Chapter Ten: Raphael

This is a joke. This has to be a joke. Leo can't be...he can't be...

Tears blur my vision and make it hard to see where I'm going - not a good thing when you're driving a bike. I wipe at my eyes, looking up just in time to see the apartment building appear in front of me.

I don't even have time to breathe before I collide with the wall. There's an awful screech of metal on stone as my bike hits. The sound rings in my ears and the next thing I know, I'm lying on the ground, staring up at the winter sky.

A scream of rage and fear rips from my throat and I stagger to my feet, limping away from the hunk of twisted metal that used to be my most prized possession.

Because really, what does something like that matter when your world is falling apart?

I make it about ten feet into a nearby alleyway before reality hits me. Leo is dying. My stomach heaves and I fall to the ground, a half-sob escaping my lips. I put a hand tight over my mouth in an effort to keep myself from crying.

It doesn't work.

I don't know how long I sit here staring at nothing while tears roll soundlessly down my cheeks. There's the taste of salt on my lips, and my body is stiff from being in the strange position. A voice comes from behind me.

"Raph?"

Leo. I glare at the dirty alleyway floor, imagining a hole burning straight through it.

A sigh. "Raph, I know you're upset-"

My head snaps up and I fix my bloodshot green eyes on him. "I don't freaking believe you!"

"What?"

"Upset?! I'm not upset, Leo!" He just raises an eye ridge at me, crossing his arms. "Okay, fine. Maybe I am. But you...you lied to me! To all of us!"

Leo shakes his head. "I never lied, Raph."

"A lie by omission is still a lie. You're dying, Leo! And you didn't even tell your own brothers!"

He flinches, his gaze sliding down to his feet. "I didn't want you guys to worry," he admits quietly.

"It's a little freaking late for that!"

"...I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time," I snap. "I mean...shell, Leo." All the anger drains from my system, and I'm left exhausted and afraid. "How are we gonna get out of this one?"

I swipe angrily at my eyes as more tears threaten to overflow. And then strong arms are sliding around my shoulders, pulling me to a scarred plastron. "It'll be okay, Raph," he whispers. "I promise."

"Don't! Don't make a promise you can't keep! I heard what Donnie was saying. This thing is practically incurable because of our lifestyle. There is no way out, no solution. So don't go saying everything is gonna be okay when I know it's not!" My voice cracks. "I can't lose you, Leo. I can't. I'm not strong enough. I'd be lying if I told you it was something I could handle."

Leo is silent for a long moment and then his face hardens. "You won't," he says firmly. "You're not going to lose me, Raphael. No matter what happens, you're not going to lose me."

"It's incurable, remember? Your organs are gonna fail and then you're gonna-"

"Sapphire might've found a way to stop it."

My whole word freezes for a moment, and I can feel a little spark of hope ignite in my soul. "What?"

He takes a deep breath. "It's mostly theoretical, but there are places that do MRIs and CT scans on animals. If Donnie could use the equipment to figure out exactly how far the cancer has progressed, then he might have a shot at creating a cure for me. Or...or at least slowing it down."

"And you're going to do it, right? You're going to take that chance?" He doesn't answer right away and my eyes narrow. "Leo...you're going to get a scan. Aren't you?"

The blue-banded turtle sighs. "There's nothing saying that it would work. There's also a lot of variables we can't account for. The equipment would be noisy and draw attention, and so would four mutant turtles sneaking into-"

"You can't just give up! What about Mikey? You're gonna put him through all the pain of watching his big brother pass on? In his world the sun and moon revolve around you. It would kill him if you left."

A pained expression passes over his face. No, not pain. Fear. "This will be the hardest thing I've ever done, Raph. I don't...I don't think I can manage this. Not by myself."

"That's what you don't seem to realize. You're not alone. You've got all of us behind you, and no matter what happens we'll be here. We're not going anywhere, Leo. Ever. But you can't go anywhere either. Because we need you just as much as you need us."

Leo stares at me for a long time. And then his face crumples, tears filling his cobalt eyes and cascading down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."

Now it's my turn to hold him and be the strong comforting one. I press our foreheads together and look straight into his eyes. "We'll get through this," I tell him. "I promise you, we will get through it. You're gonna kick cancer's butt and come out better than ever. But you can't give up. You're allowed to scream. You're allowed to cry. But do not give up. Okay?"

"Okay."