Title: Learning As We Go, Part 11
Author: Caera1996
Rating: This part PG
W/C: This part 5,568
Disclaimer: Definitely not mine.
Summary: Sequel to The Basics of Primary Ed. AU. It is possible to read this story without reading TBoPE first, but it will make much more sense if you do.
This part: Jim and Leonard have a talk with Joanna about families, work on moving Jim out of his apartment, and then Leonard and Jim discuss his upcoming doctor's appointment.
Note: I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Moving on…
"Daddy, put some on my hand," Joanna said, patting his elbow. Leonard glanced down at her, pausing as he spread shaving cream over his face. Joanna was sitting on the counter in just her underwear, having wandered in his bathroom, distracted from getting dressed and looking for her father. She held her hand out expectantly and he obliged, wiping his foam-covered palm along her fingers.
"Make sure you keep your mouth closed…it tastes really yucky," Leonard said. "And try not to get it in your hair." Little good the warning would do, he knew, but he had to try.
"Okay," she replied, turning to look at herself in the mirror. He met her reflection's eyes and smiled as she spread the shaving cream over her cheeks and chin. When Leonard was ready, he turned on the tap and rinsed his razor. "Daddy, what am I going to use?" she mumbled, barely moving her lips so as to keep the foam off of them. Leonard looked around and picked up a comb.
"Use this side," he said, tapping the smooth edge. "And rinse it off when you get a lot of foam on it." She nodded, and copied his movements, rinsing her comb when he held the razor under the water. Movement in the doorway caught his eye, and he smiled at Jim in the mirror as he watched them, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorjamb, a smile on his face.
"Uncle Jim, look at me!" Joanna exclaimed, catching sight of him. "I'm just like Daddy." Jim nodded and moved fully into the bathroom, coming to stand behind her.
"I see…you're doing a real good job Jo! Got a little in your hair…" he gently gathered her hair, pulling it back and holding it out of her way. Looking around, he opened the top drawer and found one of her ponytail holders, using it to secure her hair out of the way.
"Guess what I made for breakfast," Jim said, steadying her with a hand on her hip as she rinsed her comb again.
"Umm…cereal?" Joanna guessed. She rinsed the comb off again and brought it back to her face, dripping water down her chest and legs, and all over the counter.
"Cereal? No…I didn't make cereal. I cooked you something!" Jim said.
"What?" Joanna asked, absently wiping at the water and foam dripping down her neck.
"Okay, Jo…finish up. I'm done," Leonard said.
"'Kay, I'm done." She dropped the comb on the counter and turned to Jim, letting her legs dangle off the counter. Jim pulled a towel off the rack and wiped her face of the remaining foam and dried her body off as Leonard rinsed the sink and finished what he was doing, patting on some aftershave. He glanced over at Jim and Joanna, a smile on his face, loving the way they interacted. So completely naturally, as if they'd always known each other. "What'd you make, Uncle Jim?"
"Scrambled eggs, toast, and cheesy grits!" he said. He expected a good reception to that news…that, aside from pancakes, was Jo's favorite breakfast. Instead he got a skeptical look that rivaled Bones'. Leonard looked between Jim and Joanna and chuckled.
"What?" Jim asked. "I didn't know what I was doing the first time I made them. How was I supposed to know it would stick together like that?" Jim asked. He was referring to his first attempt at making the Southern breakfast food, which he was wholly unfamiliar with. Too little liquid and not enough stirring had resulted in a pasty texture that had to be thrown out. But Bones had walked him through the recipe, and this try looked and tasted just like the ones Bones made. Or, well…almost, anyway. Joanna giggled and held out her arms. Leonard lifted her down. "Will you at least try them?" Jim asked.
"Of course, Jim. We'll eat them. I bet they're delicious and perfect this time. Right, Jo?"
"Umm, right," she reluctantly agreed. "Can I eat like this?" She asked, skipping into the bedroom. Jim chuckled and shook his head in amusement.
"Darlin', you can't just sit around in your underwear, silly," Leonard said. "Go get dressed in the clothes I put out, and come eat. And don't take too long, okay?" Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Joanna rolled her eyes with the skill of her father.
"Fine," she said. She went to her room, closing the door behind her and Leonard looked over at Jim.
"Scrambled eggs and cheesy grits, huh?"
"They're good, Bones, I swear. I tried them first." Leonard smiled and drew Jim into a hug that he returned, his arms slipping around Leonard's waist.
