Sorry this has taken so long to update and I hope it lives up to everyone standards.

Chapter dedicated to Kuma Riddle xD for just being awesome.

Enjoy

Takahiro pov.

10 days, it had been 10 days since I had seen the emerald, radiant green of my brother's eyes. 10 days he had been asleep and 10 days since he tried to kill himself.

Even just thinking those words made me have to hold back a sob; I couldn't even imagine what would cause Misaki to do something so….so….horrific. The words seemed to escape me when I thought about it. The thought alone was unimaginable and even now as I stared at his still form it was hard for me to come to grips with it. He seemed fine. His grades were up, he had made some friends. I knew I hadn't been around as much but Misaki was becoming an adult and could take care of himself, or so I thought.

What had happened?

No, it was more like how could I have let this happen. Why didn't I see this happening?

When our parents died I made a promise to myself and all our other family members that wanted to take Misaki away, that I would protect him. I would be the best guardian he would ever want and that he would never suffer. I would be there for him, through thick and thin. He would be able to come to me and talk to me. I would be able to help him.

I failed.

I failed as a guardian, I failed as a friend and more than anything I failed as a brother. Why didn't he just come to me? He knew that I would never judge him for anything; after all I loved him more than anything. I could have helped him. Was I so untrustworthy that he had to choose this instead?

I had so many things I wanted to ask but I couldn't.

Misaki hadn't come out of his coma. The doctors said it was like his body and mind have given up, with comas a persons will to live if a big factor in being able to come out of it. They told me that even with suicide victims' there was usually a will to live somewhere deep inside, a want to be saved but with Misaki it wasn't there. He was dying from the inside out. They gave him a 50/50 chance of living through this. It seemed like every time I went into his room there were more and more tubes attached to him. It didn't want to see it but at the same time I needed to be there. I needed him to see me if, when he woke up.

It broke my heart to see him like this, to see him in that white room. Misaki looked like at any moment he would disappear from this world.

It frightened me.

Usagi was always trying his hardest to comfort me but I knew he had no idea what to do. He wasn't good at this sort of thing but I could bring myself to care and that made me feel even guiltier. All I really cared about was Misaki, he was here because for some reason there was so much pain inside that he didn't want to keeping living. I had no freaking clue as to why he did this.

I was angry and bitter about it. Mostly towards myself but a lot toward Misaki to. Did he not think this would hurt me, hurt us? Did he not care? What was so bad that he thought he couldn't tell me? Was I really that wrapped up in my own life that he felt he couldn't come to me?

I went and saw him every day hoping that by some miracle he would open those majestic eyes and smile at me. Than I would know he was okay, that he wasn't in danger anymore. That the three of us were going to be a family again because that was all I ever really wanted. The more the days passed the less hopeful I became. I knew Usagi could tell I was losing my spirt. It seemed as if Misaki would never awaken.

Usagi came with me; he would always hold my hand. He was sweet like that and it was one of the reasons that I fell in love with him, so kind and gentle. He did everything in his power to make me feel better, even when my coldness was hurting him. I have nightmares that shake me to the very core about the day I found Misaki in the bathroom cover with his blood. It still made me sick; to think that well Usagi and I were messing around having fun Misaki was upstairs, all alone. My thoughts and guilt tormented, especially at night.

If only I had come home sooner, if only I had checked on Misaki right when we got home, if only I had noticed it building up to this point. If only I had gone with my gut when I thought something was wrong. If only I had paid more attention, and went to Misaki with my concerns, actually talked to him; all this could have been avoided.

He hadn't even left a note for me. Was I really that bad that I didn't deserve at least a parting Farwell or some sort of explanation?

My next thought hit me like a bag of bricks – What if it really was my fault?

Was that the answer to my questions, did he not come to me because he couldn't?

Maybe he thought that I was leaving him behind. I had always spoiled him, maybe my lack of attention made him lonely. That still didn't seem like a reason to kill oneself, lots of people get lonely at one point or another and yet they don't go to such extremes. Misaki was a sensitive person, he was always aware of the burden he thought he was to others and that's why he was never selfish.

Did he think he was a burden to us?

If that really was the reason he did it, it really would be my fault.

I knew his personality better than anyone else; I should have known how this would affect him. I should have told him he wasn't a burden to us. I should have reassured him constantly that I, we would never leave him behind. We could never leave him behind, that he was a part of our family. I tried to include him but he didn't seem interested, maybe it was a too little too late.

It's my entire fault

Even if I did tell him, would he believe me? To be honest I can't remember the last time we had a real conversation or the last time we cooked something together like we use to do. When was the last time we had done something, anything together?

