herself and Remus.
Relieved, Tonks noticed Hestia and Sturgis sitting at the far end of the table unharmed but with a grim look on their faces, the same look all the other order members had on their faces at the moment.
"Hestia? Is Harry…" Remus spoke up.
Hestia Jones looked up, forcing a smile, "Harry's fine, he's upstairs. Shaken and a little mad…"
Remus smiled, taking a seat.
"Remus, are you…?" Hestia asked, gesturing at his face.
"Just a cut," Remus sat down, glancing to his side as Tonks sat down beside him, "I'll get it cleaned up after the meeting," Tonks heard him add as Hestia looked like she was about to pursue the matter.
Bloody Merlin…I touched Remus…I touched him! And he didn't even move away!Tonks could barely contain her excitement, especially with Remus at this close proximity.
"Dumbledore is on his way," Kingsley said, slipping into the kitchen.
Many of the order members nodded, all showing signs of being anxious and uneasy. After all, who would be relaxed when they'd just been ambushed by Death Eaters and Dementors on a mission to get Harry Potter out of Privet Drive?
Sirius was sitting opposite from Tonks, glaring at the table as if it'd offended him. Mad-Eye was pacing and squeezing the life of his walking stick while his eye swirled in its socket. Kingsley was sitting calmly two seats away from Tonks. Hestia, Emmeline, Elphias and Sturgis was quiet, the latter two talking among themselves. Mundungus was also surprisingly at the meeting, although his demeanor of slouching forward and snoring on the table was very much different from his fellow Order members.
"Snape," Mad-Eye growled a tad earlier as Severus Snape walked into the room, his black robes flowing behind him. Sirius let a low growl escape him.
"Black if you have certain things to say, it'll best for you to spit it out," Snape sneered.
"Oh there are tonnes of things that don't need to be said for everyone to have guessed it, Snape." Sirius growled.
"And that would be?" Snape challenged, raising both brows.
Snape was practically seething in anger, his fists shaking, "You betrayed us!" Sirius jumped up, roaring, "You betrayed Harry!" Tonks sighed, rolling her eyes. She had to find sometime to talk to Sirius, he's having anger management issues but then again, who wouldn't when you're trap in your old hated home.
"Sirius!" Remus stood up, his voice firm.
"You coward!" Sirius yelled, rounding the table to Snape's side.
Tonks glimpse Snape whipping out his wand and instantly, she shot to her feet, her wand in hand as well. She's absolutely not about to allow Snape to harm her cousin.
"Sirius, sit down," Remus grabbed Sirius by his shoulders.
"No! Remus, Snape betrayed us!" Sirius shouted into Lupin's face, shrugging away Lupin's grip on his shoulder.
"Sirius, sit down and wait for Dumbledore-"
"No! You betrayed Harry!" Sirius roared, struggling to get pass Lupin. By this time, Kingsley, Arthur and Bill was already onto Sirius, struggling to restrain him, "You betrayed Lily you coward!"
"Sirius!" Tonks cried as Sirius swung a fist aimlessly, missing Remus's cheek by a hair's breadth. Growling, Tonks yanked Bill away from the fray to get a clear shot.
Impedimenta!
Sirius seemed to get the breath knocked out of him as the jinx hit him in the chest.
"Sirius, stop," Tonks growled.
"Tonks, get out of the way, you have no idea what that bastard is capable of!" Sirius roared, "He's a death eater!"
"Sirius… you don't know that." Tonks's voice wavered.
"Death eaters," Sirius hissed that name, "can't be trusted. Anyone who serves Voldemort can't be trusted!"
Tonks froze. Yes...they can't be trusted. And so am I, in a few weeks time.She looked up to see everyone's eyes on her.
"Tonks, I- That's not what I meant," the anger in Sirius's eyes was gone. He looked at lost as to what to do. Tonks looked down to see Sirius's wand in his hand too. She couldn't recall when he'd take it out.
"I won't betray the Order. Even if I'm serving…Voldemort. We should listen to what Dumbledore has to say," She said, swallowing a lump in her throat, "just…sit down," Tonks muttered.
Slowly, Tonks stowed her wand away, sitting back down and started watch her fingers tangle together. She was vaguely aware as Bill and Arthur took their seats, then Kingsley passed her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, giving her an assuring squeeze before taking his initial seat. Snape was glaring at Sirius but sat down.
