A/N: What is elevated, my canine? (A.k.a Wut up, dawg). Here is chapter eleven. Whoop-de-doodly-doo! To those that wondered why Farina called Raven "that jerk from chapter three"…I was talking about the chapters in this story, not in the game. Sorry for any confusion. Ready for some more randomness?

FLOCK OF TURTLES!

But seriously…

CHAPTER ELEVEN—GREEN SLEEVES--LITERALLY

Nino and Jaffar entered the bad guy's camp, looking for Nergal so they could restore his Christmas spirit. (They didn't know how many times that spirit had died. In horrible, painful ways.) Anyway, they weren't in the area for more than three minutes before Lloyd found them.

"Nino?" he asked, awed. "Jaffar?" His whole face lit up. "Nino! I've been looking all over for you! Where have you been?"

Nino ran up and hugged her brother. "We're on the good guy's side, now!"

Lloyd's jaw dropped and he looked over Nino's head at Jaffar. "Both of you? The Angel of Death is a good guy?"

Jaffar said nothing.

" 'And PROUD'?" Lloyd asked, angry. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Nino's face fell. "You're supposed to be the smart one. Linus is supposed to ask dumb questions, but you're supposed to understand things. And then you both go kill some people."

"Oooohhh…" said Lloyd. "Okay. I get it."

There was a long pause.

"Okay, time to go kill some people!" the swordsmaster hollered. Then he skipped off to the horizon. In a manly, evil kind of way, of course.

Lloyd skipped right over to Ephidel.

Ephidel was scowling, surrounded by swirling nuclear gasses. He pulled out a Nosferatu and tried to blow it away—no luck. He pulled out a Bolting and tried to obliterate it all—no luck. Frantically he tried more and more powerful spellbooks, but nothing cleared the Football of Doom's damage.

"GAAAH!" Ephidel cried, as an Excalibur broke. "NOOOO! Nothing works!"

"Have you tried everything?" Lloyd asked.

Ephidel was on the verge of tearing out his silver hair. "Everything except for Flux, and Flux doesn't even DO damage, let alone clear away any. Look!" Ephidel whipped out a Flux and spoke a work of power. The spell activated…

…and instantly all of the nuclear damage was gone.

"EGAD!" Ephidel screeched. "Of course, the only thing that works is the last thing I try! What could make this day any worse?"

Instantly Lloyd spotted Ephidel's cute little Santa Chipmunk Friend from last chapter. Cackling evilly, he drew his awesome sword and cut it to ribbons.

"No!" the morph screamed, kneeling beside his little friend. "Alvin! Speak to me, Alvin!"

Lloyd quirked an eyebrow. "I don't think he can. He's cut into itty bitty pieces. Lots and lots and lots of itty bitty pieces."

Ephidel resorted to angrily banging the Flux against the ground, yelling "WHY! DOES EVERYTHING! HAPPEN! TO ME!"

"Ouch," said Lloyd sympathetically. "What are you going to do now?"

"I'll tell you what I'm going to do now," Ephidel retorted angrily, rising to his feet. "I shall recruit Simon and Theodore, and create a chipmunk army of such epic proportions that all the world will bow to ME! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lightning flashed behind him and Ephidel continued to laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

Lloyd got bored and walked away. The sun set, and then rose again. Random policemen chased bandits across the field. Random bandits chased policemen across the field. Della skipped along, yelling "Huzzah for subtle British humor!", a purple-haired shaman skipping behind her.

Not noticing, Ephidel continued to laugh in a Mandark-like fashion.

"Muahaha! Muahahahahahaha! Muahahahahahahahaha!"

Nergal teleported over and stood for quite some time, watching Ephidel. Who was STILL laughing.

"Muahahaha! Muaha….ha….hahaha….ha…..ha." The evil laugh died away.

"Are you quite finished?" Nergal asked irritably.

"Yes," Ephidel answered meekly.

"Good. Because I found that my Christmas Spirit had been reincarnated into the form of two chipmunks named Simon and Theodore."

Ephidel's face lit up. "I know those two!"

"Not anymore. I killed them both. Several times over. In fiery explosions."

"NOOOoooo!" Ephidel screamed, sinking to his knees. "My chipmunk army! WHY?"

Nergal shrugged. "I don't know. Nor do I care. All that matters is those rodent-obliterating explosions left a huge mess, and you need to go clean it while I work on my Christmas Ornament of Doom."

Ephidel brightened. "Does this mean you've gotten some Christmas spirit back?"

Nergal laughed. "Heck, no! The point of the Ornament of Doom is to throw it, watch it break into itty bitty shards, and then light it on fire and watch it explode! Isn't that wonderful? Now, go clean up what's left of those singing chipmunks."

"Why do I always have to clean everything?" the morph asked angrily. "Why can't you get Sonia or Limstella to do it?"

"Because…" Nergal paused. "Well, good question. Too bad I don't care enough to answer it. Now clean like the wind, slave!"

Ephidel sulked off.

As soon as Lloyd left, Nino instantly caught sight of Sonia.

"Mommy!" she cried, throwing out her arms and trying to hug the morph.

