AN: Continued thanks to my betas. They know how awesome they are. Not only do they find mistakes, but they also suggest lines and phrases that I end up using that make the story better and I can't thank them enough for that. Here's to you, printandpolish and Kerry Blue. :)

Voices around her pulled Ell out of the void. "When did I suddenly become the sane one?" she heard her sister bemoan. "I know I'm older, but she's supposed to be the clear headed one."

Jack snorted. "You're older by all of, what, six minutes? Ow!" Ell could guess at what had happened. An only child like Jack could never fully understand the importance of birth order in sibling relationships whether the gap between births was years or minutes. "Sorry," he muttered, then sighed. "Since I apparently made a huge faux pas, can I make it up to you?"

"Caffeine would do the trick," Ana told him. After taking a few other orders, Ell could hear Jack leave.

"Did you get through to your manager, Dominic?" Lindsay asked her oldest child after the door closed.

"Yeah. Coach has been great about this whole thing, but he'd understandably like me back as soon as possible if just to get the press off his back. We play the Dodgers tomorrow. If Ella's doing better I'll probably catch a plane to LA in the morning." Ell opened her eyes.

"Will you hit a homerun for me, Dom?" Her lame attempt at humor didn't work.

"Ella! Thank God!" Lindsay had been sitting next to her daughter's bed clutching Ell's hand. She now stood up to look down at her daughter and brush her hair away from her face. "How do you feel, honey?"

"Well enough I guess. They've got me back on the good stuff so I can't really feel a whole lot." She quirked a half-smile but nobody was following her down that path.

"Here, let's get you adjusted so you can see everyone." Lindsay fiddled with the bed's controls until finally Ell was in a reclining position rather than flat on her back. "Better?" she asked, sitting back down in her chair but still keeping hold of Ell's hand.

"Much, thanks." She didn't let on that the movement had caused some slight nausea. "Could I get some water?"

After she was done drinking it was pretty obvious that the stalling period was over. "What the hell were you thinking, Ella?"

"Danny!" Lindsay admonished, going along with the cry of "Dad!" from Ana's direction. Devon and Dominic didn't say anything.

"I think I have the right to ask my daughter what in the hell she was doing leaving the hospital after being shot, Montana," he replied, using the name to refer to both his wife and his elder daughter.

"It's okay, I owe you guys a big apology," Ell broke in. "I'm sorry I caused so much hassle. Dom, I hope the team won't give you too much trouble, and Devon, I'm really sorry if your commanding officer gives you crappy duty for awhile because of the leave you took. And the rest of you guys and Uncle Mac and Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Tessa and everyone, I'm so sorry about all of the craziness I'm sure you've been put through." She didn't look up from her lap while she whispered all of that, coming as close to breaking down as her family had seen from her since she was a teenager.

There was a long pause as the Messer family sat in a state of shock. Finally Danny sat on the side of his younger daughter's bed and lifted her chin until she was looking him in the eye. "Daniella Messer, that's not what you need to apologize for," he said gently, close to tears himself. "None of us would ever begrudge the time and energy to be there for you when you need it, just like you wouldn't mind making the time for us. It's the fact that you don't seem to want us to be there for you that really hurts."

"I do want you guys there," Ell murmured, fiercely gripping her mother's hand. "I just…" She closed her eyes from the inability to articulate what was going on in her head.

"You wish it hadn't happened. You wish you could go back twenty years and change everything." Everyone looked at Ana as she came to sit on her sister's bed next to her feet and started rubbing Ell's leg. "That's what you told me the night you ran away, remember? That you wished you could change everything, that you could erase all the pain." Tears ran down Ana's cheeks to match the ones now running down the sides of Ell's face. "But you can't, Ella. Just like I can't erase the guilt I have over having been the reason you were at Aunt Stella's to begin with."

"Ana," Dom said softly, coming up to lay a hand on her shoulder.

"I know, I know I couldn't help getting strep throat, just like Mom and Dad made the right decision in splitting us all up that day so you guys wouldn't catch it. It doesn't change the feelings I have." She looked her twin in the eye. "Ella, we're not going to be upset at you for having the feelings. I've dealt with my own for years and I didn't want to talk about it either which is why I didn't push you even when I could tell that you were still letting Aunt Stella's death influence your life. But God, Ella, you can't do this. I can't lose you because you push everyone away…" Ana dissolved into crying and leaned her head onto her older brother's chest.