The kitchen was then as quiet as it was before Snape walked in. She decided to look up. Sirius was sitting opposite her again, this time with his head in his hands. Snape was sitting a seat away from her, right beside Kingsley. His lips were pursed while he stared at the wall, his arms folded across his chest. Remus was rigid and looking ahead but Tonks could see his eyes glancing at her every now and then. Mad-Eye was standing beside Sirius, staring right at her.
She forced a smile before ducking her head back down. Tonks didn't want to see his expression; from the famous I-told-you-so to the worry and pity, she didn't want to see them on his face. Mad-Eye was never the most sympathetic person she knew but he did worry, for her.
The kitchen was so quiet that for a moment, Tonks could hear the soft conversation and footsteps the children upstairs. Some few years earlier, and she was like them. She was upstairs talking to her friends instead of down here arguing about whether the Order have a traitor in their midst. But it was never her nature to sit back and did Harry have it any easier?
Then the silence was shattered. They heard rushed footsteps before Dumbledore, McGonagall and Hagrid appeared in the doorway, the latter leaning over awkwardly to fit the narrow doorway.
"Alastor?" Dumbledore gestured to Mad-Eye with a wrinkled hand.
"There were 10 of them," Mad-Eye started, "And there were dementors. Looks like they weren't waiting for us. But they were looking."
"For Harry?" Emmeline spoke up when the kitchen was quiet again.
By this time, Sirius was grinding his teeth and glaring at Snape.
"No Emmeline," Dumbledore spoke, "I don't think they were aware Harry is being brought here tonight. Severus,"
"The Dark Lord is getting impatient with the recruitments," Snape started. Tonks could sense his eyes on her but didn't dare to look back, "A few of them are already presented at the Dark Lord's feet by tonight."
Tonks fixed her eyes on Dumbledore, refusing to meet anyone else's stare. The Headmaster clasped his hand together on the table, a serene expression on his face as he thought.
"It would not be advised to keep Nymphadora away from the Dark Lord any longer," Snape said curtly.
"Yes, Severus. But we will not send Nymphadora to Tom," Dumbledore paused, looking to her, "Not until she's ready for it. Until then for your safety, perhaps Remus, if you would try to keep Nymphadora safe? We'll take shift for when you're unavailable."
Great…another protection duty list…I'm an Auror for Merlin's sake! Why am I being treated like a damsel in distress?
The meeting continued to touch upon the appearance of the dementors, how to handle the increasing number of death eaters and then followed by arrangement for Harry. Tonks didn't miss her lack of role in the missions. Dumbledore even assigned Mundungus on some Ministry work rather than her!
It was about an hour later till Dumbledore adjourned the meeting. Tonight, it seems more order members stayed.
Tonks stayed where she is as Molly left the kitchen to call the kids down.
"When's the next training?" Tonks turned to Snape who was getting up to leave.
"Tomorrow, 9am." Snape suggested curtly but Tonks thought it sounded more like an order.
Nope, you're not the boss of me, "12," Tonks stated, turning away.
She could feel Snape staring at her, probably angrily but soon, he was already out of the room.
She smiled smugly, before searching the room for anything interesting. Remus was getting up from the place beside her. She reached up, grabbing hold of his sleeve and halting his progress.
"Your head," Tonks reminded as he frowned at her. It looks like he'd vanished the dried blood, revealing a gash which wasn't deep but enough to draw blood, "Do you need help with that?" She probed, feeling her heart jumping erratically in her chest as it always do when Remus's attention is on her.
She watched as his eyes flew from hers to her wand in her other hand before he shrug, "Alright," He sat back down, facing her.
Tonks smirked, noticing his resistance to grimace as she pointed her wand at him, "Don't worry, I can manage basic healing spells."
"Go on," Remus smiled as she placed the tip of her wand just below his wound.
Praying she doesn't do more damage, Tonks muttered a spell that Mad-eye had used on her countless time after wounding her in training. Remus grimaced as the tip of her wand lit, sealing the wound swiftly.
"Done," Tonks sighed inwardly in relief.
"You're good with spells," Remus commented, not bothering to reach for his wound.
"We're eating down in the kitchen," Molly's voice caught both their attention. They looked up in time to see the Weasleys flooding into the kitchen. Sirius was already at the door, probably greeting Harry.
"Hey Tonks!" Ginny called, already coming over.
"Wotcher!" Tonks grinned, waving.
"I'll see you later," Remus murmured, standing to take his leave as she watched. Yes, you will.
"Tonksie?"
Tonks halted in slipping her robes on.
"Charlie!" She said, surprised.
