I am still writing and I want to get this story out there. Have just finished writing chapter 18 as I post this. Let me know if it's still interesting. I want to keep it realistic - or am I going too slow? ;)

So, where were we?

11.
In the end, Elliot decided to keep Kathy home until her funeral. A cooler had already been installed underneath the coffin on Saturday. On top of that Elliot would need to keep the heating down in the living room at all times. All arrangements were taken care of by Mr Foster. Liv went back home Sunday evening and back to work on Monday, after checking up on Elliot that morning. She called him on Tuesday and Wednesday evening, making sure he was eating properly, not drinking too much and getting some sleep. She thought it would be good to give him time alone with Kathy's body, so he could say goodbye properly. He also received several of Kathy's friends who came to pay their respects. Liv agreed to come to the house early on Thursday. Lucy would pick up Noah from day care and stay with him at her place until she called. Then she would bring him over to the Stabler home. Elliot had asked her to come back to the house with them after the funeral and she had agreed, thinking Kathy would have wanted her to.

Liv decided to wear a classical outfit: a white blouse on a black skirt that ended just below the knee, black high-heeled pumps and a black blazer. It was spring but it was still chilly so she decided on a warm black overcoat, the same length as her skirt. She pinned her dark hair up loosely so she wouldn't fiddle with it all day. It would be an emotional day and she would try to stay in the background, perhaps looking after Eli a bit. Elliot's grandchildren would not be there during the day.

When she arrived at the Stabler house, it was already filled with a lot of people. The bearers were preparing to take Kathy to the hearse after the coffin would be ceremoniously closed. The entire family was there from both sides, including Elliot's mother, and several of Kathy's friends. Liv hardly knew any of them and did not bother to remember all the names. She tried to ignore the glances she was getting, as people must be wondering who she was exactly. Everyone spoke softly and all conversations were kept very brief so there was no room for elaborate introductions anyway.

Elliot must have noticed she was feeling a bit out of place and walked over to her. He looked tired but still very handsome in his black suit. He was clean-shaven now and looked much more like the Elliot she had worked with for so long. She smiled faintly and he returned the smile. His hand on her lower back was comforting and a little disconcerting at the same time. He said nothing but his gratitude was in his eyes.

Then Mr Foster, who would personally lead the funeral, asked for everyone's attention. He explained that the coffin would now be closed and asked for Elliot and the children to gather around it. Afterwards, Kathy would be carried outside, directly followed by the immediate family. They would be paired up, Elliot first with Eli, then Maureen and her husband Harrison, followed by Kathleen, Elizabeth and Richard. Liv was asked if she would accompany Bernadette, Elliot's mother, who would walk directly behind the children. After that, Kathy's family and friends would follow and finally the others who were present.

Liv watched as Elliot and his children were allowed to take one final look at their beloved wife and mother before the coffin was closed forever. She swallowed hard as she saw a shudder going through Elliot's body, his broad shoulders shaking before he took a few deep breaths to get his emotions under control. Kathleen and Elizabeth both put their arms around him and Maureen held her husband tight. She saw Richard holding his little brother and was deeply moved by the scene. A lot of people were crying and Liv wished she could just hold on to someone as well. Then she felt and arm around her waist. It was Bernadette. She looked up at her son's former partner and smiled, tears in her eyes. Liv put her arm around the older lady and they stood together in silence.

A little later, they all headed for the church. The service was very formal but warm at the same time. There were several speakers who were clearly not used to speaking at such an occasion. Elliot stood beside young Eli while the boy recited a poem dedicated to his mother. While Eli spoke softly but calmly, Liv could see Elliot clenching his jaw, clearly struggling. Bernadette took her hand, probably needing some comfort while her heart broke for her son. 'I'm so glad you are here,' she whispered to Liv. She had not seen Elliot's mother again after she had convinced her to speak with Kathleen after her arrest years ago, but she guessed Bernadette knew she had always had a good rapport with her working partner. Still, Liv wished this day would be over. She had promised Kathy she would support Elliot but that did not mean she had to enjoy it. Funerals were so depressing.

