It's The Way We Love

I think I cried with joy when I finished this. Fucking finally!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Denial

Timeline: set in 3x04, right after Stefan tells Katherine that if she wants a partner in crime she should look elsewhere. This is a continuation of that scene and what could have happened there.

Rating: T

"It's good. It's good to want things, Katherine."

His words echo through her head nonstop, and the spot where he squeezed her arms tightly tingles a little, leaving her wanting more of his touch, but his little smirk as he turns around, feeling like he just owned the conversation, makes her want to slap him, if for nothing else, than just so it would disappear from his face. It doesn't suit him. It suits her.

But he's changed now and she doesn't like it.

She doesn't like the new him. He's crazy, unpredictable, careless, and that's her style, not his. It's not the real him. She just wants the real him.

(Klaus has just sunk lower on her list of enemies, and she never even thought that was possible because he was already at the bottom. But corrupting Stefan was crossing a line, and he would have to pay for it. She'll make sure of that.)

She watches him as he prepares to leave, an annoyed expression sitting on her face, and she's once again taken aback by the thing he says. First, he throws her own words back at her ("Happy to know you still care") so carelessly, so stolidly like it was just a joke, but she still can't help but wonder if he was merely mocking her or really meant them. She can't decide but for the sake of her sanity she'll go with the latter.

Now he's refusing her help for, what feels like, the billionth time - even though she keeps proving him, proving them time and time again that she can and she's willing to be useful, that they need her, that she knows things they don't, but okay, Stefan, be the stubborn one then - and he tells her that 'it's good to want things' in such a patronizing manner that she has to press her lips together to keep from hissing.

Just who is he to talk to her like she was a petulant little child?

In fact, if anyone is acting like a kid in this situation, it's him. So stubborn, so stupid, so rebellious. He's not willing to accept reality, not willing to accept what he still and has always felt for her. They belong together and she knows it and he knows it too, but he keeps pretending it's not true.

Well.

She'll show him now.

"I want you," she calls after him as he heads towards the exit. He reluctantly stops in his tracks and turns back towards her, Gloria's dead body still on his shoulders. She looks determined and fierce, arms crossed across her chest defiantly, lips pressed into a thin line. "Is that a good thing too?" she inquires in a hard tone, raising her eyebrows. He inspects her closer curiously but her face and body posture tell him nothing. She's a closed book to him, she's always been so. He could never really tell when she was lying and when she was being honest, when she was plotting something and when she was generously trying to help - although he wasn't sure she the word 'generous' was in her dictionary at all - and the fact that she was so unreadable always bothered him. He knows her but he can't read her. It made it that much harder to trust her and he was a person - or used to be a person - who trusted easily.

Too easily, she's told him once. As it turns out, she was right.

He would've given a lot just to know what's going on inside that pretty little head of hers even for just a day. Does she deify herself? Does she think about herself all the time, every second of every day? Is herself really more important to her than anyone else in the entire world?

The latter one is probably true but he'd like to think the first two aren't. He knows it's a lot to hope for but he still hopes that maybe there's more to her than it looks, something human-like under the cold, hard surface - no matter what he might say sometimes he finds it hard to believe that she has no ounce of humanity left inside her. Everyone, every vampire, everyone has to have some emotions left. You can't kill them all. It's just the way things work.

She has to care for somebody else other than herself too.

And maybe he's just deluding himself hoping that she's telling the truth when she claims to care about him, love him even, but he can't help it. He might not love her anymore, he might not want her back but he's loved her for far too long to suddenly not give a damn anymore. Even in his ripper state... he cares.

She's still waiting for an answer, he realizes, when she stomps her foot impatiently on the ground. He snorts quietly at such a Katherine-like motion, looking away from her briefly while he tries to come up with the appropriate response. "Where are you going with this, Katherine?" He decides to dodge her question, answering with another.

"Just answer my question, Stefan."

He debates with himself - should he really engage in this conversation with her now? Does he have the time? (No.) Or the patience? (No.) Or the energy? (No.)

He's not in the mood for her usual confusing and frustrating mind games with no rules which, in result, messes with his head even more but she's looking at him with this look that says: 'I'm the boss, do as I say' and he really has no other choice. It's pathetic, really, but he can't deny her.

Knowing he'll regret it later, he heaves a deep sigh and nods, letting the wicked witch's body fall to the floor. He looks at her sternly, crossing his arms too. "You shouldn't want me. I don't want you." His words are hard, determined, cruelly truthful but it has no affect on her self-confident demeanor. She merely raises an eyebrow in disbelief. She knows she's right - she's always right, don't you know that? - but she also knows that he really does believe he doesn't love her anymore. After all, when you tell yourself something long enough you'll start to believe it in time.

