This chapter,, was so hard to write. But here it is, and I'm very happy with the way it turned out! A relieving feeling tbh. So. Ye. Enjoy!
"The flowers bloom and the moon waxes,
And we repainted the landscape again,
That you were here, the warmth of your body,
Will be forgotten and cool someday.
That's all it will be."
Outside, the snow was raging in wild howls against the trees, blanketing the ground in all-consuming white. Kaito busied himself with staring at it, at the sticky snowflakes that draped themselves across his window and blocked him from seeing much further than a few feet.
It was better than looking at the disgusted scowl twisting across Megumi's features...not that he blamed her for it. He'd invited her over after rehearsals to discuss matters involving the course of the future. They hadn't expected it to snow, a mistake on their part considering it never really stopped snowing anymore, and Kaito was at fault for trapping Megumi inside his home until the storm blew over.
She was so peeved that they'd made little to no progress whatsoever, and Gumi had been there for over a half an hour. The best Kaito had done was fire up the heaters and make some hot cocoa ("I won't drink tea," Megumi had said upon his offering) that he was now languidly sipping from a bright pink mug as he wrapped a blanket tighter around his shoulders.
"Bakaito," Megumi hissed from across the table. He winced; he'd grown fond of the nickname when it came from Meiko, but with Megumi it was foreign. Hostile, even. He didn't like it. "Pay attention, would you? We have work to do."
"Right, sorry," he muttered. He glanced away from the window to face her, setting his mug gently onto the kitchen table.
Megumi was busy tapping her pencil irritably against the pad of stark white paper in front of her, brow drawn across her forehead in concentration. She swiped her tongue over her bottom lip, sucked in a deep breath, and shook her head. "Where the Hell do we even start?"
"Um." Kaito cocked his head at her, shrugging half-heartedly. The clock latched upon the wall ticked by with a growing halter to its beats. The steady thrum of tick, tick, tick had become a somber tick...tick... that he could no longer find among his own thoughts. "This year...last time...What do we know happened?"
Scratching at the back of her head, Megumi narrowed her eyes upon the paper and grit her teeth. "Nothing important happened, I don't...think. Hatsune started up Epoxy Lips, you and I didn't join then, they got really popular." Her expression darkened. "Rin and Len's...abuse situation worsened a lot."
"As it has been now."
"...Mn." Megumi hunched her shoulders and jotted a few notes down in between the college-ruled lines of the paper. Her penmanship was as untamed as a rabid animal. "Is that all?"
"Maybe. We can always come back to it. So...the next year."
"The next year," Gumi confirmed, her voice softer. "My parents died in a car accident. At that time, I was dating Okunuma, and had no Goddamned idea he was part of a fucking gang. He invited me to join him, and I did, because what else was I gonna do? Not like I had anywhere else to go."
"...Right," Kaito said slowly. He took a hesitant sip of his cocoa and peered at Megumi through his bangs, one eyebrow raised.
She shifted in her rickety wooden chair, groaning in distress. "I really liked Rin at the time. So much, man. You'd never understand." She scribbled something else just as Kaito thought, I don't think that's true. "But if I dumped Okunuma he'd boot me from the gang, and I'd be homeless or forced into an orphanage or...I don't know. Fuck. Something bad. Something real bad."
"So...you cheated on him with Rin. And he found out. And he...He killed her. He killed the both of you." When Megumi's jade eyes shot up to glare at him, he instinctively looked away. The vision still hadn't fled him; everywhere he turned there was the lingering scent of blood that made him weak in the knees and nauseous.
His companion sighed, glancing away, all signs of malice having dissipated. "Yeah," she said. "Sorry you had to see that, by the way."
"You're alive again, though. That's good, huh?"
She mellowed out completely and said nothing.
Kaito swallowed down the lump in his throat, a climbing sense of fear building in his chest. He tried to breathe evenly, but it was a persistent struggle. He eventually managed to say, "So that's all you know, huh?"
"Yep. All of it." Gumi glanced up in between rapid strokes of her pencil and scoffed. "Minus you transferring right before our graduating year and missing fuckin' all of this."
"Yeah. Right. Um—my turn," Kaito blurted, desperate to change the subject. Megumi was extremely sensitive to the fact that he'd left. The last few jabs she'd taken at him had been to proclaim that if he hadn't, maybe Rin would have lived in that last timeline. Maybe they all would have.
He didn't want to believe that. He didn't want to believe he was the cause for things he couldn't control.
"So...Megurine grew up to be a detective. She lived close to me, and she was working on Rin's case. Rumor had it that Okunuma tried to, you know...But he ended up getting Hatsune instead. He fled before he could finish the job," Kaito explained. "Then I met Len; older Len. He told me about Rin, and I invited him to stay at my place, and then it turned out Okunuma killed him too, and now I'm here."