"Ewww!" Sonia screeched. "Child germs! Get it away! Get it away!" The morph tried to run away from Nino, but Nino kept on coming. Eventually Sonia decided that completely and utterly destroying a nuisance would be more effective than running away from one. So she grabbed her most powerful spellbooks and kept trying to kill her own 'daughter'.

Jaffar just watched, silently and exasperatedly, seeing Sonia try to murder Nino but having her magic explosions miss. A huge, smoking crater would appear right beside Nino, but sweet, naïve, goddess-icon-carrying little Nino didn't notice her mother was trying to kill her. Somewhere between Nino's rhythmic chant of "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" and Sonia's desperate screams of "DIE, DARN YOU! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?", Jaffar decided to interfere.

He stepped between the mage and the morph, putting his hand on Nino's head to stop her and shooting her a look that plainly said Okay, you might want to stop now.

Then he turned his gaze to Sonia.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" she screeched. "Just TALK already!"

"He IS talking!" Nino's voice came out muffled from behind Jaffar's hand. "He asked you where Nergal is."

Sonia pointed to an Evil Fortress over in the distance. "He's over there," she told Jaffar shakily. "Hurry up and go—get that THING away from me!"

"But mother!" cried Nino.

Jaffar dragged her off to the Evil Fortress.

Della skipped along, singing.

"Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, blow cares away, Christmas is here, bringing good cheer, to young and old, meek and the bold…"

Suddenly she stopped and fell to the ground, crying out in torment. "NOOOOOoooooo!"

"I say!" Canas finally caught up to her. "Whatever is the matter, young tactician?"

"I forgot the rest of the song!" Della yelled, angry with herself. Suddenly she perked up. "Now I get to sing Chanukah songs!"

She hopped to her feet and started skipping and singing again.

"S'vivon! Sov sov sov! Hanuka-a-a-ah…"

"Wait!" Canas yelled. "Don't leave me behind again! I thought we were going present-questing!"

"Of course we're going present-questing!" Della began to sing Sleigh Ride and twirled around. "We're going to Ilia!"

"Ack!" cried the shaman. "Ilia is freezing this time of year. Why are we going there?"

"It's the closest thing we can get to the North Pole. And where there's a North Pole, there's Santa! And where there's Santa…THERE'S PRESENTS!"

"Ah! Tally-ho then, away we g—" Canas paused. Della was humming Green Sleeves and staring intently at her arms. "Young tactician…?"

"Canas!" she yelled joyfully. "Green Sleeves!" She thrusted her arms out for him to see. "Get it? It's the name of the carol…and I'm a tactician…so I have green…sleeves…too…" She trailed off and scowled. "Oh, forget it. To Ilia!"

"Huzzah!" cheered Canas.

"Lord Hector!" cried Merlinus, holding up a big red suit. "Do you love it?"

"What…the heck…is that…?" Hector asked skeptically. Behind him, Lyn and Wallace took a step forward in curiosity.

"It is your Santa suit!" the merchant told him. "You get to be Santa Claus for Christmas…everyone will give you their gifts, and on Christmas morning you'll hand them out to the recipients! Isn't it wonderful?"

Hector took the suit and examined it, raising an eyebrow. "And…I have to wear this?"

"Of course!" Merlinus chirped. "And you have to be jolly and kind and wear a fake white beard and climb down chimneys!" The merchant clapped his hands and hopped from foot to foot. "This is so exciting!"

"Hector in a chimney?" Lyn asked, trying very hard not to laugh. "I think he would get stuck! And then he'd have to wait there…all night…for someone skinnier to rescue him…Haha, like Pricilla…hahaha, Pricilla rescuing Hector! Haha…HAHAHA!"

Lyn couldn't hold it in any more. She burst out laughing. Hector scowled and stomped off to go change into the suit. He didn't want to be Santa, but he didn't have much of a choice…girls were scary, and Lyn might beat him up for ruining Christmas. Merlinus was rather girly, too. And Wallace…Wallace was a general. Hector shuddered. You don't upset generals. You just don't.

On a grave with a headstone marked "Nergal's Christmas Spirit," a very odd man in a turban danced and laughed.

"Grandpa Nergal! Grandpa Nergal!" Nino screeched, running towards him. She was alone. Just her and a limitless horizon.

Nergal took one look at her, turned and fled.

Jaffar came out of nowhere and tackled him to the ground.

"Jaffar!" spat Nergal. "Where the Flux did you come from? I looked all the way to the horizon, and there was nobody!"

Jaffar said nothing.

"Yeah, you tell him, Jaffar!" cheered Nino. "Watch your language, Grandpa Nergal." Nergal struggled to his feet. "Where have you two been?"

"We joined the good guys!" Nino chirped, obviously not realizing how unhappy that might make the Main Antagonist of their world.

"WHAT?" roared Nergal. "BOTH of you?"

"Yeah!" said Nino. "We've come here together—"

"Wait a minute." Nergal cut her off. "You two are TOGETHER?"

"Uh-huh! We're together."

Nergal looked at the bright, cheerful mage and the silent, brooding Angel of Death. He raised an eyebrow.

