Epilogue - Lost:

Author's Note:

Congratulations to you all for making it to the end. Last chapter ended a bit ambiguously, but the reason for that will become obviously pretty quickly. Originally, I was going to tell you all that I had two endings planned, a "good" and a "bad" ending… but I'm not going to tell you which one this is. I'll leave that up for you to decide. So… please, enjoy!

XXX

Go ahead, break. No matter what you do… you can never be happy.

Happiness, she thought bitterly. Is there even such a thing? Did it truly matter if she broke or not? She had already admitted to herself that she loved him, and he her. But… he was guilty of treason to the highest degree. But, then again, she was guilty of many crimes as well. Was their situation truly different?

Don't break.

She could guarantee herself that if he stayed, she would still suffer. She would suffer if she was alone. If she was to suffer either way… did it really matter if she was alone or with someone else? That's right… she didn't want to drag others down with her.

Or do.

But by staying in the Pridelands, she was already dragging others down with her. What's one more? Maybe the reason she suffered is because she never gave in. Why did she never give in? Perhaps if she was to just stop thinking, she would stop suffering.

It doesn't matter.

No… no… she couldn't do that. She could never do that. If she stopped thinking, she would cease to exist. At least as herself. That would be the worst suffering imaginable, and she would never know why. If she gave up, if she broke, ceased to be herself, then she could be happy.

You don't want happiness.

No, I don't, she realized. And that fact alone was what had driven her for so long. Happiness could not exist with intelligence… and that was her one trait she valued above all others. It was what made her unique… one of a kind.

Is that fair? To be the only one who can think?

Is that fair? If she was the only one who could truly think, then she was the only one who could truly suffer. That wasn't fair to her, or to anyone else. Without the ability to think, yes, they could not perceive true suffering… but they would never be free.

Wait.

Freedom… the thought echoed within her. That was the difference between her and everyone else. Her sin was the price of her freedom. And she had never truly cherished it. She was the one and only creature in the world that could make real decisions, that could make real choices, that could choose her own path. She was free.

But then why do you remain?

No matter how hard Simba tried, he could never make a real choice. His actions were laid out before him, dictated by the events that proceeded him. It was the same for all the hyenas, Banzai included. Then is it truly fair to punish them? she wondered.

They lack free will.

And cannot be responsible for their actions. They were always going to do what they were always going to do… there was nothing she, or anyone else, could do to stop them. Thus, they cannot be judged guilty, as they were just the playthings of causality. They had destinies, fates, but she did not. She was not bound as they were.

Is this enough to justify saving him?

Does he deserve to be saved? Even if he had no control… could she actually just let him walk free? "Wait," she all but whispered. The king, who stood beside her, looked down at her, confusion evident on his face. But she repeated herself, louder this time, "Wait!"

Banzai and Ed stopped, but the other hyenas had made it out of range, they could not hear her. And she didn't want them to hear her. Because what she was doing would only hurt them more. And, if they weren't responsible, they didn't deserve to suffer more than they were fated to. Banzai and Ed turned around, hope welling in their eyes.

"Shenzi?" Simba asked, hoping that she would clarify why she stopped these two specifically. She clenched her eyes shut and ground her teeth until they ached. She wanted to call him over to her, by her side once more, forgive him for all that he had no choice but to do, and then live on. But, at the same time… she needed him to face some sort of punishment.

"Banzai…" she said, not loudly, not softly, just her normal speaking voice, forcing him to approach the rock. Ed did not move, but he hoped whatever she was going to do would include him as well. "Do you know what you've done wrong? Do you truly understand why I have to let you go?"

He licked his lips and thought hard. Knowing her, the answer would not be obvious. "I know only what you think I've done wrong," he said slowly, carefully, as if stepping through a minefield.

"And what would that be?" she asked. Simba stood next to her, utterly confused. Was she going to let him stay? He was willing to let all her clanmates remain in the Pridelands… why would she only consider saving one?

Once again, he thought hard. What had he done wrong? The easy answer… he had betrayed her and Simba… but that was too easy. There had to be something deeper. Why did it elude him? Had she already told me? he wondered. But finally, he looked up, straight into her eyes, and said, "I… did not think."

