Don't Apologise- Sequel to Hit And Run
The shift had been painfully quiet, it was as if Chicago had paused as the first of the fall weather appeared bringing the cooler temperatures with it, and it wasn't much warmer in the firehouse as Sylvie seemed painfully intent on avoiding him in every single way possible, not that he could blame her given he had left her to wake up alone after their night together but it was noticeable as she wouldn't even be in the same room as him. He readjusted his beanie and zipped his Squad jacket right up before he buried his hands deep into his jacket pockets as he sat on the firehouse's roof looking out over the city as it lit up as night had descended. He blew out a breath and could see it in the air as he tilted his head back against the chair and closed his eyes as he remembered vividly their night together, remembered every single moment, every noise and reaction, just everything. He opened his eyes and shook his head as if he could erase the thoughts away by that simple action but he couldn't. She was all he had thought about the remainder of his time off.
Sylvie didn't know what to say or feel, and she felt all over the place. It didn't help that there were no calls to distract her from everything that was going round repeatedly in her mind. All of her thoughts had revolved around Kelly and the night they spent together in the past thirty six hours or so; she thought there was something powerful between them but she had woken up alone, to him gone along with any trace that he had been there with her except for the small marks that littered her body. She pulled at her blonde hair tugging it up into a messy bun, annoyed at the loose wisps of it that kept brushing along her face and neck as she paced the halls of the firehouse relentlessly and restlessly.
"You're going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep up that pacing Sylvie." Casey stated as he walked out of the bathroom having walked past her before he entered seeing how lost in her thoughts she was. She startled as she spun around to look at him wide eyed stopping immediately. "Sorry... Are you alright?" Casey asked frowning as she looked completely wrecked. They had all been witness to her breakdown last shift but none more so than Kelly but he had remained tight lipped, and Casey had barely seen him the entire shift.
"Uh huh." Sylvie gave him a non-committal answer resisting the urge to start pacing again and she didn't really want to have a conversation with Casey. "I have to go." She excused herself rather ungraciously as she turned away from him and headed in search of Kelly as she couldn't take the avoiding and tension any more. She searched through the firehouse making sure to avoid everyone as she checked all of the usual places - his quarters, the locker room, the bull pen and Squad's table on the apparatus floor - but he wasn't anywhere in the firehouse that she could see and she wasn't about to ask if anyone had seen him as she did not need to raise anyone's suspicions given that they were already watching her. She let out a sigh as she grabbed her jacket and beanie and headed outside needing to escape the stifling atmosphere inside.
Sylvie stepped out into the brisk night air as she slipped her beanie onto her head then pulled her jacket on and zipped it up. She almost welcomed the cold air as it wrapped around her even though she usually despised it as she lent against the wall and looked out at the quiet street. She knew she was all over the place and her head was a mess. She really did not understand how Kelly had just left her to wake up alone, not when he had told her that she was beautiful while deep inside of her and not when he held her the way he did; his actions had left her absolutely bewildered and a part of her was angry at herself for allowing him in. She also still did not completely understand her reaction at the final call of the previous shift or her subsequent breakdown. She was a mess, she had resigned herself to that fact, as she let her head fall back against the brick wall with a harsh thud that made her wince involuntarily. She turned her head to the side and caught sight of a ladder up against the side of the firehouse as she realised where Kelly was, feeling stupid for not considering it even with how cold it was but she knew it was an ideal place to talk given the privacy that it allowed.
Kelly was distracted, deep in his thoughts, and startled out of them as he heard footsteps climbing up the ladder. Before he could get up, Sylvie appeared and got onto the roof stopping as soon as his eyes looked with his. She put her hands in her pockets and bit down on her lip as she rocked back and forth on her heels very slightly looking completely uncomfortable before she finally let out a deep breath and slowly crossed the roof over to him.
"Hi." She murmured softly still unsure of searching him out and unsure if he would talk to her as she felt the tension within her rise.
"Hi." He answered as the awkwardness grew between them and that was the very last thing he wanted. He couldn't help but notice how the cold affected her, paling her skin but giving the tip of her nose a soft pink blush in the darkened light.
