Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Not Without You

Chapter 11: Visitors

Our friends arrived after school let out. I'd slept through their last visit and hadn't seen them since I'd forced Edward to get them out of my room. Rosalie was missing from the group this time. Jasper and Alice got to take turns holding Masen, because Emmett was afraid the baby would break in his hands. Honestly, I was afraid of the same thing.

Emmett sank into the big chair that sometimes doubled as Edward's bed.

"Bella," Alice said, reaching to take Masen from Jasper, who was reluctant to give him up. "I can't believe he used to be inside you. How did he fit in there?"

"I have no idea. I can't imagine him inside me right now. I must have been bigger than I felt."

"You're famous at school," Jasper said.

"Thanks to Jessica, I'm sure," I said, and he nodded.

"Is Rosalie coming today?" Emmett asked.

Edward shook his head. "I'd go pick her up, but I can't leave Bella and Masen."

I didn't argue with that because--selfish or not--I didn't want him leaving. I reached up for his hand and he gave it to me. I brought it to my other hand and held tight. His fingers squeezed mine in response.

"I'll go get her," Alice said. "I'd like to spend time with her anyway."

Emmett stood up. "You can tell her I won't be here, if that helps. I'll stay out of her way."

"She still hasn't talked to you?" Alice asked.

"She won't even tell me why, or what, I did. And I can't ask her because every time I'm near her, she shuts off. I can tell she doesn't want me talking to her. What could I have done? Do you think I should have demanded to see her sooner in the hospital? Maybe she thought I didn't care because I wasn't there soon enough. I should have been in the room when they broke the news about Irina."

"That's impossible," I said. "We didn't even find out about it until after they told Rosalie. Besides, it isn't anything you did or didn't do."

"You know what it is?" Emmett asked.

I looked at him, then at Edward before nodding slowly.

"You do?" Edward asked. "Rosalie hasn't even said a word to me about that."

"She told me that she doesn't deserve to be happy, and she won't allow herself to be. She's convinced you'll find happiness with someone else. She wants you to move on, Emmett. And that's why she trusts Edward above anyone else. Other than you, she feels closest to him, and she knows he isn't in love with her, so she can feel comforted without worry."

"Why won't she tell me any of this? If we're done--done for good--why won't she tell me?"

"I don't know." Tears stung my eyes and I blinked them back. I felt awful for him because none of this made sense to anyone but Rosalie.

"Let's talk about this later," Edward said, his hand still tight in mine. "Emmett, it's not over between you and Rose. We'll work it out, but I don't want Bella upset right now. She's still recovering."

"Sure," Emmett said. There was no life in his voice; there was only the deep, grainy sound of defeat. "Sorry. But uh, I'm going to go." He pointed at the door. "Bella, your baby is perfect, you look beautiful. Congratulations, and I'll see you soon, okay?" He leaned down and kissed my cheek. Then he went to Masen in Alice's arms and tugged on one of his toes, because the little kicker had worked a leg free from his blanket. "Hey, buddy. I'll hold you when you have more meat on your bones. I promise."

After Emmett left, Alice handed Masen to Jasper and asked for his keys. She was going alone to get Rosalie. "I can't believe you got her talking, Bella." She wiped tears from her face and Jasper bent to kiss her cheek. "She doesn't talk to me unless she's yelling. But I don't care; I'll drag her here if I have to. Rose needs to be with us. She just doesn't know it."

"It's really weighing on Alice that Rosalie won't open up to her," Jasper said as soon as Alice had closed the door behind her. "She feels like she may have lost her for good."

"There's a lot going on that Rosalie isn't telling anybody," Edward said, and I thought for a second he was going to reveal just what that was. "She needs the kind of help that I can't give her, but she refuses it."

"What can we do for her?" Jasper asked.

"I don't know," Edward said. "She gets worse when you approach the subject of therapy."

Jasper looked at me. Perhaps he saw the worry in my eyes, or felt it in the room. "We'll come up with something. We'll bring Rose back," he said, his eyes still on me. He gave me a slight smile, and I couldn't help but return it.

Masen squirmed and Jasper fumbled with the blanket, trying to balance Masen in his arms and wrap him up at the same time. I laughed. "He probably doesn't need the blanket while you're holding him."

"No doubt," Jasper said, and stopped his blanket struggle.

