Chapter Ten

It was afternoon when Azriel landed with me outside Velaris. He flew us an hour outside the city into the wilderness where he explained to me that it would be safe enough should I have any outbursts again. He also said another outburst was unlikely.

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked around the wooded area. Azriel picked it well. We were secluded and only the keenest of eyes would be able to spot us from above.

I turned when I felt Azriel tap me on the shoulder. He was holding out two leather vambraces, Illyrian leather by the looks of it too. I looked up at him and hesitantly took the vambraces. My breath caught when I saw the blue siphons set in the leather.

"The siphons you're going to have to wear while we train, everyday if you like," Azriel said, holding out a hand for my arm. I gave him my arm and let him lace the vambrace over my forearm. It covered my hand and was held in place by a leather loop around my second finger. The siphon instantly flared once it was on my hand.

"The siphons act like a…" Azriel frowned and looked down at my siphons. "Like a precision device. Imagine that your magic is a thread that needs to go through the eye of a needle. The siphon holds all that magic and actually cuts it down from its raw form into something that you can use with more accuracy. The more powerful you are, the more siphons you need. At least for us Illyrians."

I turned my hands over and stared at the blue siphons.

"Thread and needle," I repeated. Azriel nodded and clapped me on the back. "Your magic has a life of its own, but it's still yours and it has to answer to you. You need to always remember that you control it, not the other way around."

Azriel opened the satchel he wore at his side and pulled out an apple. He set it on the ground not far away.

"Practice letting out a bit of your magic so you can hit that apple, drain it. It's okay if you don't get it on the first go. It takes practice."

"How do you know all this?" I asked, still staring at the siphons Azriel had given me.
Azriel went to sit down on a fallen log.

"I was at this stage once. I know what it's like to feel out of control."

I looked over my shoulder at the shadowsinger.

"Who taught you?"
Azriel's face was a little grave.

"I taught myself."

I didn't say anything after that. I turned my attention to the back to the apple and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and reached inside myself, touching the rolling blackness.
Hello little Fox. Bring me out to play. There's so much to play with. Do you feel it? The birds, the trees. The little deer over there. Let me out to feast. I'm hungry.

I began to tremble as that power rolled out of me and ran down my fingers, eagerly testing the air, looking for a magic. It curled back up my arms, around my fingers and it stopped when it felt Azriel's magic. I whimpered.
Oh that looks fine. A shadowsinger, how delicious. We could have fun with him Little Fox.

I whimpered again, my whole body trembling until large hands were placed over my hands.

"What does it want?"

"You. It wants your magic."

"You're in control. Keep it at bay, contain it to the siphon."

I took a breath, my eyes squeezing tightly shut. I could feel Azriel like a wall behind me, still holding my hands. His breath ruffled my hair lightly.

Little Fox...let me play. Let me feast.

"No. No you listen to me."
I took a deep breath, my nose filled with the scent of pine and citrus and...and smoke. Wood smoke. Azriel's scent. My mate's scent.

My magic hushed then and it slipped into the siphons and went to the apple. I opened my eyes and watched the black tendrils swirl around the apple, sucking the freshness from it. My magic slipped back to me, leaving the apple a brown husk. I smelled the crispness of the apple once my power retreated back to me, obviously sulking that it didn't get to feed off Azriel.

And...oh gods. Azriel was holding me, his hands still over mine. My heart pounded wildly in my chest, so loud that I was afraid Azriel might hear it and suspect.

Azriel lowered my hands and stepped away from me to go over to the apple. He poked it with his finger and it fell apart into a mushy pile. He looked up at me and nodded.

"Better. The siphons helped."

He stood up and dusted off his hands.

"You're afraid of hurting other people aren't you, that's why you caged it."

I nodded and folded my hands under my arms.

"Yes. I...It wanted you."

Azriel walked over to me and pulled a piece of bread from his satchel. He handed it to me along with a skein of water.