"So... about the other night..." She was trying to gauge him as she sat down in the chair that was aptly placed next to him just off to the side.
"Yeah..." He trailed off hating the disconnect between them and he knew it was his fault but he did not know what to say because he was trying to read her just like she was him. He wanted to reach out and touch her, he wanted to hold her in his arms but he wasn't sure how she would react so instead he balled his hands into tight fists inside his pockets.
A few minutes of uncomfortable tense silence passed by before Sylvie finally spoke asking the question that she needed answered the most, "Why did you leave before I woke up?" His head whipped round to face her so fast it would have been comical if it had been about almost anything else. She watched as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair and his jaw tensed like he wouldn't say what he wanted too. She waited for a minute or so before she bowed her head and turned her face away from him as she took his silence for an answer; she decided to leave him alone as she stood up and headed back towards the ladder.
"I didn't want to see the look of regret on your face." He caught her off guard with his admission as he finally spoke just as she reached the edge of the roof. She spun around and looked at him to see that he was looking at her with such a solemn look on his face that she knew he was telling her the truth.
"What?" She asked as she walked back towards him stopping half way as the awkwardness melted away. She was unable to comprehend why he had resigned himself to thinking that she would regret their night together.
"It was different, amazingly different, for me... And it wasn't because we had a lot of vodka or because we had had an emotionally draining shift. It was because I was with you, it was you and me and maybe I'm crazy..." He trailed off having a hard time explaining what he wanted too especially when he wasn't sure what was going on in her mind. His words drew her in as she stepped closer until she was beside him, knelt down on her knees to his side on the cold hard rooftop. "And when you woke up I didn't want to see the regret that I was sure you would feel in the morning so I left even though I hated too." He didn't want to look at her even as close as she was.
She wanted to climb in his lap and wrap her arms around him tightly at the vulnerability he was showing her. She couldn't resist what she wanted so she stood up and climbed into his lap which he welcomed as it was exact same position that they had been in twice during their shared night as she managed to get her legs on either side of his so that her knees had encased his thighs. She raised her hands, grateful that they had stayed relatively warm, and rested one of her hands on the side of his neck with her thumb rested on his stubbled jawline while her other hand rested flat over his chest. "You very stupid yet very beautiful man." She told him softly as she leaned in close to him feeling as he pulled his hands out of his own pockets and one of his hands found its way to the top of her thigh while the other moved to cover hers in an effort to keep her from freezing. He raised his eyebrow at her as she had insulted and complimented him in one sentence. "Why would you even think that I would regret you?" She had to ask to understand what was making him think that.
He bowed his head forward to rest against hers briefly before he pulled back to look at her again as his hand involuntarily tightened around hers that was pressed flat against his chest. As she sat in his lap and as he looked at her he suddenly felt as though he couldn't breathe as he realised how stupid he had been to think that she would regret their night together and she was asking him why but he realised that he did not completely understand his own thought process. "I... one last time... I'm sorry." He reiterated her words as they flashed through his mind before he apologised hating that he had hurt her especially when she was already hurting.
"Don't apologise. I was the one who said one last time because if that was all I got with you then I could live with that... And it was just as amazing for me. With you, I didn't want it to end, I didn't want you to leave my body or ever let go of me." It was the truth and she wanted to share it with him so that he knew that he was not alone in what he felt. "And I don't want just that one night with you but you have to tell me what you want Kelly." She said it, put it out there, and waited with baited breath for him to answer.
"You, I want you Sylvie, I want a relationship with you." She barely finished talking before he answered her. He wanted her, he wanted to see where their connection would take them, he wanted a relationship with her because it was not solely about sex, not with Sylvie. His words made her smile and her eyes brightened before he leaned forward and captured her lips in his, kissing her until she was left breathless.
"We'll figure it all out." She smiled as she said it looking at him. It was unorthodox and there were still things they would have to figure out but for now it was enough just to be in each other's arms enjoying the quiet silence with things cleared between them.
"We will." He responded immediately as he turned to look at her and smiled. She melted against him as she pulled back from him and shifted slightly so that she was lent against him with her head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her as they turned their attention to the pretty view of the city that they served even in the bitter cold of the night.