She tilted her head back and let loose a loud, cacophonous laugh. It echoed throughout the Pridelands and struck Banzai deeply. Have I guessed wrong? Banzai wondered, fear settling deep into his heart. Her laugh eventually faded into a loud sigh, "That was your most glaring mistake, yes. But let me ask you once more, did you merely not think or can you not merely think?"

"Both?" he asked hesitantly.

She shook her head, but not in disappointment. She knew he'd get this answer wrong. "No, Banzai. They are mutually exclusive statements; you cannot have both. That is why you cannot think," she said. "Saying that you did not think implies that you can indeed do such… you cannot."

Banzai looked down at his paws, believing he was done for, but she was not finished. "Simba… I would like to retract my earlier statement. I want Banzai to stay with me," she said. Simba raised an eyebrow and looked back to where Ed stood.

"Are you sure you only want him? What about everyone else?" Simba asked softly, quiet enough that Banzai couldn't hear him.

"It can only be him," she answered just as quietly. Banzai stared up at them, wondering if Simba wouldn't let him stay.

"Very well. Banzai, your crimes against myself and the Pridelands are hereby pardoned. You may stay, if you so wish," Simba said. Banzai felt his soul soar before it immediately crashed back to the ground. What about Ed? he wondered, turning back to see his best friend had snuck up behind him. He knows.

The two hyenas exchanged goodbyes, they would never see each other again. Tears dripped from Ed's eyes as he walked away, he knew no one was going to stop him like they had done Banzai. Banzai waited until Ed had gone before letting out a shaky breath. Is this worth it? he wondered.

He made his way up to Pride Rock, where he belonged, and went over to her. "I… don't know what to say…" he said softly. He was suddenly unsure of himself. This is what he wanted, wasn't it? To have her all to himself. He had finally won… but was it worth it? He had to give up everyone and everything… could he truly be happy?

She walked over to him and licked him kindly. "Now, you're mine," she whispered in his ear. Banzai could feel his apprehension vanishing. This was what he wanted! He had won! He was going to-

What the hell are you doing?

XXX

Timon turned around to see Shenzi standing behind him. He glanced back at the gathering of cubs, who were on the edge of their seats waiting for him to finish his story. He turned back to Shenzi, "Whatever do you mean?"

He had been telling a group of cubs of how Shenzi and Banzai came to stay in the Pridelands, while all their clanmates were banished. A year had passed since Scar's defeat, and Timon, due to his job as Simba's babysitter, had taken it upon himself to watch over the next generation of cubs. And that included a curious looking hyena cub with bright eyes.

Shenzi's eyes narrowed, "That's not how it happened." Timon gulped, Shenzi had changed quite a bit since she had reigned victorious over Scar. She had delved into her work as Simba's advisor and hardly ever spent any time with anyone. Not even Banzai, who she had saved from a horrible fate.

Even the bright-eyed hyena cub. "I had decided to… uh, skip the explicit stuff," Timon said nervously. For the longest time, Shenzi had not scared him… but now he was not so sure. As the distance between her and everyone else, her temper flared more often. She would lash out randomly, unable to contain herself. She looked so very much like the hyenas she had banished.

"That's not what I mean," she sighed. Timon refused to let out a relieved breath, although she didn't lash out… he wasn't safe yet. He noticed one of the lion cubs raise a paw in the air out of the corner of his eye. He, without breaking his sight away from Shenzi, pointed at the cub.

The little cub had a pale brown pelt like her mother, but her eyes burned a bright red like her father's. The princess, Kiara, had something to say. "Miss Shenzi? If that's not what happened, what did?" She, like the other cubs, were still curious about how the story ended.

But Timon saw one of the cubs darken and shrink back from the others. She had clearly already heard this story from her father. Timon could feel pity well up inside of him. That cub, though never alone, not if Timon could help it, had grown up only with her father. She never got to see her mother.

A vicious grin presented itself on Shenzi's face. A cold jolt of fear danced down Timon's spine. The truth was a bit more cold than the cubs were ready for. He was going to give them a better ending, but Shenzi wouldn't shy away from the reality of it all.

