The apartment smelled like a garbage can. What was once a neatly organised and clean space had now turned into the world's darkest dumpster. Dust was gathering on every possible surface. Charlie pulled a face as she wiped her finger over the nearest surface. 'Cas you home?' Castiel was hiding behind the couch. Charlie had been knocking on his door for what felt like hours. In the end she noticed the door wasn't locked and she'd let herself in.

Charlie stood there, unmoving as she called out his name again. But Cas was hiding behind the couch, hoping she would leave. He couldn't help but notice that she looked tired. She'd probably been up all night, again. Her hair was up in a ponytail, slowly she removed her rainbow striped jacket. She let out an exaggerated sigh. 'Well Dean, I guess he isn't home. Let's make ourselves comfortable until he returns.' That did the trick. Castiel's head shot up, revealing his location behind the couch. 'Dean?'

Charlie had a sly grin on her face, 'knew that would do it', she turned to look around. The curtains were all closed and the television was the only source of light. It was showing some sort of drama. 'So should I remove my shoes or can I just walk in?' Cas stood up slowly, his expression unreadable. 'You can keep your shoes on if you like.' Charlie gave him a look over. She didn't seem pleased with what she found.

'You look like shit.' Cas ignored her in favour of making coffee. 'One sugar if you're at it.' Cas turned around to look at his friend. The silence swallowed all sounds as he slowly took out a second cup and filled it with coffee. 'Sugar is in the left cabinet.' He grumpily replied as he made his way back to the couch. He was not in the mood to be nice.

He sat down, surrounded by empty cups, half eaten boards of food and empty food packages. Charlie squinted her eyes and turned on the light. Cas let out a groan as the blinding light violently entered his eyes. 'Turn it off!' He barked. Charlie quickly did so. 'Man Cas… I knew things were hectic but what the hell happened here?' She sat down next to him. Concern was written all over her.

'Nothing happened. Just had a bad weekend, I've got a hangover.' She tried to hold back a laugh but failed. It was short-lived and dry. 'Very funny, but we both know that you don't drink.' She didn't fail to notice that Cas did indeed smell of alcohol though. He rolled his eyes as he sipped at the bitter taste of the coffee. It revolted him. 'Why are you here Charlie?' Charlie seemed to gather herself for a second. She'd probably practised a speech.

'You've been acting weird ever since you ran away…' Cas wanted to scream for her to leave. Why couldn't people just leave him alone? 'Turn off the lights,' he ordered. Charlie looked around. 'The lights are off Cas,' she turned to look at the TV, 'give me a sec.' She pressed some buttons and soon the light of the TV was gone too. His eyes still hurt. 'Anyway, you've been acting weird ever since you ran away. You didn't show up to school and I've checked the records, you didn't even call in sick.'

Her voice was buzzing sharply through his brain. He didn't comment, instead choosing to let her finish speaking. 'Jo said you just needed some space. And your neighbour Daphne? She says she hasn't seen you in days.' Cas wasn't sure what would happen next. She probably expected an explanation. But instead she pulled at his arm. 'Charlie what are you-' she put him in front of the mirror. 'Look at yourself Cas and tell me what you see.'

She was angry and her words were sharp. Reluctantly he turned to look at himself. 'Honestly, I'm not seeing a lot.' He admitted lamely. Charlie cursed as she turned on the light. Castiel closed his eyes in reaction. 'Don't be a baby, look in the mirror and tell me what you see.' She encouraged him. His clothes were old and dirty, his hair a mess and he needed to shave. 'Where are my glasses?' He asked, knowing full well that wasn't the point Charlie was trying to make.

'Don't be a dick. You need a shower man. And you need to clean this place.' She pulled a face. When Castiel didn't react Charlie saw it as an invitation to open the curtains. 'Let's start by opening a window since you're pulling a Winchester on me.'

He watched her with mild curiosity. 'A Winchester?' She rolled her eyes as she opened the windows. 'You know, you're feeling shitty and need to talk with someone but you keep insisting you're fine.' She threw her hands in the air. 'And then I get to watch as you slowly ruin your life. That's what Dean does too, I call it a Winchester.'

Soon enough Castiel was able to see every corner of his apartment again, thanks to the light coming from outside. He stood absentmindedly in the middle of the room as he observed his friend. She was talking about the things they would need to clean up. When she noticed Castiel staring she smiled. 'You know we have work to do, so you better lighten up.'

Castiel seemed to be struggling to find the right words. He wanted to tell her he was broken, he wanted to tell her that there was no point in helping him. But he also wanted to tell her that she was brave, kind and loyal. He wanted to tell her that he wouldn't disappoint her again. Before he could say anything Charlie appeared from the bathroom and threw a towel at his head. 'You go take a shower and make yourself decent. I'll get us the stuff we need.'

She made her way to the kitchen and opened every cabinet she could lay her hands on. When she found a half empty bottle of vodka she poured the content through the drain without any warning. She gave Castiel a knowing look. 'You'll thank me later, now hurry up. You reek of pity.'

