I am sooooo sorry for the long wait! I had a really awful allergic reaction that put me in the hospital and then right after i got better i had to go out of town for 2 weeks. But I'm back now and i hope to be putting out chapters more frequently.

Equations

Equations... numbers...lines of code. That's all that was left in his brain. He had reached the point of exhaustion where all that was left were never ending equations. And that's exactly what he was looking for. Nothing else was left, nothing but numbers...and all he needed now was caffeine. And thanks to Dum-E's insistence on breaking even decent coffee machine he kept in the lab he had to make the long trek to the next room to get a decent cup...or 5.

By the time he made it to the machine he realized how tired he really was...but that didn't matter. He had finally made it to that peaceful place and he sure as hell wasn't going to trade that in with soul crippling nightmares. With the machine turned on Tony went wandering off in search of maybe some more booze for his coffee. Until he heard the a step behind him and froze. All his muscles locked up and for the next 10 seconds his brain flickered between being in the present and standing in the cave waiting for the inspection after he had finally caved in to the torture. His breath speed up, heart hammering in his throat and being so tired he couldn't snap himself out of it.

Steve since the second that Tony had noticed his and Bruce's presence. Usually people just jumped and turned around but Tony got tense as a bowstring and then it seemed like he was hyperventilating. Steve stopped him movement, shocked into stillness at Tony's severe reaction. He didn't snap out of it until Bruce roughly pushed past him and jogged to Tony's side, taking him by the arm and spinning him around.

Bruce forced Tony to look at him, he could see that the man was exhausted and borderlining on a full blown panic attack. He wasn't sure what the trigger was but how tired the man had to be couldn't have helped the situation.

"Tony..Hey Tony come on..look at me...its okay, its just me. Its Bruce and Steve." Bruce said quietly trying to guide Tony's attention from whatever he was thinking and onto him.

Slowly Tony's breath turned less shallow and he allowed himself to focus on what Bruce was saying.

"Shit...sorry Bruce..don't….don't scare me like that. Shit...i really need a cup of coffee" Tony muttered, slowly coming back to himself.

"No Tony, you need sleep" Steve said having walked up so he was standing right behind Bruce. Looking at Tony intently.

Tony immediately stiffened at Steve's words. "Yeah, sorry Capsicle, I have a lot I'm doing, cant sleep now"

"I know you haven't slept in 3 days..Tony that's not healthy" Steve said his voice pleading and his baby blues staring intently into Tony's honey chocolate eyes.

"Steve, I am fine, trust me, I'm a big boy" Tony said, his words full of venom

"That's not what i meant…"

"I know what you meant Cap. Captain america always knows what to do, well right now you're in my house, and i know how much fucking sleep i need. I am a grown ass man and i don't need to be told what to do. You have a problem you can keep it to your fucking self." Spinning on his heels Tony turned to stalk away from them and to him coffee machine, grabbing the entire pot and walked towards the door.

He would have disappeared back into his lab if his hands weren't shaking so hard that he dropped the coffee pot, watching as it shattered on the floor.

"Shit…" Tony said...closing his eyes, knowing his entire rant just got thrown out of the window.

"Tony…." Bruce said tentatively, not wanted another outburst

"Bruce…." Tony said, hanging his head

"Tony...as your doctor...please just...get some rest" Bruce said softly

Steve hovered nearby...not wanted to risk speaking again. Especially since Bruce seemed to be getting somewhere.

"Tony come on...you just got out of the hospital …"

"Bruce..you don't understand...you really don't understand…."

"I know i don't understand but Tony...just a couple hours won't kill you"

A humorless laugh slipped out of Tony, "You have no idea, but okay...fine...Jarvis, shut everything down in the lab"

"Already done sir" was the AI's response

Not even three hours later Tony lay in his bed staring at the ceiling covered in sweat. This was something that he was use to this was is constant. Sleeping was not a peaceful experience anymore. It was a war that he fought every night.

Tonight had been especially hard. Dreams of the shrapnel surgery shook him to his core. Not only because the memories were so horrific but because when he wakes up its not over.

Usually when he wakes up from the nightmares of his torture, the pain is no longer there. His arm is healed. He can breath. He's not soaked in ice cold water that fills his lungs. There are no more broken bones. But when he dreams about the surgery he wakes up and the pain is still there. His chest still aches in the worst ways. So he does what he usually does. Rolls right out of bed, and heads back to the lab.

Tony knows that it's probably not healthy. He needs to sleep. He needs to stop, ever for a second. But he can't. Especially not now. When he gets this bad, he just takes a handful of sleeping pills and puts Jarvis on full lockdown. But he can't do that, because the team is here. He can't trust himself to be that far under, that vulnerable. He's learned his lesson. Trust is for dead people.

Thank you so much for reading! Reviews and comments are very much appreciated.