Chapter Eleven: Rise From The Dead
Kate
How do I describe the Akatsuki have Hannah's death? The best I can come up with is – nothing. Absolutely nothing. Why? Nothing happened. We did nothing. It was three days after Hannah's death. Leader had finally realize that this was not a joke. Zetsu had stopped trying to eat his own arm in guilt. Deidara had stopped trying to convince everyone that her death had been a work of art. Hidan had stopped trying to make lame jokes in an effort to cheer everyone up. Kakuzu had stopped beating Hidan over the head for making lame jokes in an effort to cheer everyone up. Konan had stopped trying to make a thousand paper cranes so her wish would be granted. Sasori had stopped watching Pinocchio over and over again with tears in his eyes. Tobi had stopped trying all sorts of weird voodoo tricks in an attempt to bring Hannah back to life. Kisame had stopped being over protective of my feelings and beating up anyone who mentioned Hannah's name. Dessie had stopped taking her anger out on Hidan every two seconds (she does that anyway, so I think her stopping is probably a bad sign). And I – well, I had stopped crying constantly, though I was still susceptible to random outbreaks of sobbing. Just to give you a heads up.
So, this afternoon, three days after Hannah's death, the Akatsuki were lying about the hideout's living room like a bunch of lazy couch potatoes. Dessie, Sasori, and I were lying about the sofa. Dessie had her feet slung over the arm of the couch and her head resting in Sasori's lap. It was terrible. Sasori was too lazy to punish Dessie for acting so familiar (I think Hannah's death had a terrible impact on Sasori no matter how hard he tried to hide it). I sat next to them, my head resting on the arm of the couch. Itachi was sitting in the lazy boy (it was his favorite seat), reading a book. Out of all of us, I would say he was the least affect by Hannah's death (sorry, Hannah), but I think he was just better at hiding it than everyone else. Then there was Kakuzu who was sitting in the arm chair, counting his money for the nth time that day.
The door to the living room opened and Tobi ran in, tears streaming down his mask from the one eye opening.
"Tobi doesn't like this!" he wailed. "Tobi wants Hannah-Nunu back."
Dessie flipped Tobi off.
"She's not coming back," said Kakuzu flatly.
"Tobi can't believe how heartless Kakuzu is!" cried Tobi, practically jumping on Kakuzu's lap in an effort to knock some sense into him. "Hannah-Nunu is dead!"
"And that sucks," said Kakuzu. "And I'm still short fifty bucks – I bet that bitch shorted me."
"Kakuzu!" screamed Tobi.
Dessie flipped them both off.
"Tobi's a sap and Kakuzu's heartless – what else is knew?" asked Sasori.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I burst into tears. Sasori scooted away from me. Itachi glared at us over the top of his book.
"Hn."
Dessie flipped Itachi off.
"Will you stop that?" asked Sasori.
Dessie flipped him off too.
"She's been… like this… all day," I said between sobs. "She just… can't take… the incident."
"She means Hannah's death," provided Kakuzu.
Tobi wailed. "Kate is unhappy too! Tobi is sad! Kate is sad! Tobi and Kate should get together and be sad!" He leapt onto the sofa with Dessie, Sasori, and me. Sasori pushed Tobi off the sofa and Dessie flipped Tobi off.
The door to the living room opened once again. This time it was Deidara and Zetsu who entered together. Hannah's death had affected them both deeply. They hadn't tried to kill each other once in the three days that had passed. They had almost become friends – which was a scary though indeed.
"What's going on?" asked Deidara.
"Tobi's being stupid," said Sasori.
"What else is new, uhn?"
"Kakuzu is short fifty bucks."
"You-Know-Who must have taken it," said Deidara.
"Her name is Hannah and she's dead," said Kakuzu.
Insert Dessie flipping Kakuzu off here.
"Do you have to point it out every time?" I wailed, wiping away the remainder of my last tear-attack. "It hurts."
Kakuzu shrugged. "Great. Now I'm going to have to search her room for the extra money."
"Do you have to?" I asked. "No one has gone in that room… Konan's even sharing with Leader–"
"Which is a great sacrifice, I'm sure," said Deidara.