Wings flutter

For Castiel being wrong was always hard. Probably because he had a sense of pride that simply refused to bow to anyone. But his pride could never win from unpredictably. Which was Charlie's strong suit. 'What are we doing at church?' He asked, not bothering to hide his grumpy attitude. After they'd cleaned up the living room she'd told him they needed to go on a walk. He'd already suspected that she was planning something. What he hadn't expected was that he would find himself at the doors of their local church. 'My mom and the pastor are dating, so I thought why not steal the keys?' She held up a key, 'we'll be gone before he can even notice he's missing them. I promise.'

A strange wave of nausea hit him. Probably a side effect from the hangover. 'Your mother…' Cas looked at the sky, it was dark and menacing. It would rain soon enough. He let out a sigh, lowering his head in defeat as well. 'Fine, but we're not touching anything.' They made their way inside quietly. Castiel's head was pounding and he was wearing a pair of sunglasses to stop the light from hurting his eyes. The church was empty and every step he took was echoing in a way that made him want to cover his ears.

He looked around, taking in the familiar area. 'Why did you bring me here?' When he looked up Charlie was already at the other side of the church and motioned him to follow. He softly and quickly made his way to her. She was standing in front of a stained glass window depicting an angel. 'This is my mom's favourite picture.'

Castiel quickly changed glasses and studied the window. The angel had eight wings with each a different colour. They started out golden from the top and turned different colours as he looked down. The angel was holding a horn in his hand, ready to use it. 'You know who that is?', he gave her a questioning look but she simply shook her head. 'This is the archangel Gabriel. And the horn he is holding is the Horn of Truth. My dad used to say that Gabriel shall blow the trumpet blast that initiates the end of time.'

Charlie turned to look at him. 'What was your dad like?' In front of the window stood a little altar with candles. Charlie took out a candle from her pocket and lit it. Castiel was quiet for a second. He wondered what Charlie was aiming for. 'My father… he was a decent man that allowed his pride and hate to consume him. Under the right circumstances he could've turned out noble.' Charlie expression softened. Only now did Cas realize how tense she'd been before.

She made a sound that was familiar to amusement. 'I was born as Celeste Middleton, which I know is a funny name. I was named after my grandma I guess. Or maybe my dad just liked those sorts of names.' She handed Cas a candle too. 'Why did you bring me here Charlie? And why the candle?' She turned to look around, her facial expression looked familiar to regret. 'I come here every day to light a candle. My mom and I aren't really that religious. But my dad used to be, so we still go.' Her expression suddenly seemed familiar to Castiel's. Closed off, cautious and hiding the pain.

'How did he go?' His voice echoed through the room. Charlie had never been fond of silence, so when she didn't immediately answer Castiel wondered if he'd said something wrong. 'Car crash. My mom was in a coma for a few years. When she returned I thought things would go back to normal you know? It felt like we were pressing the restart button. But things never became normal again, and for so long I thought I would never experience happiness again.'

Cas' eyes widened in understanding. 'It felt like you were being eaten alive right?' Charlie didn't look him in the eyes. But in that moment Castiel understood a quiet connection between them. Carefully he put a hand on her shoulder, 'weakness although it feels like betrayal… is no sin. In fact, there is no such thing as sins, our good and evil. Our flaws make us human and I know you want to be strong…' he took out his candle and gave it light. It was standing next to Charlie's flame. 'But sometimes admitting that you can't handle it, makes you strong.'

Charlie smiled, finally looking Cas in the eyes. 'You should take your own advice Cas.' He shook his head dismissively but she interfered: 'You're like some sort of ancient Doctor Phil, seriously.' She grinned and looked at the window again. 'If I'm honest: I really don't care if there is a God or not. But if there would be one… I bet you would be told to forgive yourself. Because you're the only standing in the way between you and your own happiness.'

For a little while they stayed, and Castiel understood. 'Life is precious.' He said as he admired the flames. Charlie seemed to agree, although she never said a thing. But Castiel knew he was right. When they left the church it felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Charlie was whistling, like nothing ever happened as she locked the door behind her. 'Castiel can I ask you one more question?' His silence was an invitation to speak.

'For who was your candle?' Tiny drops of rain were falling from the sky, just enough to be noticeable. 'My mother.' Charlie seemed to take in this new information with care before moving on. Castiel followed quietly. 'So your plan was to have some sort of bonding moment?' She smirked, 'sort off, when people pull a Winchester it can be hard for them to get their head out of their ass.' They reached the car.

'So what are we going to do now?' Cas protected his glasses against raindrops. Not feeling like cleaning them later. The rain got more constant and soon a storm would tear through their home town. 'Well we finished the living area, but your kitchen and bedroom are probably still a mess.'

Castiel's groan and Charlie's laughter were distinct in the empty streets.

Wings flutter

Charlie convinced him to go back to school on Monday. 'You've only missed a week. Go back on Monday. I don't want you to ruin your future simply because of some boy.' She had given him a meaningful look. She was as kind to not mention all his other non-discussed issues. So for once, Castiel shoved aside all the little voices in his head and now he sat in the school's library.

