Chapter 10: Don't Get Too Close, It's Dark Inside
It's where my demons hide...
It had not been too long since Hook had last been here in Neverland. And while it seemed the same, it seemed just as different to him. It wasn't as drastic a change as when he returned post-name change when he had become a man. Peter had seen it through different eyes than Hook. While the magic of the land was still there, there was also an evil lurking that he had not noticed as a boy, too caught up in the splendor. He noticed that while the others had fallen under the spell, Emma alone saw it as he did, beautiful yet dangerous.
Emma. As they followed Lionheart, he wondered what had gotten into her. He had felt how much she had enjoyed their kiss, not that he had ever doubted she would. But then, after they were interrupted and he had left, something had happened. He wondered if maybe Snow White had said something to her daughter, but the woman had told him she wouldn't. Of course, she had also implied love which was completely false, but still. She seemed a woman of her word.
And he had felt something when they had kissed. He hadn't felt anything even remotely as strong since Milah, and it confused him that she was pulling away now. He knew she felt it too. At first, his flirting had just been a means to an end, once again using his amazingly good looks and sexuality to get what he wanted from the opposite gender. But, somewhere along the way, maybe it had turned to more. Whatever that kiss meant to them, the fact that there had been a spark there was undeniable. And yet, she had been cold and distant with him since then. Maybe he was over thinking it, but he hadn't even had to think about a rendezvous with any woman since Milah. Milah. It always came back to her, didn't it? He hadn't forgotten her, not by a long shot. He knew what was driving him deep down to help them. It wasn't because of Emma really. It was because he was going to get his revenge. He was going to skin a crocodile. But he couldn't deny that for the first time since the Dark One had taken his beloved from him, he was thinking of her less and less. She wasn't the only name in his every breath anymore. She wasn't in his every thought, both in sleep and awake anymore. He rubbed his forearm subconsciously, reminding himself of the tattoo that resided there. He had gotten it to remind him of Milah, to remind him of his goal. He would do anything to get revenge for her, and that meant helping Emma Swan and party.
No, he definitely did not love Emma Swan. He was still too hung up for Milah. And he would never be able to move on until he got his revenge for her. He had thought being in Neverland would help him, but the magic was gone, and he spent three centuries plotting his revenge. And now, his feelings were clouding his judgment. If he had been smart, he would have sweet talked Cora that night when she had come to take the compass, and he would be in Storybrooke already. But no, he had chosen Emma Swan. And now that he thought about it, maybe he would have chosen her again.
He looked over at her again, but she was keeping her gaze focused in front of her. He wanted to know what had happened. He wanted to know how she had over thought that kiss, how she had decided to regret it. Because he was sure that was what it was. There was no other way she could resist his charm, especially after whatever had happened during that kiss. Hook had only ever pined after one woman, especially after getting what he wanted already. And somehow, Emma Swan had bested him in that once again.
He caught up to her quickly. He was going to get to the bottom of this. "Do you still trust me?" he asked quietly, making sure no one else heard him. He didn't want Mama Swan to decide that he was 'ready' for her blessings. He wasn't sure he could bear that.
She jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, and he couldn't help but smirk. How could she deny the effect he had on her? Honestly, the woman jumped a mile every time he even came near her. She looked at him for only a second before turning her gaze back in front. "Yes," she said.
He nodded, glad for that. He knew how hard it was for her to trust him especially after she had told him about that Neal character. And for some reason, he knew he would hate it if she stopped trusting him. He opened his mouth to say something else. He wanted to ask her what he had done to upset her. But she cut him off.
"Do the Indians know you were Peter?" she asked quietly, making sure the others did not hear her.
He sighed. Of course she would change the subject. This was going to be harder than he thought. It was odd, working this hard to get what he wanted. He was so used to women falling over themselves to help him. And yet, here was Emma Swan, besting him over and over again. It was what intrigued him the most about her though, that she did not succumb so easily to his charm. Of course, from the kiss, he knew she wasn't completely insusceptible to his advances. But she had somehow convinced herself to act like she was. Infuriatingly mad, this woman was!
"Yes," he answered her question. "I suppose my secret won't stay secret for too long. I'm actually surprised that Lionheart over there didn't give me away right away."
"Maybe they won't," she suggested. "You were here for 300 years as Hook, right?"
