Thank you for being patient with me. I had my second knee surgery two weeks ago, my first one only being in September so it's been a little rough. I'm feeling great and off work until December WOOT! So I plan to concentrate on my stories. I know a lot of you want Last Night in London and I plan on updating that one next. Long Time Coming…My best friends sister and London in the mix as well. Just continue to be a little patient and I promise not to disappoint. So to continue with my little season 3 rewrite, here is chapter 11. Enjoy!

Chapter 11

College Hopes And Set Backs

BPOV

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about Dylan, Chad, the macho guy stuff and the Mulholland make out session. I knew that if I was alone with Dylan, I'd allow myself to let go with him. The truth is I want him. I've always wanted him and it feels good to be with him. I would have had sex with him up there, if he had protection. I take a deep breath because I'm not sure how to handle this. I love Dylan. I know that. I also know that sex doesn't make a relationship. You can't hang on to a guy with sex. Look at Dylan and I, look at Kelly and Dylan, which I really don't want to think about but…you just can't. There is so much more that goes into relationship. There is mutual respect and commitment. I do respect Dylan. It took a long time to get to know the real him. To see what he hid behind his walls of protection. He opened up to me, we understood each other and I respected the things that made Dylan Dylan. I respected his need to be alone at times, I respected the fact he would never be the guy that would take me to football games and enjoy them, that would enjoy dances and school events. I respected he wouldn't make a production out of prom or even wanting to take me. I respected he was the way he was and that was okay. Did Dylan respect me? When things got tough he bailed. He pushed me on that plane, not because my parents wanted me to, because he knew we needed the break too. He needed the break from the heavy. Then as he was taking a break from our serious relationship, he got into another one. I don't honestly think Dylan and Kelly meant to fall for each other. They had never showed interest in one another before. At least Dylan had never. Kelly always thought he was cute but that didn't mean she was going to fall in love with him. They let it happen, two of the closest people in my life besides my immediate family, went behind my back and to me…that's not respectful at all.

Then there is commitment. Dylan and I had always had a wandering eye. Things would become to set and safe with us. Attention from someone else came at us sometimes but the ending was always the same. Nobody was better than who we were together. At least that's what I thought. Until Kelly that is. I still didn't know why he chose her. Was he over it with me? I know Dylan loves me, there isn't a question in my mind but is it enough? Ugh I can't get out of this depression. I practically have Dylan back, at my disposal and I still have this worthless insecurity about myself, lost and unsure. The darkness hasn't gone away either. It's better but it isn't gone. My parents think I'm in a funk. Is that what this is? A funk? Who fucking knows anymore. All I know is you would think having Dylan showing remorse and being sorry. Expressing his love for me, breaking it off with Kelly would make me happy. It's definitely helped but no…I'm not better. It still happened and there is a part of me that holds on to it and takes it very personally. I thought I was special but was I really? I seemed pretty easy to dispose of.

Dylan is taking his SAT's this morning. Another thing I couldn't stop thinking about. It was such a touchy subject back when we were together. Where did he want to go to college? What if he didn't do as well? What if he goes into that spiral he went into that caused all that friction and hostility with the SAT people and college? I couldn't deal with it again. I prayed he did well and I guess…the college talk is something that we should talk about. But it won't be me who brings it up. No way…not after last time. A gentle knock brings me out of my deep thoughts. My father opens the door slowly. He smiles a sad smile at me.

"You have mail." He holds up two manilla envelopes and his eyebrows raise. "You want to tell me why you're receiving two thick envelopes from the University of Minnesota and New York University?" He looked at me seriously.

I look down and take a deep breath, "I applied." I say simply.

"I see that Brenda but…why didn't you tell us?" My dad comes into my room now and sits on the foot of the bed.

I shrug, "I would have…I just…was thinking maybe I'd want to go to school somewhere else. I haven't made any decisions dad and honestly, I'm not sure anymore what I want to do." I'm honest with him.

