AN:
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS
BPOV
The next morning I awoke slowly, not entirely sure where I was exactly. As I opened my eyes to peek at my surroundings, I realized I was on a recliner in the corner of Jess's living room. The sun had barely begun to rise so I knew it was still early. I rubbed my eyes as I tried to recall the events from the night before.
Another fight with Alice. Escaping to the park with Edward. Drinking. Being carried home? I think I spoke to Jasper and possibly Alice when I got back, not too sure though. My head really freakin' hurts...
I tried to shift to a more comfortable position in the chair but something was keeping my legs in place. Too lazy to pick my head up to investigate, I simply took a deep breath, trying to relax back into slumber once again. Among the stench of stale smoke and beer, another crisper, spicier, almost woodsy scent hinted in the mix and quickly filled my senses . Edward.
My eyes popped open as I gazed down at my feet. There he was, leaned up against my legs with one arm slung over the top of them. I took another deep breath. God did he ever smell good. Just remembering being in his arms the night before, his scent enveloped me all over again. I sat there basking in the moment, still feeling groggy, but unable to fall back asleep.
There was chatter coming from the kitchen. Kitchen. Water. I was completely parched. My mouth felt as though it had started growing some kind of an extra-terrestrial life form and nearly made me gag. I recognized the voices of Jess, Alice, and Jasper, and although I'd rather have not seen any of them just yet, my thirst won out. I slid slowly out of the chair, hoping my movements weren't enough to wake Edward. I quickly moved my pillow into his arms to replace my legs which he had previously been holding. He groaned and hugged the pillow tightly before falling back asleep. I tiptoed across the room, making my way around the various bodies sprawled out across the living room floor, and hesitantly made my way into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. From the looks of it, the three of them had yet to go to sleep.
"Oh hey Bella. We didn't wake you did we?" Alice asked upon seeing me enter the room.
"No, you're fine. I couldn't sleep any more anyways. I just wanted a glass of water then I'll be out of your way," I relied in a hushed hoarse voice, unwilling to meet her gaze.
"I think it's time I headed to bed," Jess declared, excusing herself from the room.
I awkwardly shuffled past her on my way to the cupboard to retrieve a glass. As I was standing over the sink drinking my water I could hear Alice's steps as she hesitantly approached me.
"Listen Bella...about last night, I just wanted you to know again how sorry I am for the way I treated you and Jasper," she said softly as she reached out to place her hand on my arm. She tilted her head around me so she could look into my eyes before she continued. "There's no excuse for my actions, and I know I have no right to ask your forgiveness, but I was hoping maybe we could try to go back to being friends again?"
As her eyes pleaded with me I couldn't stop the tears that began to form in my own. I turned away from her penetrating gaze to wipe them away. "Alice don't…I can't, not now. I need some time…" I trailed off unable to continue.
As I sniffled trying to reign in my emotions I felt her hand move lightly across my back attempting to console me. "I really am sorry Bella," she whispered.
I closed my eyes and nodded, acknowledging that I had heard her, but still unable to turn around and face her. After a few moments she gave up and silently turned to walk out of the room.
I heard a kitchen chair roughly scrape across the floor as Jasper moved away from his place at the table. Within seconds of Alice's departure I felt his warm masculine arms envelope me. I cringed pulling away from him, shaking my head. "Don't Jasper." I choked as the tears flowed profusely down my face.
"Bella come on," he pleaded reaching for me once again.
I stood my ground refusing to give in. "No, Jasper. You can't fix it this time. She had no right to treat me the way that she did last night. There are no more excuses." I said firmly though the tears continued to flow.
He turned me around so he could look at me, though I continued to stare beyond him, refusing to meet his eyes. "Bella just let me give you a hug. I'm not here to argue with you about Alice. I just want to be here for you," he begged running his hands up and down my arms.
"Don't you get it Jasper? That's the problem!" I wailed pulling away from him once again. "For years now you have always been my shoulder to cry on. I can't keep depending on you," I cried shaking my head back and forth. "And you need to stop trying to shelter me from every single bad thing in the world. Enough is enough. I need to grow up and learn how to deal with my own issues. Can't you see that?"
"Okay. Calm down darlin', there's no need to be getting so upset. I don't know where all this is coming from, but it doesn't mean I can't give you a hug when your cryin' does it?" he asked his lower lip protruding in the form of a pout. Yesterday that ploy would have worked and I would have thrown myself in to the shelter of his embrace.
