Pain

October 31st 1995

It hurt. She'd heard all the horror stories surrounding the pain of labour but nothing compared to the actual reality of it all. Her back felt as though someone had wrapped a vice around it and she decided she'd never complain about her monthly cramps ever again, because they were nothing compared to this.

Jackie groaned, leaning over the hospital bed, her elbows resting on the mattress. She felt Robbie move beside her, his hand rubbing her lower back. "I hate you," she got out, her eyes squeezing shut as she willed the contraction to fade.

She could hear the bewilderment in his voice as he asked, "What did I do?"

"This!" She snapped, straightening up as the pain faded for the moment. "I'm sure nothing will happen, it's just one night," she mimicked him. "And now look!" She gestured down at her bump. "And this baby, much like their father has no bloody concept of timing."

"You can't blame me for that," he got out, trying not to laugh as he pointed out, "I'm never early for anything." He could take the blame for conception but he had the feeling that the fact this baby was a week early was more down to them inheriting Jackie's impatient streak rather than his lack of timing.

Jackie ignored him however and let out an annoyed huff of air as she continued unhindered, "It's a good thing that we did go shopping for all the stuff we'd need this weekend."

"So we're all organised and you don't have anything to worry about," he tried to point out.

"Just the whole pushing out a small person thing," she replied, teeth gritted. "That's hardly…Ah!" She gasped, fingers curling around his hand, squeezing tightly as another contraction hit.

Wincing, Robbie led her hand to the bed frame so she could grip that before he wiggled his hand free, staring mournfully down at his throbbing fingers. "That hurt," he told her unthinkingly.

It was the worst thing he could have said to a woman in labour and he realised it the second she looked up at him, her brown eyes filled with fury. "Good," she spat out. "I'm glad." He reached out wordlessly to rub her back and she jerked away, telling him vehemently, "Touch me again and I'll snap your hand off."

He sighed and let his hand fall away, he'd never had to go through this with Gaby, she'd had a planned c-section, and even though it had meant him missing out on the birth itself, he was beginning to think it had it's merits.

As that contraction faded away, Jackie looked up at him, her eyes damp as she reached out and taking his hand, told him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"I know you didn't," he replied quickly, kissing her sweat dampened forehead. He'd grown use to her mood swings the last few months, it had been bizarre to watch his usually composed wife snap at small things and burst into tears at television programmes. Even Michael had been more careful in what he told her.

"Where's the midwife?" She asked, resting her head against his shoulder. "Thought she'd be back by now."

"She shouldn't be long, just went to check if the birthing pool was ready."

"I know what she went to do," Jackie got out, her teeth gritted again. "I wanted to know how long she'll be."

"You want me to go find out?"

She shook her head, her damp curls sticking to her face as she did so and he reached up to wipe them away as she replied weakly, "No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just so tired, Robbie, I want this to be over with."

"I know, and it won't be much longer, Jacks," he tried to assure her as she doubled over again with another contraction.

It didn't go quite as quickly as Robbie had hoped, he hated seeing Jackie in pain and knowing that there was nothing he could do about it. And three hours later he was close to breaking point himself.

He stifled an exhausted yawn, running his hand over Jackie's shoulder, as he knelt on the floor next to her, grimacing when he felt the dampness permeate his trousers but wisely choosing not to bring it up. Still at least being in the water seemed to be helping, he'd been surprised when Jackie had announced she wanted a water birth and it still all seemed a bit surreal to him but at least she was more comfortable than she had been.

"I want you to start pushing on your next contraction, Jackie," the midwife informed them. "We're just about there now."

Jackie's head fell back against his shoulder, and he felt her nod as she wordlessly shifted so that she was facing him, her hands now on his shoulders instead. "Almost there," he told her, giving her an encouraging smile.

She nodded, her smile meeting her eyes this time. As the next contraction hit he felt her fingers curl into his t-shirt, twisting the material tight as she pushed.

The next few minutes dragged by and he didn't take his eyes off her face until he felt Jackie relax with relief and finally he heard the midwife tell them, "Here he is."

Jackie gave a choked sob as she twisted round, her face breaking into the most radiant smile Robbie had ever seen as the midwife placed the squalling baby onto her chest. "He?" she echoed as she stared down at the sniffling baby, one arm cradled around him as the other traced the damp tufts of thin dark hair that covered his head.

"You have a lovely little boy," she assured both of them.

Robbie felt as though his face was about to split in two with his smile as he reached down to touch his son's cheek, watching enthralled as he opened his eyes for the first time, his cries falling to whimpers, his tiny forehead creased. "He's perfect, Jacks," he told her proudly as he stared down at him.

"I know," she replied, quietly. Leaning forward she kissed her newborn son's forehead as she whispered to him, "You were completely worth all of it."

She looked up at Robbie and laughed giddily at the expression of pure love and devotion on his face and leaning up she kissed him deeply, all the exhaustion and pain forgotten as they revelled in the first few moments of their little boy's life.