Chapter 11 - Pass the Owl to Someone Else
Regulus was glad to see that his brother was not participating in this group session. Perhaps he could remain fairly unnoticed.
"How is everyone today?" asked Doctor Lovegood after introducing herself the usual way.
"Bloody brilliant," beamed James and gave Miles, who was sitting next to him, a jab in the ribs. "Just wait - this is going to be fun!"
Miles crossed his arms, looking sceptical.
"Good to hear, James," said Doctor Lovegood. "And we have a new face here today. I'm so glad you could join us, Miles! Would you like to start out the session?"
"Give him the owl," said a blond girl. "That's the rules and the rules are there to be followed."
"That's true, Natalie," smiled Doctor Lovegood and tossed the plush owl to Miles. "How do you feel today?"
Miles studied her for a moment as if to determine how trustworthy she was. She had scored a few points in his book when he heard how she objected to Dumbledore's decision on giving him medicine, but it took more than a few points to gain Miles' trust, after all. "All right… Considering that I'm being held here as a prisoner and that I'm at the mercy of the system."
"I'm sorry you have to be here against your will," said Doctor Lovegood sincerely. "But I hope you can make the best of it while you're here. Is there anything you would like to talk about now?"
Miles nodded. "I would like to talk about the cameras."
"What cameras?" sighed Lovegood.
"The cameras that are hidden all over the ward. Why are they hidden, anyway? Why not just admit that they are there?"
"We don't have cameras, Miles. Only in the cells meant for patients who need cooling off. We believe in the rights of privacy."
Miles eyed her for a moment. "I can't decide if you're lying or just naive."
"I'm growing tired of this man," proclaimed Gilderoy. "He talks and talks about hidden eyes - but has he found any? No. I believe it is all in his mind. Or he's a lying serpent set out to make us mistrust each other and break up the fellowship!"
"Is that right, crackpot?" said Evan.
"Crackpot? I am Gandalf the Grey!"
"Okay, that's enough," said Doctor Lovegood. "Let's move on to something else."
"I'd like to know more about what happened in Regulus' room the other day," said James as if Regulus wasn't present in the room. "What was all that screaming about? I only heard that –"
"It's none of your business!" interrupted Regulus, sending James a look.
"Uh-uh," said James, wagging a finger. "You can't talk when you don't have the owl, little man."
"You don't have it either!" Natalie pointed out.
"Yes, I do!" said James and snatched the owl from Miles' lap.
"If Regulus doesn't want to talk about it, then we won't," Doctor Lovegood said. "James, pass the owl to someone else."
James tossed the owl to Frank, but it just bounced off his chest. He didn't even try to catch it. He just sat staring out the window behind James.
"Frank?" said Doctor Lovegood. "Are you okay? What is troubling you today?"
"Same as always," said Evan. "Hates life, obviously."
Frank didn't look like he heard what Evan said or even cared that they were talking about him.
"Evan - do I have to remind you that if you can't be nice to the other participants, you will not be allowed to attend group sessions?" said Doctor Lovegood.
"I was just answering for Frank," said Evan and crossed his arms, "since he didn't do it himself."
"It was your demeanour, Evan. If you don't learn to respect others you will never be able to respect yourself."
Evan snorted. "I respect myself plenty, lady. And why should I be nice to others? They aren't nice to me."
"Maybe we would be, if you were a little friendlier towards us," said a shy looking girl. "And leave poor Frank alone."
"Well said, Bridget," said Doctor Lovegood," sending the girl an approving smile. "It's okay if you don't feel like sharing today, Frank. Perhaps you and I can have a little talk afterwards."
Frank still didn't say anything, just kept gazing out the window.
"Okay," said Doctor Lovegood. "Let's move on to the subject of the day. I would like us to talk about how we feel about what other people think of us. Let's start with you, Rita," she said and asked Natalie, who was sitting next to Frank, to pick up the owl and pass it to Rita.
"Do I care what others think of me?" said Rita. "I suppose. I know blokes think I'm hot, so I'm not too worried about that. Some girls say hurtful things, but then I remind myself they're just jealous."
"I'm not jealous," said Marlene. "I just think you're too easy for your own good. You don't get love by offering yourself up like that, you know."
Rita's mouth became a thin line and seemed speechless for once. Then she threw the owl to Regulus and crossed her arms defensively.
"Are you sure you don't want to say anything else?" asked Doctor Lovegood. "I'm sure some girls are jealous of you, because you certainly are a pretty girl."