"Hey," He beamed, "leaving already?" Charlie grinned, glancing at Remus, who was waiting patiently at the door for her.
"Yeah, I really got to get home…" Tonks explained.
"Alright, we haven't talked for a while and I heard from Bill about the meeting updates-"
"I'll be fine Charlie," Tonks interrupted hastily, "Really, don't worry,"
"Promise we'll talk next time?"
"Next time," Tonks confirmed, patting down her robes and went for the door.
"I'm alright if you want to stay longer," Remus said in a low tone as he held the door open for her.
"No," Tonks replied quickly. At Remus's puzzled expression, she continued, "Charlie and I are not exactly…"
"Together?" Remus offered.
"No, we-" Tonks stopped short, finding herself unable to even bring herself to mention it.
"You don't have explain it if you don't want to," Remus placed his hands in his pockets.
With a sigh, she started, "It's not exactly…mutual,"
"He loves you,"
Tonks felt a tingle run down her back at the way his velvet voice says that, "It's that obvious?" She croaked.
Remus laughed quietly beside her, "He looks at you that way,"
"Does he?" She tensed, keeping her face straight forward in case she stumbled, blushed or embarrassed herself by stuttering if she looked at him. Just his voice made her poor legs wobbly.
"He does, like you're the best thing in the world," His voice replied, his tone soft, low and warm.
Tonks couldn't help but blush, the way he said it just made it seem so…intimate…"I care about him as a friend. He's my best friend…" Tonks feels her face burning. He doesn't make my heart sing, Remus…
Afterwards, it was quiet. Remus didn't reply to that as they walked. She had no idea when they agreed to walk to her flat; this reminded her eerily of when Charlie decided to confess. However, this was different. Despite the fact that Death Eaters are after her and she's walking home in a dark neighborhood, she felt safe.
"I'm sorry, for dragging you out of order mission like that," Tonks said, turning to him.
"This is a mission," Remus smiled at her.
"A boring one," Tonks grimaced.
"Not really. You're quite the entertainer." His smile reached his eyes, wrinkling the edge of them.
"Not everyone thinks that," Tonks rolled her eyes, promptly turning her hair from pink to purple to green to blue to orange then to brown, like his, "They think its an annoying talent of mine."
He laughed and Tonks thought she'd never heard a sound quite as beautiful in her lifetime.
"Tea?" Tonks asked, disappearing into the small kitchen.
"Sure," She heard his voice coming from the living room.
"It's not much…" She stepped out, holding the cup of tea and a container of biscuits. Remus was standing amidst the mess on the floor; from ministry documents to muggle comic books.
"Enough for supper," Remus smiled, coming over to the table. Tonks placed the tea and biscuit down before whipping out her wand and attempting to make the books stack up like how she'd saw her mother do. All she did was, if it's even possible, to make things messier. A book flew across the room to add to the stack only to nick a photo frame to the floor, where it shattered.
Flustered and cursing, Tonks repaired it before shuffling about to clear the books with her hands, almost instantaneously tripping over the stack of books she'd already painstakingly got up with her wand.
Behind her, she heard Remus laugh again. Despite the splutter of her heart, Tonks spun around, scowling.
He placed his cup of tea down, his wand already in his hand. With a light wave, Tonks found herself in the midst of a major clean-up. Her books flew to a corner in a stack, her papers stacking itself on the buried coffee table, used articles of clothing (thank Merlin that they were nothing personal) flew into the rapidly filling laundry basket. Then her couch rearranged itself to fit the picture of the perfectly neat flat.
"Wow…" was all Tonks could manage after.
"Don't mention it," Remus said, stowing away his wand and sipping at his tea.
"Show-off," Tonks muttered before walking to the table, slumping down in a chair. She'd glimpse the smile he tried to hide with the tea. It was an old trick Tonks tried many times so that definitely didn't hide his amused smile, "I can't master those spells for anything in the world,"
"It isn't that hard," Remus assured, nibbling at a biscuit, "I could teach you if you'd like," He offered.
"Maybe…" Tonks sighed, recalling the times Andromeda gave up on her after trying to teach Tonks to master household spells. Breaking an antique vase when Tonks was trying to get rid of the dust on it was the last time Andromeda ever attempted. Tonks took a biscuit out of the tin, "Tell me about yourself,"
Remus looked up, puzzled.
"Besides the obvious," Tonks added, continuing, "So you went to Hogwarts with Sirius?"
"Yes," Remus nodded, wary as to where this is going.