Basically, he's in heavy denial - he made himself think what he wanted to think because it was easier and more convenient for him that way, and now he's living in his happy, safe bubble, blissfully ignorant.

Too bad she's going to have to burst it.

"That's where you're wrong, Stefan. You think you don't want me but you do."

"Don't tell me what I want and what I don't," he growls. "You don't know me. You never really did."

"Is that what you think?" She barks out a quiet, amused laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. "Tell you what, Stefan, I think I know you better than you know yourself." Her voice lowers at the end of the sentence, leaning in closer to him. He involuntarily takes a step back but she just moves closer to him again.

He snorts. "You're crazy." His smirk is teasing, taunting, challenging her to prove herself. She's not one to back down from a challenge and she can see that he thinks she'll fail at it which makes her want to prove herself all the more. She likes to be right and she likes to rub that in other people's faces.

"Really? Am I? Because I think you're in denial. I think you're scared of what you feel for me, you can't trust me, can't decide if I really love you or just playing with you and that scares you more than anything, but Stefan, I do, I love you, I do. And you're afraid of us and what we could be, maybe you're afraid of being happy because you feel like you wouldn't deserve it. You think you're a monster and monsters don't deserve happiness, and you care about Elena, maybe you even love her - not like you love me but you do - and you don't want to hurt her, you don't think it's fair for her, you're torn, you know you shouldn't still want me because of her and because I'm bad, so you repress these feelings and pretend they don't exist because you don't know what else to do. You can't make yourself believe you actually hate me but you can pretend you don't love me anymore and that's good enough. It's convenient, isn't it?" She says all this in a rush, so quickly that he almost can't keep up with her train of thoughts, but he doesn't even have to because he knows. He knows what she's saying - she's saying exactly the things he feels and thinks.

It's scary, how well she can read him.

She looks up and down him leisurely, measuring how much her words had affected him and she likes what she sees. His efforts are breaking, and she's never felt so proud of herself before. "I know you think you don't love me. But deep down we all know the truth. And what you're doing right now... all this pretense and facade... well, it's just sad, Stefan." She shakes her head in disappointment before her face lights up in a smug smile. "So, how did I do? You still think I don't know you?"

He swallows heavily, trying to keep a straight, impassive face, trying not to let her know she got through him but he suspects he's failing. If she knows him so well it should be nothing for her to see through his lie.

He hates it.

He hates it all - how she's right, how much she knows him, how he couldn't lie to save his life, how much he still cares about her, just her in general.

Himself too.

Mostly himself.

But he doesn't want to let her win so lets out a long breath, preparing to continue with his act anyway. "You're w..." he stops mid-sentence when she raises her eyebrows, unable to continue and so blatantly lie into her face. (Just when did he become the liar out of the two of them? It's supposed to be her, isn't it?) Now she's the one who's challenging him - challenging him to cut the bullshit and just admit the truth for once. And because he's tired of everything, he gives in. "You're right. Dammit. You're right, of course you're right."

"I am?" She sounds surprised. She's always known she was right but part of her excepted him to turn her down again and act like nothing happened - that's what he always does. It comes as a pleasant surprise when he does the opposite.

"Yes. Yes." He buries his head in his hands desperately, swaying a little as he quickly flops down on the closest thing he can sit on because he feels like his legs won't support him for much longer. Now that the truth came out and it's all out there in the open, he feels... he doesn't know what he feels. He's confused. Lost. He doesn't know where to go from here.

She sees his despair and she wants to go to him and comfort him more than anything but she has no clue what she should do. She's not good at this - well, try terrible. But she did make him open up about everything and now he's so distraught because of that, because of her so comforting him is the least she could do.

She slowly approaches him, laying a tentative hand on his shoulder. He doesn't move, doesn't look up but she can feel him tensing under her touch and it's enough to make her reconsider if this was such a good idea after all. Maybe she shouldn't have pushed him like that. Maybe she should've let him figure out things on his own.

But how long would that take?

Well, you did promise him you'd wait forever, no matter what.

Right. And I would, but I'm not exactly known for being the most patient person ever.

"Hey, Stefan. It's okay. It's okay, Stefan," she mumbles quietly, having no idea what to say. Isn't this what they usually say in the movies when someone is really upset? Well, in the really bad cliche movies.

She rubs his shoulders softly - they also do that in the movies, don't they? - but he shrinks away from her immediately, not because he doesn't want to be comforted but because he feels like he doesn't deserve it. She tries not to feel the familiar heartache when he moves away from her. It's silly. It's not personally directed at her, she knows that, he's just messed up right now. But she kind of wants him to confide in her, share his misery, be able to trust her. Like old times.

