Authoress' Notes: This chapter is just bursting with plot twists! ...Not. April Fools! XD
He Said, She Said
Chapter 11: Defending the Undeniable
Ness stepped out of the shower, feeling fresh as a daisy. He expected Lucas to still be pretty cheesed off at him, so he didn't even bother thinking of any conversation. The moment he pulled the towel away from drying his face, he realized his roommate was nowhere to be found.
Of course.
You're getting worried about her again, aren't you?
He wasn't worried, okay?! He was curious! She was mad when he last saw her, so there was no telling where she'd gone, therefore, he was curious!
Denial, denial, denial. Is that your middle name or something?
He ignored his emotional pangs and fetched his still-drenched clothes from earlier, as well as Lucas' dirty clothes from another corner of the room. It was well into the evening now, and the R.O.B.s would be around any minute to pick it up. Making sure his robe was tied to avoid any embarrassing displays, he opened the door to throw out the clothes. No sooner had he done so, he smacked a R.O.B. in the face, making its head and torso each do a 360 in opposite directions.
"BZZT! ZZZERT! BZZAZZT! PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET," it droned, finished spinning and holding said basket.
Ugh, he already did, stupid thing. These brands of R.O.B.s were nowhere near as competent as the Brawler R.O.B., and he wasn't all that smart to start with. Ness sometimes wondered why everyone would stop be so lazy and wash their own clothes, as well as do 99.9% of other chores in the house. The only things these guys were good at were shooting things and malfunctioning. Apparently, it was doing the latter right now.
"PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET," it repeated, still holding out the basket. Did it even notice it was already filled to the brim with dirty clothes?
At that moment, another R.O.B. zipped by and over to the next room, slamming into the door. It backed up, head doing a 360, and adjusted the empty clothes basket it held. It continued this process until a very annoyed Falco opened the door.
"WHAT?!" he growled.
"PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET," it said.
"Oh, yeah. That. Uh, hang on a second." He darted back in, exchanged some dialogue with Wolf and came back out with a load of clothes. "Here you go."
Its head spun around once more. "THANK YOU FOR THE DIRTY CLOTHES, MA'AM. THEY WILL BE WASHED AT ALL SPEED. EXPECT THEIR CLEANLINESS IN 2.8 HOURS."
Geez, dumb things could even get people's gender right.
The bird frowned as Wolf laughed from inside. "...Yeah, whatever."
With that, the door slammed. The R.O.B. whirred and slammed into it again before backing up, turning, and going back from whence it came. Meanwhile, Ness was still stuck with his broken-ass R.O.B.
"PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET."
He already did! He thumped it over the head several times to see if it got the message.
"VIOLENCE IS NOT APPRECIATED, MA'AM. PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET."
Oh, so it was smart enough to know he was hitting it, but dumb enough to think he was a girl? Brainless piece of junk...
Seeing as he still thought violence was the answer, the thing dropped the clothes basket and grabbed Ness, shaking him and up down. They weren't designed to fight, so this was all they could do for a means of retaliation. He scrambled out and, out of desperation, hurled the basket at it. This only made things worse as it charged forward and began waging one of the stupidest wars ever with him.
The struggle continued as Lucas blankly walked by and into the room. Seconds later, she exited with her messy pillow, tossing it in the basket and putting the scattered clothes back in. She calmly sat it up next to the R.O.B. and backed off. Sensing this, it dropped Ness and happily fetched the basket, turning to her.
"THANK YOU FOR THE DIRTY CLOTHES, MA'AM. THEY WILL BE WASHED AT ALL SPEED. EXPECT THEIR CLEANLINESS IN 1.7 HOURS."
Oh, so it called everyone that. No biggie, but still annoying.
"Oh, wait a second..." She noticed its head, crooked from the fight with Ness, and fixed it. "Okay, there you go."
"THANK YOU, MA'AM. VISION HAS BEEN INCREASD BY 70%. CLOTHING WASHING TIME UPGRADED. EXPECT THEIR CLEANLINESS IN 0.9 HOURS."
What the—?! Clothing time upgraded?! That meant it was gonna do their clothes first, i.e., it was doing her a favor! He could only assume this was its way of thanking Lucas for doing what was asked of her and not mercilessly attacking and throwing baskets at it. Well, that and fixing it up a bit. Dumb things didn't deserve to be fixed if they were just gonna act up again later.
Watching the abomination take its leave, it was then Ness noticed Lucas sporting some new clothes. Surprising as it was, he actually liked this over her skin-tight outfit from before. Sure, there wasn't much skin showing to get turned on to, but this left more to the imagination. In other words, she looked even more feminine than before. ...But was it from the shirt alone? It couldn't be, could it? ...Well, whatever, maybe. Now what was with her face?