"I can't wait to try them," Leonard said. He paused, holding on to Jim. "We're telling Jo this morning, right?" he asked. Jim lifted his head off Leonard's shoulder and kissed him, smiling a little when he pulled back.
"Yeah," Jim said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. Leonard didn't say anything, but the gentle look in his eyes let Jim know that he knew Jim wasn't quite feeling the confidence that he was doing his best to project. Leonard didn't say anything, but kissed Jim again, conveying as much comfort as if he'd said it aloud.
Joanna joined them in the kitchen moments later, dressed in a Tinkerbell shirt that was a memento from their Disney trip and a pair of shorts. The shirt was predominately a soft green, and it brought that color out in her eyes. She'd pulled the elastic out of her hair, releasing the temporary ponytail, and it fell in soft, dark waves around her face. Jim was struck again by the similarities between father and daughter, and tried to imagine what she would look like as a ten-year-old, and then a teenager. He could hardly believe he was going to have a chance to find out.
God, I hope this goes okay, Jim thought. He served them and they sat around the table, enjoying the breakfast.
"Good grits Uncle Jim!" Joanna proclaimed, after taking the first hesitant bite, and Jim gave a triumphant fist-pump, spoon clenched in one hand.
"Yes! I am redeemed!" he exclaimed. "What do you think Bones?" Under the watchful eye of the two of them, Leonard took an exaggerated bite, making a show of it.
"Nearly as good as mine," he announced, a teasing smile curling his lips. "Not bad for a city boy." Jim rolled his eyes and waved him off.
"Whatever. Miss Joanna says they're good, and hers the opinion that matters," Jim said. Joanna smiled around a mouthful of scrambled eggs and Jim wrinkled his nose. "Okay, but that's gross." Jo giggled and swallowed.
"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. As they finished their breakfast, Leonard caught Jim's eyes and raised his brows slightly, setting his coffee cup down. Jim knew what he was asking…who was going to start the conversation? Jim swallowed, forcing a bite of toast and eggs down, glad it was the last as his stomach tightened with nerves. Leonard got up and cleared their plates, leaving them in the sink with the pan. He rejoined them at the table, giving Jim an encouraging smile.
"So…Joanna. We, uh, we have something we want to tell you," Jim said. Joanna focused on them, swinging her feet back and forth.
"A surprise?" she asked.
"Well, it's news, Jo. Not really a surprise," Leonard answered quickly, not wanting her to be expecting something akin to the announcement about going to Disney.
"What's the news?" she asked, looking between them. Jim hesitated, and Leonard gave him a second to get started by pushing his chair back slightly.
"Come sit with me, Baby," he said. Jo slid off her chair and walked around to her father. He pulled her into his lap, and she settled sitting sideways against him, so he could see her face and she could see both of them. "Go ahead, Jim," Leonard said. Jim took a breath and went for it.
"You know how much I like playing with you, and spending time with you," Jim said, pausing when Joanna nodded.
"You're my friend," Joanna said, and Jim smiled, warmed at the core by the simple, heartfelt description.
"Yes I am. And you know that I really like your Daddy, too."
"You're Daddy's best friend!" Joanna said. "Like Janie's my best friend." Jim hesitated at that, eyes going to Leonard, unsure of how he wanted to handle explaining their actual relationship to her.
"Not quite, Darlin'. It's true that Jim's my best friend, but I also love him, and he loves me back," Leonard said.
"That's why you…kiss…like a mommy and daddy kiss…you're boyfriends," she said, wrinkling her nose and pulling her shoulders up slightly. Leonard smiled and nodded.
"That's right. Because we love each other," Jim confirmed. "And because we love each other, and because I love you, I'm going to move in, and live with you and your dad…here." Jim said, finishing a little awkwardly. Joanna sat quietly for a moment, looking between Jim and her father. Leonard could see that Jim was practically holding his breath, waiting for a reaction.
"What do you think about Jim living with us all the time, Jo?" Leonard prompted after a couple of seconds. She didn't look upset, but she didn't look all that happy either. She actually looked a little unsure, and he really wanted to know what she was thinking.
"He's going to live here all the time?" Joanna asked her father. Leonard nodded.
"Yeah, Baby. Jim's going to live here all the time," he replied. Joanna looked up at Jim, who smiled slightly, still nervous.
"But…I thought I was going to get a new mommy," Joanna said, obviously still trying to understand the relationship. Leonard saw Jim's smile slip as he glanced away from her, and under the table, he gently squeezed Jim's knee. Jo didn't sound upset…she really just sounded confused. As far as Leonard was concerned, this was still a good conversation. But he was very used to the way Joanna thought and processed information. Jim didn't have that familiarity quite yet, and he was nervous to begin with.
