The Path Through Discomfort
Chapter 11
..."You rest now, I'll keep watch. I'll be here when you wake." the voice said comfortingly. And Johnny drifted off…
The warmth of the morning sun on his face seemed to soak into every pour of his being, soothing him, comforting him, wrapping him in a cozy mantle of serene security. Opening his mocha colored eyes; Johnny looked across scenic vistas of weathered granite. High above him could be heard the call of the majestic eagle as she ascended the heavens lofty heights only to plummet again in ecstatic descent immersed in the joyous intricacies of her journey.
Allowing his eyes to linger on graceful wings as the bird cavorted in splendorous flight; Johnny considered her journey and looking ahead at steep rocks yet to be traversed in his own trek, he momentarily envied the regal bird. His thoughts only slipped toward covetousness briefly, until Johnny remembered the great bird's connection to the Creator. This messenger from the heavens had somehow found him, and born his prayers up through Father Sky. Touched by the gentle brush of her graceful wing as it had floated across his face, Johnny realized now that she was somehow relaying at least part of the answer to his questioning prayers.
Her graceful touch spoke of balance, between strength and weakness, light and dark, feminine and masculine. Somehow Johnny realized the hard truth in her message for him. The path was steep and rocky, and fear clutched at Johnny's soul. Then a shadow passed over his being and again he saw the winged messenger from the ancestors as she slipped easily through the invisible currents above his head. She seemed to be watching him, following him, and persistently prodding him onward though his soul often silently pleaded for respite from the tiresome journey.
The azure sky gleamed down on him now, the call of the eagle echoed from ancient scarred stone. Johnny tensed every muscle, holding on to his tenuous grasp on his rocky vigil. Sensuous warm breezes swept over him, taunting him to liberate his weary muscles. Surrender to the warmth, sink in and let go the winds seemed to whisper The eagle sang out in agreement with the wicked winds, her call again slamming into the prehistoric tortured stone, echoing in Johnny's mind, body and soul. Somehow she seemed to know his struggle wasn't about being strong. Her protective power would provide him strength. So fighting his way onward was futile then? "No! It's all I know!" his mind screamed.
He held his arms skyward crying into the wind. "No! I can't go here. It's far too treacherous for someone like me to explore."
"….rest now. I'll keep watch…"
Warmth enfolded him, tempting him….and he drifted away…..Just for a minute…
…..and the eagle called her approval down on her struggling charge as he rested more securely melting into the support of another's strength.
JoAnne's prepared a lunch of chicken salad sandwiches, and tomatoes soup. Walking out to the back deck through the sliding glass doors she found her children playing happily under a shade tree, and her husband and his partner napping on two of the lounges on the deck. Stepping off the deck into soft green grass, JoAnne walked over to the children and softly informed them it was time to come in for lunch. The three of them returned to the house where JoAnne sent the children to wash up. While they were gone she finished setting the table, poured glasses of iced tea for adults, and milk for the children. Before going outside to wake the men, JoAnne thoughtfully selected a saucer from the cabinet and retrieving Johnny's medication she doled out the appropriate number of tablets in each bottle depositing them on the saucer which she then sat next to Johnny's plate at the table.
After final table preparations were complete JoAnne steered her path back out to the deck. Leaning over, she gently kissed Roy. He stirred at her touch, and they enjoyed a moment of delicious embrace. "Time for lunch sweetheart." She said softly. Next she moved over to Johnny and brushed gentle fingers through his thick raven hair. He too roused at her touch with a soft "mmmmm….who's there…" Rich chocolate colored eyes opened to see sparkling emerald eyes and a smiling face. "Hey Jo…." He said. "Hey yourself." She retorted. Then to both of the men she said "come on boys, it's time for lunch."
Johnny looked surprised. "Huh?" he questioned in disbelief. "Seems like we just ate breakfast." But his stomach sensing impending food rumbled in anticipation, and looking down at his belly he wryly remarked "o.k., guess it's been a while." He was rewarded for his comment with warm chuckles, and everyone went into the house for lunch.
At the completion their repast, children were sent to nap or play quietly in their room, and Roy asked Johnny if he would like to take a drive over to his apartment to pick up some clothing. Johnny agreed to Roy's suggestion, and the men slid into Roy's car preparing for the trip. Roy had noticed some sort of mood change in his partner at lunch, and as they drove Roy figured there was no time like the present to ask.
"How are ya doin John? Somethin wrong?" Roy casually inquired as the men traveled.
"I don't know Roy, just thinkin about some dreams I've been havin the past couple 'a days is all." Johnny replied quietly.
"So tell me about 'em." Roy directed, again carefully maintaining an easy nonchalance.
"Don't know if I can explain 'em really." Johnny said appearing to be searching for some hidden words he couldn't quite grasp.
"Give me a hint?" Roy said, now more openly curious.
Johnny sat in silence for a few seconds, and then began to tell Roy of his dreams. Roy listened, fascinated by his friend's vivid dream images. He could tell that somehow for Johnny these images bore significant meaning, and Roy could even guess at what the meaning might be. But Roy knew Johnny would need to discover his own interpretation to the dreams, otherwise the hints at growth now observable in his friend might falter or stall.