Not today, not anymore.
"Yes, that's exactly what it means," I exclaimed exasperated. "In case you haven't noticed, I cry a lot Jasper. I can't go running into your arms every time I get a little bit upset. The only way I am going to be able to move past all my issues and insecurities is if I learn to face them on my own. I need to do this for myself. Please will you just…back off a bit?"
I could see the anguish clearly on his face as he listened to my request. I hated that I was responsible for putting it there. It wasn't that he had done something wrong by consoling me all these years. The problem was me. I'm the one that has been using him as a security blanket to hide away from the hardships in the world. He sheltered me all this time because it was a necessity. I needed time to heal from my mom's death and my father's abuse. But that grace period had long since lapsed. It was time for me to grow up and take some control over my own life. And that meant learning to deal with Alice in my own way.
"Is this all just because of what Alice said?" he asked suspiciously. "Maybe you should talk to her, or at least let me explain to you…"
"No, Jasper this isn't all just because of Alice," I said cutting him off. "And don't even start with me about her and all the crap she pulled last night. I told you I'm not talking about it with you," I replied curtly wishing he would simply listen to what I had just said. He was making this harder than it had to be.
"Are you sure this is really what you want Bella?" he asked.
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes I nodded my head in response. He stared at me silently for well over a minute, studying me. I crossed my arms across my chest and stared right back at him.
"Did Edward put you up to this?" he suddenly blurted out.
My eyes widened as I scoffed at his accusation. "No Jasper. Edward did not put me up to this." I spat, narrowing my eyes at him. "Why would you even ask something like that?"
"Well you two were gone for hours last night. Who knows what the hell he could have been saying to you that whole time." He stated, raising his brows.
"You aren't making any sense Jasper. Edward agreed that Alice was way out of line last night and was totally pissed off about it. That's why we left, so there wouldn't be another fight," I explained, still baffled how Edward had anything to do with the conversation we were having.
"This just doesn't seem like you. He could have easily planted ideas in your head while you two were off doing whatever," he said waving his hand. "So I ask again, did Edward put you up to this?"
I hadn't a clue what on earth was running through his head at that point, but he was really starting to piss me off. Why would he think that Edward would try to put space between us. Did he really not trust Edward or was he jealous that I was forming a friendship with another guy.
"For your information all we did was go to the park and talk. It didn't even have anything to do with you or Alice," I sneered. "I can't believe you would accuse Edward of conspiring against you. That's just retarded Jasper," I scoffed feeling like he could use a swift slap upside the head.
He huffed crossing his arms across his chest and continued to stare me down, his eyes flitting between mine.
"Answer me this. Why on earth would he try to come between us when we are all supposed to be working together?" I said raising my brow. "He's your friend too ya know. Or did you forget that?"
He mumbled a response, but I couldn't make out any of what he said.
"What was that?"
"I said fine," he grumbled unwilling to meet me in the eyes as he spoke.
That is definitely not what you were mumbling, but whatever I'll take it if it means you'll stop being a dumb shit about Edward.
"Now will you listen to me and let me deal with Alice without interfering?" I asked hoping he was finally willing to accept was I originally asked of him.
"I guess if that's what you really want. I just don't understand is all." he said finally looking at me. His eyes were no longer accusatory but rather were filled with uncertainty and sadness.
With a deep breath and heavy sigh I tried once again to explain to him what I wanted. "Jasper, you know you're like a brother to me, and I love you. You aren't losing me if that's what you are worried about-you're still my best friend," I said offering him a reassuring smile. "I'm just asking for some space to learn how to get a hold of my emotions and fight my own battles," I said, reaching out to grab his hand in my own.
I saw several emotions flash across his face as he contemplated all that I had said. After a few moments he apprehensively nodded his head. "Okay Bella, but you know where I am if you need me," he said softly, giving my hand a squeeze before letting go. He swallowed audibly and cleared his throat, obviously holding back anything more he wanted to say. He turned slowly, shuffling his way to the doorway before he paused to turn around, leaving me with one last sad fleeting smile before disappearing around the corner completely.
I slumped down in the chair he'd been sitting in, and buried my face in my hands. I felt absolutely terrible knowing I was the reason Jasper had that wounded look on his face. I knew it was a necessary step, but that didn't make it any easier. I longed to chase after him, throw myself into his arms and begin rattling off everything I was thinking and feeling, and let him decide for me what I should do next.
