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[BACK HIM/FUCK HIM]

Day 10: Listen to my heart

When I go back to my home, Mikasa happens to be down the flat, about to enter in it, and surprised to see me:

"Hey... Why do you get home after me suddenly?..." She asks.

"Ah…" I take a look at my watch and nods. "I had… to work with someone…" I reply.

So that thing with Jean took so long?

The blowjob was short though… or it seemed to me.

But I clearly took time to settle things after it so… that's possible.

She smiles – and I know that smile – before saying:

"Yeah… Efficient, I hope…" And turns to the door before taping the code of the entrance.

"Really efficient…" I repeat to myself as we enter.

"How was your day, son?" My mother playfully asks.

I take a good mouth of beef and eat it with a kind of awkward sensation. Everything I shove in my mouth now reminds me the last thing I "ate". Damn this taste was strange but thrilling…

I can feel the meat spredin her hot blood on my palate, reaching the most lonely corners of my mouth, even conquer with its flavour my las molars. I sigh in pleasure, tasting the food like no other day.

"Hey Eren, can't you eat normal?" Mikasa asks disturbed. "You've got time, don't speed!"

"Your sister is right…"

"My day was fine and I eat as fast I want! I'm just starving!" I reply, feeling a BIT oppressed by the two women.

"You are maybe right... Oh, by the way Eren..." My mom continues. "Have you got a lot of work tonight?... I was thinking that I could help you to be delegate of the class..."

"That's already done mom..." I murmur.

"And did you present yourself?" She asks, hopping the right answer with a sincere look.

"No... And I'm very happy to not be delegate. Already a lot of things to think about already."

Mom looks at her plate with a disapointed look, before adding some meat to my serving.

"Thanks." I mumble.

"As long as you get your conests at the end of the year..." She says, smiling.

In my bedroom, impossible to work, I'm obsessed by Jean and the things Reiner told me yesterday.

It seems everyone is warning me that the French guy is not the good one. All except Ymir who looks happy that there could be a man-2-man relationship in the class… Maybe I should tell her what just happened and ask her an opinion about it.

Listen to : Trentemøller-Take me into your skin

For the French class this morning, I take my seat with Ymir:

"Hey Eren… You look damned happy today!" She says, quite surprised. "I don't know if it is a good sign or not…" She murmurs.

"I just blew off Jean."

Ymir lets her pencil case fall on the ground, provoking a huge metal noise that wakes up the sleepy students all around. She controls herself, swallowing, eyes wide open, then looks at me with a Are you fucking serious? look.

"You're kidding me…" She mutters, approaching herself.

"No." I proudly answer, feeling the pleasure filling my stomach.

"What…? How did it just happen?" She asks, more than surprise.

"Yesterday, after the last biology session."

"You didn't do that in the classroom, did you?"

"We did."

"Wow… Fuck…"

"Not this time." I add with a huge grin.

"Well… Are you just aware of what it means?" She asks, still whispering to my ear.

"That he likes blowjobs…"

"Maybe… But… Now it clearly means he could be interested in you. Or maybe, and that's not good for you, he is just making you his whore."

I shrug.

"And after? If I find pleasure in it?"

"I don't say it's not good, I still have pain to understand what you want with him but… Did he… came?"

"Of course he came, and fast by the way…"

Ymir smiles and punches me with her elbow:

"Stop being so proud of yourself. As if you were his better mate ever."

"Maybe that's true…" I reply. "Who knows…"

"Was it the… first time you gave a head to someone?"

"Yeah."

"Unless you are a born-sucker and that it was in your genes since the beginning, I don't understand why he was so receptive… If he has a girlfriend…"

And Ymir takes a look to Jean and Annie far away, near Mr. Lévi.

"Or maybe no… Maybe that it was his first blowjob for him too… That could be a possibility."

"So… I kind of took his virginity with my mouth." I say.

"Yeah…" Ymir laughs. "So you could say that you were is best blowjob ever, surely…"

"That means Annie is not a very… generous person. If Jean was my boyfriend I would…"

I stop.

Ymir turns her head to me, smiling:

"Yes…? What were you saying?"

"That… Oh…"

"I perfectly know what you intended to say, you horny guy…" And she adds. "All you want is to be his boyfriend, just say it already."

"Not necessarily!" I claim. "I'm not in love with him, and that kind of relationship would mean that we love each other…"

"Wrong! At our age, it does not necessarily means that. A lot of students just go out with each other to look less lonely… And that's normal, who would refuse the company of someone? I mean… Of course there are crushes sometimes, but its rare that the two persons are actually really in love… They just pretend… Look at us for example…"

I frown hard:

"What? Us…?"

"Well I pretended we were going out, don't you remember?"

"And people still believe this shit?"

"Everybody knows it!"

"Even Jean?"