"Look at his toes." I smiled. "They're smaller than… anything."

"They sure are," Jasper said.

Edward grabbed a foot and kissed the tiny toes.

"Dude," Jasper said, "remove your lips. It's my turn. I finally don't have Alice to contend with, and you get him whenever you want."

"That's not true," Edward said. "I want him now and you have him." He held his arms out for Masen.

Jasper backed away. "You'll have him for the rest of the day and night."

I laughed and interrupted their squabble. "Did you two ever think you'd be bickering over who gets to hold a baby?"

They exchanged a glance. "No," they said in unison.

Jasper's gaze returned to Masen. "He sleeps all the time."

"Even when he eats," I said.

"I haven't seen his eyes yet. What color are they?"

"They're blue right now, but I hope they turn green," I said.

"What's wrong with blue?" Jasper asked, feigning offense.

"Ordinary."

Jasper laughed because he knew his eyes were beautiful. Everyone told him, plus he'd seen a mirror.

"Look at that," Jasper said, pointing at Masen's yawn. "He's so lazy, he yawns in his sleep."

Had he not been holding my baby at that moment, I would have thrown my pillow at him. "Don't call him lazy. He's not even thirty hours old yet."

"That's strange, isn't it? Barely a day old." He took a seat in the chair while Edward sat on the bed with me.

I struggled to sit up. I was still sore where I'd been stitched up. I leaned forward and whispered in Edward's ear that I had to go to the bathroom. He stood and helped me out of bed, patient with my slow pace. Since I was in a hospital gown, I had to hold the back closed, careful not to flash my backside at Jasper. He wasn't looking anyway. In the bathroom, I replaced the medicated pads in my underwear, which made me feel like a senior citizen--seventeen going on seventy-seven--but they were soothing, so that's all I cared about.

Just after I ordered my "room service" dinner, Rosalie followed Alice into my room.

"Hey Rose," Edward said, and went to hug her. She returned the hug.

Despite her lack of make-up and styled hair, she appeared less pale. Still, nothing about her resembled the old Rosalie. Instead of being outspoken, she barely spoke. There was no more sarcasm, no more single-eyebrow raises revealing she was about to make someone her pawn, and worst of all, there were no more smiles.

"Congratulations, both of you," she said.

"Do you want to hold baby?" I asked.

She shook her head, backing up against the wall, as if I'd force Masen into her arms if she was too close to me. I knew her reason for avoiding the baby was different than Emmett's, so I didn't push it. Her last memory of the hospital before Masen's birth was the day of her sister's death. It couldn't have been easy for her to be here. I was grateful to her for coming at all.

"I'm glad you're here," I told her.

"Thanks." She glanced at the door, and I was sure she couldn't wait to leave.

"We're all glad you're here," Alice said, putting her arm around Rosalie's shoulders. Rosalie endured the comfort for what looked like as long as she could stand, and then she moved away from Alice, folding her arms across her chest.

Jasper handed Masen to an eager Alice. "I'm sorry. I just have to," he said to Rosalie. "Let me?" He opened his arms and Rosalie stepped into his embrace, her arms still crossed in front of her. When his arms enclosed her, she relaxed a little, resting her head on his shoulder. Since the accident, this was the longest I'd witnessed Rosalie allow anyone to hug her, aside from Edward. "You have so much unnecessary anger," Jasper said. "You don't deserve to feel this way. Do you know that?"

She didn't answer, but she didn't push him away, either. "I could sure use you to help me get to sleep some nights," she said.

"Use me anytime."

"Thank you, Jasper. Thanks." That was the last thing she said until she asked Alice to take her home, and the three of them left together.

"Finally," Edward said. "I'm tired of sharing him." He rested his nose against Masen's cheek. "He smells so good."

Forming an imaginary camera in front of my face, I pretended to take a picture.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking a mental picture because I forgot to pack a camera."

"You also forgot that one of your best friends is Alice." He walked over to the counter, topped with flowers and plants. "This one is Alice's, and do you see how it's different from the rest?" he asked, as if I was five and watching Sesame Street. "The flowers are cookies, and inside here," he reached into the pot, "is a small photo album and a disposable camera." He took a one handed picture of me, then gave me the camera so I could take his picture.

