Chapter 11

Hal came off monitor duty and headed to his cubicle. I waited till he was settled in and then dialed his cell phone. A loud farting noise sounded and several guys turned and then another louder one erupted and I heard Hal whisper, "What the hell?" I snickered and dialed again. This time a loud and really sick burp sounded and Hal clicked the button on his phone fast and whispered, "Hello?" I hung up and peeked around the corner and his face was blood red.

I waited another beat and dialed again and the equivalent of a burrito and beer hangover fart erupted and shook his cube and the next ring was a full on nasty two liter soda belch. The guys broke out in loud guffaws as Hal ran from the room, his phone still burping. Durn, even his hair was blushing. Poor Hal. Four April fools.

"Oh Chach, I spilled something major here. Can you get me something to wipe it up." I called his phone and left a message and told Zip to leave one and then I left another. When he came back he handed me some wipes and then went to his cube and looked at his phone and went to check his messages.

By the third message he was cursing in Spanish and smacking his phone on the desk. "Hey there, buddy, you okay? I need some help with this search. Can you pull up Gallagher and verify these results?" He pulled up the file and I heard a curse and then a smack to his keyboard. I slipped out of my chair and headed quietly out of the area as he roared, "Estefania! Poco de mierda (you little shit)!" He had kind of spent half the morning swapping cables and keyboards already. Five April fools.

I removed my bra in the restroom and tweaked my nipples and pulled the neck of my t-shirt down enough to squeeze out a tiny amount of cleavage and walked in front of Cal at his monitor. I leaned over him and looked at the monitor and he did a double take and then came back to my breasts. I made like I tripped and pulled his gun while he was still staring at my boobs.

I zipped in an empty office and sent Cal an anonymous email and told him that his gun was being held hostage and in order to get it back he would have to change and leave his cargos and walk around the rest of the day in black boxers and boots. Another email would come at the end of his shift with the location of the gun.

A half hour later he complied because losing a gun was akin to misplacing a nut, didn't happen in the Rangeman world. Bones walked down the control room hallway growling and sporting boxers, white hairy legs and a frown on his face. Very nice butt and package. Right before Cal made it to an office door, Tank walked into the hallway. Uh..oh. I heard a booming, "Your out of uniform soldier." Poor Bones went to open his mouth and Tank laughed and held up a hand, "Don't bother, little sister's been busy all damn day." Snicker. Six April fools.

Fourteen staplers were rounded up and placed on Zero's desk with a note. "We're Back For Revenge!" About fifteen minutes later he came around the corner returning from his break and I heard, "Man, not again!" Chuckle. Seven April fools.

Down the office hallway I heard loud voices and slipped down and peeked in Tank's office. Ram was holding up a target with a huge uncut penis and two gigantic balls with targets on them and he was saying, "This ain't right, man. It's against...Well, shit. I'm just not gonna' shoot no fuckin' balls and look what it says on the bottom!"

I heard Tanks voice, "Bonus..mohel..points..for..shooting..the..head. Damn!"

"I ain't Jewish and that is wrong, man." Ram's a marksman. Bet he could make that shot. Eight April fools.

I had been dodging Ranger throughout the day. Watching him on the cameras and staying out of his way. I went back to the cube farm and waited for one of the guys to get up and then raced over and used his email.

To: Boss

From: Hal

Subject: Sick...Got diarrhea. Next Zero got up still dealing with the staplers. I ran over and hi-jacked his email.

To: Boss

From: Zero

Subject: Sick...Got food poisoning. Finally Hector walked away. I zipped around to his part of the cube.

To: Boss

From: Hector

Subject: Sick...Venganza de Montezuma (Montezuma's Revenge). Next, was just me and I really wanted to run.

To: Boss

From: Stephanie

Subject: Sick...Morning Sickness.

Just as I predicted, I heard a door blast open and then boots stomping my way. He stopped in front of my cubicle with his hands on his hips and the corners of his mouth were twitching. Then suddenly, BAM! A scream and about five guns were pulled. Ranger had rolled and pushed me to the ground and was laying on top of me. He looked down at me. "Explain!"

"Uh...April Fool's Day...Hea...hea...hea."

"All clear, Boss. Booby trapped stapler", Zip yelled out.

Ranger pulled me up and glared at me. "You have been busy today, Ms. Plum. In my office now!" Uh oh. Is it too late for a do-over? I could rethink my plan a little maybe. Like, I could run. He pulled me in his office and shut the door behind me and grabbed me to him and kissed me.

"I want details about that last email."

"Well...Uh...Not so much a joke."

"You're telling me that you're pregnant?"

"How mad are you on a scale from one to ten and if it's over a ten then do you want me to pack my bags? Please don't send me somewhere really hot because I understand I'm going to get fat and it will just make me sweat a lot and the swelling in my ankles worse."

