GabZ – No, they are not dead! In fact I don't think I killed anyone on this story. Hum…I'm pretty sure this could be considered an apocalyptical sign. O.õ

My Sweat Little Pain

I don't know who I am.

People keep coming and going, asking if I was alright, but there is no point, I can't answer that. The question means nothing. They mean nothing.

I mean nothing.

Blurred faces, numbness and sick shades of gray. That's my world. I don't know anything else.

Was it always like this? Did I always felt so…dead?

I should kill you.

Will you? Please?

-x-

Next thing I know I'm staring at two guys. Their faces aren't so blurry anymore so I can tell they are somehow familiar to me, even if I can't put a name to the faces or remember how we met. I felt (and that's the first thing I felt in forever) a dull connection between us. We were made to be together, to work together. We're not family, though, even if I believe when they say we're like brothers.

However, even with these guys visiting me every day, something was missing. I couldn't imagine any of them saying "I should kill you" in a monotone voice. Was someone missing? Did we lose one of ours during whatever happened that put me in a hospital? Or was this person still alive?

Was he lying in some room in this same hospital, body completely numb, eyes seeing nothing but sick shades of gray?

After almost a week I finally gave in and asked. I have remembered much, including my visitors names, but I still couldn't fill the invisible absence. I felt like there should be someone right by my side, holding me with one hand and a knife with the other, eyes hollow and sharp and untamable.

But all Ian does is shrug, refusing to say a word. Spencer, on the other hand, seemed to be really trying to give me an answer.

"We don't know where he is." – he said after a little while, eyes watching my every move – "He carried you to the locker room after the finals, but we haven't see him ever since."

Something inside me cracked, sending warnings all over my body. Suddenly, my numb hands are clutching the sheet so badly my knuckles are white but this is only a distraction, and excuse to not bring my hands over my ears and stop listening all together.

Was I forgotten?

"And we won't, ever. The son of a bitch doesn't give a shit about us." – Ian was gritting his teeth now and, when you're a snake, nothing good can come from your teeth. I could practically taste the venom in my mouth, all bitter and angry and, in lack of better word, painful.

Yet, something inside me keeps screaming the shrimp was wrong. That whoever the missing person was, he would come back soon. Better yet, said person cared.

Should I believe? I don't know me, not the way (I supposed) I used to know. Was this strange voice inside my head any better than the rest of me?

Was he waiting for me to get better? Was he disgusted of my weakness?

Was he, somehow, trying to make things right?

"You can't say that." – Spencer's deep voice brings me back to the present and I see a shadow of a glare in his eyes –"Maybe he has his reasons to not be here."

"And maybe he just ditched all of us." – Ian keeps pushing, arms crossed in hope to look bigger. Not that it would work with Spencer.

"He didn't. He'll come back. "

I blink. Who said that?

"No offense captain, but how can you tell? I bet you don't even remember him."

Great! So now I'm hearing voices! Just absolutely great!

Still, Ian is right, isn't he? I don't know who he is. I don't…

"I remember."

I blink again. There are only three people in this room, including me. If none of those two are talking, than I'm the one saying all of this? Hell. I finally lost it, didn't I?

"That's not the point!" – the shrimp throw his hands in the air with a frustrated sigh – "What I'm saying is, even if you remember him, there's no way you can tell he'll be back, Tala!"

"Ian, calm down!" – Spencer's harshness was enough for a big shout, even if he doesn't do much more than whisper – "But yes, captain, he has a point."

It's two against one and I lose in ways they will never know.

That's when all hell broke loose.

I don't know what I'm doing. Suddenly, it's like I'm watching a movie, seeing all the action but unable to do a thing. My body moves on its own, standing up and marching towards the door, tossing Ian and Spencer out of my way regardless the fact the blond is twice my size. Somewhere in the mess I'm pretty sure I heard shouts and snarls. From who? No idea. I just knew I was about to get out that fucking white room when something stopped me.

Blood.

Dripping from my hand where the IV had been pulled, lazily spreading its warmth over my cold fingers. I could even feel a small, sharp pain. It wasn't perfect, but it hadn't been perfect for so long…

"Bryan." – the name escapes my lips like a prayer but I couldn't care less. I don't even care if Spencer and Ian are staring at me, eyes wide like plates. I just bring my hand to my lips, slowly licking the blood, eyes shut in hope to reminisce old memories.

Too bad I only had a name.

-x-

"You have to stop it."

I blink, the world becoming clear for a moment before going back to the annoying haze. But it's okay, I know who is talking to me now. I'm not sure what Spencer is talking about though. Is it about me again?

"You can't do this to yourself, Tala."

Yep, it's about me. Oh, joy.

A few days ago, or maybe more, I'm not sure; I had tried to get out of that fucking hospital. Obviously, I failed. However, during my attempt I have came to realize I could use the IV needle for a different purpose. It was a terrible blade but it was all I got. At least I could make my skin tickle a little.

Too bad everybody thought I was trying to kill myself or something. So now here I was, restrained and, for good measure, a little sedated. To any other kid (or even adult) it would be more than enough.

The problem (for everyone but me) is that I'm no 'any other' kid.

The sound of the door closing wakes me up again. Apparently, Spencer was done talking. It's just me or his visits are getting shorter and shorter? Hn. Whatever. At least I'm alone now.

A swift move is all that it takes. My hand is now free. Another simple move and the needle is in my hand, ready to meet flesh. So close…

"Don't you dare."

I stop dead in my tracks. That voice…It was the same voice I heard in my dreams, even in my nightmares. It was the 'I should kill you' voice.

Bryan.

I blink, trying to bring my world back to focus. Takes me a while but, when I succeed I can see him, standing beside the bed, looking at me with those deep, untamable eyes.

He smiles a little. I smile back. Then, two things happen. Fist, I drop the needle. Spencer would love to see that, no doubt.

I'm not sure if he would like to see the kiss though.