Chapter 11
Arnold and Helga make their way through the jungle in silence, hauling an injured Stonewall on a makeshift stretcher made from a couple of tree branches and one of the blankets they had taken from the deserted village. Helga is at the head of the stretcher, while Arnold carries from the rear. Stonewall lets out a sigh of contentment, as if he were merely relaxing in one of his hammocks.
Stonewall: Ah...now this is the only way to travel.
Helga: Don't make me hit you, pal.
Stonewall: I gotta admit, I'm impressed with the two of you. Most other kids would be hopelessly lost, out here in the jungle. But you've sure managed to hold your own. That takes some real...well, doesn't hurt that you've got such a multi-faceted bushman such as myself to lead the way...not to mention smart and handsome and...
Helga drops her end of the stretcher unexpectedly, causing Stonewall to bump his head on the ground. Stonewall groans in pain as Helga gives him an innocent look
Helga: (sarcastically) Whoops. Clumsy me. (looks at Arnold) I gotta go for a second.
Arnold: Go where?
Helga gives Arnold a dirty look.
Arnold: Oh. Right. I'll keep watch.
Helga: Don't let him try any funny stuff while I'm gone.
Helga disappears into the brush to answer the "call of nature", while Arnold gently lowers his end of the stretcher onto the ground so that he can stretch.
Arnold: She didn't drop you too hard, did she?
Stonewall: No worries...that's quite a girlfriend you got there, mate. Sounds like she really cares for you.
Arnold: Who, Helga? She's not my girlfriend. She's...well...Helga hates me.
Stonewall: (chuckles) Lad, I've been around the block a few times. Whatever that girl feels for you, it certainly isn't hate.
Arnold: Yeah, well I don't think you know Helga G. Pataki.
Stonewall: Oh, you'd be surprised...
Arnold: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Stonewall: COURSE, you don't have to pay me no mind. I'm just a dumb Aussie that's been brained on the noggin one too many times.
Helga returns, pointing the cutlass at Stonewall in warning.
Helga: In case you've forgotten, bucko, you're our prisoner of war. And if you don't pipe down I'm gonna MAKE you myself, got it?
Stonewall: (fake salute) Aye, aye, cap'n! We are at your mercy!
Helga: Whatever. Come on, football-head – the sooner we drop this guy off, the sooner we can get off this island.
Arnold: Uh...
Helga: Arnold, did you hear me? I said let's get a move on! We'll lift on three: one, two...
Together they lift the stretcher. Stonewall turns slightly to give Arnold a quick wink, further puzzling the poor ten year-old.
Meanwhile an exhausted Harold, Sid and Stinky are literally crawling through the jungle. Harold's stomach growls loudly and he collapses.
Harold: Ohhhhh...I'm so hungryyyyyy...!
Sid: If I don't get something in my stomach, I'm gonna keel over...
Stinky: Ditto...
Harold rolls onto his back and looks up at the sky. In his peripheral vision, he spots a flash of yellow hanging from one of the trees.
Harold: Praise Thor, the Thunder God!
Sid: (aside, to Stinky) He's finally lost it.
Harold: No, you guys! Look!
Harold points to the top of the tree, and sure enough, there is a banana bunch hanging from it. The three boys stand up and race to the tree. Harold jumps the tree and immediately attempts to scale it...only to slide back down after making it upwards by a few feet.
Sid: You're wasting your time, Harold. It's too high - we'll never reach it.
Harold: That's what you think!
Cut to the boys attempting a human ladder, with Sid on the bottom, Stinky in the middle, and Harold on top, reaching with all his might, but getting nowhere near the bananas. Eventually, Sid can hold them no longer, and they fall on the ground in a pile.
Sid: Fat lotta good that did.
Harold: Who you callin' fat?
Sid: It's an expression, genius.
Desperate and frustrated, Harold gets up and shakes the tree violently.
Harold: Drop, you stupid bananas, drop!
Something drops on Harold head and bounces off quickly. Harold looks around eagerly but to his disappointment finds no bananas on the jungle floor.
Stinky: (whispers) Look fellers...it's a monkey.
Harold and Sid follow Stinky's gaze to a nearby tree stump. Sure enough, a little brown monkey is casually sitting and scratching itself, munching on a banana it has gripped in its hand. Harold's eyes only see the fruit, and without thinking he grabs a large rock.
Sid: (hands on head) Harold, what are you doing?
Harold chucks the rock at the monkey. It hits the monkey square in the head, knocking it off the trunk and the banana out of its hand.
Sid: You...you killed it.
Cautiously the three friends approach the unconscious monkey, circling around it.
Stinky: Poor lil' guy.
Harold: It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill it! I just wanted to get...
The boys stare at the half-eaten banana lying inches away from the victim. Simultaneously, the three boys dive for the fruit.
Harold: It's mine! I saw it first!
As they fight over the banana, the monkey comes to. The three boys stop as they see the monkey start to twitch, then screech and jump up and down in excitement.
Sid: AAAH! EVIL MONKEY!
The three boys flee as the newly revived monkey follows in hot pursuit. There is an extended chase scene, overlayed with the song "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses for comedic effect.
Meanwhile...
Helga: Are we there yet?