"I'm not mad."

"It was an accident. Sure didn't have this in my future plans. Hope this doesn't throw a gigantic monkey wrench in yours. Damn, birth control. I'm really sorry. Must have been those antibiotics when I got that sinus infection back in February. You know we really got a little wild around Valentine's Day too..."

"Babe, stop talking."

"Excuse me?" I put my hands on my hips and glared at him.

He grinned at me. "We'll deal with it."

"Deal with it? It? This is not a bad case of gas I've got here. Well, come to think of it, I'll probably have that too; along with the swollen ankles. Oh Lord, my mother got hemorrhoids..."

"Babe..." I got tears in my eyes.

"Ranger, we never even got the non-relationship thing worked out. You can't just go from friends, to lovers and bounce to baby making. If you refuse to have a relationship with me, will you have one with squirt?"

"Squirt?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yep. You're the one that didn't want to wear the condom. I warned you, but noooo..You wanted to feel..." He shook his head.

"Babe! Don't you think maybe that I needed to hear something from you in all these months we've been together." I smirked.

"Like what?...Uh..okay...Oh Baby, your the best I've ever had. I just can't keep my hands off of you. You have the hottest body and the biggest..."

"Babe!" He was grinning now. "You know that's not what I'm talking about. I could get that out of any woman. There's something I want from you."

I mumbled, "Devil. You already knocked me up. What do you want now, my soul?"

He grabbed me and hauled me down to the couch in his office and kissed me gently and then traced my lips with his tongue and I opened my mouth for him and he captured my tongue and put his fingers through my curls and kissed me until I was moaning and moving my hands up the inside of his shirt. He pulled away and looked at me. "How do you feel about me?"

"Hot and bothered." I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down for more.

"Good, but that's not what I'm asking. What are your feelings for me?"

"You're my best friend. You know that."

"Babe, we're going to get this out right now. Tank is one of my best friends too. I don't want to have a baby with him."

"You are the most important person in my life, Ranger. You make me happy."

He made a frustrated sigh. "Maybe the reason I'm not talking relationship is because you can't tell me how you really feel!"

"Right now, I'm feeling trapped and upset. I'm trying to be happy, but I don't want to be pregnant. My life is a mess again and now I have someone else to worry about. I knew you were going to be a dick about this. I've been going through hell for a month..."

"You have known for a month and didn't tell me and what the hell do you mean, you don't want to be pregnant?"

"Let me up. I'm not feeling so good." He surprised me and let me up immediately and walked to his desk and sat behind it.

"Have you even thought about seeing a doctor yet?" His blank face had come down. Shit. This didn't go well at all.

"No."

He said coldly, "Make an appointment and take Ella with you. You are on office duty only now. No more pranks. You're dismissed."

I walked out of the office door and back to my cubicle. I sent Cal an email to tell him where his gun was and finished the two searches I had left and went up to the penthouse apartment and packed a bag. I have never been able to talk about my feelings and I won't say the words now that I'm pregnant and have us both trapped in a relationship that doesn't exist. It was wonderful while it lasted, but now I've been dismissed. Right now, I didn't feel like crying. Later, when I'm settled I probably will.

Ranger had bought me a little silver Audi A5 that I loved. I took the stairs and headed to my car and dropped my bag in. Then I pulled out of the garage and headed to an ATM and then to a decent motel for the night. Tomorrow, I'll find myself an apartment and buy some new furniture to fill it. Thanks to my steady job at Rangeman and no real living expenses, I had earned myself a nice fat little bank account for once.

My phone rang as I was getting into bed. It was Ranger and I knew he had trackers on my car and knew where I was; so I just answered it.

"Ranger."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm moving out."

"No, you are not. You are pregnant with my baby and you will stay with me so that I can keep you both safe."

"You..do not..own me. You can be there for the birth and you will have joint custody if you want it. Same deal you gave your ex-wife it you want. You're good at making deals."

"Babe, don't make me angry. All I asked you for were your true feelings. If you don't love me, I have the right to know now."

"And, I won't say the words you want me to now that I'm knocked up! I didn't want this!"

"You don't want to have the baby?"

"I...don't want to talk about any of this right now."

"You better not even think about..." I heard the anger and the menace and disconnected.

The phone rang again and I ignored it and turned it off. Damn. He'll be here in ten minutes if I don't leave. I grabbed my stuff and opened the door and ran smack into Ranger's chest. He pushed me back through the door and closed it. He was mad and his face was flushed. Oh boy...This was not good.

"Funny thing is, I know how your mind works. I knew your next move before you thought about making it. We are getting this out, right now."

TBC-