The blonde looked as if someone had stabbed her in the back, literally. She was a bit pale, eyes and expression blank. Her body appeared stiff and confined, like she was almost afraid to move, not to mention she had the distinct aura of insecurity about her. After what seemed like forever, she inhaled deeply and spoke.
"Ness, please tell me you notice something different about me."
Well, the clothes were a given, so it must've been something else. He looked her up and down until his eyes ran across a pair of pink heart-shaped earring stubs. That sure wasn't there earlier. Ah, that must've been the icing on the girlified cake. Earrings were, like, the fourth-most important things to women, right? Next to, uh, chocolate, clothes, and... shoes? Yeah, that sounded right.
"Nice... earrings?"
She sighed in relief, looking quite crazy in the process. "Oh, good... You have no idea how hard it was getting these things... And if anyone didn't notice, well... I don't know what I would've done..."
...Was that a threat?
Uncertain of this, he had to ask, "...Is there something wrong with you?"
"Oh, nothing," she sighed, rather painfully. "Getting the piercings, it... it really hurt. I'm... in a lot of post-pain right now. But I'm okay. Hurting, but okay."
Wait, they were piercings?! He thought they were clip-ons! Ouch, no wonder she looked so miserable.
She suddenly perked up. "But, you know what? I'm okay, because Peach said... this is what... girls have to do, apparently, and I don't wanna be out of the loop... y'know?"
"I guess."
"Good, so... Do you think they look pretty?"
Well, if there was any doubt left in anybody's mind that she was still a boy, those earrings wiped it clean out.
"Well, yeah. They kinda... match your shirt and... hair."
Ew, that was lame.
Aw well, what else could he possibly say?! Girls were supposed to ask other girls their opinion on their looks, because if a guy told them their honest opinion, it'd always end in pain and tears for both. What was the point? As long as they weren't flat-out ugly, guys didn't care what girls looked like! Fortunately and oddly, this was his honest opinion, and he could tell Lucas loved it.
"Aw, thanks, Ness! That's really sweet of you to say, 'cuz that's what the girls kept saying, too! You've a good perception. Did anyone ever tell you that?"
"Not really."
Especially since he wasn't too sure what that was.
"And I'll have you know I'm not mad at you anymore for earlier. The girls gave me a bit of a special treatment during our time together, so getting the earrings weren't... too bad."
Huh, really. He noticed the emphasis on "too", so he'd buy it.
She turned her mouth up. "...You're not still mad at me, are you?"
He never was mad at her. He just wanted to get out of dodge before she unleashed the fury of a woman's fury.
He answered with a simple, "No."
"Oh, good. Now that we've got that out of the way..." She smirked. "You wanna pick up where we left off?"
"REEEEEEEED!"
Downstairs, Pit hopped, skipped, jumped, and flew past nearly every person in the house, causing quite a ruckus in the form of dropped objects, irritated cries, people running into each other, skirts flying up, other people trying to look under them, and said people getting slapped silly.
"Red, Red!" He scrambled down the hall until he spotted Red's hat while zooming by a doorway. "Red! Oh, there you are! Man, I'm glad I found you. Listen, Red, I gotta tell you something!"
Red rolled his eyes, looking up from grooming Ivysaur. "Aw, Pit, don't start this crap again..."
He ran over to the table he was at, seeing he and the Idiot Brigade were sitting around like a bunch of lovesick saps, smiling, laughing, sighing, and whatnot. And he knew exactly why, too.
"Red, just hear me out for a sec—"
"No. Whatever it is, I don't care, so you can stuff it. Now go away, we're too busy listing all the wonderful, beautiful, perfect, and sexy things there are about Lucas to deal with you."
"We're up to 34,790!" happily said Kirby, having the ridiculously long list to prove it.
"Ooh!" suddenly said, Popo getting a half-assed idea. "Put down she's got a nice butt!"
Toon Link shot him a look. "We already did."
"But it's serious!"
Again, Red brushed him off. "Nothing is ever serious with you, so bug off before I have Ivysaur personally escort you out."
"Oh, yeah? Aren't you forgetting I'm the one who first found out Lucas was a girl to begin with?"
"Yes, yes, we all know that, and thanks a lot for being unable to prove it, now scram."
"Fine, then." He turned to leave. "I mean, I'm pretty sure the fact it has to do with Lucas is no big deal to you guys, so—"
"Lucas?!" Immediately, the entire Idiot Brigade bolted from the table, running over to the angel at all speed.