"Did somebody at school tell you about getting a new mommy?" Leonard asked, wanting to know where she was coming from. Joanna nodded. "Well, sometimes that happens, but there are a lot of different types of families. Sometimes there will be a new mommy. Sometimes there will only be a daddy and a daughter, like we were – just you and me. And sometimes, a daddy meets someone else, like Jim."
"So, there are two daddies?" Joanna asked, looking back at Jim, a small frown on her face. Leonard glanced at Jim and shook his head slightly.
"Jim loves you and is going to play with you and be your friend, and you have to listen to him like you have to listen to me, and he'll be your Uncle Jim, and I'm your daddy, just like always. Does that sound okay?" Joanna shrugged.
"I guess," she said. "But I never heard of there being two daddies who love each other like a mommy and daddy," she said, obviously still trying to understand the dynamic of their relationship, and not drawing the connecting line between "boyfriends" and the more permanent relationship.
Feeling a little better now that it was apparent to Jim that her hesitance wasn't about him specifically but about the situation in general, he reached out to gently squeeze her foot.
"It is different," Jim said. "But all that matters is that we love each other, we love you, and…"
"And I love you, and you," she said, pointing to each of them as she finished Jim's point.
"That's right, Baby. So, this week we're going to help Uncle Jim move in, okay? Want to help pack some boxes?"
"Okay – but I have a question," she said. Leonard nodded encouragingly. "Can I maybe have a little sister still, even if there's no mommy?" Joanna asked, looking at Jim. His eyes widened comically at that. He opened and closed his mouth, really not sure how to respond to that. He looked at Leonard, and he smiled, shrugging slightly.
"For right now, there's not going to be a little brother or sister. It's just going to be you, me and Jim," Leonard answered simply, not feeling the need to get any further into that.
"Oh. Okay," Jo said. Then she visibly brightened. "How 'bout a puppy?"
Leonard downloaded the charts of a couple of new referrals to his study from the hospital's secure docket management system. Because there was a rolling entry, he typically had one to two ALS patients referred to him every couple of months. Immediately following his presentation at the Orlando Neurological Conference, several referrals were made by physicians who had heard him speak. This was a fantastic development, because the more people involved the more concrete his results. Today he had quite a few charts to go through, and he was going to actually meet with one of the patients.
That was a bit unusual. Participants in his study were located throughout the country, and he typically didn't interact with the patients directly, working through the physicians who referred them. But this particular patient was local to the area, and her daughter had insisted that they meet. He really wasn't looking forward to this. After watching his father waste away to this disease, he found it difficult to hold onto that professional detachment that was imperative in situations like this. He had a feeling the patient's daughter was under the impression that there might be positive results for her mother as a result of the study, and that just wasn't the case right now. At this stage, he was really still just information gathering…cataloguing the breakdown of motorneurons and at which stage the damage can still be halted with safe doses of thalidomide. Very few patients were currently taking the doses of thalidomide, and though this patient was one of them, her deterioration was so far along that there was almost no chance that she would experience enough improvement to suspend the deterioration.
All of this had been very carefully explained several times, to both the patient and her daughter. He knew the patient understood, but Leonard could relate all to well to how the daughter was feeling…knew all about the urgent, compelling need to do something even in the face of overwhelmingly bad odds. So…he had a meeting with them, and he would do his best manage the daughter's expectations.
Reviewing the patient's chart, Leonard sighed and rubbed his eyes. This was really going to suck. Rebecca Sayer…only 52. Diagnosed 2 years ago. She was completely wheelchair bound, and was on total nursing care. Persistent dysphagia required a feeding tube be inserted three months ago, and over the last month her ability to talk had declined sharply. She was one of the late stage patients in the study, and Leonard knew she was close to needing to be put on a ventilator.
This was the hardest, worst part of this insidious disease...her body was shutting down, but her mind was still intact. Inside the shell of the late-stage ALS patient was a vital, intelligent woman who had written code for Google. And there still was nothing Leonard could do to really help her.
This was really going to suck.
Gathering himself behind the shield of "professional detachment" as best he could, Leonard headed out of his office and to the neurology wing of the hospital. Leaving early enough to not have to rush through the huge facility, he took a rather circuitous route, grateful for the time to go over what he wanted to discuss with them, and more personal things he could share with the daughter. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear the older man trying to get his attention, and he started slightly when a hand fell on his shoulder from behind.