'Hey Dean it's Castiel, I thought I'd call you but you're not picking up.' He turned to look around, the library was deserted like always. 'You're not at school so I was wondering if everything is ok? Call me when you get this.' He hung up, Jo was still busy making notes. 'You know that he's avoiding you right?' She closed the book she was reading to give Castiel her full attention.

A part of Cas regretted going back to school. But a part of him had also missed his snarky friends. It had been a wise decision because he needed to study for history like his life was depending on it. Joining him in the torture was Jo. She put on her best game host voice: 'In what year did the battle of Hastings happen?'

'In the year 1066. That's not the difficult part, ask me something more complicated please.' Jo shrugged her shoulders. 'I can't believe that you're an ace student and yet here you are, studying with me for a stupid test.' He wanted to tell her that this wasn't just a stupid test, but he knew how she felt about history. Instead he changed back the topic, 'what do you mean with that he's avoiding me?'

He didn't have to look her in the eye to see her sympathy. 'Don't tell this to the others, but when Dean first came here I had this awkward massive crush on him.' His surprise must've been written on his face. She grinned and leaned back in her chair. 'And trust me it was awkward because he'd basically already adopted me as his little sister.' He tried to imagine Jo and Dean dating, holding hands. A nasty feeling crept up inside of him and quickly he pushed it away. 'For a while he and I needed to have a little chat about it. We had to make sure that our friendship wasn't ruined. But Dean being Dean thought I wasn't going to be his friend anymore and he thought he had to break my heart or whatever.'

Jo told him the story like she would tell him about the weather. Calm and almost bored. 'And sure it hurt like a bitch. But I knew it wasn't going to work out anyway so he was worried about nothing. And you know it yourself: Dean isn't scared off anything, he heads into danger like he wants to get killed or something. But when it comes to matters of the heart… well, he gets scared. He avoided me for weeks.'

When the librarian walked past she quickly removed her feet from the table. 'So I'm giving you a little advice: Cas you're super messed up, and he's also messed up. But you're clearly into each other so you need to talk about it. But you'll have to be the one to approach him. Because if a girl with feelings for him scares him? Well, I can't imagine what a boy must be doing to him.'

Castiel shook his head. 'I can't do it Jo. After everything that has happened? My life was literally a lie.' He quickly looked around, the librarian was long gone. 'I mean… monsters exist! I wasn't at school last week because… well I couldn't! Not after the demons and the angels. I know that it looks like I'm totally okay with everything but, well I'm not. Do you really expect me to worry about stupid crushes and homework while I know what is really out there?' Jo was quiet for a second.

Slowly she pulled away a strand of hair that was hanging in her face. 'Let's get real for a second Cas. My parents used to be hunters. And like most hunters, my dad died young. There is not a day to goes by that I don't miss him. I want nothing more but for him to come back.'

Jo still had a childish face from time to time, but right now she looked like a very tired adult. 'But that will never happen. So I'll have to move on. I need to live a normal life. I need to get papers to show I'm qualified to get a job and I need to have friends and have fun. At least that's what my mom wants for me. For a long time I was like you. What's the point right? With all the bad shit that happens that I would be able to stop?'

Absentmindedly she started pulling at her nails. 'You're going through that right now. And I promise you: If you keep calling Dean just a crush you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Hunting at this age will get us killed. Don't waste your life just yet. So just try and pretend to be a normal teenager with normal problems. And. Go. Talk. To. Dean!' She poked him to empathize her words.

'Ouch stop stop! I get it!' She smiled, 'great. When school is done you should go to Bobby's place. He's probably working. And when you're done you text me to tell me how it went.' Cas nodded but Jo was not buying it. 'You promise me or else…' Castiel quickly surrendered. 'I promise.'

The librarian had returned and gave them a scowl. 'The library is not a place to have a tea party. Either keep it down or leave.' Quickly they pulled up their notes and started working again. Eventually Jo spoke up. 'Who won the Vietnam War?'

'Are we even studying for the same test?'

Wings flutter

When school was over Cas quickly said goodbye to his friends. But before he could leave Jo grabbed at his arm. 'What are you going to say to him?' Castiel was thrown off balance by the question. 'Not really sure. I guess I'll explain how I've been feeling and he'll tell me how he's been feeling and the rest will come naturally I guess.' Jo seemed not so sure about it but didn't argue. 'Will you tell him about the aura thing?'

Cas could feel a blush creep to his face. 'I don't know.' Jo shrugged, 'maybe you should. I mean you told me of all people…' It was unfortunate but true. Apparently Jo was a lot sharper than she sometimes let on, because after hearing what had really happened when he ran away she had threatened him until he spilt the truth. Cas looked around before defending himself. 'I told you because you were noticing things! You would've told Bobby-'

'-who'd put a bullet through your head. Yes I know, but you know that I trust you. Charlie and Kevin do too. But if you keep lying to Dean you'll be more than just dead.' She patted him on the shoulder when Charlie, Kevin and Ash walked towards them. 'Well just think about it. Good luck and don't forget to text me!' Charlie smiled, 'ready for some training in the art of nerdiness?' Jo gave Cas a meaningful look before turning to her friends. 'Born ready.'