"I want my money," said Kakuzu firmly.
"We think Kakuzu is a terrible boyfriend," said Zetsu. "We make a better husband."
"I don't see you doing anything particularly moving, uhn."
"Tobi misses Hannah-Nunu more than you."
"We're ignoring the funny man in a mask," said Zetsu.
"That's what we all do," said Sasori.
I felt another tear trickle down my face and, before I could help it, I had my head buried in my arms again and my whole body was trembling with a fit of misery.
"There she goes again," said Kakuzu.
"It's kind of pathetic," said Zetsu.
"Tobi understand Kate's pain!"
I wailed even louder. "I miss Hannah!"
"It's better than the last two days," said Kakuzu. "Remember when it was constant."
Sasori shook his head in mock-sadness. "Kisame never had a dry shirt to spare."
"He makes a good crying pillow," I sniffled through my tears. "He's big and squishy – like a teddy bear." My crying fit stopped as soon as it had come and I wiped the tear-stains off my face.
"You're strange," said Zetsu.
The door to the living room opened once again and Konan came storming in. We all turned to stare and she stomped her feet and sat down – rather harshly if I might add – on the floor between the couch and the arm chair.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Leader!" she snapped. "He's impossible. One moment he says – pass me the file for manages the accounts – and then the next he says – I didn't ask for that, you've been too distracted – and I say – well, yes, Hannah did just die – and he says – that isn't an excuse not to work! – The nerve of him!"
Konan glared dagger at the floor.
"Um, right," said Deidara.
"Leader has been taking all this fairly well," said Sasori. "Though I think I liked the laughing Leader better. Why did Dessie have to beat the truth into him again?"
Dessie flipped Sasori off.
"Don't insult your pillow," said Sasori.
Cue Dessie and her finger again.
Sasori pushed her off his lap and she fell on the floor with a heavy thud. Dessie lay there, too lazy and unmotivated to move.
"Has she even left this room?" asked Zetsu.
"Don't ask," advised Sasori.
"Itachi has been bringing her food and water," I said.
"Well isn't Itachi nice," said Deidara, sitting on the floor next to Dessie. "He's been keeping her alive. I would have just left her to die, uhn."
Dessie flipped him off.
The door opened yet again (why does everyone keep coming to the living room!). This time it was Hidan who came in. He was only wearing pants, which in itself wasn't unusual. What was unusual was the lack of blood covering his torso.
"Don't tell me there's something wrong with you too," said Sasori in exasperation.
"I can't do it," said Hidan. "Murdering someone in a bathtub doesn't feel right."
"Don't tell me," gasped Deidara. "Hannah's death has made Hidan realize the error in his ways."
"Fuck no. I just think that if I was happy slaughtering people, it would be bad for all the sad and miserable souls in this house." Hidan kicked Dessie in the side. She flipped him off.
"Is that all she does?"
"Yes."
Hidan crouched down over Dessie's body and poked her forehead. "You look as dead as the other one."
"He means Hannah," said Kakuzu for clarification.
"Will you stop that!" I wailed.
"No."
"I'm bored," said Sasori.
"We can always watch Pinocchio, uhn," said Deidara with a malicious grin.
"Fuck you," said Sasori. "That's a great movie."
And then the waterworks started up again. I tried desperately to wipe away the tears before they started going full blast, but there were no breaks. I wailed and wept without regret.
"Here we go again," said Sasori.
In the middle of my water show, the door opened and Kisame stepped into the living room. He took one look at me and turned to glower at the Akatsuki, "Okay, who made Kate cry?"
"All I said was Pinocchio was a great movie," said Sasori.
"Darn it, Sasori," cried Kisame. "We all know Kate hates Pinocchio."
"I don't… hate… Pinocchio," I sniffled.
"Oh. Then why are you crying?"
I wiped some snot from my nose with the back of my hand. I'm sure I looked beautiful. Puffy pink eyes, a runny nose, tear-streaks running down my face, and snuffling every few seconds – I could have been the Fence's Next Top Model.
"I miss Hannah!" I wailed.