"No need to say more," said Rita, still looking offended. "Some people are in denial."
"Well, then - Regulus?" said Doctor Lovegood.
Regulus sighed. "I know people think loads of bad things about me. I used to care, but now it doesn't matter."
"Why did you stop caring, Regulus?" asked Doctor Lovegood.
"I don't care what people here think. It can't be worse than what I think of myself." He immediately regretted saying this. He didn't want the others to know too much about him.
"And what do you think about yourself, Regulus?"
"That's my business. They can think what they will. I don't care."
"No one here will judge you."
"Speak for yourself," snorted Evan.
"Why don't you put a sock in it, Evan?" said Marlene angrily.
"Evan, this is your last warning," said Doctor Lovegood, sounding uncharacteristically strict. "People have to feel like they're in a safe environment where they can share their thoughts and feelings"
"Is that supposed to be a threat? As if these bloody hippie sessions are so brilliant..."
"If you don't go to group sessions it means more private sessions," said Doctor Lovegood. "You know that."
Evan moped. "And what if I don't want to go to those, either? I don't need them. I didn't have some cult fuck up my head," he snorted and nodded towards Regulus.
"You may leave now," Doctor Lovegood told Evan. "Doctor Dumbledore and I will have a talk with you later."
Evan got up and knocked over his chair. Then he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
"Well, good riddance," said Marlene. "About time we got him out of here."
"I'm sorry about that, Regulus," said Doctor Lovegood. Please continue."
"I don't want to talk anymore..."
"Then throw the owl to someone else," said Marlene in a kind voice.
Regulus tossed it at Severus but James leaned over and caught it in the air. "I don't worry about what people think of me – because I know I'm brilliant!" he beamed.
Severus snorted. "I think you're less brilliant than what I scraped off my shoe last time I had stepped in a dog shite. And I'm not the only one. Even your friend beats you up once in a while because you're so insufferable."
"Why don't you suck it, Snivellus," snapped James. "Sure, me and Sirius have our ups and downs but we're mates. What do you know about friends, anyway? You only got Mr. Invisible."
"No. No," said Doctor Lovegood, holding a hand up, clearly not wanting things to develop. "If you two are going to fight, then I will have to ask one of you to leave."
"We can't fight if one of us has left," pointed out James.
"You know what I meant."
"Then make Snivellus leave. Nobody wants to look at his greasy phiz, anyway."
"The next one who says something hurtful about the other, leaves," said Doctor Lovegood.
James stuck out his chin and tossed the owl to Emmeline.
Emmeline looked at the owl in her lap for a moment. "I... I do care what people think of me. How they see me. They say one thing, but I can never tell if they're telling the truth or are actually thinking something else."
Doctor Lovegood smiled at her. "I know it is difficult to talk about, Emmeline, but I am glad that you are trying today. Have you asked yourself why you doubt that people are sincere when telling you positive things?"
"They… I don't know. I think a lot feel sorry for me and they just say what they think will make me feel better. Like when they say I'm not fat."
"Oh, my God, not again," said Natalie. "You're starving yourself to death! That's why people keep telling you you're not fat!"
"Natalie," said Doctor Lovegood, holding up a hand. "Let's not have that discussion now. But I do wish you would be more open to what people are saying, Emmeline," she said, smiling at the thin girl. "Most people are honest and almost always have good intentions."
"Most people aren't honest," objected Marlene. "They will say nice things to your face but often they're thinking all sorts of negative stuff about you. Especially when they hear you're mentally ill."
"Yes, I know what you mean," nodded Doctor Lovegood. "But I'm sure you overestimate how negatively people think of you or how much they judge you."
Regulus zoned out. This was leading to one of Doctor Lovegood's talks about positivity and believing in the good of mankind, etc. Regulus couldn't understand how she could still believe in those things after what she must have witnessed with patients, many of them victims of all sorts of abuse.
"I agree," said James after a few minutes, unable to sit still and concentrate any longer. "What's the use in all that negativity? And that's why you're my favourite shrink," he beamed at Doctor Lovegood.
"Thank you, James," she smiled at him and then clapped her knees. "Well, after this little speech I think that was it for today. Frank, I would like for you to stay behind, but the rest of you are excused."
James jumped to his feet and pulled Miles with him. "Let's go look for cameras! Maybe Sirius wants to help."
"You don't believe in the cameras," said Marlene as she and Emmeline followed James and Miles out.