Stonewall: Should be close by now...
Arnold: Wait...did you hear something?
Helga: Like what?
Arnold: Shh...just listen...it sounds like...
Very faintly in the distance are the sounds of panicked screaming, coupled with the occasional screech and "Mommy!". The noise gets louder and louder as they approach, until finally the three boys burst into the area, with the monkey not far behind. Helga and Arnold are too stunned to say anything as the monkey corners the hapless Harold, Sid and Stinky.
Harold: I guess this is the end, you guys...
Stinky: M-maybe they'll say we died heroes...
Stonewall: Oy! You bloody dags! He just wants a bite of that banana! Let him have it!
Sid: "Let him have it," he says...how do you think we got into this mess in the first place?
Arnold: He means, hand it over!
Harold looks at the banana in his hand (now a mushy mess) and throws it as a last ditch effort back to the monkey. The monkey leaps upward to grab the banana and calms down immediately, scampering away into the jungle. Relieved, the three boys simultaneously slide to the ground, their backs against each other.
Harold: Ohhh...that was so close...thanks a lot, Arnold...wait, Arnold?
Sid: What are you guys doing here?
Helga: I suppose I could ask you three clods the same question. Shouldn't you be lining the digestive tract of a sloth by now?
Harold: (sarcastically) Ha ha.
Now, another sound resonates through the area, only this sound is more aggressive and threatening: it is the sound of raucous laughter. Overhead the group spots men swing from the vines with cutlasses, machetes, and other unpleasant weapons gripped in their teeth. Harold, Sid and Stinky huddle together and shake with fear.
Harold: W-What's going on?
Arnold: It's the pirates!
Sid: I knew it! I knew we were being followed!
Helga: Come on! Let's get out of here!
Arnold: But...but what about...?
Helga: Trust me, football-head, it's every man for himself now!
And so, Arnold is forced to abandon Stonewall as Helga drags him away. The kids split up, Arnold and Helga running in one direction; Harold, Sid and Stinky in another direction. It's not long, however, before the three boys are caught, as a net is thrown over them. At first it looks as if Arnold and Helga will escape, but they too are cut off. Helga whips out the cutlass in defense, but it is quickly knocked away by one of the men. They close in and the scene fades to black.
There is a long procession of pirates that cut through the jungle. One of the men pull a wagon containing the net which holds Harold, Stinky, and Sid, while two more push along Helga and Arnold, who are bound by the hands. After several minutes of walking, they can see the silhouette of what looks like a fort above the treetops. They stop at the entrance, and a man standing on top of the fort yells something in Spanish, and the gate slowly opens. As they are led inside they are surprised to see. An established microcosm, consisting of a myriad of Latin and Australian men, presumably all pirates and criminals. The men watch and jeer as the kids are brought into the centre of this vagrant microcosm. To Arnold and Helga's surprise, they are greeted by none other than Stonewall, who appears to have made a complete recovery.
Stonewall: Glad you could join us. Welcome to Fortress de la Muerte. Or as I like to affectionately call it, the Fort...or sometimes, unaffectionately, "the happiest place on earth".
The men laugh, but Arnold and Helga are not amused.
Arnold: You tricked us.
Stonewall: Trick is such a nasty word, but I suppose in this case it's right on the money. Ain't I a stinker? Then again...all's fair in love, war, and the jungle.
Helga: YOU LYING, DOUBLE-CROSSING SNAKE! WE TRUSTED YOU!
Stonewall: Aww, gee. Now you done went and hurt me feelings.
Enraged, Helga charges after Stonewall, but is held back by two men. Stonewall motions with his head and Helga is dragged away, all the while kicking and screaming.
Helga: WE TRUSTED YOU! WE TRUSTED YOU...!
Arnold: Helga!
Arnold tries to run to Helga's side, but Stonewall grabs him by the arm.
Stonewall: Ah ah. Not so fast, mate. You've got an audience with a very important bloke.
Suddenly, the crowd goes silent as a gruff man in a poncho appears from one of the tiny shacks. The men clear a path as he makes his way to Stonewall. Arnold is stricken with a sense of sheer dread; though he never met this man before, he can identify him without hesitation.
Arnold: (whispers) La Sombra...!
Eagerly, Stonewall lifts the amulet from off Arnold's neck and shows it to La Sombra.
Stonewall: Here you are, Somby – a housewarming gift from the man of the hour.
La Sombra takes the amulet in his hands. He looks intently at the item and smiles his usual gold-toothed smile.
La Sombra: I knew it...heh heh heh...I KNEW IT! AH HAH HAH HA!
La Sombra runs onto a raised platform so that he towers over the others in the Fort. He holds up the amulet so that all can see, the emerald portion glimmering in the sunlight.
La Sombra: DO YOU SEE IT? DO YOU SMELL IT? TEN YEARS! That is how long we've scoured this forsaken jungle! For ten years we have come up empty! For ten years our raids have been fruitless! But NOW...now is our moment! The key of the Green Eyes...is OURS! After 10 years...we shall be rewarded!
The crowd cheers savagely, brandishing their sharp weapons high above their heads. Helga and the others are dragged away, and Arnold hangs his head in shame, for he has been rendered helpless, unable to do a thing.
End of Part 11!