I'm drifting. I'm not completely awake, but I'm not exactly asleep either. I'm aware of my thoughts but I can't control my body. If I still have one.

Now there's a thought. Maybe I'm dead, and this is what happens afterwards. This might be a form of afterlife. So I float in this surreal existence, just thinking.

At first there's nothing, only black. But as time passes, images form, swirling in my vision. They're blurry, and I wish for them to become clearer. But when they do, I wish they hadn't.

I watch Dumbledore falling, falling, his unseeing eyes staring. He hits the floor and it explodes into fire, the flames forming shapes, animals. They leap and roar and I scream silently as they overwhelm me. I feel the heat melting my flesh and watch the gold flames rush past me. Then they are gone and my father's smug face floats in the darkness, smirking at me. Suddenly it transforms into a mask of fury and he yells, and with every word I feel a dull pain, like I've been kicked. Soon I ache all over, but my father's hair turns blonde and he is suddenly still, silent. He floats and turns onto his back, eyes open, staring at me. But they are not his eyes. They are my mother's. Her unseeing gaze is settled on me. I cry out with the pain of seeing her again. Her body starts to tear itself to pieces. She disintegrates and turns into Harry. He laughs at me, clutching his sides, pointing at me. Tears start to stream from his eyes, he's laughing so much. He stops laughing suddenly and walks towards me.

"You are everything I hate," he hisses, but it's not his voice, its the voice of the Dark Lord, and he's gliding towards me. I scream, terrified, and suddenly everything fades and I see nothing and feel nothing and I stop thinking.

I open my eyes, gasping for breath, then blink. Bright lights blind me and all I can see is white. I close my eyes again. I'm awake. Which means I'm alive! I don't know yet whether this is a good or a bad thing. I could simply be in for another two years of hell on that island, in which case I'd rather be dead.

Cautiously, I open one eye, then the other. They adjust to the light but I still can't see properly. White shapes swim and distort and make my head hurt. I blink rapidly and my vision clears.

I'm in a plain room, with little furniture. There's a chair sitting next to me and a small table on the other side. I'm lying in a bed with white sheets. It's comfortable. It feels weird after two years of that place.

A door opens and I look up. A Healer walks in. She smiles at me.

"Hello, Draco," she says. "You're awake, then." She sits down next to me. "How are you feeling?"

"Where am I?" I ask. My voice cracks.

"You're at St Mungo's. Your sentence ended and you came here straight away." Her face grows concerned. "You almost died of starvation. We are still treating you for that."

"What? No. I mean... how can my sentence have ended? I was only there two years, and it was meant to be four." I'm so confused.

"No, Draco," she says, looking worried. "You definitely spent four years in Azkaban." I flinch at the name but she doesn't notice. "It's a good thing you got out when you did. Another day, a few hours even, and you'd have been gone."

I absorb this information quietly. Am I happy that I survived? Or would I rather have died? Or even had the Kiss? I'm not sure. The Healer starts talking again and I tune in to what she's saying.

"... a visitor for you, if you want to see him."

My heart leaps. A visitor! It must be Harry. He didn't abandon me after all. The Healer smiles and walks to the door, talks to someone outside. I sit up straighter, smiling as my visitor enters the room. Then my expression drops.

It's my father. He walks slowly to the chair.

"You," I hiss, and I glare at him as he sits. "You."

He smiles at me sadly and I snap.

"Get out!" I scream. "You bastard! Get out! I don't want to see you! Mother is dead because of you! I hate you! Get out!" I sit up and try to get out of the bed but the Healer rushes back in and holds me down.

"You mustn't get up, Draco. Stay still." She turns and addresses my father. "I think you'd better leave. The sedatives sometimes cause this kind of behaviour. You can maybe come back later." He nods curtly and leaves.

"Calm down, Draco," says the Healer.

"How am I supposed to come down? He killed my mother and he killed me!" She doesn't understand. She hurries to the door and calls out.

"Martha! Bring some sedatives. He's delusional."

"No I'm not, I know what I'm saying! I'm Draco Malfoy and I'm..." I pause briefly to do the maths in my head. "I'm 21 years old! I live in Malfoy Manor and I went to Hogwarts. Please listen to me, I am not delusional!" But they ignore me and suddenly I feel something cold in my wrist. I look down at it and realise there's a tube going into it. I can feel whatever they put in me spreading through my body. It makes me feel numb and I can't control myself. I fall back onto the pillow.

"No," I mumble. "Don't make me sleep. Please..." But the room fades and swirls and my eyes close and I'm gone once more.

When I awake again the room is blurry, but I can make out a figure sitting next to me on the chair. A person with short black hair. I blink repeatedly until they come into focus and look eagerly at the figure, but my heart sinks when I see that it is not Harry. Pansy hears my sigh and lifts her head, smiling gratefully.