"Don't tell him that," whispered James. "I want some fun." He then turned his attention back to Miles and flashed him a grin. "Let's go!"
o0o0o
Lily sat with Remus waiting for Regulus to come back. She had tried to teach Remus a card game but he didn't seem very focused. He lit up when he saw Regulus.
"How was the session?" asked Lily the tired looking boy.
Regulus shrugged. "Nothing special. Evan was being a prat and James and Severus were at each other's throats. Not that that's new..." Regulus went into the bathroom to sit alone for a while. Lily was with Remus, so he would be okay for now.
Remus looked at the closed bathroom door and dropped his head. "I still think he's mad at me," he mumbled.
"He's not mad at you, Remus," said Lily, putting a hand on Remus' knee. "I know he's glad to have you as his friend."
Both their heads snapped around suddenly, hearing loud noises and yelling from outside the room. Lily rushed to the common room where she found Evan and Sirius standing on either side of the pool table screaming at each other and banging their fists into the table. Molly was trying to calm them down but had no luck, so she called for Dawlish and Kingsley to come and help her. In a split-second Sirius jumped over the table and pounced on Evan, the two of them ending up rolling around on the floor, throwing punches at each other.
James was jumping up and down and when spotting the newly arrived staff, he yelled at them, "Bets are taken over here! Who wins tonight's match? Evan the Exterminator or Sirius the Slayer?"
No one could rile the other patients up like James, and many gathered around the furious fighters, chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" like kids in a schoolyard.
"Potter!" Alecto roared.
Dawlish and Kingsley came running and pulled the two teens apart; but they had their work cut out for them. Sirius put up a good fight and even managed to hit both guards while trying to get back into the fight with Evan.
Antonin rushed in to help Kingsley hold Sirius while Molly helped Dawlish with Evan. Lily got more and more respect for her - she was much tougher than she looked.
Evan quickly surrendered and stopped struggling but Sirius had worked himself into a frenzy. Kingsley and Antonin dragged him off to the padded cell and with the help of Lily and Doctor Lovegood they got him strapped to the bed. Sirius screamed in rage, roaring curses and threats at them while tugging wildly at his restraints. Doctor Lovegood gave him a shot and the fight finally started to go out of him until he was just mumbling obscenities.
As they stepped out from the room, Doctor Lovegood turned to Lily. "This is one patient you have to be careful with. No matter how charming he can be."
Kingsley rubbed his sore chin where Sirius and planted a good punch before they had gotten him under control.
"He should be in prison," said Antonin. "He's a danger to everyone here."
"In there he would be a lost cause. He would get even more violent and find out it gets him prestige. He would become a dangerous criminal in no time," said Doctor Lovegood. "Sirius has a lot of anger inside," she continued to Lily when Antonin and Kingsley had gone. "Remember what he has been through. His life in the cult and then three years on the streets. The police would not believe him and neither would we, I'm embarrassed to admit."
o0o0o
"If you have another bad dream you can't go running into the corridor again," Regulus said to Remus. "That's why they caught you the other day."
"I didn't know where I was," said Remus, feeling a little stupid. "I thought I was back in the basement with… with him."
"Who?" Regulus decided to ask after a moment's hesitation.
"The bad man," mumbled Remus. "I dreamed I heard his voice. He talked to me."
"They... They won't let him have you back. Because he abused you," said Regulus. "They won't let my parents have me back, either. And they didn't even abuse me. They just let others do it."
"Others hurt you?" Remus sat up and looked over at Regulus. "What did they do to you? The others."
Regulus hesitated. He rarely talked about these things because he didn't want to think about them. But Remus had told him personal things, so he felt that he owed him a bit of his own. "We lived in a cult. I explained to you what a cult is, remember? The Dark Lord - that's the leader - he wanted me punished when I had been disobedient." He shivered.
"Dis…disobedient?" Remus asked. When Regulus explained what the word meant, Remus nodded. "Andrew told me to not be disobedient too. My friend. He told me to do what the bad man said. What did your bad man do to you? If I can ask?"
Regulus was quiet for a while. "He... he had me drowned. Well, they brought me back. You know, made my heart beat again."
"You… you died?" asked Remus, his eyes wide as saucers.
"Yes, for a few minutes. And my parents just stood and watched." Regulus felt nausea well up in his throat. He pushed away the image of his mother and father's stone faces as he wept and pleaded for them to save him.
"I'm sorry," Remus said and bad for having asked about Regulus' past. "I'm glad you're here, then, and not with them. And I understand why you angry at your brother for leaving you there. I be angry too."
"I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's bad luck," said Regulus. "Talking about bad things can make them happen."