"No such luck, love," he said, and raised an eyebrow when she flinched at the endearment. He had thought she was over that. "The Indians called me Peter, even then. They're a stubborn people. You'll see it yourself soon enough. That's why I was telling you it would be easier to just comply with their demands. The Indians are a peaceful people until you cross them."
"Hence the trust," she said, more to herself than to him.
"Exactly," he said, eager for this opening. "Speaking of trust.."
"Will they keep us long?" she cut him off again.
"Who can know?" he shrugged. "I'm going to wager we'll be spending the night with them."
"Another night away from Henry," she sighed.
He sighed, feeling odd at that statement. It took him a moment to realize it was regret at disappointing that he felt. That was odd. He had definitely never felt that before. He had always lived by a certain set of principles, and one of the most important ones had been to never regret anything. Even when the crocodile had killed Milah, it wasn't regret he felt. It was determination for revenge. And yet, here he was, regretting keeping her from her son for another night longer.
"You'll get back to your son," he promised her. Soon, they would be in Storybrooke, and he would get his revenge, and Emma would get to be with Henry again.
"I know," she tried to smile. "It's the when that's worrying me."
She walked away from him before he could respond, walking back next to her mother. It was as if she was revealing too much from him, as if she was hiding from him now. That confused him. He thought she trusted him. She told him as much. And yet, she was hiding away from here behind her mother.
It looked like he wasn't going to get answers now. She was avoiding him. He had avoided many a girls the morning after to know the signs. It had just never happened to him before. He was used to girls fawning over him, especially after they got a taste of what he was capable of. Oh well, he decided. He could see Neverland again at any rate.
They had entered the Plains now. These seemed the same, never ending, and vast. This was a place he enjoyed. Whatever danger came your way, you would see it a mile away. There was nothing to hide behind, short of a few shrubs and trees. The only danger here was the Indians, and that was only if you crossed them. They were a peaceful people. They cared more about the land than anything else, and Hook appreciated them for it. They loved this land just as much as he did.
Lionheart slowed slightly to walk next to him. "Why have you returned, Peter?" he asked quietly, his eyes darting for a brief moment to the rest of their party.
He sighed. He had expected the questions, and he was grateful that Lionheart had had the decency to ask when the others could not hear. He knew the other Indians would not be so discreet. His secret was bound to come out, that he had been Peter Pan, that he had been the child in their stories, the child that refused to grow up. But that had been a lifetime ago, back before Hook lost his innocence, back when he still saw the good and right in the world. Now, he had seen too much, done too much. Now, he was broken.
"See the hot blonde?" he nodded his head back slightly, keeping his voice low. "She saved my life."
The Indian looked at him for a moment. "I wonder if it is really gratitude that drives you."
"That and revenge," he said with a smirk.
"So you have not given up your mission?" Lionheart raised an eyebrow.
"Of course not. Why would you think that?"
Lionheart turned his head to look at Emma. "I thought perhaps you had a new mission in life."
"Not yet." He would not be able to rest or move on until he got revenge for Milah.
Lionheart nodded. "Revenge is not the way, my friend."
"Easy for you to say you bloody pacifist," Hook rolled his eyes. Yup, the Indians were too peaceful a people. Violence to them was only warranted in defense.
Lionheart smirked at him for a moment before a solemn look passed his face. "The Lost Boys have not forgotten."
He cringed. He had expected as much. Who would have thought the lost boys driving out the pirates? Especially when they had all been friends before, back when he was Peter. "They never did forgive me for growing up," he said softly.
"All children must grow up eventually," Lionheart said.
"But not all children become pirates."
The Indian laughed. "That is true. But I think you make a nice pirate, my friend."
"Glad to have your approval," Hook smirked.
Suddenly, Lionheart stopped. With a smirk at Hook, he let out a loud whistle. Immediately, dozens of Indians surrounded them, spears and bows in hand. They lowered their weapons when they saw Lionheart. But a few raised them again when their eyes landed on Hook. Oh right, not all of them were his biggest fans. You kidnap their bloody princess once and they never let you forget it, honestly. He didn't hurt Tigerlily. Breaking her heart, that was another story. But who knew the Indian princess would fall for him? Oh right…
The chief came up to them, his arms crossed and a hard look on his face. His eyes darted over the women before resting on Hook. "Ah Peter. I was wondering when you would return to these lands."
"Chief," Hook nodded once, smirking. He heard Snow White gasp, and he knew his secret was out. "You know my connection to these lands."
"Peter Pan?" the princess asked her daughter. Hook did not turn to see Emma's reaction. His focus was maintain on the chief of the Indians.