Staring at the table before me, contemplating what to do about the situation with Alice, I found myself absentmindedly picking at the pen in front of me, clicking it over and over again. They had been playing some sort of card game before I came into the kitchen and a notebook was left out with tally scores scratched on the open page. I grabbed a hold of the notebook and pen before walking out of the kitchen door onto the back porch. I plopped down on the rickety bench swing, flipped the notebook over to a fresh page, and began writing. The words just flowed out of me as soon as the pen met the paper.
I started writing of my weariness of our surroundings and my hatred for being thrown into a world revolving around drugs. I know the old saying 'Beggar's can't be choosers' but it sure as hell didn't make me feel any better. None of us really fit into this scene, but where else were we going to go? I'm sure if there were any other option for us, Edward would have taken it in a heartbeat.
Even Alice didn't really seem to fit in with this crowd from her past, at least not that I had seen up until a few days ago. I still just could not get over the enormous differences between the kind and loveable Alice I met that first day in that crappy restaurant bathroom, and the hysterical malicious person I faced the last two nights.
I had so many questions for her because I didn't understand her choice to take the drugs in the first place. I hadn't pushed the issue when we met because from the way she described it, I thought it was all in her past. Did she really think they would work as an outlet or an escape? What was it in her life that she thought was so terrible that drugs looked like a good idea? She was fine when I met her, and she hadn't appeared to have been on any drugs for the two weeks following. Did we not all face the exact same crap each and every day? What makes her life any different? What could possibly justify her drug use other than plain and simple stupidity!
I had chalked up our first fight to being a one time thing. She was insecure about Jasper. I get that. That's why I was willing to forgive her so easily. What I could not for the life of me seem to grasp was, after we patched up our friendship the second time, why would she even think about going anywhere near the drugs again? Did she not comprehend the drastic effect they had on her?
I saw Jess slip her something so there wasn't a doubt in my mind that when she excused herself to go to the restroom, taking those drugs was what she was doing. Nothing had happened over the last twenty four hours to rationalize her choice to take something again. Was it peer pressure? Jess merely offered her the drugs. Alice is the one that snatched them from her hand without a moment's hesitation.
The more I thought about the whole thing the more pissed off I became. I might not have been able to bring myself yell at her last night, but that didn't mean that I was okay with the way she had treated me.
The great thing about writing all of it out was I could lose all of the pent up rage without hurting anyone. On paper, I was free to tell Alice to fuck off. To tell her that I hated her for treating me like complete and utter shit for absolutely no reason at all. I hated that she lied to me and made me second guess our friendship. I felt like she was tearing my family apart with only a thought to herself and her own insecurities. The four of us were supposed to be building a new family together, not tearing one another down.
All she wanted to offer this morning was a simple I'm sorry, expecting that it would magically make everything all better. She needed to learn that sometimes saying the words "I'm sorry" just wasn't damn good enough. If she wanted my forgiveness than I deserved more than that. I wanted a reason, an explanation, something. If she couldn't be honest with me then what good was her friendship to me?
As I wrote, I was able to work through my anger and finally figure out what I wanted to do. I decided I would hear Alice out. I was willing to push aside all of my pain and anger to give Alice a chance to explain herself. I would do it for my family. For Jasper, because he wanted Alice. He chose to be with her. Despite all of her flaws he still wanted her and I respected that. I would do it for Edward. Because he took care of us in so many ways, putting our needs above his own, and yet asked nothing for himself in return. He didn't deserve all this crap, us fighting amongst ourselves, and I refused to make things any worse off than they already were. And I would do this for the drug free Alice. The person who befriended me and introduced me to her family. The person who I knew was still in there and who deserved another shot at friendship.
I spent the better part of the morning out on the porch swing, writing out all of the thoughts swimming around in my head that had been weighing me down. I felt fresher, lighter, and freer than I had in months. It was amazing how therapeutic a pen and paper could be!
My stomach growled for the umpteenth time as I flipped the notebook closed before standing to stretch my stiff legs. Figuring it was late enough in the day to wake the dead, I quietly made my way back through the house to the living room. Edward was still leaned up against the chair in the corner just as I had left him earlier that morning.
I leaned down and gently shook his shoulder in an effort to slowly awaken him. He jumped, startled nevertheless at my touch. Once he realized that it was just me, his body relaxed and his lips turned upward in a slow smile. He looked at me, silently asking me why I had woken him.