"What's wrong with Lucas?!" freaked Toon Link.
"Is she hurt?! Is she okay?!" asked Popo.
Kirby tugged on his wings from behind. "What happened to her?! Tell us! Tell us!"
Red made Ivysaur grab his collar with a Vine Whip. "You didn't have anything to do with this, did you?"
He struggled and frowned. "No, it was something I saw, now call off your overgrown weed, or you can just forget about me spilling the beans!"
Both the trainer and Pokémon sneered at this remark as Ivysaur dropped him like a hot potato.
"Now, spill," he spat. "What's going on with Lucas?"
He stood, brushing himself off. "Well, I'll have all of you know I caught her, uh... what was it called again...?"
"Stripping?!" heatedly asked Popo.
"Streaking?!" grinned Red.
Toon Link was practically on cloud nine. "Proclaiming her unyielding love for me?!"
"Baking cookies?!" drooled Kirby.
Pit waved off their perverted suggestions. "No, no, no! It was called... uh, sucking faces! Yeah, that's what it was! With Ness! Sucking faces with Ness!"
"..." Everyone frowned, their interest dissipating.
He blinked, shocked at their reactions. "...What? What?!"
Red scowled. "C'mon, Pit. We all know you're the biggest fibber in the house, but that's just sad."
Toon Link shook his head. "Lucas hitting it off, with Ness, of all people? That's not even believable. At least make it somebody we think could be a threat. Like... one of us."
"TL's right. If you came up and told me you caught her and Red sucking face, I'd kick him in the balls, but at least it'd be creditable," snorted Popo.
Kirby rubbed his head in confusion. "I don't know what 'sucking face' is, but it sure sounds like something I could do, so I know you made it up!"
"Look, I know it seems crazy, but it's true! Need I remind you about who first saw her... yeah?"
"Yes, we know! It was you!" growled Red, throwing his arms up. "It was all you, and nobody else! We get it! Can we please get off that now?!"
"Actually," He smirked. "Ness was in there with me. He saw her little show, too."
"..." Immediately, everyone's face fell upon realizing that.
"I mean, I personally don't find what she has to offer the least bit interesting..." His smirk grew wider. "But I'm sure Ness does."
It was so nice, after a long, hard day of work, Ness could finally get things up and going with Lucas again. Okay, so it'd been a long day of almost nothing happening, but that was no reason not to use that as an excuse to mess around. Being such an avid baseball fan, he could officially say he'd hit second base with her when, out of nowhere, someone slammed into the door, angry voices accompanying it. The two separated and groaned, irritated.
"Lucas, you in there? Why's the door locked?!" came Red's annoying voice.
"Yeah, we need to talk to you!" said Popo's.
"And see your pretty face again! It sustains us more than you'll ever know!" cooed Toon Link.
Ness looked to Lucas, smiling knowingly. "See? That's why we lock the door."
"All right, I get it," she scoffed, hitting him with the remaining pillow. "Now be a gentleman and go get the door, why don't you?"
He frowned. "What? Why me? They want you!"
"But I don't want them." She egged him on. "They'll go away faster if they think you're the only one in here, so go."
He sighed. Well, she did have a point, which was especially annoying when he thought he was starting to sound like the smart one. He grumbled to himself as he trudged over to the door to open it. All they were trying to do was enjoy some much-wanted alone time, and these dopes couldn't even stop bugging them for that long?
"Whaddya want?" he flatly asked upon opening the door.
Everyone frowned at being greeted by the male occupant of the room.
"Oh," said Red with a scorn. "It's you."
"Yeah," mirrored Ness. "It's me."
Red didn't take kindly to that, narrowing his eyes as Ness also narrowed his. The rest of the Idiot Brigade was nowhere near as much of threat as this horny mutt.
"Uh, Ness?" asked Kirby, snapping them out of their little staredown. "It's nice to see you and all, but we're here for Lucas."
"She's not in."
Red raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really, now?"
"Yes, really, now," he retorted, crossing his arms.
The peeved look on his face showed he didn't believe him as he looked around him and further into the room for their blonde sweetheart. The others saw this and followed suit. Seeing he was being ignored, Ness angrily snapped his fingers to get their attention.
"Hey, bozos! Didn't you hear me? I said she's not in!" Oh wow, he was being snippier than usual today. Defensive, much?
Too bad all that snippiness did nothing to stop Red from pushing him aside and looking inside in time to see Lucas take refuge on the other side of Ness' bed. Immediately, he smiled.
"Aw, there she is!" he said, voice practically salivating with lust. "Look how pretty she is, over there trying to be all shy!"