"Now we're here," Megumi corrected. Kaito huffed out a laugh, but his companion wasn't amused. He faked it as a cough into his sleeve.
Once Gumi had finished writing whatever she felt had been necessary to write, she bit the inside of her cheek roughly and said, "We have everything we need. Probably. This is the big stuff."
"Unless you want to count the fact Len and Sukone got engaged last time, and then Len broke it off."
"What." Megumi's eyes pierced straight into Kaito's soul when she looked up, nearly sending him flying off of his seat. A shiver rushed from the tip of his spine to his fingertips as they wrapped around the bottom of his chair securely. "And you never told me this? Until just now?"
"Hasn't really come up in conversation," Kaito muttered, his entire face heating a thousand degrees.
Arms crossed indignantly under her chest, Megumi emitted the bland vibe of aggravation and impatience.
With a sigh, Kaito relented. "Look, it wasn't that big of a deal, it's just...They're dating now, and he didn't seem happy in the future, and..." He slumped his forehead into the cusp of his hand. "I don't know."
"You want to break them up?" Megumi suggested with a snort of contempt.
Kaito should have been startled at the accusation, but in all honestly, he wasn't. He'd known that their relationship made him feel awkward and jealous for awhile now. He'd known that of course he wanted them to break up, wanted Len to maybe, just maybe, dance with him again, instead of always having to fill the spaces where he once could have been in with her.
"I do," he said, covering his face with his hands. "I seriously do."
"Hm. Interesting." There was the sound of scribbling again, and Kaito removed his face visor, frowning. Just as he told her to please not record that, she intercepted, "I understand the feeling. Back in the last timeline, I never wanted Okunuma to like Yuzuki. But he did." She rolled her eyes. "He still does. The fool never learns."
"Has...has that changed? I mean, do you not...want him to like her anymore?"
"Yeah, it's changed. Duh. My life'll be a fuck load of a lot easier if she just says yes to him instead of sending him to crawl back to me every time he faces the wrath of her rejection. It's so annoying."
"Beats being lonely."
He startled a laugh out of her. It was a broken sort of laugh, the kind that isn't induced by humor. Dry and aching and cracked. He disliked that more than he liked the way she said "Bakaito".
"You're right there, nitwit. I'll give you that," Megumi mused under her breath.
Not exactly enjoying where the conversation was headed, Kaito cleared his throat and said, "Our initiatives?"
"Right." Dismissively waving and tucking a strand behind her ear, Gumi gazed at the long list she'd scrawled over the paper, concentration full and heavy in the silence. "One: Keep my parents from dying. How we're gonna do that, I...I dunno." She frowned, eyes skimming a line. "Two: Get that Kamui fuck thrown in jail, where he belongs. Free the Kagamines of their inane torture. Three: Have Yuzuki and Okunuma date. Get them out of my life. Four: Break up Len and Sukone for good. Five: Make sure Epoxy Lips does kickass at the gig tomorrow."
"So, basically, keep everybody happy," Kaito said.
"Not everybody. Never everybody," Megumi replied. She looked at him directly, suddenly more serious and more determined than Kaito had ever seen her in his life. "We're not heroes, got it? We're not here to make everyone feel better. Just the people we care about. The people we love."
"That's...unfair."
Megumi scowled. For the first time in minutes, she snatched her hot cocoa, now cold and more like creamy chocolate milk, and took a long swig of it. "Life is unfair. For Christ's sake, you should get this by now."
He glanced away, and she set her mug on the table, eyes narrowed into slits. "We're not heroes, Shion. Get that into your peanut-sized brain before I smack it in there. Okay? No one's gonna write novels about us when we get out of this. No one's gonna remember us for what we did. What we changed. No one's gonna look at us any differently," Megumi said firmly.
"We're not the heroes. If we were, then this wouldn't be our situation."
She was right. Kaito knew beyond all hope that she was right, a normalcy that was starting to drive him up the wall. Even so, he wanted more than anything to be the hero. He wanted to go against her words, wanted to sacrifice his own happiness for everyone else's.
But sometimes heroes don't have the leisure of getting everything they want, either.
Sometimes heroes can be as useless as normal, everyday people, and maybe that's the way it's always meant to be.
You can't save everyone.
The venue was packed full to the brim, nearly overflowing.
Kaito hadn't expected Miku to go this all-out with advertisements and eager invitations, but she had a way of surprising him. She had a way of surpassing his expectations in every way imaginable, and it brought a smile to his face when he caught her eyeing the hordes of people gathered in the cafe with a huge grin on her face.
He sidled up beside her, elbowing her in the ribs.