He nods accepting, "Well." he gets up and gently tosses the envelopes on my bed. "It looks like you have some decisions to make." He gives me a smile and heads out of my room. I look down at the college acceptance envelopes, knowing the big and thicker ones usually means you got in. My dad was right for a change…I did have some decisions to make and a certain guy to have a discussion with. I could only hope, when I head over to Dylan's in a few hours, after taking the SAT's he'd bring it up…cause I was NOT going to. Not after the last time. I was not going to make a decision on college based on a guy BUT Dylan's opinion to me did matter, even if I didn't know exactly where this relationship was heading. The only thing I was sure of was I didn't want to live without Dylan in my life. Losing him was the hardest thing to date I had to go through and that just wasn't an option.

Dylan had called me as soon as he had gotten home from his SAT's. I asked him if he felt like he had done well and he thought he did. He seemed to be in a good mood which was a plus. He told me he was going by the market for dinner stuff and he'd see me at his house by 6. I had taken a shower and tried to put myself together but with all this college crap on my brain, my relationship with Dylan…I didn't have the energy. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing half boots, a black body suit and jeans. I looked unhealthy, skinny and pale. My eyes didn't have a sparkle to them, my cheek bones too prominent and I had dark circles under my eyes. I wasn't sleeping well. I reached into my closet grabbing my leather jacket and gave myself a once over. I had become frighteningly aware that I just didn't look pretty at the moment and sadly I just didn't care. I was hopeless.

I knocked on Dylan's door a little before six and was greeted by a smiling Dylan. He looked edible unlike myself in his jeans, white tee and bare feet. He embraced me tightly before I even made my way inside. He held me firmly around the waist and looked down at me. His eyebrows furrowed and I looked down self-conscience, did he notice I looked like shit?

"You okay babe?" He asked concerned. I looked up at him and gave him a small smile and a nod. He leaned in and kissed me softly. He lingered close to me, pecking my lips a few times before letting me go. I walked in in silence and as I turned to face Dylan, who had just closed his front door he was staring at me. "You look tired." his head tilted to the side sympathetically. I know Dylan meant well but when someone tells you look tired, they are saying you don't look like yourself, meaning you look like ass. I took a deep breath and sat on the futon.

I shrugged a little, "I didn't get much sleep last night."

He moved fluidly and sat next to me. His hand came out and pushed my hair off my shoulder to my back, then his hand gently rubbed down my back a few times settling on my hip. "You sure you are ok?" he asked quietly. Concern written all over his face. I faked a smile and leaned in kissing him deeper. He pulled back and smirked. "Bren…what's going on?"

I shook my head quickly and smiled, "Nothing…I swear. Tell me how the SAT's went." maybe by bringing them up in person it may spark some college talk.

He gave me a look knowing I was changing the subject but let me, "It went well. I guess I'll find out. I'm sure Steve will be happy to hear I remembered to put my name on it this time." he joked and rolled his eyes.

"Did you ever figure out what was going on with Steve?" I asked interested.

Dylan breathed out, "Yeah kind of. I think we were just getting on each other's nerves a little. Yesterday when I was trying to study at the pit, Steve and I had it out in the parking lot." my eyes widened. "Steve got on me for what I had done to you over the summer, he pretty much blamed me for the entire thing and not Kelly but we both know, she is Steve's soft spot. He bought up seeing us kiss at the senior poll picture day and he couldn't believe you had taken me back." Dylan shrugged, "He's a good friend to you Bren. I have been kicking myself for everything I have done, all the mistakes I made when it came to you. Steve wasn't telling me anything new. We worked it out though and by the time I left the pit to get ready to come pick you up, we were on okay terms again."

I sat shocked, "Steve…stood up for me?"

Dylan looked at me with a smirk, "Why wouldn't he?"

I shrugged, "I don't know…just didn't think he cared. I mean he's always been more Brandon's friend then my own. Just surprised that's all."

"Bren…what Kelly and I did to you was a big deal. I'm learning that most of our friends had an opinion about it, they just didn't express it. I'm really sorry I let you down."

I sighed not wanting to go into it. "It's over Dylan…it can't be erased, I would really rather just move past it."

He smiled at me and gave me a nod. His hand tightened around my hip and he leaned in and kissed me. This kiss was heated and intense. His tongue gliding effortlessly with mine. I got lost in him, soon Dylan was over me and I realized quickly where this was heading. I broke free and smiled.