"What happens every full moon?" Tonks asked.
She saw through the false smile instantly but he replied nonetheless, "Dumbledore made it so I would be able to go to the shrieking shack or to the forbidden forest during that time."
She nodded, prompting him to continue.
"I had wolfsbane, so it wasn't so bad."
"Did you go to the Shrieking shack or the forest?" Tonks asked, her curiosity perked.
Remus smiled, this was genuine, "Shrieking shack at first, then the forest in my later years,"
"Why?"
"Sirius, James-" He paused, "and peter, learnt to be animagus so they could keep me company."
Tonks's eyes widened.
"Then we roamed the forbidden forest whenever we could, of course I had to be in control of myself," His smile faded as he looked at her. Tonks was speechless, unable to find her voice, "I'm sorry,"
"No, its okay" She replied, her voice low and hoarse, "When you're not in control… what happens?"
Remus's lips turned down in a frown, "You really don't want to know,"
"I do," Tonks steeled her voice, staring right at him.
Yup, that stare works on Remus as it did with anyone else, apart from Mum and Mad-Eye.Remus sighed, "I hurt people. I become a monster." His gaze was fixed on the table.
Tonks found her hands covering his, both of her smaller ones holding one of his, "You're not a monster."
"You don't know what I can do," He looked up, his eyes weary.
I know you can be incredibly attractive…Tonks swallowed, "I know you can be incredibly…caring," She stuttered to filter her thoughts from her gob.
Remus chuckled bitterly, "Yes, I do that. To make up for it."
"Remus," Tonks leaned forward, "You are the kindest and most caring man I've met."
"Sometimes, I don't know if it was a dream or it's something I did," Remus started, his voice deadpan, "Then I read the news."
"You can't be sure if it's you…" Tonks squeezed his hand, remembering the many werewolf cases the Auror had to handle after a full moon.
"I can't know if it's not either. It gets blurred," Remus explained, his voice steady, "more often…nowadays." He looked up and into her eyes.
"I can be there, the next full moon," Tonks blurted, her heart pounding as his eye bore into hers. The flecks of silver dancing in his eyes were gone, replaced by a dark cast of despair. As the words left her, his eyes widen with horror.
"No!" He yanked his hand from hers and stood up so quickly Tonks didn't even register it. The chair slid back, grating on the floor loudly in the quiet night.
"Remus-"
"I said no, Nymphadora!" Remus snapped fiercely.
Tonks scowled darkly, his tone uncannily like her father, "You can't stop me," She forced herself to sit, glaring up at him.
Remus stomped over to her side, taking her face in his warm hands fiercely but still gently. Tonks tensed, startled.
"Don't," He bore his eyes into hers, his tone fierce and sharp, commanding for her to obey.
"No," Tonks breathed, "No," she shook her head. Remus pressed his lips together.
"Please…" His brows shot up in apparent distress, "stay away. You have to stay away…"
Tonks's breath hitched in her throat, making her unable to breathe. She'd come to recognise him by his eyes. His plead and desperation hit her down to her middle but her Black bloodline of stubbornness and obnoxiousness pushed against that, resenting that request.
Remus hadn't let go of her, her face still cupped between his hands. He was kneeling in front of her, as if his tone hadn't dug at her heart.
"I should've known better," Remus turned away and to her disappointment, dropped his hands from her face, "Just, stay away," He stood.
"Let me help you," Tonks said though she felt it sounded more like a whimper.
"I should've never told you anything,"
Tonks flinched, hurt. She definitely recognises that one; regret, nothing but regret for everything he'd told her. However, she still did have that 'Black pride', which her dad so often teased her and Andromeda about, to preserve. With a light and less than convincing huff, Tonks turned, stuffing a biscuit in her mouth angrily.
Despite having told of how much she actually resembles her mother, in terms of character and looks, Tonks could never make her anger look intimidating. In fact, she was told her anger made her look childish. Remembering, as a child, Tonks always kicked up a fuss when she was not able to scare people into submission like her mother, only appeased when Ted told her secretly that it was a middle-age thing.
For a moment, no one moved, apart from Tonks's noisy munching on her biscuit. It hurt her mouth to munch like that but she was frustrated at how useless she's become.
Beside her, she heard a sigh before he spoke.
"Did anyone tell you, you look amusing when you're upset?" Remus said, again pulling off a tone so gentle that only he could have gotten it just right.