"Hey sorry to wake you," I whispered. "But I am kinda getting really hungry."
Edward nodded his head, yawning before glancing at his watch to check the time. "Guess I slept a lot fuckin later than I planned on. Sorry about that." He said before stretching his arms above his head, still trying to wake up. After rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he tilted his head looking a bit closer at me. He reached out and gently brushed his fingers across the delicate skin beneath my eyes. I knew he was analyzing the dark purple circles that had formed there.
"You didn't sleep well," he stated.
"I'm fine. It's nothing I'm not used to," I replied pulling away and shrugging my shoulders. It really wasn't that big of a deal that I only slept a couple of hours. I was used to getting pretty shitty sleep because of my nightmares anyways.
"Don't feed me a line of bullshit Bella," he began but was cut off by a rather loud rumbling of my tummy. He locked eyes with me, expressing his aggravation with me for downplaying the issue, but luckily my non-verbal plea was enough to keep him from pushing it any further.
"Let me grab a shower real quick, and I'll treat that stomach of yours to a nice lunch. There's a place I want to take you that I think you'll like," he said with a smile before pulling himself up off the floor.
While on his way to the hall he stopped to pound on Jess's door. "Alice, Jasper wake the fuck up. We're going to get some food," he yelled before disappearing into the bathroom.
As I watched him disappear into the bathroom, I couldn't help but think of how much the relationship between Edward and myself had already changed.
In less than twenty-four hours, I had not just cracked the wall Edward had built around himself, I had completely obliterated it. The progress we had made at the playground was merely a glimpse at what was to unfold between us as the day went on.
When we first arrived as Jess's place, Edward made a point to include me when the others had all but forgotten about me. When Alice lashed out, he stepped in to keep the situation from escalating. He took notice that I needed some space, not only from Alice but from the entire situation.
We spent the better half of the night just hanging out and talking with one another as if we had been the best of friends for years. The flow of conversation was effortless. Within minutes I learned that behind his masked exterior was a man full of words, full of knowledge, full of life. To say I was surprised was an understatement.
Edward was smart. Not you're ordinary 'I studied hard in school and got good grades' smart either. He was a deep thinker with philosophical tendencies. I was shocked when he challenged me to think deeper about how people act. I had always had the belief that human beings were complex and multifaceted, capable of acting in ways that directly contradicted who they really were. The events that had taken place with my father had cemented that belief within me. I had grown up knowing that my father loved me, but over the years after my mother had passed, he had proven that even though he loved me, he was still capable of inflicting the worst kind of pain upon me. Not even the physical pain, but the emotional and mental anguish that he'd struck me with every time he cut me with his words.
But Edward...Edward made me question that belief. He firmly believed that people's actions were indicative of who they really were. That whether or not they'd always been that way wasn't the question, but rather who they were at that precise moment in time. That somehow, somewhere along the lines, they changed and became a completely different person, rendering their actions no longer contradictory to who they were, but correlating with who they'd become. It was interesting to see how he viewed the subject, but also deeply saddening. I wasn't sure which was easier to believe. Never once in all of my years had someone challenged me mentally as he had done. Conversing with Edward was compelling, enthralling, and invigorating.
As the evening went on, the conversation turned to a more serious note. Although I was sure Jasper had touched on my history with Edward when we first met, I felt compelled to share my story with him. After all, I wanted to know him and what better way than sharing a piece of myself. Edward responded in turn by opening up to me as I'm quite sure he had never been able to do so with anyone before about his own history.
Edward's heartbreaking tale of the suicide of his mother and the hidden truth of her death unveiled during his childhood in the form of blasphemy against his father, had been incredibly difficult for him to divulge. Although he masked his anguish well, I could see through his façade. The incident had scarred his soul. Honestly, I believed if he could just find a way to let go of the anger and work through the pain he'd been so uselessly trying to shove aside, I had no doubt that Edward would be destined for great things in his life.
When Edward had grabbed a hold of my hand to lead me away from Jess's house, I thought the chills I felt were merely a manifestation of the physical attraction I felt towards him. After that night in the park, I knew the warmth that filled me every time I gazed upon him was a result of my attraction to the man I found behind the beautiful mask. I only wish that one day he could look upon me as I do him and see something more beyond mere friendship.