"I thought you were making me dinner. It seems you're moving towards dessert already." I joked.

Dylan sat up taking my hand and helping me do the same. He chuckled, "Does that mean there will be dessert?" he raised his eyebrows hopeful. Dylan and I had the slow and steady talk, but it did not consist of a sex talk. And after last night I was aware that conversation would probably take place tonight since we were alone again. He didn't allow me time to answer and truthfully I was happy because I honestly didn't know the answer. Having sex with Dylan would have been the opposite of slow and steady. But I was also painfully aware that we'd had that kind of relationship before we broke up. It would be hard to wait now and Dylan wasn't the type to not have sex with his girlfriend. But there was also that sickening feeling in my gut that knew, Dylan and Kelly had slept together and that just made going there with him again so much more difficult.

DPOV

Something was going on with Brenda. I saw it the moment I opened the door. Brenda was always beautiful to me but the spark in her eyes was gone. She was getting notably thinner. Her favorite Levis hung on her hips practically and you could see her collar bone prominent and defined. She hid her body under a black leather jacket but when we were cooking together in the kitchen, she finally had taken it off. I looked her up and down. Her waist was tiny and because I couldn't really keep my hands off her. I felt her bones more exposed, the black body suit hid it well but I could even see her ribs more. We made dinner side by side making small talk but once the garlic bread was in the oven and the pasta was boiling away I truly looked at her.

"You still aren't eating much are you?" I asked her already knowing the answer.

Brenda shrugged and leaned against the counter. "I eat."

I moved towards her quickly and trapped her against the counter, my hands on either side of her, my face close to hers. "You act like I don't know you. Like I don't know when something is bothering you. Like I don't know every look and facial expression you make." my eyes traveled down her body hungrily, "Like I don't know your body as well as my own. Bren." I breathed, "I have had my mouth and hands on every inch of you. You are thin…getting too thin and I want to know what's going on?" I knew my voice was stern and I didn't want to be stern with her. I wanted to enjoy our date dinner night and the fact that this was Brenda's first time at my house since we broke up. But after what happened with Kelly and the diet pills, which I hadn't even noticed barely, I did notice with Brenda and if she was showing signs of an eating disorder or whatever I was not going to ignore it. "Talk to me baby. I love you…you can tell me anything."

Tears filled her eyes as she looked into mine. "I'm sorry Dylan. I just have a lot on my mind. I don't mean not to eat. I just…haven't felt myself. I'm in a funk I guess."

"A funk?" I leaned out from her and crossed my arms, "You think you are just in a funk?" I eyed her.

She chuckled, "Well that's what my parents seem to think." she joked.

"Bren…your parents mean well but honey this is more than a funk. You're depressed. Don't get me wrong Brenda…you're beautiful, you're always beautiful to me but you aren't yourself and I've noticed for awhile. You don't put yourself together like you used too."

Her face wounded. I encircled my arms around her waist. "Hey…you are one of the most gorgeous girls I know. Okay? You are perfect to me but I also know you. I'm here for you Bren. Always." I emphasized.

"I know." she whispered, "I'm sorry." she broke down and practically collapsed in my arms. I held her and let her cry. I stroked her head, kissed her and whispered it was okay. My girl was in pain and it made me in pain just looking at her. She pulled away after a while and looked into my eyes. "It's a lot of things really."

"Just tell me one of them. Maybe I can help." I offered.

"I can't I don't want you to be angry at me." She cried. What was she talking about?

"I won't get angry…just tell me." I begged.

"College. I've been thinking about us and college but the last time I brought it up, it just didn't go over well and when you were fixing your bike and you said not to plan my life around you and…and" my hands went to her face to calm her. She was on the verge of hysteria.

"Hey…hey…this is not beginning of senior year. I'm different, in a very different place Bren." I stroked her cheek, "I don't want you to ever be afraid to tell me stuff. You hear me…never. I was an asshole then and I had a lot of guilt for the summer. I've been thinking a lot about college too."

"You have?" she asked surprised. I smiled at her seeing her calm a little.