At the cemetery, she was happy to see more familiar faces. She saw Fin, Rollins and Carisi and even Don Cragen and John Munch were there. She appreciated it a lot. She could have sworn she even saw Lt Tucker somewhere in the crowd that had gathered to see Kathy off and support the Stabler family.
After the ceremony was finally over, she walked over to talk to her co-workers and her former boss. Don Cragen hugged her and looked at her attentively.

'You okay Liv?'

She smiled but with a sad look on her face. 'Yeah ... you know me, I'm always fine.' she responded, knowing the Captain would know better than to ask any further.

Then Elliot joined them, also wanting to greet his former Captain. Cragen hugged him as well and patted him on the back. 'I'm so sorry for your loss son.'

'Thanks Captain,' Elliot said, his voice almost breaking.

Munch and Fin stepped up to express their condolences after the Captain, Rollins and Carisi staying in the background. Liv could see Amanda staring at Elliot and wondered what she could be thinking. When Amanda noticed that Liv was looking at her, she smiled and Liv walked over to her.

'To be honest Liv,' Amanda admitted, 'all I ever heard about your partner was that he was such a hothead. Nobody told me he was so good looking. I can't believe you were never tempted ...'

Liv smirked, not sure if they were supposed to have such a conversation at a funeral. Still, she could not resist leaning over to Amanda saying 'Who says I wasn't?'

Amanda put her hand over her mouth to hide her wide smile while looking sideways at Liv. Liv poked her with an elbow and walked away from her to join the family again. Bernadette looked like she needed her arm again for support. The older lady had been standing for a very long time.

Now that the official part of the day was over, those who had attended started to disperse. Elliot also joined the family and gathered them together. They would be driven back to the Stabler house, where a caterer should be ready by now to receive them with some light snacks so the guests would not leave with an empty stomach. It was almost 5 pm and Elliot really did not want his guests to stay the whole evening, aside from his own children maybe. Maureen and Harrison's sitter was going to bring James and young Luke over. He knew Noah was also coming and really hoped Liv would stay a little longer as well. While he loved having his children around him, he really needed an equal to talk to.
Back at the house, he could not wait for Kathy's friends and both their more distant family members to leave. He was exhausted and just wanted to get out of his suit and crash on the couch. He sat down, loosening his tie a little. He saw Liv talking to one of Kathy's cousins and noticed she was tired as well. Just then, Lucy came in to bring Noah and he saw Liv's face light up. She hugged her little boy tightly and she was beaming with joy, kissing his chubby cheeks and introducing him proudly to the person she had been talking to. He loved to see her smile ...
Maureen flopped down on the couch beside him and followed his gaze.

'Dad?' she said, and he turned his attention to his oldest daughter.

'Yes honey, what is it?'

'Will you be okay when everybody leaves?'

He sighed. 'You know, things will never be the same and it will take time to get used to missing your mom. But I have all you guys to help me, right?'

He rubbed his daughter's back and she smiled at him. 'Of course you do daddy. But still ...' She looked at Liv again. 'Are you glad mom got Olivia here?'

Elliot wondered what was going through his daughter's mind. Once again, he was grateful to Kathy for being the one to bring Liv back. He could only hope his children would really be okay with their friendship - if he could start that up again with Liv. Finally he answered, 'Yes, I am. Are you okay with that?'

Maureen smiled. She had turned into a very wise young woman and he was so proud of her and her own little family. 'Whatever makes you happy daddy. Mom told me herself, not to get in your way. So I won't. We all won't.'

Elliot could hardly believe Kathy had spoken to the children about this. As tears filled his eyes, he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and hid his face in his hands. Suddenly all the emotions of the past week came flooding back and he could not contain them anymore. Maureen put her arms around him and he cried silently. He didn't care about the guests that were still there. He buried his wife today. He was entitled to grieve.