"Together, together?"

"No!" said Nino, playfully batting his arm. "You're such a teaser, Grandpa Nergal."

Nergal flinched, as though her touch had burned him. "If you two are good now, why have you dared to come back?

"I say you need some Christmas spirit!"

Nergal raised an eyebrow. "That's abso-flippin-lutely fantastic. Thank you for coming all the way out here to tell me that. Go away now."

"No!" Nino cried, heroically thrusting a finger towards the sky. "You need Christmas spirit, and I'm going to deliver it to you!" An American flag randomly unfurled and flew out behind her.

"What is with that?" Nergal yelled. "Where the flux did the sky go?"

"Grandpa Nergal!" Nino screamed back. "Get in the Christmas spirit or I'll make you!"

Nergal cackled. "Whatcha gonna do? Giggle at me?" Nergal dropped the smile and looked around. "Uh-oh…where'd Jaffar go?"

Slowly Jaffar rose up behind Nergal.

Ok, admit it, that's pretty dang creepy.

Nergal gulped. "Uh…okay Nino…maybe I'll consider having some spirit…but only if I can blow it up when this is all over, okay?"

Nino smiled.

Hector walked back to where Merlinus, Lyn, and Wallace were standing. He bowed his head so no one would have to see his face, so no one would have to see his shame. He was wearing the Santa suit.

"Come on then, Hector," ordered Merlinus. "Lift your head up so we can get a better look at you."

Hector obliged, his face impassive. Maybe after Christmas was over he could take Armads and smash that merchant's face in half…now THAT'S what you call Christmas Joy…

Wallace struggled to keep his face straight. "Well now, Lassie," he asked Lyn, "Is that a Santa Ostia or a Hector Claus?"

"I think it's called…a LOSER!" Lyn fell to the ground, laughing her head off.

"Shut up!" Hector growled. "You guys made me do this!"

All three of them had fallen over now. Hector growled, ripped off the Santa hat, and crushed it under a Santa boot. Then he stomped away to take off the rest of the stupid costume.

"Wait," said Lyn, coming to her senses and sitting up. "We don't have a Santa now!" Her gaze found Wallace. Big jolly Wallace. "Hmmmm…"

"Gwah ha ha!" laughed Wallace.

Lyn smacked her forehead. "No, Wallace. For the last time, it's 'ho ho ho'!"

"Gwah ha ha!"

"Wallace, repeat after me. Ho…ho…ho."

"…Gwah…ha…ha!"

"NO! HO HO HO!"

"Gwoh ho ha!"

"Okay," said Lyn, sighing tiredly, "This isn't going to work out. Sorry Wallace."

"Well, here we are again," Hector muttered irritably. "Back in this stupid throne room again, with nothing to do."

Eliwood sighed. "Yes."

Hector brightened. "Hey, I have an idea! Let's play 'Annoy the Old Guy'!"

"What?"

We go find Athos, steal his cane, and play keep-away with it!"

"Hector!" Eliwood cried, appalled, "That's awful!"

Hector groaned. "Darn it, Eliwood, do you always have to be so chivalrous?"

"I just don't think it's a good idea to annoy our elders—"

"Dude. It's Athos. He's like, a thousand years old. He's beyond our elders."

"Hector—"

"I'm so bored! If you don't play 'Annoy the Old Guy' with me, I'll…I'll... I'll lie and tell Ninian that you really like Lyn!"

"GAAAH," Eliwood cried, "Don't do that!"

"Play 'Annoy the Old Guy' with me!"

"Okay," Eliwood muttered miserably. "Fine." He followed Hector to go find Athos.

They weren't playing for more than five minutes before Athos got ticked off and used a Forblaze on Hector. His cane flew neatly back into his gnarled hand.

"Okay…"Hector mumbled dizzily. He was charred all over and one corner of his cape was on fire. (Eliwood stomped it out because he's so dang chivalrous.) "Um…Eliwood…why don't we play football instead?"

"Oh, I'll play football," Athos growled. Within minutes huge balls of fire were falling out of the sky. Eliwood and Hector screamed and ran away, Athos following.

He chased them all the way over to where Lyn was sitting, dejectedly holding up a big red suit. She caught sight of Athos and jumped up, smiling.

Athos loved the whole idea and peace on earth and goodwill towards men, so he agreed to be Santa. He was trying to hoist a bag of toys up, however, and promptly threw out his back.

"DANG IT!" yelled Lyn. "We're NEVER going to find a Santa!"

"Not so," said Athos, smiling slightly. "I have an old friend that might be a Santa for us…a very old friend…"

"Grandpa Nergal?" Nino asked, "Why do you have your hand over your heart like that?"

"I sense a cruel, cruel irony," Nergal replied.

A/N: Muahaha! Irony is so much fun. Woot…this chapter took me a while to write—it's six pages long onmy computer. Just a couple of references I want to write disclaimers for—I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks, nor do I own Dexter's Lab, where I got that Mandark-style laughter from. If I did, I would not be sitting here writing, I would be standing on top of the conquered world, muahaha-ing my head off!