"It's my turn," I said, holding my arms out for Masen. "I miss my baby."

Masen, warm and back in my arms... I brushed a finger down the bridge of his tiny nose. Edward joined me on the bed and shared a flower-shaped frosted cookie with me before my dinner was wheeled in on a cart.

Back at the Cullens' home, walking up the stairs to place Masen in his bassinet for the first time wasn't easy. Not only because of the residual pain between my legs, but because both Esme and Carlisle blocked our way, taking turns holding, nuzzling, and kissing their grandson.

I took the steps slowly, possibly too slow for Edward, because he took Masen from me, saying, "Maybe you need another painkiller."

We watched Masen sleep in his little white lacy bed for at least ten minutes before Edward went to his desk, grabbed a small brown market bag, and handed it to me. "Welcome home, Bella."

"What's this?"

"It's for you. Here." He pushed it against my chest.

"More chocolate oranges?"

"Just take it."

In the bag, I felt something soft and plush, and when I saw the little gray animal, my smile grew as the bag fell to the ground. "A squirrel?"

His smile matched mine. "It plays music when you turn the key." He started the lullaby.

"Is this for me, or baby?"

"Both."

I sat on the bed as the tinkling melody continued. "Where did you find this?"

He shook his head. "You'll laugh, or get mad."

"Tell me anyway."

"The hospital gift shop."

I did laugh as he sat on the bed with me, holding me at my hip. "I was delivering paperwork, and that girl you asked me about once, Tanya? She was going through the toy catalogue for the next gift shop order. I asked if I could take a look. When I saw the squirrel, I knew I had to get it for you. She wanted to order the bear because they sell better, but I talked her into the squirrel."

"How did you talk her into it? By looking at her?"

He laughed, looked down at his lap and shook his head, but didn't answer. He knew, as well as I did, that a look from him was all it took.

"You use your beauty to your advantage," I said, nudging his side.

"So do you." He kissed my face, and I thanked him for the squirrel by turning my head to capture his lips with mine. We kissed until the first moan came from Edward. Knowing we couldn't take it any further, we rested our foreheads together, letting our breathing calm.

"Are you sure you're not too afraid of the squirrel?" I asked, shoving the furry thing in his face.

"It's a little scary," he said, pushing it away, "but I think I'll be all right. I have you to protect me, don't I?"

"No."

"No?" he asked with shock in his raised eyebrows and smile.

"I'm kind of busy, with the baby and all."

"So you'll have me fend for myself in a forest of scurrying squirrels?"

"You're a big boy now, a daddy, so it's time you faced your fear."

"I see. So, that means you, a mommy," he touched my nose, "will also face your fear of dogs."

I shook my head. "I'll protect you from squirrels," I said. "No dogs. You don't want a dog, do you?"

"Everything I want is right here in this room." He pulled me into his embrace, and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Me too. Are you happy Masen's a boy?"

"Of course."

"I mean, were you hoping he'd be a boy?"

He paused before answering, and when he did answer, I heard his smile in his voice. "Yes. But mostly because, aside from locking her up for her own safety, I wouldn't know what to do with a girl."

"Sometimes this doesn't seem real," I said. "We're parents, Edward. Parents."

"I know."

Edward and I couldn't leave Masen in his bassinet that night. We slept with him between us. We were co-sleeping, according to what Esme later told us. I kept waking up throughout the night to make sure that I didn't roll over him. When I awoke with a start, it roused Edward too, so he eventually moved Masen to his bassinet.

"He's still close, Bella," Edward said, filling the gap between us and pulling me to him so we could sleep in peace, skin touching.

"This is good," I breathed on my return to sleep.

That didn't stop us from trying to co-sleep again the following night, though. It became a routine for us that sometime in the middle of the night, Masen was moved to his own bed, and Edward and I made our way to the center of ours.

Of course, that didn't mean that our peaceful sleep lasted throughout the night. We were both awakened every two to three hours by a hungry baby. It felt as though I had just fallen asleep when I woke up again. I was tempted not to sleep at all, but that was impossible considering how exhausted I was. On the third night, Edward suggested that he stay up as late as he could so that I could get as many hours of sleep in a row as possible. Not being insane, I took him up on his offer, pumping enough breast milk to last the night.

"I'll wake you when I can't stay up any longer," he said, kissing me goodnight.

