Set during S2, Ep8 'The Sins of the Father'. Enjoy!

The Priestess, The Warlock and The Clotpole

He shouldn't be so worried. This was Arthur; after all, he was bound to have a secret back up plan. Something hidden up his sleeve. But, as Merlin watched him place his head on the block and the blonde Priestess take hold of the axe at her feet, Merlin could not see a way out. Not for Arthur, not for him. What would he tell Uther?

'Hey, sorry Uther, I let your only son get beheaded by some crazy blonde woman knight who wears too much eye make-up for her own good. I mean, I could have used magic but I was trying not to let Arthur know I have magic, despite using it right in front of him all the time. Oh yeah, I'm a sorcerer, by the way.'

Somehow, Merlin could not see it working. But, wait, what was this? Was she lowering the axe?

'You have shown yourself to be truly a man of your word,' she said calmly, as if she had not just gone psycho with an axe held above his head. 'And for that, I will grant you one wish. What does your heart most desire?'

Merlin frowned, this was a trap, it had to be. A wish? She'd just tried to chop his head off, why would she grant him a wish? Arthur could not be so stupid as to fall for that.

'I want a talking pony.'

Ok, maybe he was...

'A talking pony?' Morgause looked as impressed as Merlin with the workings of the Prince's tiny brain.

'You asked me what I wanted, and there it is.' Arthur was grinning like Gaius when he got a new poncho. Or Uther when he saw a particularly attractive troll. 'I've asked my father for one every year, and he's always said no.'

'Arthur, what on Earth would you do with a talking pony?' Merlin questioned. 'You don't even like talking to me on journeys.'

'That's because you have nothing of interest to say.'

'And a horse would?'

'I'm not granting you a talking horse, Arthur.' Morgause could see her plan crumbling in front of her eyes. Her beautiful, intelligent, well thought out, fool proof plan. It was enough to make an evil villain cry, even if their ridiculous amount of eyeliner would run.

'Ok, a sparkly cat?'

'No.'

'A ham sandwich? I'm really hungry...'

'No.'

'A new Ward? Morgana is really getting on my nerves...'

'Definitely not.'

'More wishes?'

'I'm a witch, not a genie, Arthur! One of us walks round in billowing gowns smirking; the other appears from a lamp. Do you see a lamp?' She threw her hands up, exasperated. She had clearly over-estimated his intelligence. And she hasn't thought much of it to begin with. 'I told you I would grant you your heart's desire. What is one thing you want more than anything else in the entire World?'

Arthur stood silent for a moment or two, thinking deeply. Then he took a deep breath, as if mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say. 'I want Merlin to be my lover.'

Both his companions had been holding their breath, preparing for what he would say. With his request, both their breath escaped them.

'What?!' Merlin spluttered finally, physically unable to speak. He could do nothing but stare. He'd misheard. He must have done. Arthur liked Gwen! And Morgana! And anything else in a skirt! It was an impossible request. Hang on...She wouldn't grant it, would she?

Morgause had lost it, her plan had actually collapsed. Now who was going to ally with Morgana, take over Camelot, kill Uther and live happily ever after with her sister? 'Arthur, I'm not a genie, nor am I a matchmaking service. Just buy him roses, they always work. Doesn't your real heart's desire have something to do with your mother? Maybe speaking to her...?'

The blonde Prince frowned, giving him more than a passing resemblance to his recent step-mother. 'But, my mother's dead. You'd have to have magic to bring her back.'

'And how did you think I was going to get you a talking horse, Arthur?'

Finally, hours later, the candles were lit (after setting her dress alight twice and Arthur kept blowing them out for fun) and the ceremony could begin. Nothing could go wrong now. All she needed was a bit of magic, and Arthur's mother would be there, telling him all about how Uther sacrificed her for a son and then he'd get so furious, he'd kill the King for her. Everyone wins.

Arthur stood as the Priestess spoke the words to her spell, and a wind blew through the courtyard. Then...

'Mother, is that really you?'

'Oh Arthur, you were just a baby last time I saw you.' The woman before him, who had appeared with the cold breeze, smiled and wrapped her arms around him before stepping back, a sterner look on her face. 'But, Arthur, what are you doing here? Does your father know you are here?'

'Erm...no.' The Prince looked down guiltily at his shoes. 'He forbade me.'

'So you snuck out? Is that really how a Prince should be behaving?' She asked, a frown on her face. 'Don't try answering back, young man. I'm grounding you.'

'But, mummy, you're dead!'

'Just because I'm dead, that doesn't mean I can't discipline you. Uther has been letting you run wild! I want you to march straight back to Camelot, apologise to your father and make it up to him. Don't moan at me. Go!'

And, as Arthur turned around and left the courtyard, hanging his head, while the ghost of his mother vanished from where she'd been stood, arms folded, Morgause felt her perfect, beautiful, Arthur-proof plan collapse around her ears.

Next up, the Knights are complaining...