Ell's heart broke. She had done what she had strived her whole life to avoid. She had cut her family out of much of her life because she didn't want to burden them with her problems, didn't want to cause them pain by reliving Stella's death like she still did sometimes at night after a tough case. But by cutting herself off she had caused an even bigger hurt. "I just…I wanted all of you guys to move on with your lives like I've never been able to, and I didn't want to drag you down with me. And I just couldn't deal with anyone else getting hurt because of me."

"Baby," Lindsay said, close to sobbing herself, "nobody got hurt because of you. You were a child, there was nothing you could have done."

Ell let out a ragged breath. "That's what all the shrinks said but that didn't stop the feelings, Mom. The memories…" She looked back over to her father.

"We all have bad memories, Ella," Danny replied, rubbing his daughter's other hand between both of his. "And I've had to learn this lesson the hard way, but they really are easier if you don't carry the burden alone." He dropped her hand and put both of his on her face, bringing his head within inches of hers to emphasize his next point. "And for the record, you could never 'drag' us down. We're your family. When you're down, we're there to pull you up. And I guarantee this family is stronger than anything that's pulling you down."

As Ell started sobbing uncontrollably, Danny kissed her forehead and then pulled her head down on his shoulder, mimicking what he had done for her when she was a little girl having nightmares after experiencing something that no one should have to go through, let alone a child.

Devon came closer to lay a comforting hand on his mother's shoulder as she joined her daughters in the crying. To be completely honest, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. And while they still had a ways to go, the healing that the Messer family had been needing for twenty years finally began.

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Mac sat watching Ella as she slept. A few hours ago the rest of the Messer clan had exited her room finally with red, tired eyes, but an obvious weight had been lifted from their shoulders. They were all reluctant to leave the hospital, but finally they had all headed out. Devon had gotten a call from his CO saying he needed to join his team ASAP. Kaile offered to drive him to the airport and Dominic went along for the ride. Despite her protests, Jack finally convinced Ana that she needed to go home and get some sleep. The emotions of the past week coupled with whatever had gone on in Ella's hospital room had drained the elder Messer daughter completely and Jack practically had to hold her up as they left.

Danny and Lindsay were the last to go. Lindsay fell asleep and Danny, after securing a promise from Mac that he would watch Ella until another family member took his place, picked her up and took her home for a few hours of sleep. Mac knew Lindsay would protest being carried if she had been awake out of a concern for Danny possibly hurting himself, but Mac didn't say anything to him about it. He did however make sure that someone drove them.

Mac sighed and shifted in the uncomfortable hospital chair as he watched his goddaughter. He was glad she had apparently talked openly to her parents and siblings about what was going on with her. One conversation wouldn't solve everything, but it would at least halt the downward spiral that for some time now he had feared she was on.

He should have done something about it years ago. He had to admit to himself that he had let his own damn pain and issues get in the way of helping her. Everyone thought he was the strong, stoic type that could handle anything that was thrown at him when in reality he was a coward. He was stoic because denying even to himself that he had emotions was the only way he could move forward.

He had fooled family, friends and colleagues into thinking that he had moved on. He had somewhat. A few women had managed to reach at least a small part of his heart. But he had kidded even himself into thinking it was enough.

He leaned forward and stared at his hands. Maybe it was time for him to finally let go of what he had hid behind as a way of staying busy and not dealing with things- his job. It wasn't a decision he would make tonight, but for the first time he really considered the possibility. He had already set a bad example for his nieces and nephews in so many other ways, they didn't need to learn how to be a workaholic who held onto the job by his fingernails until it was ripped from him or he died doing it.

He looked up and gazed at Ella's face. It's always been the women in my life who have caused the most change, he thought. First was Claire making me realize there was more to life than just existing. Then Stella forced me to realize that there was still life after Claire's death by pushing me back into the land of the living instead of dwelling on the dead. And now Ella has finally taken the step back into the family that I've never had the courage to do. Deep down I'm just as cut off from everyone as she has been, people just accept it from me because that's the way I've always been. He sighed and again sat back against the hard plastic. He was too old to change too much about himself, but he vowed then and there that he wouldn't forget the lessons he had learned. I'm finally getting it now Claire. I'll stop to smell the roses you loved so much. And I can take a hint, Stella. This one was about as loud as that time you slammed that automatic weapon down on my desk, but maybe that was what I needed. He closed his eyes and drifted off into a light slumber while clutching his niece's hand, dreaming of his late wife and best friend until Sheldon came in to take his place at Ella's bedside.