"It's not okay. I'm horrible."

"You're not horrible," she shakes her head, getting down on her knees before him. When he tries to look away she grabs his head and forcefully turns him back to her. Looking him in the eye, she repeats the words again slowly. "Listen to me, you're not horrible, Stefan. I think you're pretty cool if that helps." She cracks a grin and it's so contagious that he can't resist a half-smile either. Her grin turns into a laugh when she sees it and soon he's joining in, both of them laughing at particularly nothing but it feels good, better than moping around so they're not complaining. They laugh and giggle and forget about the problems they have until Katherine ruins it all - the sight of his wide smile pulls her in, draws her to him and then she's leaning in closer to him, her face inches apart from his, ready for a mind-blowing, earth-shattering kiss from him. He senses her intentions right away and for a moment there he was going to give up and let himself get lost in her - he's already lost anyway, what's so wrong about being lost in her? - but at the last minute he turned his head and her lips collided with his cheek instead. He doesn't know why he did it, it wasn't even intentional, maybe a reflex. Or maybe something told him deep down that this shouldn't happen yet. Not like this.

Either way... The moment is lost, Katherine got the massage and now it's just back to being awkward.

She sighs softly, tells herself that she should've seen this coming and stands up, involuntarily taking a step back from him, as if trying to protect herself from the hurt, the pain and the embarrassment by putting distance between the two of them. In that moment he feels even more terrible than before and cursing himself, he quickly tries to fix the damage before she gets the wrong idea.

"I just...," he begins softly, standing up too. "I need some time," he explains, hoping she'll understand. He watches her stand in front of him, unmoving, her face unreadable and void of any emotions, for too long and he starts to think she won't react at all, when she suddenly swallows hard, her expression softening.

"I know," she nods and he can see that she tries to be nice and understanding here - both qualities so unlike her - but he can also the disappointment hiding in her eyes. Still, he appreciates her effort. "That's okay. We have all the time in the world." She manages a slow sad smile at his apparent relief before she grows serious once again. "But Stefan... you can't keep on like this. And I'm not talking about you deluding yourself about your feelings. I'm talking about what you're doing right now, with Klaus..."

"I have to," he cuts in. "I made a deal with him for Damon."

"I know. But you shouldn't be in this all alone. If you really want to take on him you need help. You need an alley."

He smirks. "You mean I need you?"

She gives him a look that says 'duh' and moving closer to him, she grabs his arm, willing him to understand that he can't do this alone. His eyes flicker to the spot where she's touching him then quickly back at her face. He would prefer it if their skin wasn't in contact, it would make it easier for him to decline her offer again. He briefly wonders if she knew this and she's using it to her advantage now. He certainly wouldn't put it past her. "I promise you, you won't regret it." He says nothing, remains impassive so she decides to make another promise. "And I promise I won't try anything until you're ready. I don't go back on my promises, Stefan, trust me on this." Another promise of hers - a vow - enters her mind, one she made so long ago when she had no other choice but to leave him dead and cold in the woods, about to be changed and with no guide, and she remembers her recent promise too, that she'll wait forever and she will. She's not going to break her promises to him, she wouldn't let him down like that. "Let me help you."

He doesn't want to agree but deep down, he does. It's just another one of those things he's made himself believe and he can't ignore his true wishes anymore. And since it seems to be the day of Truth, he says: "Okay."

She's surprised but satisfied with his response. "Really?"

"Just help me get rid of Gloria's body before I change my mind."

Her whole face lights up in a proud and kind of smug smile and as they leave the room together, despite all the obstacles they're surely going to have to face, she can't help but feel like that everything is going to be okay in the end. It's strange, this optimism. It's not like her but she knows it's only because of him.

They have each other now, whether as partners in crime, or something more later on, it doesn't matter right now. What matters is that it's just going to be the two of them and that thought excites Katherine more than anything.

Just the two of them.

Together.

And as long as she has him, no matter the obstacles life - or more likely Klaus - will throw at them, it's going to be okay.

Once again: finally.

Well, anyway, this was born because I want to see Katherine and Stefan as partners in crime so badly and I'm so disappointed the writers passed up on that chance for the fucking second time now! Plus when Stefan said "It's good to want things, Katherine" in 3x04, my first thought was: "Really? Well, she wants you, so be happy." I just went from there.

Well, yeah, I gotta go now, so I'm not going to say much about last episode except that: Elijah is FUCKING back, guys! HE'S BACK! And I don't want to wait fucking two weeks for new TVD. Gahh :/

Also, I know I haven't replied to some of your reviews yet, I'm so sorry, I'm super busy these days, but I will, as soon as I can, kay?

Yeah, and vote in the new poll!

Thanks guys :)