"I know. I felt it. You controlled it enough to keep it away from me, so that's good."
I ate the bread in silence, filling the now present hole in my stomach. The shadowsinger didn't eat, instead he walked around the small clearing and set his hands on his hips.
"How did you get into Autumn court so easily?"

I almost choked on my bread. I had to take a pull from the waterskin before I was able to speak.

"The Autumn court is one of the most heavily guarded courts," Azriel muttered, almost to himself.

"I know."

I finished my bread and dusted my hands off, tossing the waterskin by the fallen log. I stayed by the log, knowing Azriel was watching as I shifted. The shift brought a flash of pain and I was sitting on my haunches, looking up at Azriel through the eyes of my fox form. My tail flicked quietly in the leaves and I tilted my head, ears flicking back.

Azriel stared at me, his eyes showing surprise. I yawned and got up to walk over to him and rub his legs.

Another flash of pain and I was flapping up to sit on Azriel's shoulder, pecking at his hair. A raven was an easy shift, one that most folk ignored more than the fox.

Azriel reached up and touched my feathered wing. I made a pleased noise and flapped my wings, soaring off Azriel's back and onto the ground. I shifted again and tumbled a little less than gracefully onto the ground.

"That's how I got in. I can do a hedgehog and a mouse but those aren't as useful," I explained as I sat up. Azriel sat himself down next to me and pulled a feather from my hair.
"Are you a witch then?"

I shrugged and ran my hands over my hair, watching Azriel twirl the feather in his fingers.
"I'm not sure. My mother showed me how to shift. She always took the raven form because it allowed her to fly. She taught me to do the little animals, said they'd be useful one day."

I hugged my hair against my neck and closed my eyes, recalling the first day my mother had shown me how to shift. It was horrible. She had me kill a rabbit and with its blood, write ancient marks all over my skin. She said that I would wear the rabbit's skin now.

I was ten at the time. Since then, I never shifted into a rabbit. I never killed an animal to take it's skin. The fox I found with an arrow in its side already dead and the raven had been stoned by some farmer in the human realm.

"My mother would kill animals and take their skins," I said. I traced some words in the dirt at my feet, the words she'd use to steal the skin. "I asked her about it once. She said that you could steal a fae's skin as well. Killing them and using their blood to steal the skin."
I crossed out the words and looked sidelong at Azriel.

"My mother scared me sometimes. She...was protective but I think she tried to erase her mistakes with me. She disciplined me hard, made me learn to fly and perform her witchcraft. I never liked to. It was too…dark. It didn't feel right, not when I had magic of my own. Mama didn't know I had the magic. I kept that from her."

"Did you love your mother?" Azriel asked quietly.

I frowned and stared at my boots.
"I don't know."

I dropped my hands onto my knees and squeezed them. Azriel had posed a serious question. I hadn't thought about it before. Did I love my mother?

"Torin wanted to dump the body but I burned her. I figured she deserved the decency," Azriel said lowly. I nodded and stood up, ready to begin practicing again. That was until…

"Torin is alive still."

I froze, every inch of me going still. Fear rolled through me, then anger. I turned around on my heels, fixing Azriel with a piercing gaze.

"Why?"

Azriel stood as well.

"Rhys felt that if we killed him, it wouldn't sit well with the other camp lords and we could have a bit of a loyalty problem on our hands."

I clenched my hands and unclenched them. I grit my teeth so hard that I thought I'd chip them.

"I swore I'd kill him if someone else hadn't. I meant that too," I said lowly. Azriel nodded and I saw a quiet anger in his eyes.
"I know. I saw what he did to you."

I felt my magic bubble up but I pushed it down. I would get my revenge, not now though. So I took a deep breath and loosened my fists.

"I'm tired," I said at last. Azriel nodded and held out his hand for me. I took it and he pulled me against him, winnowing us back to his home.