So Timon interrupted her, before she could say anything, "What did you want?" She glared at him, but he did not flinch. "You must've come over here for some other reason than to interrupt my story."

She growled, but did not continue with the truth. "Jasiri, with me," she hissed and walked away. The hyena cub slunk after her, fear evident in her purple eyes. Timon watched them go, hoping that nothing bad would happen to the little cub. It had been a very long time since Shenzi had said anything to her daughter.

Kiara watched them go as well. Jasiri was her best friend, and knew how poorly she was treated by her mother. She had tried many times to get her father to force Shenzi to do something with her daughter, to bring them together again… but Simba always said the same thing. "There's nothing that can be done, I'm afraid."

"Uncle Timon?" Kiara said, breaking the meerkat's attention away from Shenzi's retreating form. Now that was a name he had greatly enjoyed. It was so much better than Stooge… which he would take even now, as Shenzi had yet to address him by name since her victory, even his false name. "So how does the real story end?"

I'll never forgive you… or myself for breaking, was the truth. The truth that Timon refused to tell them. And she had never wavered from that idea. It was why she was so distant, why she refused to spend time with either Banzai or her own daughter. She had given Banzai what he wanted… then never saw him again. "Nothing… nothing that you need to know," Timon sighed.

Kiara looked disappointed, so Timon tried to cheer them up, "But we still have my story to finish!"

The gathering of cubs gave him a dry look as Kiara, clearly the voice of the group, said, "But uncle Timon… that story's not true."

Timon brightened, refusing to be negative… it wasn't good for the cubs to be exposed to the darkness that surrounded Shenzi, so he had to break them away from it. "Ah, but that's what makes the story interesting. Even if you never know the truth, at least you know what didn't happen, right?" he grinned when he saw the confusion spring up on their faces. They cannot know the truth.

XXX

Shenzi and her daughter trekked throughout the Pridelands. They walked for hours and hours, Jasiri slowly losing patience with her mother. She pulled her away from Timon to walk? She hadn't even seen Shenzi in months, let alone even spoken to her! Now they were together, and alone, and all she wanted to do was walk?

Eventually, Shenzi stopped on a large outcrop overlooking a massive canyon. The very gulch that Mufasa had died in. She lied down to watch the sun set, Jasiri walked over to her. "Mother," she said. She didn't even know what her real name was. She knew father, though he liked to be called daddy, was really named Banzai… but she had no idea what mother's real name was.

Shenzi did not respond to her daughter. She only stared out at the sunset with hollow eyes. "Mother… what do you want?" Jasiri clarified. Again, Shenzi did not respond. Jasiri, angry at Shenzi for ignoring her own daughter, turned and walked away.

"Where are you going?" Shenzi said, not breaking her gaze away from the sunset. The question itself wasn't malicious, nor was her tone, but Jasiri couldn't help the shiver that went down her spine. How can I be scared of my own mother? she wondered.

"Away from you. Do you know how long it has been since we've spoken? Months, mother. I'm starting to think that you don't love me," Jasiri hissed. Despite what father has said… I don't think you love anyone, her eyes clenched together tightly.

"Does it seem like I don't love you?" Shenzi asked, never looking at her daughter. Not that it would matter, Jasiri had her back to her.

"Yes," Jasiri simply.

"I misspoke… why does it seem I don't love you?" Shenzi asked. Jasiri growled slightly, she hated this. And she knew Banzai hated it too. Shenzi liked to ask difficult questions, ones where the right answer was only available to her. But… this one seemed like a given.

Jasiri whirled around and practically screamed, "You're never around! You never speak to me! You've never even said you do! How can you begin to think that you love me?" She paused in her outburst, teeth clenched tightly. "You don't love me like daddy does."

Shenzi snorted, "He only loves you because he can do nothing else. He is preprogrammed to do so, Jasiri. And I was hoping you'd understand that… I am not like daddy." She flinched upon those words. Jasiri's eyebrow rose.

But Shenzi wasn't done, "We aren't like him, or anyone else for that matter. Do you love me?" She let out a low groan and shifted her sitting body, still looking at the sunset. Age had set into her bones and walking that far had made her tired and sore.