Beaming, she whirled around on her heel to face him. Sunlight radiated off her not from the open window behind her that betrayed nothing of the snowstorm the day previous, but simply from her soul. Miku could easily be the sun itself sometimes...as could, now that Kaito thought about it again, Len. And Rin.
Kaito didn't know what it was about himself that attracted suns and stars and moons that caused a supernova ad nauseam. Somehow he found himself utterly grateful for it.
"Kai-kun, look at how many people showed up!" Miku squealed, bobbing up and down eagerly on her heels. She looked close to tears, her lips quivering with the weight of her smile.
"How many flyers did you put out this time?"
Miku's giddy grin turned mischievous. She winked and tapped a finger to her temple. "That's my little secret," she said.
"When are we on?" Kaito asked, rocking back on his heels. He briefly scanned the area, trying to find any glimpses of yellow and silver bobbing through the crowd. Coming up empty, he repressed a frown and wheeled toward Miku again.
"Half an hour!" Miku replied. She rose to her tiptoes, peering over Kaito's shoulder toward the stage, her pale, slender fingers outstretched and bouncing at her hips. "The others are setting up, right?"
"Probably not," Kaito said with a shrug. He spared a glance toward the stage, stepping back to allow Miku the same access. To neither of their surprise, there was little much of anything going on, other than Megumi berating Piko for parading around with Ritsu clinging onto his back, and Luka looking only mildly frustrated when the boys tripped into the speakers and Megumi let out a loud, agonizing screech of misery.
Miku sighed, but she wasn't appalled in the slightest. If anything, she was pleased, smiling at the mayhem that was their band. "We should probably go help," she said. Kaito didn't have the chance to agree or disagree; she was already dashing off to the stage, squawking out commands with Luka's attention immediately enraptured.
Kaito didn't think he'd ever get how she had that effect on people.
He shook his head and started to follow after her when a rough hand clamped his shoulder and spun him around so quickly he thought he was going to lose his balance and topple onto the floor. Instead of meeting a face-full of glossy tile, he saw only vibrant sanguine eyes and a chipper, endlessly sarcastic smirk teased with a hint of irritation. Nothing new there, Kaito figured, and the familiarity heaved a breath of relief from out of him.
"I don't think I've talked to you in, what, ten years?" Meiko joked. She flicked Kaito's temple, her short brown hair bobbing as she did so.
"I've been busy," Kaito mumbled, rubbing at the sore spot on his forehead. Meiko was grinning at him, and try as he might, there was no resisting reciprocating the action. "Not that I've missed you, of course."
"Agreed," Meiko scoffed, crossing her arms over chest. The glitter in her eyes was unfathomably playful. "In other news...the fair is coming around in a few weeks, and even if I totally didn't miss you, my mom and I might need some extra hands again this year, if you're interested." For half a moment, Meiko's expression faltered from its mordant sneering as if to say, And if you're not still busy.
It made him want to tell her. Explain to her that those seemingly thousands of weeks ago when she'd been tugging him through the snow toward school, he'd just been dragged through the past to stand in a place he'd stood in eleven years ago. He could tell her, right now, he really could.
But it wasn't the place, and it certainly wasn't the time. Too crowded, too dense. Not enough space to breathe.
Worst yet, there was the chance she might not believe him, and Kaito couldn't risk that as his clarification as to why he hadn't been spending much time with her lately. I've just been trying to figure out how to save lives, sorry, wouldn't sit very well with Meiko, so Kaito said, "Why wouldn't I be interested? I do it every year, Mei."
She brightened instantaneously, flashing a sharp and toothy smile. "That's what I was hoping you'd say!" she laughed, giving him a playful punch to the bicep. It probably wasn't supposed to hurt, but it did.
"Bakaito," Meiko added after a heartbeat, her smile teetering on the verge of a concerned frown, "y'know, if something's bugging ya, you can talk to me about it, yeah?" She tousled his bangs sweetly. "I care about you."
"I know that," Kaito said, amazed that she could still read him like a book, always could. "And I care about you, too. A lot."
"Good, then!" Meiko said, and her sweet tousling of bangs turned into a noogie that had Kaito screeching shamelessly. A few passing girls looked at him and giggled, but the cheeky vibes rolling off Meiko in waves that reminded him so much of everything he'd been missing lately made it so worth it. "Don't screw up and embarrass me and our friendship, dingus, whatever you do!" she cried, knuckles digging into him ruthlessly.
Eventually, when his scalp was aching and he'd had enough humiliation to bear even for Meiko's sake, Kaito twisted, shoved at her abdomen, and wriggled free of her choke-hold, dusting himself off. "I won't mess up, I won't mess up!" he groaned. He hadn't yet so there was really no reason to why he would now.