Cas was already trying to disappear swiftly when suddenly Kevin called him back. 'Cas you wanna join us? We're going to Ash's place to play Dungeons and Dragons.' He knew his friends were worried about him ever since he'd "run away". 'Maybe another time, I still need to take care of some things.'

Castiel's eyes started hurting as Kevin's colours turned softer. He nodded, 'well see you later.' Castiel turned to walk towards the exit but he felt disorientated. Auras of strangers exploded in his field of vision in different colours, emotions and stories and he felt like he was going to be sick. Ever since his encounter with the demons he'd noticed things were changing. Were he once only saw Dean's aura he now sometimes had little attacks in which he could see everyone's.

Their thoughts entered his head like a constant buzzing. Just like last time it stopped the moment he was outside. Where fewer people could be found a fresh air filled his lungs and made him relax. He let out a relieved sigh and took out his phone. 'This the voice mail of Dean Winchester's phone. Leave your name, number, and nightmare at the tone.'

He hung up without leaving a message this time. 'Going the Bobby's it is.'

He started walking into the direction of Singer Salvage Yard where he knew Dean worked. He still wasn't in possession of a bike and to be very honest… he was broke. He still needed to find a job. He'd tried at the café where Jo worked as a waitress but he'd failed spectacularly at serving people. 'Clarence!' His head shot up at the familiar voice. Meg was grinning at him, slowly driving in her car to keep up with his pace.

'Hello Meg.' He looked at the passenger seat, surprised to not find Ruby. 'Where are you heading?' She asked, her eyes looking at him intently instead of the road. Cas felt his face heat up, Meg always looked at him like she was going to eat him alive. It was uncomfortable to say the least. 'Visiting a friend. You?' She shrugged, 'nothing really. Just driving around.' He could already sense the question she was going to ask.

'If you'd like to I could give you a ride?' From any other person Cas would've seen the offer as a friendly gesture and he would've gladly said yes. But this was Meg Masters. 'Thank you Meg that's really kind of you. But I…' She simply nodded, her eyes didn't turn black and her body wasn't consumed by darkness. 'I get it, don't worry 'bout it.' Castiel wanted to protest but Meg held up her hand.

'Really I get it. But if you ever change your mind and wanna hang out you know where to find me.' For a second he thought he could see through her hard shell and see something kind. But it disappeared just as quickly as she smirked. 'See you around Clarence!' The window closed and she drove away. Leaving him behind confused.

Wings flutter

Singer's Salvage Yard had a store at the front where they sold everything that had to do with cars. The big garage next to the house was where the fix ups were done and overall the store looked to be in a bad state. He'd expected someone to be behind the counter but the store seemed abandoned. 'Hello?' Castiel felt nervous energy run through him. He'd only been at Bobby's house a few times. Every single time had been for Bobby to test whether or not he was some sort of supernatural creature.

He wasn't exactly excited to return just yet. 'Hello?' He looked behind the counter in the hope to find a clue when suddenly a woman stood in front of him. He looked up startled at the lady who looked at him expectantly. 'Well you must be the new employee Bobby was talking 'bout. Harry right?'

She reached out to shake his hand. 'I'm Karen Bobby's wife.' Cas opened his mouth to say something but Karen was already talking again. Her reached out hand already busy with other things. An odd chill went through the room. 'You're a bit later than I expect but it's good to see you. I just have a few questions for you and if you can handle it you can have the job. The store used to be under John Winchester supervision but to be honest I was always the one cleaning up behind him.'

Castiel couldn't get a word between. She was already on the move. 'Miss Singer I-' she made her way towards what he assumed was the storage room. 'Oh please call me Karen. The last employee we had used to call me boss. Which sounds ridiculous I know. So this here is what we'll do. You need to be able to clean, keep an eye on the store and a little bit of car knowledge might also come in handy…'

'I'm not here for the job.' Karen stopped dead in her tracks. 'No?' Castiel couldn't help the wave of embarrassment. 'I'm sorry. But my name is Castiel and I'm here to see Dean Winchester?' Her surprised facial expression made him feel a little bit less awkward. 'Oh! So you're… oh you're Castiel!' Quickly she moved towards a different door. 'Dean has been talking about you all week. I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding. Through this door is the garage. The boys are probably still fixing up Annie's car. Dean is making over time again so just tell Bobby that his wife wants him here as soon as possible.'

She showed him through the door and he found himself in the garage. A few feet away Dean could be found lying under a car. Only his legs were visible. 'Bobby hand me the wrench will ya?' Castiel looked around, Bobby was nowhere to be found. When no one reacted Dean asked again. 'Which one?' Cas asked as he looked at the tools laid out.

Dean was quiet before he spoke up again. 'The one completely to the left. Next to the screwdriver. Castiel quickly found the exact one and handed it to Dean's now visible hand. 'Thanks Cas.' Castiel stood awkwardly, wondering if Dean was ever going to face him. Bobby suddenly turned the corner. 'Castiel? What are you doing here boy?'