She flinched at this, sighing in defeat as she faced him, faking a smile and waving. "...Oh... Hi, Red..."
The rest of the Idiot Brigade heard that and threw themselves against the crack of the door, straining around Ness to see the source of her voice. He felt like he was being humped by a pack of hungry, horny dogs the way they struggled against their blockade to get to the prize that lurked within.
"Hi, Lucas!" they swooned.
Popo frowned at Ness. "I thought you said she wasn't in!"
"And she would've stayed that way if you asses had stayed outside," he retorted, trying to push them back out. "Now, go away! She doesn't wanna see any of you right now, and neither do I!"
"No way! That's a big, fat lie and you know it!" answered Kirby.
"Too bad! Now scram!" growled Ness.
"No, you scram!" spat Red. "Who died and made you in charge of when we can see her?!"
"C'mon, we'll only be in here for a minute!" whined Toon Link.
"Yeah, and you two room together! You'll have plenty of time to spend with her after curfew!"
It was completely unintentional, but Popo's remark sent the others into a frenzy. Lucas couldn't help but laugh at Ness' desperation in trying to keep the boys out. He looked half-ready to kill someone, as did Red. They both looked the craziest amid the struggle, Red pushing back the psychic's head, while Ness retorted with an angry foot jabbing him in the stomach. The others just looked annoyed and frantic.
Finally, Ness had had enough. He conjured up a quick PK Fire and zapped Toon Link in the face, instantly making his hat burst into flames. Horrified, he tripped over Kirby and, in his effort to try and put it out, only succeeded in setting Popo's parka ablaze. Red saw this coming a mile away and backed off. Unfortunately, he ran into a passerby R.O.B. toting a laundry basket, making it spill the also-very-flammable clothes basket over him. Kirby could only look on in confusion as all four of them, R.O.B. included, ran down the hall in flames. Confused, the puffball blinked at Ness.
"Uh, something tells me I should go, so I think I will. ...See you at dinner!" He smiled, happily running off. "Oh boy, I hope we're having lasagna tonight!"
Again, Kirby's naiveté was one to be envied. How he could pine for Lucas in the most questionable way ever and still consider Ness his pal? Whatever, he didn't care, closing the door and going back to the blonde.
She tittered. "That was quite a show. You showed them who was boss, huh?"
...Yes, he did beat them off, didn't he? Yeah, he did show them who was boss. It may've been stupid to do so, but Ness felt pretty proud of himself. Saying he was feeling a little cocky would've been an understatement.
Lucas was about to say something else when Wario busted in. "Hey, what're you two still doing up here? Dinner's about to start, so get your butts downstairs, pronto! ...Or not, I don't really care. I'm just doing this 'cuz it's my turn to remind all the dunderheads who forgot."
And just to show how much of an asshole he was, the fat man proceeded to dig in his nose like it was a gold mine and flick mercilessly into the room.
Lucas recoiled, squealing, "Ewwwww!"
He cackled at her disgust until a bat to the head knocked him silly, making him mutter angrily to himself and slam the door upon leaving. Relieved, but shocked, Lucas turned to see Ness frowning.
"I'm really getting sick of that guy," he grumbled, still in a throwing pose.
"...Why did you throw that?" she asked, baffled.
Huh. To be honest, he didn't know. But Wario's guffawing was really annoying, and the booger-flicking was way uncool, not to mention he never really liked him anyway and—
Lucas was in distress, so you came to her rescue...
Yeah, and she was— What?! Wait, no! No, that's not why he did it! No! Shut up! That's not why he did it!
You're in denial again, responded his psyche, in a singsongy kind of way. You know you threw that because you couldn't stand seeing her being messed with.
No, that was completely wrong! He hated Wario with every inch of his being just as much as she did! This had nothing to do with chivalry, so shut up!
Noticing his flustered expression, she playfully shouldered him. "...Y'know, that was really, uh, sweet of you to act so quickly to that. You know much of a pain he is."
No, no! He only did it because he was a pain to him! He didn't do it because he didn't like seeing her being harassed and wanted to defend her! That wasn't the case at all!
"We need to go eat," he quickly said, trying to disregard her complement. "Before he and Kirby suck it all up."
She smiled. "Oh, perfect! Now everyone can see my new clothes! And you can help show them off... right?"
"...What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, I was just saying the contrast between us would help show them off. I'm sure everyone would notice faster if we were together, see?"
Oh, she was toying with him. Perverse psychology, or whatever it was called.
Reverse.
Whatever.
Authoress' Notes: Okay, there were no plot twists in this installment, but there's a 90% chance the next one will be.
...No. April Fools again! It's actually more like 30%, lol.