I nodded, "Yes…I have." I reached over taking the bread out of the oven and the boiling done pasta off the stove. I reached for her hand and brought her into my bedroom. She stood near the foot of the bed as I walked over to my desk. I grabbed two applications and handed them to her. "I'm not sure where you applied. I'm going to apply to CU and UC Berkley. I was hoping you'd apply there too." She took a deep breath and looked down at the application I had gotten her too. She looked in my eyes and I wasn't sure by her expression. "Is this ok?"

A tear fell from her eye as she blinked and she gave me a nod. "Why are you crying Bren? I thought this would make you happy."

"It does." she nodded, "it's just…I applied to colleges too and…I was accepted." I take her hand and lead her to sit on the bed and wait for her to continue. She looks at me, her eyes full of tears, "After we broke…I thought getting out of LA was a good idea. Get away from you…Kelly and the drama. I applied at CU…NYU…and the University of Minnesota." My eyes widened, "I got accepted to all three." I breathed out and looked down. Of course she did. Brenda was a top notch student. She had made the principles honor list two years in a row.

Silence fell over us, I looked at her. "Do…you know where you're going to go?" I asked scared of the answer. Maybe she had made the decision already? I couldn't picture myself in Minnesota, too fucking cold…and NYU? I honestly couldn't picture myself living there either. At least we had CU as a mutual choice it still didn't help that Berkeley was my number one choice.

Brenda shook her head, "No…I just found out about Minnesota and NYU today. I haven't made any decisions yet. I was sort of waiting for you to bring it up."

I nodded, I was happy Brenda and me were talking like this but I honestly didn't know what to say. "We don't have to decide anything right now. Why don't we have some dinner?" I smiled at her. My heart heavy but we really didn't have to make any decisions at this moment. Brenda and I JUST started this between us again. I couldn't ask her to drop everything and follow me but part of me wanted too. Maybe I could apply to NYU and she could apply to Berkeley and we could make the decision together? I kissed her softly, rubbing my nose once against hers.

"I love you Brenda."

Her hand found my cheek, "I love you Dylan." she answered back and pressed her lips to mine. We enjoyed our pasta dinner and tried to put it all aside to enjoy our date night. As we made small talk and cuddled on the futon, the air of sadness was thick around us. Dread and what if's hung around us almost suffocating. I didn't know if I would be able to tell Brenda goodbye come fall if we planned on different schools. I also didn't know how to ask her to apply to Berkley as well just in case because I would apply to NYU for her, sadly I just didn't know if I could get in . Prom was coming up soon. Maybe just maybe we could spend our prom weekend in San Fransisco, Go to the dance, catch a flight that night, spend the whole long weekend we had loving each other, seeing the city. I had fell in love with Berkeley, maybe she would too.

The following day I walked into the halls at school tired as hell. I hadn't slept well after Brenda went home. I wanted to proposition her, If she would add Berkeley to her list, I would add New York. If her heart was set on Minnesota I was fucked because I really really didn't want to live there. It wasn't me and I knew I wouldn't be happy in the midwest. No offense to the Walsh's but I didn't think Brenda would be happy there either. She was from there I knew and held her home town in her heart but I didn't think she was Minnesota anymore either. I got to my locker and grabbed my first period books. The halls were filled with chatter as music blared over the PA. I made my way to Brenda's locker in hopes I could see her, kiss her. When I rounded the corner there were balloons attached to it. My eyebrows furrowed as I stepped closer reading the message attached to the outside of her locker. It was a map, to the football field. I grabbed it ripping it off her locker. I didn't know if she had seen it but my feet started carrying myself to the field to see what the fuck was going on. As I made my way through the back area of school, I stood at the top of the stadium bleachers. There Brenda was standing looking down on the field in front of us with a smile on her face. There Chad stood on the track around the football field smiling back his arms spread out. There were the words…PROM? written across the middle of the football field in footballs. There was where I got suspended for 3 days for kicking the shit out of Chad.

EEEEK…So college talks and prom proposals it is isn't it? And Dylan…is suspended. Next up Brenda's POV and more into what happened with that fight. Everyone is talking about Chad's prom proposal and Dylan is in the dark not at school. What do you think will happen? How will Dylan top that? What will Brenda do? Hit review people. I'm righting the wrong!