I knew Amarantha had found out the moment she called me to her quarters that night. I had nowhere to go where she wouldn't find me so I went to her.

She was in a state when I arrived in her room, hands behind my back and chin up. In the past few years, Amarantha had grown unbalanced, paranoid even. Since the human girl's arrival, that paranoia had escalated.

The moment the door shut, Amarantha was in my face, her hand on my throat. Her black eyes stared wildly at me as I choked.

"You little bitch," she spat, her voice was a low hiss. "You tried to get her out. You disobeyed me. No, no you betrayed me!"

I choked, my hands scraping at Amarantha's steel grip. I couldn't breath. The Queen dug her nails further into my neck and threw me with an unearthly strength against the door. I hit the door and crashed onto the floor, coughing, in my fight to return air to my lungs.

"I heard from a...reliable source that you went down to that putrid little girl and offered to help her escape. Why?"
The Queen looked back at me from where she had gone to stand by her bed. I rubbed my neck where her fingernails had cut me, my fingers dipped in the stickiness of my blood.

"Amarantha, please, listen," I rasped. "This is useless. You're going to kill her either way and you'll still have Tamlin. It's a waste. The curse is met and sealed, can't you let her go? Please?"

Amarantha sneered and walked over to me, landing a heavy kick into my ribs.

"Pathetic. You of all people should know why I'm doing this. Tamlin needs to learn what happens when you insult me, what happens when he insults…"

I knew Amarantha was going to say her sister's name. Her dead sister, long since dead, betrayed by love. Tamlin had insulted the memory of Clythia and Amarantha wanted him to pay for it. That and she lusted after the Highlord of Spring.

"What else have you kept a secret from me little fledgling?"

I paled, feeling my bladder loosen.

Amarantha knew.

I looked up at the Queen and shook my head, backing away, not caring that I was scraping along the floor like a worm.

Amarantha smiled, her blood red lips parting to show her teeth. She hooked a finger and I felt a pain in my back, forcing my well hidden wings to burst free. I screamed as I tried to free myself from Amarantha's grip, even lashing out with my powers.
The Queen simply laughed and smacked me down so hard that when my face hit the floor, I felt my nose shatter.
"You'd dare try and use your power against me?"
I looked up, blood pouring out of my nose and onto the floor. I felt hands seize my arms and another pair of hands grabbed my wings. I screamed again as my wings were brutally bent back.
"Amarantha! Please!"
I looked up at the Queen as she slid a dagger from her sleeve and pricked her finger with it, licking the blood that welled. I struggled, trying to break my wings free. She knew, someone had told her about my heritage, about my wings.
"I was told that Illyrian wings are very sensitive. They clip the females so they can't fly, is that right?" she said as she walked over. My eyes took in the knife and I couldn't tear my gaze away as I let out a desperate sob. Not my wings.
"Were yours clipped? Or do you still fly? If I had known, I would have let you out to spread your lovely wings."

Amarantha reversed the knife in her grip and her face got cold and mocking.
"Hold her down," she ordered her men. I struggled but was too weak to shake the hold.

Amarantha walked over and ran an alabaster hand down my right wing, the knife poised so close to the delicate membrane by my bone. I was panting, ready to vomit as my whole body convulsed at the touch. Amarantha smiled and drove the knife through one of the joints in my wing, closest to my shoulder.

The scream that came out of me was nothing I had heard before. I was disconnected from my body for a second before I was pulled back, my entire body alight with pain. I vomited on the floor.

Amarantha twisted the knife in my joint and I saw black spots in my vision. She ripped the knife out of my wing joint and I screamed again, sagging in the guards' grips.

Amarantha brought her face to mine and grabbed my chin, making me look at her.

"You belong to me, remember that, girl. There is no bargaining with me, only my law down here. You obey or die. I will let you live this once, but don't ever betray me again."
I nodded. Amarantha let me go and wiped the knife on my shirt, slicing through the fabric. She looked at the guards and jerked her head to the door.
"Indulge yourselves then take her to a healer."