Cas forced himself to smile. Smiling made people think you were likeable. 'Your wife sends me. She wants you in the store as soon as possible.' Bobby's facial expression went from neutral curiosity to completely unreadable. He looked at his watch. 'Well shit time flies when you're having fun. Deano get here! Your shift is over, go home!' Dean let out a grunt before slowly appearing. 'I hear ya.' Cas felt the oxygen getting sucked out of his lungs when Dean looked at him. His green eyes seemed more intense than usual. And he was covered in dirt. 'Cas what are you doing here?' His voice was cold and passive but his aura portrayed his happiness. It reached out to him like he was a long lost lover.

Suddenly Cas couldn't remember his plan anymore. He'd come here to talk. About what again? Why? Bobby had only rolled his eyes slightly before he left. They were alone now. And without thinking it through he pulled Dean into a hug. Dean tensed, surprised at the action. He let go of the ice act. 'Cas did something happen? Are you okay?'

Carefully he returned the hug and for a second everything felt safe and good. 'I'm fine Dean… I just... I've missed you and I'm here to talk.' Dean pulled away slowly. He nodded, suddenly seeming embarrassed. 'Alright…' He looked at Cas' coat. 'It's all dirty now. Sorry about that.' Cas looked at his coat and shrugged. 'I will be throwing it away soon anyways. You should get dressed, I'll be waiting here alright?'

And so he waited. He waited for a few minutes. Not daring to go back to the shop and not daring to check if Dean was done already. He frowned, what was taking so long? Ten minutes passed and finally Castiel lost his patience. He turned towards, what he assumed was, the locker room. 'Dean are you here?' He remembered what Jo had said, about Dean running away from his problems. And for a second he was scared Dean had really run off.

But to his relief Dean was sitting on one of the benches. Clean and talking on the phone. 'Yes sir. I understand.' Cas wanted to quickly walk away but Dean gave him a small smile. 'I'll inform Bobby. See ya.' He hung up. 'Sorry to keep you waiting. That was my dad with some instructions. He will be home this week.' Despite Dean's obvious tense demeanour he had a big smile on his face. Castiel couldn't help but smile too.

'That's great. I'm happy for you.' The words sounded shallow in his own ears. But this wasn't about him. This was about Dean. And if John's return made him happy he shouldn't try to stop Dean from being excited about it. The awkward silence kept stretching and Dean finally patted the place beside him. 'Come sit down. You wanted to talk right?' Cas suddenly wished he was being threatened by demons again. It was a lot easier than talking things out with Dean.

He gave himself a little pep talk. 'Alright I actually have a plan for how this talk should go. So I hope you will cooperate.' The words left him in a hurry, he almost tripped as he sat down. Dean simply kept quiet. He tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible. But his aura was slowly turning dark with what seemed to be worry. 'Alright, I'll cooperate.' Cas realized he was staring and quickly looked away. Suddenly very intensely remembering their kiss. Or actually kisses.

Therapy never prepared me for this, he realized. He had to say something, do something. 'A lot has happened since we met. And although all those subjects could be important discussions in which we share our experiences I would like to focus on the subject of our… relation to one another.'

He took a deep breath. 'It is clear that we are friends Dean. Something which makes me very, very happen. You are a good friend.' Dean's aura got darker and darker, and Cas wondered if he was saying something wrong. 'As you know… I'm not a normal human being. That's something I have to work for. And it's difficult sometimes and I know that's no excuse…' Dean interrupted him.

'You're not normal. Nobody is normal. Don't you ever dare to change who you are alright?' Cas felt the odd fluttering in his organs again. 'You promised to let me finish talking.' He tried to sound stern but a small smile must've given him away because Dean went against him. 'I never promised that. I said I would cooperate.' Cas couldn't help but groan. 'Fine, you're right.' Dean's carefree smile should've made him relax. But it didn't.

'What I was trying to say is… despite the circumstances that we've found ourselves in, I've grown quite fond of you. And I…' Suddenly words became difficult. Dean's aura too distracting, it became darker and darker. He was doing something wrong. 'Dean I… I can't…' Dean interrupted him. 'I understand Cas.'

Castiel was surprised but he couldn't help but to feel relieved. 'Is it okay if I react?' Cas quickly nodded. Dean's dark aura suddenly forgotten. 'Listen Cas… you're like a brother to me.'

…

Wait what?

Cas was roughly pushed out of his euphoria. 'A brother.' He repeated the words like a dead echo. Suddenly the need to be close to the other boy came to a dramatic halt, and a part of him that had already puzzled everything together suddenly wanted to run away. Dean nodded. 'I don't mind that you feel that way for me. And…' Cas automatically cancelled out the rest. He'd been so sure of it. Everyone had been so sure of it.

He liked Dean. Really liked him, and Dean had liked him too. The empathize on had. Everyone had been so sure. A sudden wave of confusion and self-doubt hit him like a train. Dean had cared for him right? He could feel it too right? The thing they had? What about the kisses? Cas wondered. Did those mean nothing to Dean? Dean was shaking his shoulder, and reluctantly he looked up.

But Cas didn't hear what he said because suddenly he wondered why Dean had broken up with Lisa. Suddenly he didn't understand any of Dean's actions. Had he just been playing Cas? He tried to remember if Dean had ever clearly stated his interest in him. Either romantically or sexually. 'Cas buddy?'