"I know you won't," Meiko said, then added with reluctance, "kinda." He pouted, but she thumped his chest with a laugh. "Kidding! I'm kidding, you big dork. Kidding. Even if you are the biggest klutz around-,"
"Mei!" Kaito whined, only to get the response of eliciting more laughter from Meiko rather than stopping it.
"M'kay, m'kay," she finally relented, vigorous slope of the lips unhalting. "I've bothered you enough, eh? You've gotta band waitin' for you to help out and that mocha I had Len order me ain't gonna stay hot forever."
"Len?" Kaito said without fault, mood spiking through the roof at the mention.
Meiko said, "Yeah. Len," with a sudden speculation about her attitude, as if she was seeing right through his excitement over Len just like she did his neglect toward things involving anything other than the twins, Miku and Megumi. "He and Rin hitched a ride over from Sukone and her parents, apparently." Meiko rolled her eyes, carding a tan hand through her hair, sending it in every direction until it slowly began to settle again. "I didn't really wanna join them but it was better than sitting by myself."
Beats being lonely.
"They're fun," Kaito promised, smirking, "and you and Len get along so well."
Meiko snorted, but that mischief hadn't yet left her features. "Don't start that crap with me, asshat."
Behind them, Megumi bellowed something that sounded like, "Damnit, Hatsune, where in fuck's name did you put my guitar?!" Kaito took that breezily as a cue to check on the situation.
"I should go, Mei. I'll catch up to you later!"
"You'd better," Meiko said. Then she did something she rarely did and drew Kaito in for a hug. It was quick and limp, but with heartfelt emotion, and when they parted, Meiko was blushing fiercely, but her sharp incisor still poked out of her smile. "Good luck, Kai. Rock their socks off for me, got it?"
"Got it," Kaito said with a nod. He awkwardly stepped back, and Meiko did the same, waving, which gave him the courage to turn around and sprint off toward the stage before he could see Meiko make the move first.
It was ten minutes until showtime, the stage was officially set up, Miku was delivering an inspirational speech, and Rin, as their manager, was checking things off on a wad of paper tacked neatly against the clipboard she had one lanky arm coiled around. Her eyelids were sagging with exhaustion, lips tugged into not quite a frown, but nothing of a smile, either. Kaito had noticed this when she'd first departed from Len, Tei and Meiko's shared table to the bathroom, and then to the stage.
He'd drawn the conclusion that perhaps she was ill, but that didn't seem fitting. Nothing he thought of did, really, and it was setting shivers up his spine, casting him in the illumination of bad-spirited feelings as he attempted to tune he and Gumi's guitars with flimsy, fumbling fingers.
"We're going to do our best, right everybody?" Miku cooed, shoulders raising excitedly toward her jaw, fingers pushed into a gun by her lips. "This gig is going to be rather different in comparison to our last one, we know that, but we can't let nerves- or antics-" she shot Piko and Ritsu a glare, and they beamed, and soon enough, she caved, too "-get the better of us, understand? We're going to blow everyone here away! They won't be able to stop talking about us for weeks! Months, even! Right, Rin?!"
Miku made to pat Rin on the back, but the blonde flinched out of the way with a wince. Her clipboard clattered uselessly to the ground, her palms glistening with noticeable sweat in the artificially produced light of the cafe.
"Rin?" Miku said uncertainly, but Rin was barely listening. She was off somewhere else, blue eyes dull. And then, all at once, she snapped back into her own mind, glanced over her shoulder toward what Kaito knew had to have been Len's table (he wasn't paying attention; he was absolutely engrossed in whatever it was Tei was saying), and scooped her clipboard fluently off the floor.
Miku extended a hand again, retracted it, and echoed, more softly this time, "Rin?"
"Yeah, we're going to do great," Rin said. She didn't remove her eyes from the checklist she'd been working on for a very long time. When she finally did, her expression was that of a mourner at a funeral, smiling through tears they wouldn't dare shed. "I'm fine, by the way. I didn't sleep much last night."
Kaito could feel Megumi tense beside him, and his heart clenched, an icy fist wrapped around it. Just as he went to offer something, anything, Megumi rose to her feet.
"You're pale. Let's get you some water," she said, hopping off the stage and taking Rin by the wrist without giving her a second to argue. They disappeared into the crowd, and Kaito watched, unsure of what else to do. This was something he wouldn't expect from Megumi...not yet, at least. She said she'd been aiming to avoid Rin, to keep her safe.
But Kaito wasn't so certain that was her objective anymore. By the grave relevance on her countenance as she'd left, there was little trying to deny the statement.
Miku shot Kaito a helpless look. He shrugged, panic building in his stomach.
With no words remaining to speak, he shifted his attention back to the taut strings of his guitars, strummed a G chord, and let the sound resonate deep within him. It said quietly, All is well.
It wasn't.