"Surely…"

"Damned… We need to stop this right now…" I mumble.

"Well, I will tell them… That situation is also not really great for me… Not that you're a shitty boyfriend, but…" Ymir laughs. "But I may have an opportunity to get someone…"

"You mean you are interested in a guy of the class?" I ask, quite curious.

She turns at me and rolls her eyes:

"Eren, you don't have any idea?" And she moves here dark orbs to the right several times. "Come on…" Again, she moves her eyes, directing them to…

To…

"Krista?" I ask Ymir, amazed.

"Why this surprised look? You didn't remark anything?"

"No…" And I chuckle. "I didn't except to that."

"You don't pay attention to much things..." She comments.

"I've remarked her smile when she was looing at you sometimes... But no more. You could have your chances..."

"To find lesbian is really hard those days... It's a very rare thing, but Krista could be my rarity... She's the cuttest of the girls in the class!"

So I'm not the only guy here in same sex relationship…

That is quite funny.

I thoughtfully look at my hands, laid on our table and imagining how Jean would grab them…

But Jean is far from me. He is still with Annie.

And they don't look to be alright.

At that moment, Jean turns back and his eyes meet mines. He seems tired, and really pissed off, but now, to see me makes him slightly smile. I return the smile and he slowly raise his hand:

"Mr. Levi?"

"Yes…?" Ask the curious professor, still amazed that someone could interrupt his class with a possibly interesting remark.

"Could I go to the toilets? Won't be long." Ask Jean, obviously faking an urge desire to piss.

"Alright…" Levi sighs.

Jean stands, Annie watched him during all his way to the doo, at the back of the room. And when he reaches the last row where I have my seat, he deeply looks at me and makes a strange movement around his belt.

That signal was pretty clear.

Two minutes after he goes out, I say bye to Ymir that understood the entire trick and silently stand up, before going out tiptoeing.

If Mr. Levi remarks my absence – which would mean he suddenly stops looking at his hands, bored like hell – Ymir would tell I had to go to the toilets too.

As I go out the class, Jean surprises me and pushes me roughly against the nearest wall he finds, putting his face really close to mine:

"We have to stop this." He whispers in a husky voice.

"Why? You didn't enjoy last time?" I smile.

He takes time to think, obviously confused with his thoughts.

"I don't want that…"

"It seemed you were quite into it yesterday…"

"I mean I don't want to be gay!" He spits eyes on the floor.

"Jean, look at me."

He shivers.

Listen to : Kuroshitsuji OST 2 ~ 13.

"Hey, look at me I said!"

I grab his chin with my right hand; our lips are at few centimeters. My heart is racing like crazy in my chest.

"Enjoying what I did to you doesn't make you gay." I whisper, seriously.

"Don't say bullshit, you're… gay, aren't you…?" He says, lost.

"I'm not… And I want you, that's all what I know."

He looks at me.

"And... the thing with Ymir... I thought you were pretending to be with her."

"That was just to see the reaction you would have, only that..."

"So... not gay?" He asks, unsure.

"I never felt something of a guy before... I... You don't have to give any shit to those labels… All that counts is what you feel… Just, don't ask you questions and enjoy, there is no problem with…"

"Fuck Eren, I'm with Annie! That is a fucking problem!"

I look at his eyes, full of pain, fear and even sadness. He is against me, and his muscles seem to unbend a little, he now lies on me, realizing his tension.

I begin to take him in my arms, even caressing his back and his great shoulders, but he pulls away:

"I don't… want Annie to…"

"Why are you so fucking afraid of her? She seems to control your life."

"That's not true!" He claims, before, whispering again. "I just can't leave her now. She is quite… possessive."

"I thing I've remarked that… Anyway, do what pleases you… I don't want any troubles with Annie. Leave her, stay with her, I don't care."

He leaves me, trying to go back to the class.

I stop him, catching his hand.

"Don't run away… Not again."

He stops, head down.

"Eren… What do you want?"

I approach myself from him, and shove my hands between his arms and his waist.

We stand like this, for several minutes.

I press my erected member against his butt, caress his torso, bite on the base of his nape, everything in this moment thrills me.

"Be like at the beginning Jean… Treat me like you want."

His black jacket, rubbing my shirt, my arms imprisoned by his arms. His large arms...

"Like the bitch I am, Jean… I want you so bad… Listen to my heart… its beating for you."

I can feel his tension growing, and even heat exhaling through his body.

"Pretend you are straight, bi, whatever… Let me do." I say.

"Could we... see each other, this weekend?" He asks.

"Is that a proposition for an individual... french lesson?"

"Si tu le veux*..." He replies.

"I would love to." I mumur to his ear.

And Jean turns to me, crashing his lips against mines, just a few seconds, before leaving me.

END OF THE TENTH DAY

* : Si tu le veux : If you want it.

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