"Mark," Leonard said, when he turned. "I'm sorry…I was in another world."
"No problem," he said, falling into step beside him. "I'm glad I ran into you. So, you know that friend you asked me to see tomorrow? With the shoulder issue?" Leonard nodded.
"Yeah. We'll be there at two o'clock. And, hey, thanks again for fitting him in on such short notice." Mark waved the thanks away.
"Happy to do it, but that's what I wanted to talk to you about. My office manager updated my calendar this morning, and she'd removed the appointment, with the note that the patient had cancelled without rescheduling." Leonard stopped in his tracks, and Mark went a couple of steps beyond him before realizing it.
"What?" Leonard asked. "He cancelled? What the hell?" Leonard muttered, annoyed that Jim would do something like that without at least letting him know. Especially since he knew there was no real reason for him to have cancelled the appointment. Not afraid of doctors…my ass. Leonard caught up to Mark and they continued down the hallway.
"Do you still have that time slot available, Mark?"
"Yes…I told Lisa to hold the time…should I put him back on?"
"Please. Do you want me to call your office?"
"Nope, not necessary," he replied, pulling out a phone that looked much too slim to be anything of any use. "I can do it from here." They paused at an intersection of hallways, needing to go in different directions from there.
"Mark, thanks," Leonard said, shaking his hand firmly. "We'll be there. I owe you."
Jim sat back on his heels, capping the Sharpie he used to mark the box with his psychology textbooks. After breakfast, he and Joanna had headed to his place and started the task of figuring out what to bring and what to give away. It'd been a while since Jim had cleaned out his closet and drawers, so he was using this opportunity to separate the clothes he wanted to keep from the stuff he was going to donate, and he'd given Joanna the simple task of separating the pile of stuff to giveaway into types of clothing – jeans, pants, shorts, t-shirts, and so on – and put each of the smaller piles into garbage bags. He planned on taking a quick trip to Goodwill to drop off as much as he could later on.
He watched her work as she picked up and sorted item after item. They'd talked and joked at first, but she got quiet pretty quickly, and Jim couldn't help but worry. He wondered how much of what they discussed this morning was the cause for this less- gregarious version of the little girl. Bones had tried to assuage his concern the best he could, but Jim kept playing her comments over in his head. Though by the end of the conversation she'd seemed okay, it was obvious, to Jim at least, that Joanna was having a hard time understanding what was happening to her family.
As Jo stuffed the last few pieces of clothing into their correct bags, she turned to Jim, a smile on her face that made him smile back. She was being quiet, but her mood seemed to be pretty upbeat.
"I'm done!" she announced. "What else do we have to do?" Jim looked around…they'd managed to finish quite a bit today. His bookcases were packed, clothes sorted, and he'd started to go through the storage closet that held bits and pieces acquired during the course of his life, most of it leftover from him mom's house in Iowa that was sold after she passed away.
There really wasn't all that much more to do…Jim had never been one to collect stuff for the sake of having it, and this apartment was really the first place he'd been settled without a roommate for longer than a semester or two of school since he left for college at eighteen. His life had been pretty free…of things, of people, of responsibility to anyone except for himself…and as a result he didn't have many material things he cared a whole lot about. Firmly quelling a little spike of panic…Oh, shit…what the hell am I doing?…he turned to Joanna, who was looking at him expectantly.
"We worked so fast, I think we're done in here for today," he said. "Let's go get some lunch, and then we'll drop off the clothes that we're giving away. Sound good?" Joanna nodded, pulling her flip-flops back on.
"I'm hungry," she said. "Where are we going to eat?" Jim stood and gathered the bags of clothes to give away.
"I don't know…where do you feel like eating?" he asked.
"Umm…how 'bout Chik-Fil-A?" she suggested innocently. Jim paused in what he was doing to look over at her with a knowing smile. Joanna loved the indoor playground, and because of that the fast-food restaurant was a once-in-a-blue-moon treat. Leonard didn't like for her to eat food like that very often, which she very well knew. But if there ever was a good day for a treat like that, today was it.
"That sounds like a good idea to me!"
As the sun was setting, Leonard pulled into his designated spot, noting that Jim's car was there, too. He sighed and leaned his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes. He needed to take a moment to shake off the low mood that had clung to him since this afternoon. He didn't want to bring it into the house. Today had been a hard day at the hospital…seeing Mrs. Sayer and her daughter had brought back a lot of the painful memories and emotions he associated with seeing his father go through that, and watching his mother suffer too, as she watched the man she loved waste away before her eyes.