The manager of Jorujin's was a brunette that went by the name of Tonio and spoke in song rather than words. He was almost overly theatric, especially when Rin had dropped her pen on the ground and he'd swept down to obtain it and offer it to her like a rose.
Megumi was poised for murder by then, teeth gnashing together vehemently, chiseling them into dust. She avoided the man's gaze, using her pick to bear down viciously on the fourth string of her guitar until it came seconds from snapping. Flower had to lean over the drum kit snatch Gumi's wrist, prying it away from the guitar with a mutter of bolstering fortitude.
"We haven't had a live performance in quite some time," Tonio was saying as Kaito tuned vaguely back into what he was so prominently preaching. His hands were gesturing all over the place, unable to remain still. "You seven are bound to blow my mind away, truly. I believe it."
"Thank you!" Miku said brightly. "We won't disappoint."
"I know you won't," Tonio said, and with that clapped his hands together loudly to announce, "Take it away, Epoxy Lips!"
Miku blinked, cocking her head dumbly to the side. "Huh?"
But Tonio was already gone, worming his way into the back room with unsurprising agility. There was no introduction, no declaration; just the good to go, the stage lights flickering on above them, igniting them with the vivacious glow of pure gold and subtle orange.
"So we just…" Miku bit her lip and slid behind her keyboard, adjusting the microphone hooked to the back of its base. She cleared her throat and tapped the microphone once; feedback screamed through the speakers at each corner of the cafe, sending multiple bothered glances their way.
"You've got their attention," Luka offered helpfully from where she was standing beside Kaito. He stifled a laugh as she continued, "Come on, babe, now's your chance."
The energy- the sparks -from being called babe by Luka sent Miku into an enthusiastic frenzy of bubbling words and phrases that melded together to create something so naturally her. "Hello there, and welcome all of Jorujin's! Thanks for coming out this fine afternoon, we really appreciate it. And, uh. If you just came here on accident and were one hundred astonished by the fact we were here, that's cool, too!" She winked, and the same gaggle of girls that had laughed at Kaito and Meiko earlier laughed again.
Relief spread across Miku's features, making it easier for her to speak. "We're Epoxy Lips, and this is Fifth!"
Miku gave a three count with her fingers, thrust an arm in Flower's direction, and let the percussionist take the lead like they knew she would always be able to do.
Once the beat he'd been waiting for hit, Kaito drew his pick down the strings of his guitar, flowing effortlessly from chord to chord as, beside him, Luka closed her eyes and let music of her bass overwhelm her, pink hair elegantly braided over her shoulder, Miku ogling it behind her keyboard, lips pursed.
Flower's voice suddenly rang off the stage, the perfect volume from over the steady taps against her drums. She was on fire, radiating a sort of symphony that had the crowd grooving over the din of their conversations, nodding their heads, tapping their feet, smiling. Smiling as if this was what they'd been waiting for all of their lives.
Megumi strummed into the song, her fingers delicately tracing over her strings without a pick, as nimble as ever. Cautious, even. She was pliant, engulfed in what she was doing, swallowed whole, matching the tempo Flower was setting.
And then the sudden explosive climax that had the audience gasping for breath, attention fixed on the stage like moths drawn to lamps. "Aaaa, whoa!" This was Flower's debut, her moment, and as her wrists flicked this way and that, her voice rose, deafening and silencing. "Iranai haizai no yama ni, umoreta garakuta da sabireta koe de sekai e shimese!"
The chorus dropped out, Miku and Ritsu's background vocals fading, leaving the steady pace of Flower's drumming constant, her chest wavering with her inhales. Kaito focused not on spotting Len in the crowd like he so desperately wanted to do, but simply on his motions. His every stroke's impact.
He was so zoned in on these details that the whir of Flower's ability rushed past him into the four minute mark guitar streak; he subsided, and Megumi took over as if she owned the place, Kaito supporting her, Luka carried away in her own soothing sounds.
The screaming of the guitar dispatched, degenerating back into the starting melody line with Luka's bass far louder, and then gone, and then only the drums were going, light, tenacious, soft picks against a single guitar's strings as Flower's final lyrics spoke to the audience:
"Sono mama seijaku no kan'oke ni, dokoka tōku hanareta basho e."
There was applause. And a Hell of a lot of it, at that. Kaito lifted his head, hands throbbing, sweat staining his brow and dripping from his chin to his collarbone. He wiped at it with the thin scarf his outfit stated he be adorned in, catching his breath until Megumi tapped his ankle with her heel and said, "Nice, dude."
Her compliment ricocheted like a bullet in the exhausted space of his brain. It went appreciated but all the same ignored in reality, as Kaito was already bracing himself for the next song. Mahou, thankfully. Something they were more familiar with.
And after would be one of Kaito's originals, and he wasn't so sure he was ready for that.