'No.'

Dean seemed confused. 'No?' He repeated the words with a clear question mark. But suddenly Cas felt frustrated. Why did his words always lose their meaning? It was like someone had sowed closed his mouth and cracked open his skull. The words left him all wrong. He realized where this had gone wrong. 'Dean I think I've communicated this in the wrong way so I will be blunter: I am attracted to you romantically. And if you reciprocate those feelings I would like for us to spend more time together as a couple. In a relationship.'

Silence before the storm.

'Oh.'

Cas was pretty sure he had a heart problem. It was beating incredibly fast. Dean saw him as a brother, he treated him like he would treat his brother Sam. He saw a friend in him, a pal he could apparently kiss to test his level of gay. In that moment Castiel wanted to be angry, he wanted to tell Dean to grow screw himself and he wanted nothing to do with him anymore. But all those thoughts disappeared because Dean's aura was literally exploding.

It had suddenly turned into an explosion of colours that reminded him of how stars sometimes died and become a supernova. He could barely feel Dean gripping his hand tightly. Dean spoke again: 'You idiot.' His voice sounded affectionate. 'I am the idiot?' He was sneering but he didn't care. He felt confused and he wanted to pull his hand away but Dean's grip tightened. 'Yes you dork. I thought you were letting me down. You were all like… "you are a good friend Dean".' He deepened his voice to imitate Cas. 'And you've also seen my world. My crazy fucked up world and you didn't go to school so I was pretty sure you were avoiding me.' Things suddenly became clear to him as Dean explained. 'And you know I'm not the most outspoken emotional guy. So I didn't wanna ruin our friendship so that's why I said those things but-'

Cas cut him off by bluntly putting his hand on Dean's mouth to stop the rambling. 'Sorry to cut you off but it looked like you were in need of breathing so I felt like I needed to assist you. And you don't have to explain anymore… I think I understand.' Dean's eyes sparked, if that was even a thing that could happen. Slowly he removed his hand again. Dean moved closer, and Cas was pretty sure he could hear a choir sing in the background.

'So…' he wiggled his eyebrows to break the tension. Cas looked away, suddenly feeling embarrassed because Dean Winchester was quite an idiot. A smart, handsome and sensitive idiot. And he was blushing again. 'So…' he answered daring to look up, challenging Dean not to look away. They were smiling like fools now.

'Just kiss already.' Quickly they looked up. Bobby was standing in the corner, washing his hands under the tap. They quickly scooted away from each other. Bobby rolled his eyes. 'Don't worry I haven't been here for long. Just a few seconds. But I need to steal Castiel from you Deano so kiss and make up or whatever. I'll be waiting in the store.'

Dean was making sounds of protest but Bobby simply chuckled and left. A comfortable silence fell. 'You know, when you told me you saw me as a brother I got really angry. I wondered why you broke up with Lisa. I got angry because you'd kissed me… twice… and I felt used and…' Dean gave him a knowing look. 'I know and like-wise. But now that all cards are on the table… I would appreciate it if you would let me finish my speech.'

Cas shook his head. 'No not all the cards. I still have something else you should know.' Dean seemed taken back but also obviously curious. 'You have a lot of secrets don't ya? Well my amazing love declaration will have to wait. Go ahead I trust you.'

Castiel shook his head. 'No this last thing… Once I've told you, you won't trust me anymore. But you have the right to now.' He took a deep breath, if it wasn't for Dean's hand holding him he would've been shaking. 'You shouldn't worry that I will run away because of your paranormal world. Sure I seemed really calm and chill about it, but I was actually freaking out. That's why I stayed home. But a part of me always knew.'

'Listen all this stuff is new to me. I have no idea what the future has in store and I'm just a guy trying to do his best. But I have been keeping a secret from you.' Dean waited patiently. He didn't push him. 'From the moment I've met you I've been able to see your aura Dean.'

Dean blinked a few times. 'Aura?'

'Yes.'

'As in… those shiny lights around people?'

Castiel nodded nervously. 'I wouldn't say shiny lights. It's more like an energy field. And it has allowed me a better insight into your emotions from the day we met. I now realize it's a part of the paranormal world. But still… I should've told you sooner.' Dean's aura became a collection of bright pinks and oranges. He was embarrassed. 'Wait… does that mean that you know how I feel? You've been able to read me this entire time?' Cas shook his head quickly. 'I am no expert in aura reading Dean. What I know I've collected from the internet and I've also learned a lot about your aura by our interactions. I can see that you're embarrassed. I'm sorry.'

He wanted to hold Dean's hand again but refrained. 'I will understand if you won't be able to forgive me. And I also understand if this is a deal breaker. I have rudely and without permission made a breach in your privacy.' Dean shook his head and quickly took hold of his shoulders. 'No I'm glad!' Cas blinked, this was not the reaction he had expected. 'You're glad?'