"Draco, you're awake!" She leans over and hugs me. "Wow, it's so good to see you. I thought you were dead when you didn't come back after the end of your sentence, but then they told me you were here. So I came to see you. How are you?"

"I'm fi-" I stop myself, shaking my head. "I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet." She looks confused, but leaves it. She's cut her hair very short, but it suits her, and she's dyed it black, but it has pink streaks. She looks happy.

"How are you?" I ask.

"Oh, I'm good. I got the job I wanted! And that's okay, I mean, it's a bit more boring than I expected, but oh well."

"And Blaise?"

She giggles. "He's working in the Ministry. I know," she says, seeing my surprised expression. "And guess what? He works for Hermione!"
I raise an eyebrow, grinning in disbelief. "Hermione, Hermione Granger?" I ask. She nods and I smile while she laughs. "I don't believe it. That is too good. I can't wait to wind him up over that," I say.

Pansy continues to tell me about everyone in our year. I learn that Granger married Weasley, who's now an Auror, and that Harry got his dream job as an Auror too. Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom are officially an item, as are Cho Chang and Oliver Rivers. Then she squeals excitedly.

"What?" I ask.

"I almost forgot," she says. "I'm engaged to Blaise!"

I grin. "That's brilliant! Congratulations." I'm happy for them. They are meant for each other.

So we chat and gossip for a while longer, but then visiting hours are over and she has to leave.

"See ya tomorrow!" she says. "I'll drop by with Blaise."

Over the next few weeks, I stay at St Mungo's, recuperating. I get lots of visitors, mostly from school. My father came every day for about a week, but I refused to see him and he has stopped coming.

Harry doesn't appear among my visitors. He really must have forgotten about me. It breaks my heart, but I try to forget about him.

I don't waste my time here. I ask a Healer about getting a job here, and though they seem reluctant to accept me because of Azkaban, Pansy has told me that everyone who fought at Hogwarts against the Dark Lord can pretty much get any job they want. So I'm hopeful.

It's the day before I am discharged. Someone knocks and I invite them in. It's my Healer, Paul. He walks over and sits down next to me. He's grinning.

"Hey. Are you still interested in working here as a Healer?"

I nod.

"Well, Head Healer was pretty against it, what with Azkaban and all, but I talked to some of your friends and then I talked to her. I mean, your exam results get you a job straight away, and you fought at Hogwarts so... well basically I convinced her to give you it. You can start training in a week or so."

I beam. At last, something good in my life! I can get my dream job. I'm so happy.

"Thanks, Paul. You didn't have to do that."

"No, I did. Sounds like you've had a pretty bad time of it the last few years. I figured you at least deserved the job you wanted." He stands up and heads to the door. "Oh, and you've got a visitor," he says as he enters the corridor.

I smile when I see black hair, but it's not Pansy.

I stare at Harry as he sits down.

"I'm so sorry, Draco," he says without looking at me. "I was here when you first got out, but you weren't conscious, then the Ministry sent me away on a completely pointless case that went down the drain. I tried to get back as soon as I heard you were awake, but they wouldn't let me. I came here the second I got back in the country."

"I thought you'd forgotten me." I say.

"I'm so sorry. I was hiding out in some obscure place and they wouldn't let me send messages, not to anyone. And it was all a waste of time. The guy wasn't even a dark wizard. Draco?"

I've started crying. I hadn't realised the thought that I'd lost Harry had hurt me so much.

"I love you."

I choke out, "I love you."

"Are you okay?" he asks. "Sorry. Stupid question. Of course not. How are you doing?"

"It was torture, Harry. Hell on earth, literally. I watched people die, I watched my mother die. I saw people lose their souls or their hope and just give up and waste away. And I was almost one of them. I almost died and you know what? I actually wish I had. Because then I wouldn't have the memories of that place. I even wish I got the Kiss. It was so awful..."
He leans over and holds me. He's angry.

"This has to change," he says. "I'm going to change this or die trying. I will not let this happen anymore."

I push him away.

"Do you want to know why I gave up? I watched my mother die and then I just lay down and gave up. Why? Because you were the only thing I had left. Four years, Harry. Four years. You promised to visit. Where were you? You were all that kept me going. I thought, after two years, he's not coming. So I gave up. I would have been dead, except that four years out here feels like two in there. Where were you?" I am furious.

"They wouldn't let me visit. I tried so hard. I went on strike but people started dying. I am so sorry."

"You have no idea what it was like in there. I almost died because of you. You say you love me, but you practically killed me! How can I trust you?" I know I'm being irrational but I'm too angry to care. I wave my hand in front of my face.
"I'm sorry. I'm... tired. Sorry. Come back tomorrow."

Harry goes to leave but pauses at the door.

"I do still love you. No matter what you think I do. Remember that."

Then he's gone and I'm left alone with my thoughts.