Two minutes of rearranging passed, the cafe customers and attendees and baristas speaking to each other in hushed voices.
Kaito still couldn't find Len.
Once everything had been precisely organized, Miku didn't do any introducing; she just raised a finger and that was all it took.
Kaito picked three muffled chords, and Mahou poured its life and soul into the world a second time from a band now finding recognition.
It was strange this time, incredibly strange. Although the music was flowing smoothly and Miku and Piko's (they'd decided to change it up this time around) combined voices blended perfectly, the crowd spoke over them, as Kaito supposed he'd known they would all along. The thing about live events in cafes was it was white noise, a hum hidden behind their ears to occasionally zoom fully into.
Mahou ended with much less applause than Fifth, not that anyone really cared or minded. As the show progressed, attention would only continue to fade, grow, fade- a cycle of repetition.
"Thank you! Thank you," Miku said into the microphone, breathing heavily. She scratched at her throat and continued, "Next up, we have a very...important song. An original, written by our very own Shion Kaito!"
It was that proclamation that drew Kaito's gaze right to Len. He had his fingers entwined with Tei's on the surface of the table, her cheek slumped on his shoulder, and Kaito felt as sick as Rin looked for a heartbeat. He abruptly scanned another area of the cafe, finding Mayu in her apron and nametag hunched over the countertop speaking quietly to Fukase, and near them, Roro with Yukari and Aria, each sipping a different colorful drink. And among them, strangers piled upon strangers.
Anxiety hit Kaito for the first time, and he wasn't quite sure why. He bit it back, he bit it all back, so Miku could say, "Our third gift to you, Your Temperature!"
The way Miku and Flower worked this song was enthralling to Kaito; Flower led into the intro percussion lines flawlessly, and Miku's fingers descended upon the keys of her keyboard a half a second later, desperate for the release of their tension. Luka chimed in on her bass guitar, eyes plastered to Miku's apprehensive frame that was beginning to match Kaito's own when he strummed in, praying to whatever deities existed that he wouldn't screw this up.
Your heat, your temperature, your warmth, it's all the same thing to me. It all means to me exactly what you are, Kaito thought, driving his pick back and forth into the strings. The sun. You're the sun.
"Azayaka ni hikaru sono iro ni," Miku began, her brilliant teal eyes finding Luka's, "toraware te ayumi o tometa."
Break. A rush of the snare, and-
"Aa, nakushite tada setsunakute! Oimotome ta nowa maboroshi."
Perfect, was all Kaito could think. This was going perfectly.
So why did it feel so...wrong?
He played the riff where he was supposed to, listening but no longer hearing, feeling but no longer understanding. His throat felt dry, his hands clammy. This wasn't like him, this was never like him, and they still had just over forty-five minutes of this.
"Hana ga saite! Tsuki ga michite! Mata keshiki o nurikaete!"
Kaito had to believe he wasn't the only one melted down into liquid gold by the intensity of Miku's voice, the desire and yearning behind it. The emotions he felt that she took from him and put into her own heart, used to fuel those around her. It was brilliant; the doubt walked off of Kaito's person without a trace, starting on its merry joyride home.
"Koko ni ita koto! Kimi no taion! Wasure te itsuka tsumetaku soredake sa!"
Miku gracefully flung herself into the next melody line, and that was it. That was the beginning of an atmosphere that the crowd was having trouble withstanding. Styrofoam cups left abandoned, nearly every pair of eyes and ears were elsewhere now, right on Miku, on Epoxy Lips.
Miku sucked down a huge gasp of air once the words, "Nakatta ka you ni!" dripped off her tongue like a waterfall, and Kaito nearly missed his moment of delving into the guitar riff alongside Megumi.
And Miku did something they hadn't rehearsed.
She danced away from the keyboard and started dashing around the other band members, pumping her arms like she was playing a guitar herself, rocking on her heels, arms spiraling around her. Luka extended a hand and twirled her right back toward the keyboard, where she made it just in time to begin singing again.
The breath left Kaito's lungs. She was even now still rushing with energy, head bowing and tilting, shoulders trembling and legs doing a mini tap dance until the final lyric exploded from her throat and she was dancing again, spinning around Kaito in his final verse of the guitar, hips gyrating past Gumi and Piko and Ritsu. She was everything that was alive, everything all at once, unwinding in the threads of her own existence.
When Luka finished with a pang of her bass's low notes, Miku's back was turned to the audience, arms positioned over her head, the lights panning over her and her only like they knew that she was something else now.
Someone entirely new.
Because of something Kaito had managed to create.
The entire rest of the gig felt insane and on overdrive. The crowd was craving more, and Epoxy Lips provided over and over again, encore after encore, until their last song.