Jasiri thought for a moment, but eventually sighed and said, "Of course I do… just as daddy does." She almost wanted to ask why she did this to them. But she held her tongue.

Shenzi chuckled lowly, "He's a fool, and you shouldn't follow in his example. You shouldn't just simply love me, just because that's the easiest thing to do. You have all the reason to hate me, and I expected you to say as much." She glanced down at her paws.

"You're wrong," Jasiri said. She saw one of Shenzi's ears flick upwards from hearing those foreign words. The elder hyena had said them often enough… but they were rarely said to her. For she was rarely wrong.

"You are the fool, mother," Jasiri hissed, "even though you abandoned us… daddy still loves you, and so do I… and so does everyone else. Why are you like this? What in this world has turned you against it?"

Shenzi ground her teeth together, but did not respond to her daughter. "Daddy's sick, he's going to die soon," Jasiri said, changing the topic, knowing that her mother would never answer her questions. She would have to find those answers herself.

"I know," Shenzi all but whispered. Although she had refused to see him, Simba had told her of Banzai's failing health. He was dying bit by bit each day… it wouldn't be long.

"And I think you're sick too… but in a different way than daddy," Jasiri claimed boldly. Shenzi froze, before turning around slowly to gaze upon her daughter. The dying light sent fire through Jasiri's fur, she was practically glowing.

"And maybe it won't outright kill you, but you're destroying yourself bit by bit, aren't you? Why do you suffer when no such thing exists?" Jasiri growled.

Shenzi stared at her daughter as the minuets passed. Eventually, the light was extinguished and darkness reigned supreme once more. At that moment, Shenzi started to chuckle. And that chuckling grew into laughter, that same insane laughter that had plagued her under Scar's rule.

"Open your eyes, child!" she hissed, causing Jasiri to jump. "Suffering is everywhere! You speak just like I did when I was your age… you'll come around eventually."

"No, mother," Jasiri said, "It's your eyes that are closed. You chose to see suffering where there is none! How can it be that you are the only one that suffers in this world?"

The two glared at each other, neither willing to back down. Eventually, Shenzi reached out to her daughter. Jasiri flinched away, fearing for her life, but she was not fast enough to escape Shenzi. She was grabbed and pulled forward… into a deep hug.

Shenzi pulled Jasiri close, her eyes shut tight. Jasiri felt… warm. So much warmer than she had ever felt before. Why was she doing this? They held that position for what seemed like an eternity until Shenzi finally let her daughter go.

"It is hopeless, Jasiri… Banzai will pass by tomorrow morning and soon, I too will go. Timon will fall next, and even the mighty Simba. Then… you will be alone. Instinct will force you to leave your friends to find a clan of your own, a vain hope of continuing your bloodline… but you will find none. You will be all alone, lost in the world… with nowhere to go… but to rush towards death," Shenzi whispered to her daughter.

"I have made a huge mistake… and I do not expect, nor wish upon forgiveness. I have cast you into a fate worse than death itself… and perhaps I have been unable to face you because of that. Perhaps… I was preparing you for the inevitable," she sighed.

Jasiri could stop herself from breaking out into tears, "Why would you think such a thing? I know the fate of all things… why would you think, however, that instinct would force me to do anything? Am I not your daughter? Am I not free?"

Shenzi took a shaky breath, "That's what I was afraid of… because even I was not strong enough to resist instinct. The bloodlust, the desire to procreate, the need to continue living prevents me from doing anything else. You will fall, just like I did."

Jasiri glared at her mother through the screen of tears, "Mother… I forgive you. I forgive you for everything, just please, don't suffer alone! Come back to me and daddy, live with him in his final moments. Just because its hopeless doesn't mean you shouldn't have hope."

Shenzi chuckled, "It is the definition of hopeless, it would seem. How could something so redundant inspire anything within me? But I suppose… I could visit him, one last time." Jasiri wiped the tears from her eyes, it worked. She had finally gotten through her mother's tough shell. And maybe… maybe she would start to get better. Even if Banzai was a goner… Shenzi could still be saved.