I was broken out of my reverie when Jess's door slowly opened and a weary looking Alice came out from behind it. She slowly made her way into the room, but paused standing behind the couch opposite of me, unsure whether or not to join me. I knew we couldn't go on like this, dancing around one another and avoiding speaking altogether wasn't going to fix anything.
With a sigh I patted the cushion beside me. Alice silently moved to sit down next to me,
crossing her legs beneath her. "Do you hate me?" she croaked while she began wringing her hands in her lap.
I could see the unshed tears forming in her eyes as she stared straight ahead waiting for me to reply. I took a deep breath and released it before answering her. "No Alice, I don't hate you. I'm hurt, frustrated, and angry with you. But I don't hate you." I explained trying to keep my voice as even as possible.
"God Bella I am so sorry," she whispered while batting at the tears streaming down her cheeks. She shifted her stance on the couch, turning towards me as she pulled her knees to her chest, curling herself into a small ball. "I want to explain w-why….I just…I don't know…" she stammered before dropping her head into her arms as she choked down her tears.
I didn't realize at the time how much my brush off that morning had hurt her. I took a deep breath and released it slowly before turning to place a supportive hand on her forearm. "Alice you need to calm down. Sitting here crying isn't going to help fix this. We need to talk," I said firmly. I took another slow breath, making sure to keep my own emotions in check before continuing.
"Look, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings this morning, I didn't mean to. I just needed some more time to work though all the crap going around in my head," I said waving my hand. She nodded her head in understanding, yet made no effort to look at me. "If you want my forgiveness you're going have to be straight we me this time around. A simple apology isn't good enough. I need more than that from you. Okay Alice?"
She lifted her head from beneath her arms and looked at me with her watery bloodshot eyes. "Yeah…okay," she answered as she closed her eyes once again sending a fresh set of tears down her cheeks. "I don't know where to start," she admitted furrowing her brow.
Yeah, well I do. Either you admit to using drugs or you throw more lies at me. The choice is yours.
"Alice I know you took drugs," I declared, my voice even and strong.
Immediately her head snapped in my direction, her eyes searching mine, fear and uncertainty plaguing her own.
"I saw Jess slip something to you when we got here," I explained wondering whether she was going to own up to it or not. If she would admit to it, I could forgive her and maybe even help her if she'd let me. If she denied it, however, there was no hope left for our friendship.
Upon hearing my words Alice broke down into a fit of tears. I shifted my position on the couch, leaning further into Alice so I could reach my arm around her back. In turn she unwrapped an arm from around her knees and slid it around my waist clinging to me with a death grip. I hugged her closer to me as she cried, choking out things like "I never should have," "I'm so stupid," and "you should hate me" over and over again.
For several minutes she sat there rocking back and forth, her eyes wide never blinking, as she stared off into the far corner of the room. She wasn't responding to any of my efforts to soothe her, and her stagnant far-off expression was starting to scare me. It was like she wasn't even with me anymore.
"Alice," I cried running my hands through her hair, grasping it at the base of her neck to turn her head to face me though here eyes remained lifeless. "Stop, please. I don't hate you. You are not stupid, so stop telling yourself that. Look at me!" I pleaded hoping my words would break her from her trance.
Finally I got a response out of her. Her mask crumbled revealing the pain and anguish churning within her. "I don't even know how I got like this," she sobbed, her head shaking back and forth. "Even my own parents couldn't forgive me for my mistakes. The only family I have that can even look at me any more is Edward," she choked out before her head fell back into her arms.
"That's not true," I declared slipping my hand under her chin, pulling to get her to look at me once again. "You have Jasper, and you have me," I said with certainty, pulling her back into my arms rocking her back and forth. "Please Alice, let me in. Talk to me."
After a few more minutes she began to speak, her voice weak and raspy. "I never should have taken that rock Jess offered me. It was a mistake, a moment of weakness, whatever the hell you want to call it. I know you want to know why, but I can't even…I can't tell you why because I don't even know why I took it," she admitted her head falling in defeat.
"But I can tell you that every single fiber of my being regrets ever having smoked that shit," she croaked as another sob ripped through her. "The things I said to you…to Jasper. I can't say I'm sorry enough. I don't know what to do…how to make it up to you," she sniffled, closing here eyes as the tears continued to stream down her face.
"The only thing you need to do to make it up to me is be honest with me. If you need help, I'm here for you, but I can't help if you don't let me," I said squeezing her shoulder once again before pulling her back slightly so I could look at her.