Joy of Love, their least practiced and plausibly hardest song. But Megumi knew what she was doing; she knew she could take these matters into her own hands.
She stepped up to the center-stage microphone, slow and hesitant, as Piko melded his violin peacefully into the muted air. It built, growing powerful, suddenly accompanied by a few streaks of the guitar from Kaito, the ringing of hushed noise from Flower, and the steady pace of clapping hands from Miku and Ritsu. Piko continued with the violin, grinning beside Gumi as he nudged her and she nudged him back.
"Kimi to musubareru kono hi, nando yume ni mita deshou. Sasaeau koto wo chikai futari wa kuchizuke wo kawasu." She clapped and stamped her foot to the music, back and neck intricately bobbing along to the suave jazz of the song.
The crowd talked over them for a moment, then stopped, then resumed. They were fascinated.
Rin might have been admiring them most from where she was perched at the edge of Suzune and Lui's table.
"Tsuyosa tazusaeru yo!" Megumi sang, and in came Miku and Ritsu as her backup vocals: "Toki ni arasoi nikushimi ni make, hito wa kanashimi kizutsuku keredo."
It was slow, but passionate, and like Miku in Your Temperature, Megumi had become a part of the song. A caterpillar freshly reborn as a butterfly.
"Watashi-tachi no ai ni yorokobi desu!" Megumi finished, sweat-slicked forehead shimmering in the lights as the song simmered down to quiet and nearly unintelligible English lyrics from Miku, Ritsu and Luka.
And then it was over, and the audience was wild, and Kaito had to drop his head into his hands to keep from screaming at the top of his lungs: out of confusion or joy or what, he wasn't sure. The urge to scream had just majorly built up somewhere inside of him and he really, really wanted to release it.
"Thank you so much to everyone who showed up today!" Miku said breathlessly into her microphone. "We really hope to see you again! Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!"
Off went one light, and another, and another.
Draped over the stage was a curtain of darkness that lasted through the blinding euphoria of Epoxy Lips having no idea what to do with themselves. They agreed without words to calmly step off the stage, walk toward the ordering counter, and then erupt into shrieks and chants and embraces, all of them gripping onto one another and bursting with something they'd never quite felt before.
"It worked, it worked!" Miku was screeching, her arms thrown around Luka's shoulders as the taller girl lifted her higher off the ground and spun her around, grinning. "We really did it, we did!"
"What you did with Your Temperature," Kaito said, palm pressed against his temple. "I was so nervous, Miku. And then- then you did that, and- I just-,"
"You liked it?" Miku said as Luka set her down, keeping one arm wrapped around her waist.
Kaito shook his head. "Damnit, Miku, I loved it."
Miku beamed, and launched away from Luka into his awaiting grip. "I didn't even know I could dance!" she admitted, kicking her legs frantically. "It just took over me and wow! Wow, I felt like I was flying, it was literally like I was flying and my soul was leaving my body, Kai-kun!"
"You weren't the only hero, though," Kaito admitted, and waved to Piko, Flower and Megumi. They feigned modesty and flipped their hair and snickered snidely, but all in all, everything was as it should have been.
For the first time in weeks, Kaito felt at ease, all traces of panic long since have faded away.
For once, he felt like a normal kid.
About an hour later, most of Jorujin's had cleared out. Multiple people had approached the members of Epoxy Lips asking for autographs and phone numbers. Among them was not Len, nor Rin, but certainly Meiko, who clung to Kaito like an anchor for the entire time being.
Piko at one point got crowded by a swarm of girls begging for his number; Ritsu had frowned at this and draped himself over Piko, asserting his dominance, saying nonchalantly, "Mine."
Flower had almost punched some guy in the face for calling Miku a reckless show-off, but Miku had pushed Flower away and taken the insult as a compliment, curtsying for the guy and giving him a bright smile. He'd walked away one hundred percent defeated.
Now, with Jorujin's nearly empty except for a few baristas and the clean-up crew, as well as stray friends of the band such as Meiko, Kaito found the adrenaline wearing off and his fatigue crashing into him head-on. He slumped into a stray chair, leaned back, and would have fallen right asleep if not for Rin's voice interrupting him.
"Kai?"
He'd jerked up hectically, having had expected Rin to be home by now. She was looking at him evenly, if not a little sadly. "Oh, hey," Kaito mumbled groggily. He was sure he reeked of sweat and filth but had no urge to try and disguise it. "What's up?"
"Um." Rin scratched at her forearm awkwardly. "Would you...mind if I slept over tonight?"
"Hm? No, 'course not." Kaito rubbed blearily at his eyes and stood up, gazing over at Meiko. She was submerged in a conversation with Mayu, Fukase and Flower about what appeared to be politics. Finding no interest in it, Kaito glanced at Rin again and asked, "Did Len already leave?"