"Why have you returned now?"
"Got a favor to ask of the fairies," Hook saw no point in trying to hide it. Word got around here fast anyway, especially with the Indians. There wasn't anything they didn't know about thisland and the inhabitants.
"Do you truly think they will grant you any favors?" the man next to the Chief asked.
"Ah Skunkbreath," Hook greeted.
The man growled. "That is not my name."
"But it describes you quite well, doesn't it?"
The man raised his spear again to attack, but the Chief stopped him with a raise of his hand. "Dragonfire asks a valid questions, Peter. Why would the fairies grant you anything?"
Hook's gaze darted to Emma for a split second. He had wondered about that already. He had been ruthless when he returned to Neverland. The fairies would not look kindly on his actions. But they were suckers for a happy ending, and for the magic of love. He hoped he could convince enough of them to help him, because of his – feelings."I will convince them."
The Chief seemed to understand. "Well, old friend, it seems perhaps your mission has changed."
"It will not change until I get my revenge," he said firmly.
"Be that as it may," the chief said. "You will not be able to do anything tonight. You must join us for the festival."
"What festival?" Hook said, unsurprised. The bloody Indians celebrated everything, and they invited bloody everyone. Of course they would not let him bow out, even now. Even if two-thirds of them hated him.
"My daughter's wedding," the Chief said slowly. Clearly, he did not forget what he had done to Tigerlily either.
"Tigerlily is getting married?" Hook raised an eyebrow. "To whom?"
The chief laughed and looked at the man next to him, the man who looked clearly ready to fight him still. Of course. "Well, Skunkbreath," Hook smirked. "I would be happy to attend your wedding."
Emma was not much in a festival mood. The others, including her mother, were eating this up. They were dancing around the raging fire, and having a good time. But Emma was too preoccupied. She needed to figure out how to get home without putting Henry in danger. What shocked her most right now was Hook. He was feeling very festive apparently. He had been dancing and reacquainting himself with the Indians all night. Some seemed to be glaring daggers at him, but most were warming up to his charm. Unfortunately, she knew too well the power it had.
She was staring into the fire when he came and sat next to her, two cups in her hands. She hugged herself more tightly, trying not to touch him. Unfortunately, he still had no understanding of personal space, and he was sitting pressed up against her arm. "The Indians know how to party, eh, love?" he asked, handing her a cup.
"I suppose," she said, taking a sip.
"Have I done something to upset you, darling?" he asked, leaning in slightly.
She sighed, and looked at him for a moment. "No."
"Then have you suffered a case of sudden amnesia I should be made aware of?" he raised an eyebrow.
Of course he would ask this of her. Of course he wouldn't just let it go. But then, had she really expected him to? Had any of his actions thus far shown he would? And it wasn't exactly a small thing, she supposed, their kiss. Even with needed to forget about it, she couldn't deny that. His touch, his very presence, it burned a fire in her that she had not felt in so long. "Hook," she sighed.
"Because I cannot imagine another reason how you could forget about our little tryst," he said softly, a small smirk on his lips.
"I – I haven't forgotten," she said quietly.
"And so you choose to ignore me of your own choice?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Hook," she said again.
"From where I was standing, love, I know you enjoyed it at the very least."
"I did,' she admitted.
"Then what is the problem?" his hand moving to cover hers.
"Because I can't enjoy it!" she cried at him, snatching her hand away. God, he was so infuriating. She got up and stomped away, needing to get away from him. He was too consuming, and she was too broken. She could not do this. She did not deserve it, not after everything. Besides, she needed to focus on Henry, and getting back to him. That was the only thing that was important, getting back to her son. She did not need any distractions.
She walked off into the woods, needed a moment alone. She leaned against a tree and shut her eyes, willing herself to forget. To forget how it felt when he touched her, when he kissed her, when he teased her. She couldn't take it, not right now. She needed to be stronger than this. He'll leave you, she reminded herself. He'll leave you like the rest.
"You know, it's not very smart of you to wander off in a land you don't know alone," Hook came up next to her.
She jumped, and wanted to cry when she saw it was him. "Can't you just leave me alone?"
"No, can't say I can," he smirked at her.
"You're so annoying," she growled. "Please, please just leave me alone. I can't handle this right now!"
"Emma," he stepped forward, the smirk gone. She saw it was replaced by a look of genuine concern. Lies, it was all lies.