When Johnny finished with his last tale, Roy allowed a long silence to linger in the passenger compartment of the Porsche before speaking "So, what do you think it all means Johnny?"
"I don't know Roy, and somehow I'm sorta afraid to know." Johnny replied with absolute honesty. Then he shuddered and Roy had the impression his friend did on some levels know, and was intensely uncomfortable with his conclusions.
Roy chanced a sidelong glance at his young partner. The dark brooding countenance spoke of discomfort, and longing. "I don't think that's true John." Roy said.
"Huh?" Johnny whispered startling at Roy's voice in the quiet car. Turning, Johnny eyed his partner. "What do you mean?"
"Hmmm, well no time like the present to do a little more practice, eh Junior?" Roy thought, then dove in. "So tell me about the eagle Johnny? I've heard eagles have some relevant significance in Native American Culture."
Johnny thought about it, remembering his grandfather telling him stories of the great birds. "They are considered to be the messengers from those on earth to the Sprit World, in fact to the Creator." Johnny began. "Eagles represent many things to my people, and are revered as having a direct link to the powers that made us. They are also thought to deliver messages from the Creator back to those on earth"
"So, they talk to God for man, and they talk to man for God?" Roy inquired.
"Yeah, something like that I guess." Johnny said. "They are also symbols of wisdom, power, strength courage and honesty. It's thought they watch over us, and…ya know guide us."
"So the eagle from your dream is watching over you, and guiding your path then?" Roy led.
A long moment of silence followed with Johnny seeming to be deep in his own thoughts.
Roy waited, and watched. Finally, Johnny shook his head in a gesture that seemed to be an attempt to turn away from some pretty uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.
Roy pressed on "So, where does the eagle's guidance lead for you Johnny?"
More silence filled the car as Roy turned into the parking lot of Johnny's apartment building. Roy parked, and extinguishing the engine he turned to face Johnny.
"John?" he spoke softly.
Shaken from his thoughts by Roy's voice Johnny turned to his friend and their gaze met. Looking into Roy's eyes reminded Johnny again of the first dream, the sapphire eyes peering into his soul. "I don't know Roy….."
"John…..?" Roy intoned with raised eyebrows. "Come on, remember our promise Junior." Roy thought.
But Roy didn't have to remind Johnny of the pact of honesty the men had made. Roy's eyes and tone spoke volumes, and Johnny felt the ever more familiar squirming begin inside him.
"I don't know Roy, it seems to have something to do with…well…this." Johnny said gesturing with his hand at the space between the two friends. "I've been a loner for a long time Roy. It's not easy for me to….well….I don't know…" Johnny trailed off unable or unwilling to continue.
"Trust" Roy finished the sentence in his mind.
A long silence lingered then, both men looking into one-another's eyes. Johnny's limpid pools of brown clearly showed his inner turmoil. Roy's bright blue gaze offered warm support for the struggle he knew was being waged.
After some time, it seemed pretty clear to Roy Johnny had reached his emotional limits for the moment, and Roy could sense the meds his partner had taken with lunch were beginning to sneak up on Johnny. Roy reached out and patted his friend gently on the shoulder, then turning to open the car door he said "I understand Junior, but it's too late now. You're sorta stuck with me, Jo and the kids. Guess you're just gonna have to settle in and get used to it."
"He means it! Huh. Go figure. Geeze, he's stubborn!...and I'm glad." Johnny thought. Opening his door, he looked across the top of Roy's car saying "Well….I don't know. You guys are pretty tough to take sometimes. I'm not sure I am gonna be able to handle it!"
Roy chuckled thinking "and I know you are only half teasing there too Junior. "Come on Junior, let's get you some clothes, and get you back to rest. You're looking a little wobbly there. Might need to lie down before you pass out on me."
Johnny sighed…..and hrmmffed saying "yeah, probably right. Damned drugs!"
The two men carefully walked up the stairs and entered Johnny's little apartment to complete their mission.
Informational Note:
Most Native American Indian cultures attach special cultural significance to the Eagle and its' feathers. Eagles represent honesty, truth, majesty, strength, courage, wisdom, power and freedom. The great bird has the ability to fly higher than others, and thus has a perspective that is closer to the Creator, and differs from that of beings forced to remain closer to the earth because the Eagle spends more time in Father Sky, an element of the Spirit.
The Eagle is considered to be a messenger to God. It was given the honor of carrying the prayers of man between the World of Earth and the World of Spirit where the ancestors reside.
The wings of an Eagle represent the balance needed between male and female energy, each one dependent upon the strengths and weakness of the other.
Receiving an eagle feather is the highest honor. Feathers are awarded for acts of bravery, and are an acknowledgement of gratitude, love and ultimate respect. Wearing the eagle feather is thought to garner the Creators immediate attention, and the treasured items are to be treated with the utmost care and esteem.