I couldn't remember. I have been so busy lately. Dates with Usagi to hanging out with our friends to planning my wedding to work, it seemed like I had forgotten Misaki.

No, it didn't seem like I forgot him, I did forget him. I had forgotten about how sensitive he was and how much he needed someone around. I had rationalized with myself that he was 18 now and could take care of himself. There was only so much anyone could take; he was only human after all.

I was the worst

Putting my head into my hands I let out a huge sigh. How could I have done that to my own brother? No matter how busy I was I should have made time for him, there was no excuse.

"Hey, are you alright?" Usagi called to me from across the booth we were seated at, effectively snapping me out of my self-hate.

We had just went to see Misaki at the hospital, no change at all and the doctors all gave us these sympathetic looks that said 'you can keep hoping but we all know he's going to die' which just infuriated me more, and then had come to this hole in the wall café for lunch.

It was becoming a routine for us. The café was close to the hospital, had good food and was reasonably priced. My heart fluttered when I looked up into his concerned violet eyes, I really do love him.

"Yea, just thinking" I said with a smile

He gave me a sympathetic look but thankfully saw I didn't want to talk about it and went back to his food. I made a resolve right there that if; when Misaki woke up I would do everything in my power to not make the same mistake twice. I would be there for him, and help him with recovery. This next time would be different. I wasn't a religious person in the slightest but sitting there thinking about Misaki I begged every deity I knew of to give me that one more chance to make it right with my brother.

But how was I going to do it?

I still had so much to do, if I could barely handle everything before without leaving something out then how was I going to do it now. Something had to change, something needed to be dropped and this time it wouldn't be Misaki. I stared across the table at the man I loved. He felt my stare and looked up at me, his lavender eyes showing nothing but love and adoration. I smiled and this time it felt realer. Would he ever know how much he meant to me?

How much I loved him?

He was my pillar of strength, my knight in shining armor, he was my world and I didn't know where I would be without him here beside me right now. He was keeping me here; he was keeping me from crying for hours on end, my one beloved. Even before this had happened, I felt lost before I met him. All I did was worked and took care of Misaki, I loved Misaki but sometimes I just wanted something for me. Then one night I saw him, the power of the air around him alone was enough to interest me

I struggled with him being a man for a long while, I tried to avoid him but his personality kept dragging me in. Everything I learned I wanted to learn more and at a point it really didn't matter that he was a man. I wanted to know more and in the end that was what decided it for me but now looking at him it brought everything that happened through out this past year to the front of my mind. Every moment we had shared and everything we had done, together.

"You know I love you, right?" I asked

His eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store and even more adoration filled them.

"And I love you"

I pushed everything into the back of my mind for later. Right now I was with my loved one and that was all that mattered. Everything that made me sad and sick could wait for later to think about but right now I was going to try and enjoy myself. These things could be put off until later. We didn't talk during the rest of lunch or on the ride back to the house but that was okay because it was like we didn't need to talk. There was no need for words and I was so content that I almost forgot about everything going on.

My senses came rushing back to me the moment I laid down to sleep. I wish with all might I could do back to the blissful evening without them, but I couldn't. The weight of everything crushed me with its demanding force.

What was I going to do?

Slipping out of bed, so as not to awake Usagi, I went to the office that was usually Usagi home away from home. Sitting down in the only chair I let out a big sigh. I needed to think things through. There were really only two big things in my life: Usagi and Misaki. I knew that when Misaki woke up he was going to need me more than anything, to be there to help him. That meant…

No

There had to be something else. All through the night and into the morning I went over it again and again but I came to the same conclusion every single time. Usagi woke up on his own and when he came to find me he found me in the same position I had curled myself into when I made the decision that would change the rest of my life, knees to my chest and head in my hands.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern seeping into his voice, I couldn't bear to look at him.

Pain raked my body but I knew it was nothing compared to what my love would be feeling in a moment. Knowing that made me want to cry more but I knew Usagi would never believe me if I started crying. Standing up, I faced him.

"Let's break up"

Please Read and Review

Okay so I keep getting this question – why is it that the whole story its Usagi hates Misaki but now its Usagi doesn't hate Misaki but just doesn't understand him?

Here's the answer – the reason why is because it has been all in Misaki's point of view until the last few chapters. Misaki truly believes Usagi hates him so we are lead to believe that also but when we flip over to Usagi's point of view we see that is not true.

About the suicide note, yes I am aware that there is one and this will be explained in a later chapter.

If anyone has any questions or concerns please feel free to contact me.