Punishment 11

Still not mine. Thank you for the reviews. Really too kind!

It was finally the end of official visiting hours, Maura had just left, and Jane was exhausted. The day hadn't gone anywhere near as well as she'd hoped, so as she relaxed back into her hard-as-hell hospital-issue pillows, she thought back over the day.

###

Maura had arrived just after 5.30 that morning, wanting to know what had happened to Jane that had necessitated an early morning wake-up call. She had seen for herself how agitated Jane was, and how quickly Jane calmed down once she had seen that the doctor was fine.

She refused to tell Maura about the nightmare, so Maura had kissed her on the forehead, and gone to work, as Jane had requested.

Jane had x-rays after breakfast, then PT and respiratory therapy, then it was time for lunch. She knew that that her family wanted to visit, but there was no way that she would let them see her like this - weak and broken. She also knew that her mother had been trying to gain access to her, but Jane didn't have the emotional reserves or the desire to see Angela just yet. Jane knew that Maura would relay any relevant information, so Jane left the issue of family visits as something for Future Jane to handle.

Dr DeSpain came by on rounds about 2PM, and he brought yet another therapist with him. This time, though, things went very differently.

"Jane! How're you feeling now?"

She grinned tiredly. "Just tired after PT." She looked over at the woman in uniform,and asked, "What's going on?"

"This," he answered as he guided the woman closer to introduce her to Jane, "is Major Kelly Shepherd, US Marine Corps Medical." The marine extended her hand to Jane and shook it firmly. "Kelly is in Psychological Health in Arlington." He looked over at the major, then back at Jane. "Kelly's a psychiatrist who specialises in treating PTSD." He stopped and waited for the explosion.

It never came.

Jane nodded, then simply asked, "Can I trust you, Major Shepherd?"

"Semper fi, Detective Rizzoli. Always faithful," came the ready response. "Phil told me a little about your experience with the staff psychiatrist, and I gather that you don't particularly like shrinks anyway," Kelly said as she pulled a chair closer to Jane's bed, always facing Jane so she could lipread. "I can promise you that none of what you and I talk about will go anywhere that you don't want it to. It will be part of your medical records, though, but I can redact any or all of it for you," she finished with a knowing smile.

"So, you deal with vets with PTSD, huh?"

"Yes, that's my main focus. I do some work with Marine families, but I mostly work within the Corps with serving Marines."

Jane leant back against the raised bedhead, and couldn't stop the wince of pain as her broken ribs made contact with the pillows. DeSpain observed this, and asked if she needed extra pain relief. Jane indicated that she was okay for now, and Shepherd just nodded at her.

"What?"

"You're acting like most wounded Marines do, all macho and 'I'm good'. The pain relief will help with the healing process."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't wanna get addicted."

The major nodded again, and said, "It's good that you're aware of that aspect. Do you smoke or drink?"

"Nope, not a smoker, and like I can drink in here!"

That answer drew a laugh from Kelly. "Tell you what. I'll have Phil get you onto non-narcotic pain relief, and I'll bring you in a beer tomorrow. Sam Adams okay?"

Jane smiled happily, but then grimaced as Kelly leant forward and said, "So, Jane. Tell me about your dreams."

###

Jane pondered how the rest of the afternoon had gone. She had related the nightmare from the previous night, and had actually managed to talk freely, for the first time ever, about Charles Hoyt, and what he had done to her and to Maura. The Marine had pointed out to her that she had taken control at a vital moment, and saved both herself and Maura. Kelly had warned her that overcoming PTSD was a slow process, and that there would be setbacks, but that Jane needed to know that the major would be there for her every step of the way. Just before Shepherd left, she handed Jane a small device. At Jane's questioning look, Kelly explained that she could connect it to her room phone, and it would translate the caller's spoken words into type that Jane could read.

"So, Jane, this way when you wake up screaming tonight, you can call me and scream at me. I'll help you through it."

"You think that'll happen?"

Kelly nodded. "Sadly, yes, I think you'll dream again tonight. Until you start to feel like you're gaining control back over your life, it'll keep happening. And even when you're back living your life, the setbacks will happen. Less frequently, for sure, but still there."

"Semper fi, huh?"

"Hoorah!" came the immediate response, and Kelly had left Jane to decompress.

Maura had arrived not long after that, But Jane still didn't open up about what had happened during the night, or about her new doctor. 'Gotta be able to control something in my life,' Jane thought. Maura knew that Jane was hiding, but she didn't press. After eating the dinner that Maura had brought - Robber food, yay! - Maura had climbed onto the bed beside Jane, and just held her. Jane couldn't hear Maura's heartbeat, but she could feel it, and it helped. When it was time to leave, Maura had put her lips on Jane's forehead, and whispered, "I love you," hugged her gently, and left.

Around 9PM, nurse Sheila brought in Jane's meds, including a sleeping pill and the new painkiller. She kept her hand on Jane the whole time, and Jane drew comfort from the contact.

Finally, Sheila finished up, turned down the lights, and left Jane to sleep. Surprisingly, Jane drifted off relatively quickly.

Then the nightmare began.

###

She could smell the fear sweating out of Marino as he dragged her through the front doors of the station. Jane knew that ordinarily she could take him, but he had hold of her too tightly.

"It's over Bobby, let her go!"

"Just shoot him!"

"Get your keys out!"

"Shoot him! Just shoot him!"

"Jane? Jane!"

Marino turned them both and fired at Maura, hitting her in the shoulder at the same time at the Tactical officer took the shot at Marino. Jane felt the warm spray of blood and brains as she threw his arm off her shoulders and ran to her friend.

"Maura? Maura! Answer me!" she cried as she dropped to her knees at Maura's side. She put her hands on the entry wound, but there was so much blood. Dimly, she heard Korsak calling for a bus. "Come on, Maura, open your eyes for me."

The ME turned unseeing eyes towards Jane. "Jane?" choked out as blood flowed out of her mouth.

"Come on, where's the bus?" Jane yelled. She turned back to Maura. "Come on, Maur. Stay with me, sweetie." She watched in horror as Maura's eyes started to close. "NO! You don't get to do this, Maura. You gotta stay with me!"

Maura struggled to get her eyes open. She looked up into Jane's eyes, and oh, so slowly lifted her hand and cupped Jane's cheek. She brushed ineffectively at Jane's tears. "S'alright, Jane. Just need to sleep. L-l-love y-you," Maura said on an exhale.

There was no answering inhale.

Jane pulled her up onto her lap and screamed.

###

The phone buzzed on the bedside table, and was answered quickly. "Major Shepherd."

A pause, then, "Doc?"

AN: To all those involved in counselling, I'm aware of the real-life pitfalls of the course of action being pursued AT THIS STAGE, and I understand more about PTSD than you think.

"Patience is a virtue" is a quote from a movie I think is cool. You guess it, you get to pick a plot point in a future chapter!