XXX

Banzai readjusted himself as he heard the sound of Jasiri entering their home. The sickness had taken from him his sight and most of his motor control. He knew he was just about dead… and his one regret would have to be not being able to see his daughter's face before he went. But there was something strange about Jasiri's footsteps, they seemed too heavy for the young cub.

"Banzai," a voice he recognized called out. Shenzi! he thought as he realized who's voice it was. Why was she here? He thought for sure she had said that she would never forgive him… that she would never see him again. And yet… he could swear that was her voice.

"Shenzi?" he asked cautiously. Jasiri's eyes widened, so that's her name, she realized. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you through to the end. It's only fair, after all," she mumbled. He might not have gotten this sick if he had gone with the others. Sure, he would still be dead… but maybe not so soon.

"It sounds like you blame yourself for this," Banzai noted. Now that all he did was lie around… he had begun to think. At least… to the best of his ability. And thinking was hard, he would admit. He would never envy her for all that thinking she did. She opened her mouth to respond, but he interrupted her, "Don't. This isn't your fault, my dearest Shenzi."

She snorted, of course it wasn't her fault. She didn't need him to affirm that for her. "I came to say goodbye, Banzai." She remained completely composed, refusing to even let out a whimper.

Banzai laughed, but broke out into a coughing fit. He was fading swiftly, now. It wouldn't be long until he collapsed. "After all we've been through together… after thick and thin… I… still… love… you…" and then he collapsed.

Shenzi rushed over to him, though she had not been sitting far away. His blank eyes stared into her hollow ones. He was not quite gone, but getting there. He heard her gulp and lick her lips. He wondered if she was going to say anything else to him. She didn't… but he did to her. "Please… take care of… our daughter," he choked out before he could speak no more.

Jasiri watched the seemingly emotionless Shenzi stare down at the dying Banzai, before the elder hyena leaned down and whispered something in Banzai's ear. Something that Jasiri could not hear. Then the elder hyena walked away.

"Mother?" she asked as Shenzi walked. The elder hyena did not respond, and easily outpaced her slower daughter. She left the cave, Jasiri standing at the lip watching her go. Did Banzai's death actually affect her… or is she going on as she normally does? Jasiri wondered. A question that she would never have answered.

Shenzi walked far away from Banzai and Pride Rock. She walked until she could walk no further. She stopped in a large field before she finally broke down. She collapsed with a sob, why does this hurt so much? Tears streamed down her face as she tried to regain control over herself, but she could not. At least Banzai had died with a smile on his face, which was more than she could say for herself, due to what she had said to him.

I forgive you.

XXX

Jasiri watched and waited for her mother, never leaving the entrance to Banzai's cave. The hours turned to days. Timon was almost always by her side. Sometimes Kiara would join her… and sometimes even Simba would wait with her.

Days became weeks as Jasiri's hope waned. Eventually, Kiara stopped coming to wait with her. Even Timon was losing hope. Eventually… eventually… even Timon gave up. And it was just Jasiri waiting at the lip of Banzai's cave.

Simba had been kind enough to give Banzai a proper burial. Jasiri hoped mother… Shenzi was not dead. She had a promise to keep, damn it! Why would Shenzi just leave like that? Why would she just abandon everything she had built here?

She could feel Timon beside her as the weeks became a month. "She's not coming back," he said softly. He didn't want to believe it… but it was true. Shenzi was gone. Jasiri couldn't contain herself any longer. She had not wept when Banzai had passed… but now she couldn't stop herself. Why was mother so cruel?

Just as she was turning to walk away, to give up, to let go, she looked back once more. Just one last vain hope that she was coming back. And as the sun set on that month… Jasiri saw nothing. Not her mother's gray fur, nor black mane… not even the yellow of her eyes. Shenzi was gone. Forever.

XXX

They key to a good ending is to make it powerful. Make it something everyone would remember. And I know… I told some of you what was going to happen. Well, I changed my mind in these last moments. And… I know I said that I had two endings planned, and I was going to show both to you… but I decided to combine the endings. Now we're left with whatever this is. So… I hope you enjoyed this story, but we're not quite finished yet. I have a final author's note, one last piece to share with you all. Stay tuned for that!