A/N: Well, I'm baaaaack:D Enjoy this chapter and review please!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything directly from, related to, or pertaining to Harry Potter. The only thing that I could take a miniscule amount of credit for is Acacya and the plot. But just barely. So there is no need for lawyers or courts or judges.
"But Harry… don't you think Luna ought to have a fair chance too?" Hermione protested weakly. Harry cackled and threw his friend over towards the squishy arm chair.
"Read!" he demanded and then slunk back to his spot on the floor. This was most certainly going to be interesting. Hermione picked up the book in trembling fingers and shot several glares powerful enough to pass as Avada Kervada towards Harry and finally began to read.
"Someone better wake Malfoy," someone murmured but the action was never carried out. They figured that Draco didn't deserve to see the payback that was coming to the doomed Hermione.
The group made their way to the classroom and Acacya pushed the door open confidently. Harry, Draco, and Ron all made faces behind her back as if to say 'Oh no' and trudged into the room. The greasy Weasley girl scampered in behind them and twittered around the room nervously and finally settled down in a chair, a puff of dirt emitting from her since she never bathed.
"Come in class," Professor Binns droned at the class and floated over to the chalkboard. Acacya wasn't at all surprised that Binns was a ghost because she HAD her maid read the first book out loud… like once! That was enough to know anything.
"Excuse me Professor!" Acacya called from her seat. The ghost turned drearily from the board but when he saw who was speaking he brightened considerably.
"Yes Acacya," he responded and eagerly awaited the girl's question. This caused the class to gasp in unison and stare with wide eyes at the strange new girl who had actually made it so that Binns had a personality.
"I was wondering if you would tell us why you're so boring all the time." The class gasped and again and turned to the teacher in expectation. No one had ever DARED ask such a question to Professor Binns. The Professor paused for a moment and stared slack jawed at Acacya.
"Well… that is hardly an appropriate topic…" But when the ghost noticed that for the first time that all the students were paying close attention he caved. "Well… my parents didn't love me." The classroom gasped one more time and their heads whipped around to Acacya. Her eyes sparkled with tears because she knew what it was like when family didn't love you.
"Oh you poor dear…" the goddess cooed and walked over to the emotional Binns.
"This is completely ridiculous!" Hermione screeched but continued reading.
"Well I care about you… doesn't that mean something?" Acacya asked sweetly and simpered at the ghost. Professor Binns smiled through his ghost tears at Acacya and hugged her. And he didn't fall through Acacya like he normally would have. Instead his body began to solidify until he was not a ghost anymore.
"I'M ALIVE!" Binns cried and ran around the room in joy. The students cheered and wiped tears of emotion from their own eyes as they beheld their restored teacher. "Acacya brought me back from the dark beyond!" Acacya smiled and shook her head.
"It was nothing good sir," she responded and meekly went to her seat. But the students would have none of that and lifted Acacya up onto their shoulders.
"For she's a jolly good fellow! For she's a jolly good fellow! For she's a jolly good FELLOOOOOOOOOW! That nobody can deny!" Acacya giggled and spoke this next bit.
"In more than one way!" Harry grinned and sang louder than the rest. It was a good class indeed.
"Could she NOT make some kind of sexual reference every few paragraphs!" Neville cried and buried his head in his ears. Hermione sighed wistfully and everyone else remained stoically silent.
"Blah, blah, blah," Hermione muttered as she flipped through pages. This display caused everyone to cock and eyebrow.
"What are you doing?" Ron finally asked from the floor. Hermione looked up and clucked her tongue disapprovingly.
"I'm obviously skipping through the dirty and the entirely irrelevant parts of this godforsaken story," Hermione explained and went back to her task.
"Well how much do you have to skip?" Harry asked in surprise. Hermione gave him an odd look before responding.
"Why? Do you want me to read all this?" Harry paled and shook his head furiously.
"Of course not!" he cried in indignation. Hermione just chuckled and suddenly stopped her flipping to giggle uncontrollably.
