Becker

I took my chances at lunch break and went to Abby's because something told me that's where I would find Jess. I don't know what I could've possibly done wrong to make her move out half way through the night whilst I was asleep. Did I do something last night? I was so drunk last night and I had no idea what I said or did.

When I got to Abby's front door I knocked and heard shuffling towards the door and knew Jess was inside "Forget your lunch again Connor?" Jess said as she answered the door with a laugh, she looked at me and her face dropped "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"To get you to come home. I don't know what I have done to upset you but honestly Jess I didn't mean it... I was drunk" I explained and she shook her head "Please Jess. What have I done? What did I do or say?" I asked, I was desperate to know.

She opened the door wider for me and we went into the living room and sat on the sofa "Becker you told me that we were on the verge of a split, does that mean you don't want me anymore?" she questioned.

I shook my head and moved closer to her, putting my hand on her knee "Jess I didn't mean it... I love you so much, I was just being drunk and stupid" I explained to her.

"I love you too but I can't keep going through all of this heart ache because it's unhealthy Becker, us being together is unhealthy and us being together is unhealthy... I just don't know what I want anymore. Maybe your right and we are on the verge of splitting up or maybe we can try and sort all of our problems out and stay together but we both have to really want it" she stood up and started pacing. "I just don't ever know what you want" she said and I could tell she was frustrated.

I stood from my seat and stood infront of her to stop her pacing "Jess, I want you and nobody else... your my forever and always Jess"

Tears started falling from her eyes "Why don't you ever tell me that? Why do you close off?" she questioned "I want you to tell me you want me and that you love me" she explained.

I understand that, she always tells me how much she loves me and I do close myself off but that's me I'm an 'emotional retard' as Abby calls me and I need to stop because it's pushing Jess away, that's the last thing I want. "I will tell you everyday if it means that I can keep you" I told her and hoped she would believe me.

Jess

I know I said I wanted Becker to come here and to tell me he loved me and then we would go home together but I had changed my mind because I was sick of being his doormat, he could make me upset and angry and I always forgave him and I was sick of it. I wanted Becker to prove to me that he wanted to be with me because sometimes I wasn't so sure.

He kept holding my hand and telling me he loved me but I think maybe we needed to start over and learn to respect and love eachother again, we had lost that over time and we needed to get that back if we wanted a future together.

"How about I stay here for a little while and we start over OK? Us being together is unhealthy at the best of times, I think that's what we need... time apart. We live together, we sleep together, we go out together, we do everything together and never have a break from eachother" I explained and he didn't like that idea.

He let go of my hand and stepped away from me "You don't want to live with me?" he questioned with his eyes full of hurt and pain "Do you not want to be with me? Is this you trying to leave me without saying the words?"

I shook my hand "No" I said sternly "I love you Becker, so much but we need time apart to make our relationship better. I'm sick of the arguments that we have and we need to get our issues sorted and it's like they say... you don't know what you have until it's gone"

All I wanted was me and Becker to be together again and for us to be with eachother happily instead of arguing all the time because that's not what a relationship is, well not a healthy relationship anyway.

He left to go back to work an hour later and we agreed to go to the pub for a couple of drinks and to talk about things at about seven, he would pick me up and depending on how much we had to drink we could get a taxi.

Once he had left I felt giddy and excited like when we first started dating and I wanted to feel like that all the time and that's what I wanted him to understand but I knew our relationship needed a lot of work and that one evening out together for a couple of drinks wasn't going to make everything perfect again.

As seven o'clock approached I got butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't stop smiling, Abby and Connor hd come home an hour before and I forced Abby to help me get ready like a teenager going on their first date "Do I look OK?" I asked Abby, a bit worried that I looked horrible and like a little girl.

"Jess you look beautiful" we had opted for a simple outfit, a pair of black skinny jeans with a black spagetti strap fitted top and a pair of red heels, a matching red bag and my leather jacket. Me and Abby had debated about my hair and we decided to put it down in lose curls so I looked natural but good.

The door knocked and I looked at Abby worried "You'll be fine" she said and answered the door "She'll be out in a minute" she told him, I stood in the bedroom and checked myself in the mirroe for the millionth time and walked into the living room.

He looked at me and smiled at me "You look beautiful" he said to me and I couldn't help but smile.

We arrived at a local pub and Becker got us some drinks whilst I got us a table by the window, he came back and placed our drinks on the table and sat opposite me "So..."

Sorry for the delay, much love :) xxxx