I didn't have the strength to care or fight as I was dragged away and…

My eyes flew open and I stared at the ceiling above my bed and tried to get my breathing under control. I could feel sweat in my hair and under my clothes. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed and took more steady breaths.

It had been a while since I had last had a nightmare that severe. It was a memory, but no less nightmarish.

I ran my hands through my hair and pulled at the tangled curls. I needed to get out of the room.

I stood up and didn't bother to slip anything on my feet as I silently padded down the stairs to the small sitting room. Once there, I poked the dying embers in the fireplace that Azriel had burning earlier that evening. I used some of my magic to light the fire and I fed it some kindling to get it warm.

I tucked my hands in my armpits and stared at the flames, staying in my crouch. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep after my nightmare. I was never able to. My usual tonic for the nightmares, to at least send me into an undisturbed sleep was alcohol, but I doubted Azriel would be very pleased if I raided his cabinets in search of a drink.

"I was going to start that back up."

I shouldn't have been surprised when I heard the Shadowsinger's voice behind me, but I was. My heart jumped into my throat and I stood up swiftly to turn around.

Azriel sat in an couch behind me, tucked away from the light of the fireplace. No wonder I hadn't seen him. He was wreathed in his shadows and he blended in perfectly with the darkness of the sitting room.

"Oh. Well," I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly so very aware of how thin my nightclothes were. "I got cold."

Azriel uncrossed his legs and dismissed his shadows to let me see him fully. His eyes searched my face and I knew he wasn't blind to my sweat soaked clothes and hair. He moved aside on the couch and motioned a hand to the seat beside his.

My feet moved before I made up my mind as to whether or not I wanted to sit next to Azriel. I took the corner farthest from the male and pulled my feet up under me and I pulled my knees up under my chin.

Azriel didn't say anything, he just watched the flames I had made in the fireplace burn up the log I'd set in.

"I had a nightmare," I said abruptly. It sounded childish to say, but it was the truth.

I rubbed my hands into my hair and pulled more tangles out, wincing as my hair pulled terribly.

"I can't sleep afterwards. I've tried before."
Azriel sighed and I felt his wings curl in towards his body.

"I understand."
I looked over at Azriel and pursed my lips. I wondered if he ever slept.
"What about you? Why are you up?"

Azriel's eyes squinted and I regretted asking him. Though I had been staying in Azriel's house for a week, I hadn't quite built up the courage to call him a friend. I wondered if he saw me as a friend at all, or just simply a child he had decided to tolerate enough to teach a few things to.

"I lost track of time. I was reading reports and fell asleep here until you came down."

I looked at him and flushed.

"I didn't mean to wake you up."

Azriel shrugged and looked across at me.

"I have some information you may be interested in," he said lowly. "I had my sources in the Winter court find out about that meirleach there. He died, but his mother is still alive. No one has seen her, but I have made contact with his uncle, his father's brother, and he believes she is alive and still living in the mountains."

I rubbed my lip and nodded slowly.

"What do you propose?"
I knew what I wanted to do. I had to find out more about these females. I needed to find out if they were all witches or something else. In my stomach, I knew that we were all connected somehow and I knew that I had to go find her.

"What are you thinking?" Azriel answered me back. A question in the answer of a question.

I looked at him.

"I have to know Azriel. I have to find her."

Azriel nodded and looked back at the fireplace, putting his chin in his hand.

"You and I will leave in the morning to go to the Winter court. Nuala and Cerriweden can handle business here."

My eyebrows shot up and I looked at Azriel in surprise. That was unexpected.

"Really?"

"It may help us uncover some things about your power and I want to know more about these witches. Are they on their own or part of a coven? We need to know if they pose a threat. " Azriel said. He sighed and spread it legs out in front of him.

"I want to know too." I loosened my own legs and curled against the couch corner.