"Look, Hook, fine, I enjoyed it," she cut him off. "You're a hell of a kisser, not that you need the ego booster. You happy? You win. You made me want to kiss you. Now please go away."
He looked at her for a moment, the longest moment of her life. It was like he was reading her, seeing her right through to her soul. And she hated it. She might not be the pirate, but she didn't exactly want anyone to see the demons she did inside. She wasn't princess material. She wasn't love material.
"Have I done something wrong?" he asked quietly.
"No," she sighed. It wasn't him. It was her. It was the fact that she would never find love, because everyone would leave her. Everyone always left her. And she would be left to pick up her own pieces, and this time, she just couldn't do it.
"Have I told you a lie?" he stepped forward slightly.
"No," she turned away. She didn't want to look at him, to see that damned look of concern there.
"And do you still trust me?" he asked.
She didn't answer this time. Because despite her own feelings, despite her own thoughts, she did trust him still. Her mind had spoken loudly again, and had made sure to put out any fire he might have caused, but her heart was screaming too loudly to quiet that thought. She trusted him. He would not betray her, at least not in this. They would return to Storybrooke together. He would help her get back to Henry, and he would not hurt her son. But did she trust him not to leave her once they returned? Did she trust him to stay when no one else ever did? No. She was afraid she couldn't.
"Emma," he grabbed her with his hook and pulled her into his arms, facing her towards him. "Do you still trust me?"
"Yes," she answered quietly.
"Then why are you pulling away from me?"
She looked away. What could she say? But he wouldn't let her bow out gracefully. He used his good hand to turn her head towards him. "Emma," he said quietly.
"Because I can't do this!" she cried. "Because I don't deserve this!"
"Deserve this?" he raised an eyebrow. "I'm a pirate, love, not a bloody prince in a fancy castle."
She rolled her eyes. Even now, he was so damned infuriating. "That's not what I meant."
"I know," he smirked. "But I thought the ridiculousness of that statement warranted an equally ridiculous response."
"It's not ridiculous!"
"Emma, love, if there's anyone who deserves happiness, it is the darling savior princess," he smirked at her.
"I'm not a princess," she scoffed.
He stepped a little closer and rubbed her arm with her good hand, his hooked hand wrapping around her waist. "Why don't you think you deserve this?"
She sighed. "What even is this? I mean, what the hell are we even doing?"
"Enjoying each other's company?" he asked, smirking slightly.
"Hook," she took a deep breath.
"Why does it have to be anything else?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why do you have to think so into it, love?"
"Because I have a son," she said quietly. "And because—because I don't have the energy to pick myself up again."
A look of understanding came across his face. "You know, I've had several names in my life. Some you know, Peter, Hook, Killian. And some of them, I don't think are appropriate for a princess's ears. But never in my time on this earth have I ever been named Neal."
"I'm not saying you're Neal," she cringed. Why did he know her so well? Why did he see right through her?
"Good," he pulled her closer. "Because I'm not going to leave, love."
"Yes you are," she whispered, her eyes flickering straight to his eyes.
"Not everyone is going to leave you." He leaned closer. She could feel his breath on her skin, causing her to shiver.
"Hook," she sighed, knowing where this was going. She couldn't handle this right now.
"Shh, love," he said quietly. "Just let go. I'm not going to leave. I promise."
She could hear the genuine tone in his voice. She wanted to believe him, she really did. She was ready to heal. She was ready to not be broken anymore. But it was so hard. It was so damn hard. And she wasn't strong enough. She wasn't strong enough to take that leap, to let go, to give in. Hook was giving her an opening, but she knew it would close too, maybe soon.
He seemed to know what she was thinking, with that damned insightful side of him. "Emma, just let go," he said.
Then, he kissed her. And, for some reason unbeknownst to her, she let him.
NEW UPDATE! What did you think? I really enjoy writing Hook's pov. You'll get a closer look into Neverland next chapter ;)
AnimeRose93: I have so many feels about the fall finale. I liked it a lot! And Hook's face when he was telling her he wouldn't have done the same as she did... omg. And saving Aurora's heart! Ugh, he's so perfect. JUMP INTO MY PANTS ALREADY. Can't wait to see their showdown when she finds out he sees her in Storybrooke for the first time!
What did you guys think of the fall finale? Let me know!
Thanks for all the reviews and thoughts on the chapter! What did you think of this chapter? FYI, rated M stuff coming soon wink wink hint hint ;)