Rin's shoulders slumped. "...Yeah. He's...spending the night at Sukone's and, um. I don't...wanna be alone."
That's not what she meant, but Kaito was smart enough to know the truth behind those fragile words. "My mom will be here in a few minutes. She'll like the extra company," Kaito said, tugging a chunk of Rin's blonde hair.
She smiled weakly and tucked it behind her ear. "Thank you," she murmured. Without another word, she pressed her face against his chest and kept it there. Nothing else was required for Kaito to know to wrap an arm around her shoulders and hold her there tightly.
Miku spared them a questioning look, but Kaito shook his head.
They left it at that.
That night, as Kaito collapsed into his bed with his hair damp from the shower, Rin reading one of his books atop his pillow, he said, "Something's up."
Rin placed the book facedown in her lap and peered at him. "With you or me?"
"Both of us," Kaito said. He dragged a hand down his face. "I have a severe problem with Sukone."
"You...do?" Rin murmured. The prying look she was offering him was mildly unnerving, almost as if the disliking toward Tei either bemused or annoyed her. Neither of those things fit Rin's personality, and that made speaking of the matter even more bothersome for Kaito.
He sighed softly; it was now or never, whether he liked it or not. "I'm jealous of her," Kaito murmured, "a lot. I don't know why."
Rin pursed her lips. "That song you wrote..."
Wait, no. Kaito threw himself into a sitting position, legs splayed out before him. This isn't where I want this conversation to go.
"It...was about Len...wasn't it, Kai?"
Rin said it as if it was obvious and Kaito feared that it was. That all this time the unknown emotion piercing into his chest whenever Len smiled at him or talked to him or did anything for or to or near him was an emotion all those around him were aware of.
"How'd...How'd you know?" Kaito said.
"He's my brother, you're my best friend." Rin stared at the cover of the novel, gliding a finger back and forth over its spine. "I just had a feeling."
"It's more than a feeling. Christ, I don't know what it is."
"Me neither," Rin murmured gravely. Finally, she glanced up and provided another lazy attempt at what was somehow a smile. The smile of a dead person, Kaito thought. "Mind if I take a shower?"
"...No. Go ahead. There should be a little bit of a hot water left."
Rin swung her legs off the side of the bed, hopping to her feet. "You did great today," she said, setting the book on Kaito's pillow. "All of you. It made me forget who I was for awhile."
She left silently and suddenly. Kaito barely cognized the fact she was gone from his room until he heard running water and the sound of the shower curtain being drawn. His eyes closed, his fingers twisting in the bed sheets as he recalled the anxiety from earlier.
He wasn't doubting the song at that time. He was doubting that the meaning would remain hidden. Miku would portray it and Len would understand it, and Kaito thought he had. He and Tei had left so quickly, without a goodbye or a good job. They were just gone.
The anxiety was returning, no longer based off of solidity but a premonition. A bad feeling.
He got up and made his way for the bathroom because his feet were telling him to, and he had to obey them. He came to the door, listened to the water, and rapped his fist against the surface.
Silence.
He frowned and knocked again, louder...but nothing. And Kaito was reminded of that gruesome time at the Kagamine doorstep, waiting for a response he never got from Len, entering to bandage him and fix him in a way he wasn't meant to do.
Kaito feared that upon opening this door, the bathroom would greet him with a bloody, broken Rin burrowed into the floor, terrified.
"Rin?"
...Still silence.
That was it. Kaito couldn't do this anymore.
He twisted the knob, threw back the door, and felt for a moment that his premonition had been wrong. And it would have been; everything in the bathroom was still neat and tidy and placed exactly where it should have been.
Everything, except for Rin.
She was on her knees on the ground, bare back and shoulder blades crossed with scars, one after the other, a fresh and merciless cruelty having succeeded in its primary job. A few of the wounds had reopened, and there was blood staining Rin's skin, leaking onto the towel wrapped taut around her otherwise naked waist.
She glanced at Kaito, fat tears pooling down her cheeks, her teeth digging so hard into her lip that it bled.
Curling her arms around her chest, shaking with the force of her wet sobs, Rin squeezed out choked, staggering words that would endlessly replay in Kaito's head, he was sure, until the day he died.
"Kai," she whispered. "Don't tell Len."
:))) I love to make the Kagamines suffer why am I like this.
Anyways, the gig section is so much better when you actually listen to the songs- honestly. HONESTLY, I,, advise it. Especially the Kimi no Taion/Your Temperature part. Kaito is also very gay and even Rin sees it, and Meiko's back, finally, and Miku and Luka are also very gay, thank yo u.
Apologies for any grammatical/spelling errors! Beta-ing is,, hard. Hope you enjoyed, yo! Until next time!
With love,
Hour.