"I don't understand," she stated, her brow furrowing in confusion. "How can you even think about helping me after what I've done? I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you," she said simply. Her voice was flat, but her eyes conveyed the guilt, the sadness, the complete lack of self worth that plagued her. I felt like I was finally seeing the real Alice. A broken scared little girl that needed a someone to reach out to her. She needed me.
Pulling her tightly into my chest I started running my fingers through her hair. "Because Alice this is what friends do. We help each other," I reassured as she rested her head on my shoulder. "The next time someone offers you something, and you want to take it, come talk to me. We'll handle it together."
She abruptly pulled away from me. "Never again Bella. It was a one time slip. I won't ever take anything ever again. I promise," she prattled fervently her red puffy eyes flitting back and for the between mine.
"Just don't lie to me anymore Alice. That's all I want." I stated simply.
"I swear, never again Bella," she replied, a smile finally making it's way onto her face before throwing her arms around me once again. We pulled away from one another smiling and both immediately reached for the Kleenex box causing us to both break into giggles. It felt really good after the morning we'd had.
After we had pulled ourselves back together, we settled back into the couch beside one another.
"Jasper, I know you've been listening. You can come out now," I called knowing he was most likely waiting behind the door eavesdropping on our entire conversation. As expected his head immediately peeked out from around the bedroom door. He warily entered the room his eyes darted between Alice and myself. I offered him a reassuring smile, resisting the urge to roll my eyes as him. You'd think he was dumb struck into shock that the two of us could actually work though our issues without him mediating.
By this time Edward had come out of the shower so the three of us took turns grabbing showers before making our way out of the house to finally get some food.
As soon as we pulled into the parking lot of the diner, Alice was bouncing in the back seat, giddy with excitement. "Oh Edward why didn't you tell me we were coming here," she squealed throwing herself out the door. "I can't wait for you guys to meet Oma and Poppop." I was a bit taken aback by her sudden enthusiasm.
I let Jasper out of the back seat before slowly closing the car door behind us. Alice skipped over to our side of the car grabbed him by both hands and literally pulled him across the parking lot towards the entrance. I couldn't help but laugh at her antics as I followed them into the diner.
Once inside I was immediately met by a short gray haired woman who quickly enveloped me in a hug. I hesitantly returned her embrace, not having expected to by met with such force by the little old woman.
"You must be Bella. The picture they showed me did no justice to you at all sweetheart. You're a beautiful child," she cooed pulling away placing her hands on my cheeks and giving them a soft pat. "I'm so glad to finally meet you," she said with a warm smile before releasing me.
I shot Edward a nervous glance, but he just shrugged, giving me a crooked grin in response to my obvious discomfort. The woman was completely oblivious as she linked her arm through mine and dragged me further into the diner. Walking towards to the kitchen she yelled, "Johan! Johan! The children have returned, and they've brought Bella and Jasper!"
Seconds later, a tall balding man emerged from behind the kitchen door. Wiping his hand on his apron, he approached us. "Addie my dear, calm down. You're scaring the poor girl," he said with a kind smile reaching out his hand to me.
"Oh nonsense!" she scoffed pulling me around the front counter towards an open booth. "Here sit," she ordered pushing me into the seat before grabbing Edward by the arm and shoving him down next to me. "Alice, Jasper," she called over her shoulder. "Come, sit down!"
Alice led Jasper over to us, pushing him into the seat before plunking down beside him. The whole table shook as she bounced her leg in excitement. After formal introductions, they all fell into easy conversation with Oma and Poppop, as Edward and Alice affectionately referred to them.
I sat quietly in the corner, chewing at my bottom lip and picking at my napkin. It's not that Oma had made me uncomfortable per se. I just couldn't help but remember my own grandparents. Both of Charlie's parents and Grandpa Higgi passed away when I was a young girl so I didn't remember them so much, but I remember Grandma Higgi very well. In fact, she used pat me on the cheeks, just as Oma had just done, whenever I got to see her. She lived down in Phoenix so I didn't get to see her much, but it helped a lot having her only a phone call away after mom died. I was heartbroken when she died of cancer shortly before my fifteenth birthday, just months before I ran away from home.
I felt a warm weight fall around my shoulder giving it small squeeze and looked up to realize that Edward had draped his arm around me. He shot me a quick smile and wink before continuing on with his conversation. And just like that he snapped me out of my depressing thoughts and brought me back to the present.