Now, I can't say Kisame is the boyfriend I have always dreamed about since I was a little girl, but when I said those miserable words, I can tell you Kisame had the best possible solution.
"But I'm right here."
I stopped crying and stared. "What?"
"Hi, Kate," said Kisame in an unnaturally girly voice. "How are you today?"
"Um… Terrible…"
"Well that's great. I'm swell." Kisame giggled. "I've conned several men of their life savings already – and it's not even time for dinner! You want to go paint our toe nails?"
I coughed.
"Um," said Sasori slowly. "Is he pretending to be Hannah?"
Kisame pranced across the room and leapt onto Kakuzu's lap. "Look! It's my super manly boyfriend! I'm dating him for fun, but secretly I'm in love with Dei-Dei – tehehehehe."
"This is scary," said Hidan.
My mouth moved in silent horror.
"Dessie!" cried Kisame, clapping his hands together. "You're my super evil best friend – what demonically villainous things shall we do today? Slaughter a town? Rob them of their riches? Sacrifice people to Jahsin-sama? Or will you get drunk and I'll film it?"
Dessie sat up and stared. "Kisame," she said. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"She spoke!" cried Konan.
Kisame waltzed around the room, still giggling like a deranged high-school girl. "Zetsu is my precious little house plant – cannibalism is good for you! Deidara is my vicious lackey – mess with me and you get your head blown off! And Kakuzu is my partner in crime – his tentacles can rape you in thirteen different ways! I'm a bad, bad girl."
Kakuzu blinked. "This is wrong on so many levels that I don't know where to begin."
Kisame posed in front of the still damaged TV. He pressed one finger to his lips and pouted. "What? You don't want some of this sadism? I'll make you dance circles around one another while dropping sarcastic comments and saving the tapes for blackmail later. But somehow this turns on about half of the Akatsuki for reasons no one can actually explain."
"Evil attracts evil," said Dessie.
"Oh." Kisame giggled. "To think I'm learning these things from Dessie. Insert sarcastic comment here – tehehehehe."
"Kate," said Sasori. "I think you need to help Kisame better his girl impersonations."
"What are you talking about?" asked Kisame. "I'm not impersonating anyone – tehehehe."
I was too speechless to do anything. How would you feel if you saw your boyfriend prancing around the room like a giant fairy!
"Hannah-Nunu!" cried Tobi, leaping to his feet. "Hannah-Nunu is back from the dead!" He leapt at Kisame, his arms outstretched, but at the last second, Kisame batted Tobi's head down and Tobi landed on the floor at Kisame's feet. Kisame giggled. "Tehehehehehe."
"I think I'm permanently scarred," said Deidara. "I can't think of Hannah the same way again, uhn."
"At least he has the Tobi Rejection down right," said Zetsu.
"Don't be silly, House Plant," said Kisame, patting Zetsu on the head. "Insert sarcastic comment here about how you eat people – tehehehehehe."
Zetsu snapped at Kisame's blue fingers, but Kisame pulled away at the last second.
"Naughty, naughty, House Plant," said Kisame, quickly backing away.
"Except he has a distorted vision of our relationship with Hannah," said Zetsu grouchily.
Dessie giggled. "I don't know – I think Kisame has it down pretty well."
"Don't encourage him, uhn."
I covered my mouth to suppress a laugh. When I glanced up I saw Kisame grinning at me wildly. I smiled back shyly and he stepped forward and gave me a quick kiss.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
I nodded.
"Good. I knew a little girl-on-girl action would cheer you up."
A huge blush spread across my face and I covered my flaming cheeks in my hands. "Kisame!"
He stood up, put one hand on his hip and cried, "It's Hannah."
"What's going on here?"
We all turned in the direction of the door to see Leader standing at the entrance of the living room, staring at Kisame with uncomprehending eyes.
Kisame rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Just two girls making out to cheer everyone up…"
Dessie flipped him off.
A/N: Lol to you Kisame. Sorry, Hannah's still dead. REVIEW OR KISAME WILL ACT AS HANNAH FOR THE REST OF THE STORY!