Five days after Masen's birth, Carlisle and Esme invited Rosalie and her mother over for dinner. They arrived at seven, both with forced smiles. I greeted them with a real smile, and Masen in my arms.

"Call me Vivienne," Rosalie's mom said after I called her Mrs. Hale. "Ohh, look at your tiny one. May I hold him?" I handed Masen to her and like magic, her false smile became genuine.

"He's gorgeous, isn't he? He's the spitting image of you, Edward."

"I agree," Carlisle said.

"He looks like Bella, too," Edward said.

Vivienne's eyes shifted from Masen to me, then back to Masen again. "I don't see it. He's all you."

Throughout dinner, everyone avoided talk of Rosalie's father and Irina. Esme and Carlisle kept the conversation flowing with old memories. Since I hadn't been around back then, I was the quietest one at the table. Masen slept on Edward's shoulder while Edward spooned Esme's homemade chicken soup into his mouth with his free hand.

Carlisle brought up a memory of one of their trips to the lake a few years ago, when they'd all rented waverunners.

"Rosalie and Edward flipped theirs over, Bella," laughed Esme.

"Edward was driving," Rosalie said.

I smiled at him and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"It was capsized for so long that it took both Edward and me to turn it over," Carlisle said.

"But you two got right back on," Vivienne said.

"Yeah," Rosalie said, "but there was no way I would let Edward drive after that."

"You drove about two miles an hour and avoided the waves," Edward said. "It wasn't even fun."

"I was not going to end up upside down again."

"Thank goodness for life vests," Esme said.

"Have you ever jet skied, Bella?" Edward asked.

"I can't. It's dangerous for someone as accident prone as me."

"We should go sometime," Edward said. "You'd have fun."

"Maybe, but I'd-"

"You two used to play in the creek out there." Vivienne pointed between Rosalie and Edward, then motioned out the back door. "Remember that one time you hurt yourself, Rosie?"

Rosalie nodded.

"You tripped," her mother said.

"I slipped on a rock and scraped my knee," Rosalie said.

"That's right," Vivienne said. "You should have seen it, Bella. Rosalie was crying her little head off as they walked back to the house. We could hear her all the way in here--you would have thought she broke a limb, the way she wailed. Remember, Esme? And Edward. You held her hand," she laughed. "How old were you? Twelve?"

"I was ten," Edward said, shifting back in his seat.

"Either way, you were old enough to know what it meant to hold a young girl's hand."

"Ew," Rosalie said.

"She hurt her leg," Edward said, a bit gruff. "She was limping."

"Don't be embarrassed, Edward," Vivienne said. "We all thought it was adorable the way you two behaved. You were a miniature boyfriend and girlfriend. You took care of her. They looked out for each other, didn't they Esme?"

"Yes they did," Esme said. "They were good friends."

"Still are, aren't you, Edward?" Vivienne said. "You've been awfully helpful to Rosie."

"Of course," Edward said. "She's been through a lot."

"She has." Vivienne reached for Rosalie's face, but she squirmed away so her mom turned back to Edward. "You're the only one who's been able to get a positive response from her."

"Stop talking about me like I'm in a coma," Rosalie said. "You always do that! I'm aware of what you're saying. No one has to get a response from me. I talk to who I want, when I want. Sorry you can't control that, Mother."

Carlisle cleared his throat, and Esme suggested we relocate to the living room where we'd all be more comfortable. I took Masen so Edward could move the piano bench to face the sofa. We sat there together. Rosalie took a seat between her mom and Esme on the sofa, and Carlisle took his chair. I rested my head on Edward's shoulder.

"Bella, you poor thing," Vivienne said. "You look so tired."

Edward kissed my temple. "She is tired, but she looks beautiful."

"I'm okay," I said. "Edward helps at-"

"I know what it's like with a baby. I raised two."

"You know what I remember?" Carlisle asked. "That week Rosalie was a cheerleader."

"Oh yeah," Vivienne said. "After all that money we spent on enrollment and the uniforms, she quit after a week."

"You were a cheerleader?" I asked.

Rosalie looked at me and shrugged.

"Not for long," her mother said. "She never really was very peppy, were you, Rosie?"

"Nope. Irina was the peppy one." She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back into the sofa.