I tried unsuccessfully to keep the smile from spreading across my face. That simple action just showcased the easy bond and understanding Edward and I had formed over the past twenty four hours. He knew I was lost in my thoughts and needed help to shake them, but he did so in a way that I didn't feel smothered by him. He simply gave me a quick nudge in the right direction.
Edward kept his arm behind me, resting on the booth behind us, as Oma bugged him about what we wanted to eat. She was rather insistent that she be allowed to prepare her specialty while Edward argued that much work wasn't necessary. As expected Oma won out and ran back to the kitchen to call our order back to Johan.
As she disappeared into the kitchen, my attention returned to my present company. For the first time since I sat down, my eyes fell on Jasper who was seated directly across from me. His eyes were fixed behind me and a scowl was firmly in place on his face. I immediately realized that he was staring at Edward's arm. I kicked him under the table and shot him a pointed glare. Instead of complying with my non-verbal request he merely shifted his glare from Edward's arm to Edward himself. At first I thought Edward was completely oblivious to Jasper's stare but when his arm dropped from the edge of the booth back onto my shoulders pulling me closer beside him, I knew he was more perceptive than he let on.
Pissed at Jasper for getting so upset over such a innocent gesture, I purposely turned towards Edward, leaning my head back against his arm as I asked him about his history with Oma and Poppop. Edward picked up on my intentions instantly as he shifted in the seat as well, bringing his other arm up to begin twirling a piece of my hair as he recalled having Sunday morning brunch in the very same diner, every week with his parents when he was growing up. We continued in this manner of innocent touches as we conversed with one another, only breaking apart when Oma reappeared with our meal.
I knew my actions were childish, but I was sick of Jasper constantly hovering over me, acting as if I was completely incapable of handling myself. Now he might have been justified in his worry in regards to men touching me, but I had already spoken to him about Edward and made it abundantly clear that I had no problems with him. The only other explanation I could see for Jasper's glare would be jealousy, and if that was the case than he deserved to be taunted because that would have been just ridiculous.
As I was eating I couldn't help but notice the way Alice's entire demeanor had shifted ever since we had stepped foot into the diner. I could tell how much she adored this place just based on her wistful expression as her eyes flitted around the room taking in the décor, the customers, and most significantly Oma. It was obvious this place and these people held a very special place in her heart.
"Alice have you ever thought about working here?" I blurted out unable to contain my curiosity.
Her wide eyes snapped to mine, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I hadn't meant to put her on the spot, I was merely curious why she wouldn't want this place to be more a part of her life on a daily basis.
"What I meant is, this place obviously means a lot to you. I mean look at you, you're still bouncing in your seat over there. I guess I just wondered if you had ever thought about it, that's all." I explained with a shrug hoping to relieve some of the uneasiness I saw on her face.
"Oh, well, I guess I've thought about it. I love this place. I love Oma and Poppop too. I always have…" she trailed off wistfully. "But you heard what Edward said. We used to come here every single Sunday. I bet they still do," she admitted with a sad smile.
"Oh," I replied nodding in understanding. As excited as she was to visit, I imagine the barrage of memories wouldn't have been too welcoming on a daily basis. I forget sometimes that Alice and Edward have parents within thirty miles of us. Parents that probably still love them.
"I'm sorry Alice, I didn't mean to pry." I said reaching my hand across the table to grasp hers.
Squeezing my hand in return she looked back at me. "It's all right." she said, the cheerful smile quickly returning to her face as she broke out into another tale of their time at the diner as children.
When Oma came to clear our plates she shot me the biggest grin I'd seen out of her yet. I knew she was reading a bit too far into the body language between Edward and I. As we moved out of the booth Oma grabbed a hold of my arm saying "Not so fast dear child, come with me," before pulling me back into the kitchen as the rest of them made their way towards the door.
I turned to her with wide eyes wondering what on earth she was going to say to me about my relationship with Edward and how I was going to explain our actions. To my surprise she had other things on her mind.
"Listen Bella. I know things aren't as wonderful in your lives as Edward likes to try to portray," she said in all seriousness. Upon seeing my shocked face she continued, "I've lived many years sweetheart and I may be old and but I'm not senile. I'm a lot more perceptive than he gives me credit for," she stated with a sly grin.
"Oma I'm not sure what you are implying, but I assure you Edward is doing his very best to care for all of us," I said defending him. I'm not sure how much she knew about the way we lived, and I definitely wasn't going to be giving her any more information than what Edward had already shared with her.