Dean nodded, suddenly shy. 'I'm glad you told me, that you dared to be honest with me. And also… I'm glad because there are things I can't put into words, but I do wanna share with you.' Cas got hit with a wave of emotions. Deep affection made him dizzy. 'Are those your emotions Dean?' He seemed surprised that it worked. 'Yeah…'

They were staring at each other again. Cas didn't want to ruin it now. Too lost in the moment. Yet he heard himself speak: 'Bobby is still waiting…' Dean turned to him and leaned closer. 'Yes he his.' Carefully he touched Castiel's waste. 'Is that okay?' Cas simply nodded, he felt weird. All bubbly and happy. 'Yes that's fine.'

A bit hesitant he touched Dean's face. 'Is this good too?' Dean nodded, putting his flirty charms to work. 'Maybe we should take his advice and kiss. That's a thing couples do.' Dean suggested, his voice barely louder than a whisper. Cas nodded in agreement. 'Only if you feel like it.' Dean gave it some thought. 'What does my aura tell you Cas?' Dean's aura was like a protection blanked. Keeping out the bad.

It was soft and welcome. It was protective and strong. And Cas closed his eyes, afraid he might get a bit too emotional. But he felt happy. And he felt so many sensations all at the same time. 'Well you do seem rather enthusiastic so-' Dean didn't allow the sentence to end. They were already kissing. Softly, deeply and it turned out to be almost impossible to smile and kiss at the same time. Cas tried to pull back. 'Dean…'

Dean shook his head. 'Five more minutes. Bobby can wait.' Cas frowned, 'I'd actually forgotten him. I was actually trying to explain to you that-' another kiss. '-there are other subjects that require our attention-' Dean pulled back, suddenly very serious. 'Yes there is one thing. How are we gonna survive Charlie's I told you so speech?'

Castiel's eyes widened in horror. 'She told me she ships us. Do you know what that means?' Dean shook his head. 'No clue honestly.' It was the perfect way to end the sentence because it allowed Cas to lean forward and kiss Dean again. Something he'd wanted to do for quite some time now. 'Hey easy tiger.' Dean chuckled as they both pulled away. Cas simply frowned. 'Tigers are not indigenous to North America.' He informed Dean with his most serious expression.

Dean looked absolutely lost for a second. That was until Castiel's neutral expression gave away for a grin. 'Really? That was your attempt at a joke?' He shook his head, 'that was pathetic…' Finally he stood up, pulling Cas up too. He didn't let go of his hand.

'Well I guess either Bobby really does need you for something important. Or he just wants to give you the I'll hurt you if you hurt him-talk.' The words left him before he could even consider them: 'Does that make me your boyfriend?' He instantly regretted them. Knowing Dean liked to keep things simple and easy. And for a second he was afraid Dean would let go of his hand and say: 'No, what the hell are you talking about?'

Instead Dean's grip tightened and he said, easy as always: 'Only if you're my boyfriend too.'

Wings flutter

Dean had to leave for home. 'Sammy will be wondering where I am. See ya soon buddy.' Castiel had never had the need to sing or dance. But suddenly he felt like holding out a top hat and dance until his feet fell off. For a horrible second he thought he might be cursed.

'You came here walking?' Bobby had taken out two chairs. He'd offer Castiel a drink but he'd politely refused. Suddenly afraid of any more tests. It became tiresome after a while for someone to accuse you of being some sort of monster. 'I did sir.' Bobby nodded as he opened up a bottle of beer. 'Well don't ya worry. I'll take you back home. Don't want your guardian to worry. Does he know where you at?'

Cas shrugged. 'He doesn't care. As long as I don't get myself into trouble.' Bobby looked like he wanted to comment but he didn't. 'So Cas, is it alright if I call ya that?' A shrug implied that it was fine. 'How was your week? I heard you didn't go back to school?' Castiel felt confused. Why did this man care? Because of Dean? Because of the safety of others? Cas looked around the store. It looked dead.

'I needed some time to think I guess. About all of this. And…' Guilty thoughts crawled through his brain. Encouraged him to tell Bobby the truth. But how crazy would he sound?

'I also stayed home because when I went to the store, the lady behind me was thinking inappropriately about the cashier and I shouldn't know what she was thinking, but I could hear her think. And light hurts my eyes and I might get killed soon because people, monsters and everything in between can't leave me alone and I wish I had description sunglasses because seeing Dean's aura turned my life around but to see that two of my classmates have anxiety and three of my teachers are depressed makes me want to cut my brain out.'

Bobby had already said that some people were psychic and could see beyond the normal. And although Cas had secretly always liked the idea of superpowers these things didn't feel like powers. They felt brain farts. Bobby was still waiting for him to continue. 'I guess I just don't feel safe anymore. I want to know how to protect myself. And preferably I'd like to be left alone and not get killed.'

Bobby didn't ridicule him. Nor did he tell him he was pathetic and had to man up. He simply nodded. 'Being a hunter… it's a dangerous job and we don't tend to live long. That's why I usually-' he looked around the store, 'don't go out on hunts anymore. I help others, make sure they have what they need to get the job done. But you're right, you do need to know how to keep yourself safe.'