"Go away," She then folded her arms on the table, placing her head down on her arm, facing away from him. She didn't trust herself to look at him if she was sitting up. Her heart was already racing, no need to make it splutter again.
Tonks didn't understand what's wrong with her. Remus Lupin was not especially handsome and neither was he another accomplished wizard at the Auror Department. But…he is a great wizard, noble, kind, gentle, caring, funny, insanely polite and gentlemanly, mature, dependable-
Tonks! What in Merlin's name are you doing? You're supposed to be mad at him! Stupid werewolf! Stupid werewolf! Stupid Remus Lupin! Stupid Lupin!
"Tonks,"
She clamped her mouth shut in indignation. She felt the stir in the wind as he moved but she had no idea where.
"Tonks,"
She tensed, feeling his gentle touch on her knee.
"Nymphadora-"
"Don't call me that!" She shot up like a bullet, the anger threatening to explode. Tonks spun around to glare at him. Remus was sitting on another chair which he seemed to have shifted to be right by her. His lips were curved in a slight amused smile.
In realization to his trick she'd fell for, she felt blood rush to her cheek. Hurriedly, she morphed away her blush, putting on her best glare.
"Can we not talk about that?" Remus started, his voice as cool as a cucumber despite her glare.
"No," She replied, deadpan.
"Alright, then…" Remus thought for a moment, "Let's compromise,"
Tonks bit her lips, "I don't do compromise."
"Yes, yes, the black bloodline has had a tradition for that," Remus laughed and Tonks did her best not to let off a smile, chewing on her lower lip.
"Fine," She finally said grudgingly. I'm not like the other Blacks! I'm not! "What compromise?" She asked warily.
Remus smiled, "You're not allowed to visit me during that time of the month and in return…" He considered his options before speaking. Tonks idly wish she could do that, "I'll do any 3 things which you ask,"
Tonks's senses perked at that. She know a golden opportunity when she hears it, "Sure," She turned, smiling and all ready to comply.
Remus, however, was frowning in puzzlement.
"What?" Tonks asked.
"You answered too quickly, and I'm not done with the conditions on my side of the compromise," Remus replied.
Tonks huffed, frustrated but was all ears.
"Condition number 1," Remus paused, "one of which could not be asking me to allow you to stay with me on a full moon,"
Tonks scowled, that was her plan! Bollocks…
He smirked, "That was smart of you, but not smart enough,"
"Hmph," She pouted.
"Condition number 2. You can't…ask me to 'go away'," Tonks didn't miss the catch in his voice as he said it. He looked like he was choking on something.
She nodded slowly to his second condition.
"Condition number 3," Remus deliberated, "You can't ask me to let you tamper with the deal, like making 3 things you can make me do to 4 or a hundred for that matter," He finished, satisfied.
"That sounds appealing," Tonks smirked.
"It's in the condition for 'things you can't ask for'," Remus shrugged and Tonks stuck her tongue out at him, "So…do we have a deal?"
Tonks didn't know if this would work to her favor but the three things she could ask Remus to do seem appealing to her. It could be anything under the sun and surely Remus's three conditions didn't cover all the loopholes, all she has to do is find them, "Alright." She nodded.
"Perfect," Remus smiled. He was sitting hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together.
"First thing to do is…" Tonks's voice trailed off as she thought.
Remus looked alarmed, "You're using it now?"
"Why? Can't I?" Tonks frowned.
He sighed, shaking his head, "Can't you just go to bed?"
Tonks shot him a withering look, which he smiled at, "I'm not a baby,"
"No, you're not."
"But I do need to-" She paused, yawning widely. As she rubbed the water from her eyes, she saw Remus smiling in amusement.
"I'll come back tomorrow," He stood, already arranging the chairs back, "I'm still on a mission y'know,"
Then he headed to the door.
"Goodnight, Tonks," Remus said as he stepped out.
"'night," She said, shutting the door, not waiting for him to leave.
Sighing, Tonks deposited the empty cup in the sink and left the tin of biscuit on the table before collapsing on the couch, fast asleep.
To be continued…
A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait! I have been busy nowadays! No promises for when the next chapter will be yet!
Thanks so much to the reviewers and readers of last chapter:
justme667: Thank you! Hope it gets better and better for you!
NyxBorn: It's alright! Sorry I didn't get it! Thanks! Really really glad you enjoyed the last chapter! Well, this story is kinda going AU with the Tonks being requested to join the Death Eaters but no promises yet regarding Tonks's death!
Hope06: Thanks so much!
Please leave a review!