And Jim had gone and cancelled the appointment…without telling him…when he knew he'd asked Mark as a favor to fit him in. That rankled Leonard, and he knew he was more annoyed about it than he normally would be because of everything else. He took a deep breath and focused on the two people waiting for him…his daughter and Jim…the two best things he had in his life. He and Jim obviously needed to talk, and he wanted to see how Joanna was doing…make sure everything was still sitting okay with her, and her biggest concern was still whether or not she was ever going to get that puppy.
Gathering his briefcase and the couple of grocery bags, he headed into the apartment, setting the car's alarm over his shoulder. Pausing in the entryway, he listened for a clue as to where Jim and Joanna were. The house was quiet, but he could hear water running in the tub. Jim must be giving Joanna a bath.
Smiling to himself, he headed to the kitchen to deposit the bags, and took in the set table. Apparently, they were waiting for him to have dinner. It smelled good…Jim had a couple of pots on the stove, and a quick peak confirmed his suspicions. Some of the spaghetti sauce Leonard kept in the freezer was simmering quietly, and the water in the other was just coming to a boil over medium heat. Leonard pulled some ravioli out of the freezer and dumped it in the pot, leaving the cover off so it wouldn't boil over. Checking the oven, he saw that Jim had put some garlic bread on a baking sheet that was just waiting for the oven to be turned on. With everything for their dinner working, he went to say hello and change into clothes that didn't have the hospital's scent clinging to them.
"Hey guys," Leonard said, leaning against the doorway, a smile pulling at his lips. Joanna was giggling in the tub, a mound of bubbles piled on her head and others all around her, and Jim was wiping water from his face.
"Hi Daddy!" Joanna said brightly. "I accidentally splashed Uncle Jim."
"Accidentally my foot, you silly goof," Jim replied, laughter in his voice. He stood and leaned towards Leonard, giving him a quick kiss. "Hey Bones," he said. "How was your day?" Jim studied his eyes and could see he was doing his best to leave something behind. Leonard shrugged.
"Eh. About what I expected it to be. How are you doing? I saw some boxes in the library…did you get a lot done?"
"Yeah, Daddy," Jo piped up from the tub. "Uncle Jim said we did really good." Jim nodded, confirming.
"Should be done before Friday," he added. Leonard smiled fully. That was great news. As far as he was concerned the sooner the better.
"Fantastic. Well, I finished what you started in the kitchen, so everything's cooking. Let me change, and we'll eat."
Later that night, after they had eaten, the kitchen was cleaned up, and Joanna was put to bed, Leonard eyed Jim as he sat at the end of couch. They were watching an episode of The Mentalist…or, Jim was. Leonard was brooding. He hadn't wanted to bring it up while Joanna was around, but he still hadn't said anything about canceling the appointment, and he was starting to really get annoyed about it again. He didn't want to let himself get worked up about it…because they really did need to talk about this, and that wouldn't happen if they were arguing.
"Jim," he said, waiting for him to look over at him. "We need to talk." Jim swallowed and nodded, having a good idea about what. He'd been planning to bring it up…but with the talk with Joanna this morning, and the fact that Leonard had looked stressed earlier, made him put it off. He sat up and snagged the remote control, turning the TV off. Jim sat facing Leonard and started to apologize, but Leonard was quicker.
"So, I bumped into Mark – Dr. Garrett, the ortho guy, today…"
"I know, I'm sorry," Jim said quickly. "I meant to tell you earlier, but I forgot about it this morning, and I didn't want to bother you at work." He paused, and Leonard simply looked at him, eyebrows raised as he waited for an explanation. Jim squirmed slightly and looked away before making himself meet Leonard's eyes again. "I just figured we should get through this week…with the move and everything…and make an appointment later on." Leonard kept his eyes on Jim, and recognized that he was hearing a half-truth here. Jim couldn't even hold his gaze – and he was a terrible liar. There was something else going on, and whatever it was, Jim didn't want to share it.
Leonard wasn't sure how he felt about that. He could easily understand the desire to keep certain things private, but this could have a direct impact on Jim's health, and he just couldn't let that go. "Jim," he said after a moment. "Whatever it is, I hope you know you can tell me. I love you…nothing is going to change that." He paused and reached for Jim, moving closer to him on the couch. He took Jim's hand and squeezed it gently. "I told Mark to put the appointment back on the books. You and I both know there's really no reason to put off going, unless there's something you're not telling me. And in that case, I want to do whatever I can do to help. I love you, I care about you. I don't want you to be in pain, and I don't want you to feel like you can't share something that is obviously… important…to you. So…can you tell me what's up?"
