PATRICK, that afternoon at the CBI

All afternoon, Lisbon's been busy painting the roses red for Bertram and pointedly ignoring me when she passes my couch in the bullpen.

I climb back up to the attic to contemplate my murder board. I stir my current cup of tea. I must be losing my touch. It's too strong. No amount of milk lightens it. No amount of sugar sweetens it. If I were an idiot, I'd call it a bad omen.

As I slide open the door, I notice a fresh corsage pinned to the center of the board. I walk over and pull it off. There's a card. I pull out the note inside. It reads, "What is 'the thing?' And 'What is the stuff?'" I ponder this for an hour. I'm stumped.

The scent of the flowers has become overpowering. I have to get some fresh air.

I return from my walk and barge into Lisbon's office with a fancy coffee and a bag of Marie's finest carbohydrates. She is crazy glued to her chair doing paperwork. I place in front of her the coffee and a bear claw as peace offerings. With her eyes shooting daggers, she rips off half a bear claw with fierce white teeth and chews it savagely. I get the symbolism.

"Lisbon, I need your help on the Corsage Killer case." It doesn't seem like she's going to shoot me, so I sit down across from her. If I didn't have a cryptic note from a homicidal maniac in my back pocket, I'd be feeling OK.

I thumb through the bag of pastries and start to unwind a cinnamon roll. I give her a rundown of my thinking. "Here's where I am so far. These aren't rapes, these are dates. Red John wines and dines these women, has vigorous consensual sex with them over a few hours, kills them painlessly, then leaves a corsage with a random number on the gift card." "Dates, Jane?, that's creepy," she says. "Tell me about it," I reply.

I continue, "I've never mentioned this but when I first talked to Lorelei about accepting Red John's friendship, she asked me whether I'd adapted the sleight of hand tricks I'd learned as a carney to my...uh...lovemaking techniques." LIsbon blushes.

"I didn't focus on it at the time, but why would she ask me that? Red John must have wanted to know." Lisbon nods.

I continue. "Then, in the desert, Red John told Lorelei to cut off two of my fingers. Peculiar punishment, don't you think?"

Lisbon gasps. "I've got it. You're a better lover than he is, Jane." I give her a delighted grin. She punches my shoulder really hard. She goes on, "You're better than he is and Lorelei must have told him that." We share a smile. Lisbon's pride at connecting some important dots outweighs her embarrassment at the subject matter.

"He's competitive with me, Lisbon. Remember the dvd? He wants to show me who's the clever one."

Lisbon says, "So he dates these women, has wild sex and then kills them? How does that compete with you?" "He's practicing on them, Lisbon. From his point of view, I took his girlfriend away. I alienated her affections and made her betray him thus forcing him to kill her. So now he needs to use these other women to polish his skills."

I take Red John's note and place it in her hands. "I found this attached to a fresh corsage pinned to the board in my attic. It leaves me thoroughly nonplussed. And you know I don't ever say that." Lisbon reads it aloud, "What is the thing?... What is the stuff?" The blood drains from her face. "Jane, I might know what 'the thing' is.'" She returns the note to its envelope and stares ahead. She puts her hand over her mouth. "And I've just realized what the numbers mean."

"Tell me." She goes from pale white to beet red. Tears well up in her eyes and roll down her face. I hand her my handkerchief. "Teresa-" "I'm so ashamed," she weeps, hiding her face in the white linen. "It's OK," I whisper. "Whatever it is, it'll be OK."

She dries her eyes. "When Lorelei was in the interrogation room and you left me there with her, she started detailing everything you did together. What your body is like. How many times you...How many times she..." I'm sure my face is as red as Lisbon's. I wish I had another handkerchief to hide behind. Lisbon swallows hard and looks me in the eye. "She said she had fourteen orgasms."

"Did she? Wow." I'm impressed with myself. Lisbon shoots me a dark look. My arm still hurts from her punch so I get back to the case. "The numbers, Lisbon, of course. He gave his latest victim the number fourteen because that's the number of times she..." Lisbon nods and says, "So in Red John's mind, he's now even with you and he wants you to know it."

"But Lisbon, what about 'the thing?' You think you know what he means?" She bites her bottom lip and tries not to cry. "I was upset, Jane. Lorelei was gloating and I wanted to shut her up." I touch her hand but she pulls away. "I told her that...you and I...are lovers."

Oh god, my poor Teresa. How painful that must have been to say. To feel the need to lie to preserve her dignity in front of Lorelei. How painful to now have to confess it to me.

Lisbon takes a deep breath and continues. "I told her that the number of orgasms and stuff she mentioned were just par for the course during sex with Patrick Jane. But there was something you did only to me. Because you loved only me. I referred to it as 'the thing.' I said that if you'd done 'the thing' to her, she would have mentioned it right away because it's so amazing. And the fact that she hadn't mentioned it, meant you hadn't done it and that meant she wasn't that important to you."

"Lisbon, you're brilliant." She blows her nose and gives me the hairy eyeball. "You are, my dear. You've wielded the power of disinformation." She smiles weakly. "Disinformation?" I squeeze her hand. "Spreading intentionally false information to convince someone of an untruth." "Trust you Jane, to use such an elaborate term for me lying through my teeth," she says.

"Think about it, Lisbon. Lorelei tells Red John about 'the thing' that Patrick does only to Teresa and it upsets him. He wants to know-scratch that-he must know what it is and he wants to do it."

Lisbon shakes her head. "But there is no 'thing,' Jane, I made it up." "Right Lisbon. But Lorelei doesn't know that. She tells Red John about it and he doesn't know that Lorelei doesn't know. Lisbon says, "OK, I get that. Lorelei and Red John both believe my lie. So what does he mean when he talks about the stuff, Jane?"

"Hmm. 'The stuff.'" I stand and put my hands in my pockets and rock on my heels. "Let's think about that. Lorelei tells Red John about 'the thing.' It hurts him; makes him feel like about two cents. Knowing she's going to die anyway, Lorelei escalates. Really wants to skewer him. And she knows just where his weak spot is. She tells him that not only is he such a loser that can't he do 'the thing,' he also doesn't even have 'the stuff' to do it with. She deals him a major narcissistic blow."

Lisbon still looks puzzled. "But why would not having 'the stuff' be particularly painful for Red John?" I tell her, "When Lorelei and I spent our night together, she checked out the labels in my clothes and asked what cologne I wear." Lisbon asks, "What cologne do you wear, Jane?" "Men shouldn't wear cologne, Lisbon, it's declassé. But let's not digress. All that information she gathered was for Red John."

Lisbon says, "So this tells us that Red John is very acquisitive and image conscious. But more importantly, he wants to be like you. Case in point, we know he now uses the soap you use."

"Yes, Lisbon. Lorelei tells him about 'the thing' and then 'the stuff,' and then dies knowing he'll torture himself about the imaginary thing I do and the nonexistent stuff I use to do it with.

"'The thing' is your stroke of genius, Lisbon. 'The stuff' is Lorelei's parting gift." I pull Lisbon up from the sofa and lead her through a brisk fox trot around her office.

"Lorelei's gift? You're not making sense, Jane." I twirl Lisbon around and then dip her. "It'll all become clear to you. Trust me Lisbon, I have a plan."

I hang her bag on her shoulder and usher her out of her office and into the bullpen where the team is at their desks.

"You'd better let me in on this plan, Jane, or so help me." I grab my jacket from my couch. "The plan can't work without you, Lisbon." She nods in satisfaction. "Step one of the plan is...you and I have to have sex."

Cho says, "He's right, Boss."