Suddenly Karen was standing next to the counter she smiled as she put her hand on the radio. Bobby seemed liked he was going to announce something to him because he sat up more, looked more active. 'So you saw Karen earlier today right?' Cas nodded dumbly not sure what Bobby was getting at. 'Well she and I had a talk. And we agreed on something.' Bobby looked around, 'Karen you their honey?' His eyes travelled past his wife like she wasn't even there. The radio suddenly turned on and Karen started speaking.

'Yes I'm here.' Her voice also came out of the radio. Making Castiel feel confused. Bobby saw his confusion and quickly reassured him. 'You're not crazy. It's just that my wife is dead. Has been for some years now. But she hasn't passed yet. So she haunts the store.'

Next he was going to say that Dean's Impala was also possessed. The thought crossed his mind briefly. Because you never know what is possible once the impossible happens. 'Your wife is a ghost?' It explained her pale features. Karen spoke up, 'I might be a ghost but I'm still quite useful around the store. Sadly our last employees did get startled by me so that's still something I will have to work at.' Cas wanted to know why she didn't just pass, he wanted to know why she was still hanging around. But seeing Bobby's reaction to Karen's voice… the sheer grief yet happiness…

It made him decide that this was none of his business.

'That's why I want to propose you an offer Castiel. I will teach you how to protect yourself. And in return you work at the store. I'll pay you for it of course. And in return for those two things I'd like you to keep an eye on Karen and I want you to help me in my research.'

'What research?' Bobby pulled a face, 'you're not gonna like it. But it's about angels.' And Bobby was right, Cas didn't like it. 'I don't want anything to do with that. They are out to get me.' Bobby had that look again. That look that said he was smarter than he appeared. 'If you help me figure this out we might find out why they want you. And how we can stop them.'

He emptied his beer. 'Also, have they tried to contact you ever since the confrontation? Have they tried to hurt you? Have you seen them as off lately?' The answer to all those questions was a no. No, they hadn't entered his dreams… no, after Hester's dead Inias hadn't tortured him. And no, he hadn't seen them, at all. And he didn't even have to answer, Bobby was reading him like he was a paperback you take with you on holiday.

'Not even the red girl? What's her name Anna?' Oh Anna, horrible yet angelic Anna. Who'd saved their lives and who might have been at school today. 'I don't know about her. Also a reason I didn't go to school. I'm afraid that she is pretending to be human… are the students in danger?' Bobby seemed to consider it. 'The more we know about angels, the easier it will be to protect the students. You taking the offer?'

'Alright. But what should I do if I see her?' Karen had, without Castiel noticing disappeared again. 'I don't know son. But for now, I think we should keep it between us and these walls.'

Wings flutter

It happened more often now. Castiel was able to sleep again. But he was being plagued by horrible dreams that didn't seem to make sense. He dreamed of green fields as far as you could possibly see. He dreamed of wars, chaos, blood and despair. He dreamed that he was a soldier. He dreamed of stars burning up, planets being formed. He dreamed of people who he didn't recognize and words got spoken that he didn't understand. Slowly the dreams fell apart to reveal a park. Cas looked around, immediately fearing the worst. 'Congratulations on surviving the first weeks. It will be entertaining to see how this ends.' He turned quickly, ready to fight. But to this surprise Balthazar was grinning at him. 'You're back.'

'Good to see you too Cassie. I thought I'd run by. We can chat, have a drink I'd thought that'd be fun. Oh, maybe we can go to the pub?' He was holding a big box in his hand. 'I would die for a beer. Oh and before I forget again: here's your present too!' He didn't even give the box to Cas, he opened it himself.

'There are few things in here. But the most important thing is that we need to talk about how you'll have to stop the Second Coming of course.' He spoke, like always, as if he was informing someone about the weather. With a confident but lazy smile and an arrogant tone to his voice.

So how are you all? It's been quite a while. I am currently in Spain and before I was here with wifi I was in Ireland WITH NO WIFI. So yes once I got the chance I started to write. And out came this. And a part of me HATES IT FOREVER AND WANTS IT TO BURN. Another part of me is kinda... sort of... almost... proud? SO THAT'S SOMETHING NEW AND EXCITING. So if you wanna be angry, go ahead because my stupid ass deserves it.

Like really.

I forgot the tell you guys I was going on holiday. I'm in nature forgetful... but really REALLY? So you know how Supernatural always has this life-ending theme going on? The apocalypse, leviathans, darkness etc? Well I decided to watch the Rapture film, the one with Nicolas Cage. Because I thought it would be funny. But it sucked. Like really. BUT THEN I did some Biblical research and SUDDENLY I THOUGHT: wouldn't it be great for my Supernatural fanfic to have a life-ending event?

Yes I thought so. So my atheist ass is going to do a LOT of research and is gonna be very interested yet bored. But in moments like these I'm glad I bought a Bible for the great price of 0,20 euro cents. Because that means I don't have to ask for one awkwardly at the library.

Like always I hope you're having a great time, I hope you're liking the story. If you have any advice I'd love to hear it. If you feel like it leave a review. AND WATCH GAME OF THRONES BECAUSE THINGS ARE REALLY GOING DOWN RIGHT NOW. Netflix is ruining my life. So have a swell night/day and ttyl!