"Oh… Harry I absolutely HAVE to read this out loud to everyone!" Hermione cried and instantly began to delve back into the accursed book.
Harry sat in his dorm room, Acacya in his lap, and suddenly decided to go through this shoe closet.
"Excuse me beloved," Harry murmured and walked over to his precious shoe collection. Ron chuckled from his spot on the bed but Acacya knew nothing about this odd obsession with shoes. Not that she was against it. She actually loved shoes as well.
"Do you like shoes?" Acacya asked curiously and peered down at her boyfriend in curiosity. Harry grinned and quickly held up some shoes.
"These shoes rock," he explained and placed them delicately to one side. Harry then instantly conjured up some but grimaced in distaste. "These shoes SUCK!" he groaned and tossed them over his shoulder. Ron propped himself on his elbows to see the ritual. "These shoes rock… these shoes SUCK! These shoes SUCK! AAAHHHH!" Harry screamed and began to whimper.
Hysterical laughter took over the Common Room. Even Luna stopped staring dreamily and laughed until her face rivaled that of a tomato with everyone else. The only person NOT laughing was Harry himself… who was sitting in the corner with this face resembling that of pus.
"Keep reading mudblood!" Draco insisted between laughs. And for once Hermione overlooked this comment and instead continued to read aloud.
"Erm… there, there Harry," Ron said comfortingly while patting Harry's shoulder. Acacya just giggled as she beheld the two friends' interaction.
"Hey…" Harry said as he got a look at Ron's shirt. "That's a really cute top!" Ron smiled widely and looked down at his pink T-shirt that said in big bold words " VOLDY WHO?"
"Thanks Harry! You know I had such a hard time finding one but…" Before Ron could finish however Harry bluntly cut in.
"Let me borrow that top. It's a really cute top!" Harry demanded, his eyes pleading with Ron. Ron looked down at the shirt and shook his head 'no'. Harry frowned at this but remained pleasant. "Come on, aren't we friends?"
"Well yeah…" Ron began uncertainly while holding the bottom of the shirt protectively.
"Then what's the problem?" Harry asked sweetly and sidled closer to his friend. Acacya stared on in interest and even conjured herself some popcorn. She just loved a good dude fight.
"Well… I'm wearing it Harry!" Ron protested weakly. Harry's face brightened.
"Well then you can wear one of my tops instead!" With that Harry walked over to his dresser ("What? I don't have a dresser!") and pulled out various flashy shirts.
"No Harry," Ron insisted firmly and stubbornly. Acacya gasped and whipped her head around to see Harry. Harry's face darkened and he dropped some of his shirts that he had been preparing to showcase to Ron.
And then Harry made a very, very rude hand gesture. It was so rude that it caused Acacya to squeal in mortification.
"With something hard and sandpapery," Harry shrieked, growing red in the face. Ron fainted and Acacya gave out another squeal. With that Harry stormed from the Common Room…
Hermione finally stopped reading and let herself laugh uncontrollably with the rest. Harry and Ron sat awkwardly as everyone else had a good laugh with everyone else at their expense.
"Oh, Merlin Harry!" Ginny giggled and walked over to give him a hug. "I'm so sorry but the mental image is just too much…" she explained between loud laughter and patted The Chosen One on the head. Harry smiled up at her to let her know that he understood.
"How is it resolved?" Dean asked as he finally caught his breath.
"Umm…" Hermione giggled and flipped through some pages. "Acacya uses her, and I quote, 'good reasoning skills and sweet soul' to get Ron and Harry back on speaking turns. Then her and Harry have a little quickie."
"Was that last little bit really necessary?" Seamus protested, his good mood gone. Hermione shrugged and slammed the book down.
"In any case, my turn is done. It's now Luna's turn."
A/N: The whole shoe and top thing… I don't own it. It's from this really weird (but funny) song… or well songs since there's too of them. The first one is called "Shoes" and the other song is called… umm… well for now we'll call it "Really Cute Top". Anyway, please review! Sorry it was so short again…