Jim sighed and looked back up at Bones. He was looking at Jim with such love and such concern. And Jim knew that he'd had a hard day because of meeting with a patient, and here he was, worried about why he'd cancelled an appointment. He squeezed his eyes closed, and sagged back against the couch. His mouth was suddenly very dry, and he found he practically had to force the words out. But he was going to. After everything that Bones had trusted him with, it was stupid to feel like this was something he had to hold on to.
"I don't like to talk about this," he said lowly, keeping his eyes focused on a point in front of him. "I'm not that kid anymore…I know you understand that, though." He paused and flicked his eyes to Bones, who nodded. Yeah, he could definitely understood that sentiment.
"When I…remember I told you about driving the car off the cliff?" Leonard nodded.
"Yes, I do," Leonard replied. It was actually something he'd wondered about often…how he'd managed to escape that little stunt without being hurt. But Jim hadn't offered any other information, and Leonard had gotten the distinct impression that further inquiry was not welcome.
"I came this close to not bailing in time to save myself," Jim said, holding his thumb and forefinger less than half an inch apart. "And I was hurt pretty badly. Broken fingers, a fractured wrist, ruptured spleen, smacked my head, couple of other things." He paused and took a deep breath. Leonard tried to control his reaction to that news, but it was difficult. The head and spleen could have been devastating injuries. Needing to do something, Leonard moved closer to him, and Jim immediately leaned into him, grateful for the strength he was sharing. He took a breath and continued. "Mom was out of the state, Frank was in no condition to do anything, and a cop had just watched me nearly kill myself. I don't remember much, except waking up and there being all these people around me, and I hurt so bad, and at the time I didn't remember why. They cut off my clothes, held me down when I struggled…I think I was screaming…" he paused again and shuddered, remembering feeling absolutely helpless and terrified. "I really just remember people shouting, then people in surgical masks. And then I woke up somewhere I didn't recognize. They'd put me in restraints because of how much I'd struggled before, and they were keeping me slightly sedated to keep me calm. But I wasn't calm…I was so scared and angry."
He stopped again and Leonard wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. "Jim, you should never have gone through that. They should never have treated you that way…of course you were scared. How long was it before your mother was able to get to you?" Feeling secure in Leonard's embrace, Jim rested his head on his shoulder, and shrugged slightly.
"I didn't know it at the time, but I was Baker Acted because the cop reported what I'd done as an aborted suicide attempt. But it really wasn't Bones. I didn't intend to kill myself. I just…wasn't thinking about anything except how much I hated that Frank kept drinking. I didn't want to die, I swear."
"I believe that Jim, I absolutely do," Leonard assured him, letting his hand stroke gently and comfortingly over Jim's back. Obviously this point was very important to him, and he wanted to make sure that Jim knew he didn't doubt that the child he'd been wasn't suicidal. They sat quietly for a moment until Jim was ready to continue again.
"Recovery took a while…about a week before I could stand without having vertigo or being in pain. Then, when I was off the pain meds and more lucid, I was stuck on a thirty-six hour hold for observation and counseling. I don't really remember when my mom finally got there. Sometime in the first three days, I think – everything was so foggy for so long." He pulled back and met Leonard's eyes. "I understand everything that was happening now, but back then, I had no idea what was going on. The pain meds made me loopy and confused, and I didn't remember what the nurses were telling me. And then I refused to talk to anyone…and they wouldn't let me out until my mom could prove that we would be looked after properly, that she would be around, since Frank wasn't fit to be a caretaker. Everything was such a mess for such a long time…it's just hard to leave all that behind, you know? And…I guess I still feel a little…scared."
Jim pulled back and Leonard let him go, understanding better now where Jim was coming from and his extreme reluctance and lingering fear towards anything medical. But that was then, and this was nothing like that, and Jim needed to be able to move forward so that he could take care of himself.
"That was a terrible experience, Jim. So much shouldn't have happened the way it did, and I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. But you're not that child, incapable of making medical decisions for himself. You're an adult, who has to give consent for medical procedures, or they won't happen. Nothing like that will ever happen to you again. And I'll be there, whenever you want me to be. Okay?"
Jim nodded, leaning forward into Bones again, wanting the security he felt when they were together. He still felt trepidation about the upcoming appointment, but as long as Bones was there he would get through it.
"Okay."