"Oh I know that dear. What I mean to say is that I would like to help. I can't offer you kids nearly as much help as I would like to, but I do have a proposition I hope you might consider."
"O-kay," I answered slowly still skeptical as to what she was getting at.
"I want to offer you a job sweetheart, if you don't already have one that is."
"Really?" I squeaked unable to contain my surprise. "You want to give me a job?"
Upon seeing my enthusiasm she elaborated on her offer. "Well I can't pay you much, but Johan and I could really use an extra set of hands around here. We don't move quite as quickly as we used to, and it would be nice to have a young girl like yourself around to help out from time to time. A beautiful smile like yours is sure to brighten this place up a bit."
"Oh Oma¾I don't know what to say," I babbled as the sting of tears began.
"Well I hoped you might say yes dear."
"Yes! Yes Oma yes!" I laughed, "I would love to come work for you!" I screeched throwing myself into her arms.
A job. A real job! There's no way the guys would be opposed to me helping out here. Oma and Poppop were as sweet as they come. There's no doubt that this was probably one of the safest places to work I could possibly hope to find.
"Thank you so much Oma! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your offer. I'll talk to the others and I'll be in touch soon to work on the details, okay?" I asked still on cloud nine.
"Of course dear. You take care of yourself now you hear," she said before dropping a bag with four to-go containers into my hands and shoving me out the kitchen door.
I all but skipped out of the diner to join the others, but stopped short as soon as I opened the front door. Edward and Jasper were in the midst of a stare down, standing with only a foot between them, both their sets of hands clenched into fists. Unwilling to let them ruin my good mood, I pranced over towards them. As soon as they noticed me approaching they each took a step back, their posture relaxing, obviously not wanting me to be aware of whatever was going on between them.
"So guess what you guys," I asked as I reached the car. "Oma offered me a job!" I exclaimed in a high picked squeal.
"No way! That's amazing Bella!" Alice cried, her excitement equivalent to that of mine.
She dashed around the trunk of the car to wrap me a exuberant hug. I looked over her shoulder at Edward who nodded and shot me a supportive grin. After Alice released me, I turned around to face Jasper and give him hug as well. When my eyes met his I became aware of the disgruntled expression etched upon his face, the smile immediately falling form mine.
Confused at his expression I slowly took a step towards him. "This is great news don't you think Jasper? A real job? I can finally start to help out. Help us save up for our own place," I explained hoping I was misreading the look on his face.
He scoffed in response.
I felt a flash of anger rush through me at his dismissive attitude as I glared at him defiantly.
"No Bella. Do you honestly think that working here is a good idea given your issues with strangers, especially men. I can't believe you were actually considering accepting the job," he scolded, his words hitting me like a slap across the face.
He wasn't happy for me.
He didn't think I could handle this.
He didn't believe in me.
My face fell even further as the implications of his words sank in. He wasn't going to let me take the job.
Surprisingly Alice snaked her arm around my waist giving me a tight squeeze before turning towards Jasper. "That's not fair Jasper. You have to at least let her try it, it's Oma and Poppop's place for shit's sake. It's not like she'll be working at a raunchy biker bar," she said sternly.
Still looking disgruntled but unwilling to go up against Alice, Jasper clenched his teeth and said nothing more on the matter. He stomped around to the other side of the car and plopped down into the backseat without another look in either of our directions.
I turned toward Alice and pulled her all the way in for another hug. "Thank you Alice," I whispered into her hair.
Pulling back she looked me smiling before answering, "Any time friend."
For so long, Jasper had been the one person I could always count on to believe in me. I know for the past several years he had been the one to take care of me, but you'd think he'd have been more receptive of what a great opportunity this could be for me, for all of us. I thought he would be proud of me for wanting to take the job, for showing exactly how much I had grown in the last few weeks. Instead I was reprimanded like a dim-witted child.
I was never more grateful for Alice's friendship than I was at that very moment. Had she not stood up for me up, I undoubtedly would have complete given up on the idea right then and there, relenting to let Jasper decide, once again, what was best for me rather than doing so myself. Having her at my side, believing in me and fighting against Jasper for me, left me feeling invigorated and inspired.
I could and I would do this.
I just hoped with time, and perhaps a bit for of Alice's persuasion, Jasper would come to support my decision as well.