Her mother immediately filled the too-awkward silence. "Es, remember how we used to imagine Rosalie and Edward someday getting married?" she laughed.

Esme didn't answer.

"Come on," Vivienne said. "You're the one who first brought it up. You remember. What? You never told Edward about it?"

"I remember, Viv."

"Of course you do. You practically had their wedding planned."

"What?" Edward said.

"Oh God. I can't listen to this," Rosalie said. "I'm going to the bathroom."

I watched her walk out of the room, then looked down at Masen, brushing my lips over his head.

"Is this conversation necessary?" Edward asked. "Bella is-"

"Oh Bella," Vivienne said. "We weren't serious about it. We were young and playing around--joking about what it would be like to be in-laws."

"We decided it couldn't happen because the four of us would eventually drive each other crazy as in-laws," Carlisle said.

"I hope I didn't step on your toes, Bella," Vivienne said.

"It's okay," I said, my gaze still on Masen.

"No it isn't," Edward said. "We've all been very careful about what we say tonight, but no one has shown any regard for Bella's feelings." He put his arm around me. "I'm sorry, Bella. Rosalie and I never behaved like boyfriend and girlfriend, or planned an imaginary wedding. We were always friends who happen to be the opposite sex. These people don't seem to understand that."

"I didn't insinuate that you were anything more than friends," Vivienne said.

"No, you didn't insinuate it," Edward said. "You said the words outright. Don't you remember? It was ten minutes ago."

"Son," Carlisle said, "let's show some respect."

"Like the respect you've all shown Bella? Every time she tried to talk tonight, she was interrupted."

"Edward," I said.

"You know what?" Edward said, not seeming to recognize that he'd just interrupted me, too. "I remember Bella's birthday, when she very unselfishly ignored her own feelings so I could go to Rose. On her birthday. I remember when Bella decided to postpone her own college plans for me, fighting for me to pursue Stanford. And when she went through morning sickness and mood swings, hot flashes and labor!"

"Edward," I tried again.

He looked into my eyes and touched my mouth. "And Bella, Masen has your lips. I'd recognize these lips anywhere."

That brought the first smile to my face since dinner. He smiled back.

"You're right," Esme said. "He does have her lips."

"I'm sorry, Edward," Vivienne said. "I was only trying to get a smile from Rosie tonight. It seems you're the only one who can do that, so I thought if we talked about you two--but obviously that backfired."

Edward shook his head. "I understand that. Rosalie has been through hell, but Bella's been hurt enough by this situation. It doesn't need to be rubbed in her face, even unintentionally."

"What are you talking about?" Rosalie asked. Every head in the room turned abruptly toward her. No one had noticed her return until she spoke.

"N-nothing," Edward said.

"You were talking about me, Edward," Rosalie said.

"Rose, don't worry about it. It was nothing you haven't heard before." He held her gaze for a moment before she broke eye contact, seeming to give in. Edward stood up. "Bella, let's put Masen down. He'll be more comfortable."

I nodded and said goodnight to everyone before following Edward upstairs.

After I laid Masen down, Edward kissed me. "I'm sorry to drag you into the middle of that," he said. "But I couldn't take it anymore."

"You've got to control your temper, Edward. It's been little over a month since the accident. Sure it was hard to listen to their hopes and dreams of your marriage to Rosalie, but I can endure it. I'm smart enough to know you're not going to marry Rosalie."

"I'm tired of you setting aside your feelings for other people all the goddamn time. Who will stand up for you if I don't?"

"What? I'll stand up for myself, Edward. If it really matters to me that much, I'll stick up for myself. I survived just fine without you for seventeen years."

"Wait. Bella," he took my hands. "I didn't mean it like that. I know you have a backbone, but there are certain things about yourself that you can ignore, but I can't. Kind of like when you stand up to your mom for me. Kind of like that, okay?"

I nodded.

"What I said downstairs, I said as much for my benefit as yours." He held my face to kiss me. "Let's stay up here. There's no reason we have to go back down there. We've already said goodnight."

I agreed. There was nowhere else I wanted to be but alone with Edward and Masen. "Up here, locked away in your room, we can pretend we're on our own," I said. "Like a real family."

"We are a real family, Bella. We'll be married eventually, we'll be on our own soon, but we are a family now."

A/N: Please review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)