LBY Chapter 11
I'll Be Your #1 With a Bullet
Chapter 11
'It's been exactly a month now. A month since I last saw you.' Lisa hated the fact that she actually kept count of the days. She wanted to move on, she really did. But that wasn't such an easy thing to do. She spent most of the time trying to get preoccupied with other things, but Jackson always found his way back in her mind. She kept recalling that last look he gave her—that look that would pull at her heartstrings.
'Lisa, you're working now. Stop thinking about him. Focus.' It was a very slow evening today. She sat there, behind the desk with Cynthia, while the classical music playing in the atmosphere drowned out the pitter-pattering of rain from the outside.
"Please, Lisa. No one's here. Why can't I just turn on the radio?"
"No Cynthia. You know we can't do that."
Cynthia gave out a tiresome sigh. "You're right. I brought my CD player anyway. I'll just go get it." She went under the desk to take out her purse. Lisa tried to ignore the annoying shuffling sound Cynthia made as she tried to find that music player of hers.
"Oh here it is." She pulled out a silver mechanism and placed the tiny earphones in her ears. With her thumb she pressed the button to search for an interesting station.
"It's nine o'clock which means it's time for queue it or screw it!" exclaimed the man talking in her ears. "Today we have a new song from James Blunt. It is his third hot single from his hit CD 'Back to Bedlam.' The song's called 'Goodbye My Lover'".
Cynthia gasped in excitement. "I love this song!"
"If you want this song to air, it's up to all you out there to queue it! Here's 'Goodbye my Lover,' by James Blunt."
'Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.'
"Lisa, you really need to listen to this! This is that song I was telling you about, remember?"
"Uh…"
She handed one of her ear-pieces to Lisa. "Listen! I know you'll like it."
Lisa stuck the earphone in her ear. She was satisfied in hearing a soothing voice behind it. "He has a really nice voice. Who is it?"
"James Blunt."
"Oh. I think I've heard of him." Lisa actually had no clue who this guy was. She was far too busy to keep up with the latest music. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to get carried away with the lyrics.
'It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.'
Suddenly a series of flashbacks occurred, each involving Jackson. 'Why? Why is he suddenly coming back?'
'And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.'
Lisa's eyes flew open. It was these lyrics. They reminded her of Jackson! She just wanted to yank the ear-piece right out of her ear, but something stopped her from doing so.
'I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.'
Memories—not the bad ones but the good ones—danced in her mind. The kiss, the shirt, the confession—how she wished she was holding his hand right now. 'Stop it. Stop thinking like this. Jackson's your enemy. Don't give into this.'
'Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.'
Her hand finally found its way to the earphone and pulled it away from her hungry ear.
"Yeah, that's a beautiful song," she said as she handed the earphone back to Cynthia."
Cynthia eyed the thing, wondering why Lisa didn't want to listen anymore. "Yeah it is, isn't it?"
"Well there's something I forgot to do. I'll be right back."
"Uh okay." She watched as Lisa exited the premises.
Lisa had no errand to do. She just wanted to clear her head. Maybe chatting with some guests would help ease her tension.
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"Sploosh!" went the mop against the warm-colored tile.
"You missed a spot," said the old man.
"Peachy." With a frown Jackson slid the mop across the floor.
Because of the heavy downpour, no one except that one man came in to dine. And that man, Gino they called him, always, always showed up at exactly nine o'clock to sip his favorite wine. He'd sit at the same spot too, the table on the left by the window. Jackson wasn't too fond of the guy. He was always pestering, pestering, pestering—always sticking his nose into other people's business. Jackson gave up on trying to ignore him, since he'd just keep on badgering until what he wanted done was done.
"I'm just going to turn off this music," said the woman, who was at the time, scrubbing the counter. "I'm sick of listening to that jazz music."
And then there was Jen. From day one Jackson knew she liked him. She was such a flirt. She'd have a conversation with him in which she planned would lead to a date of some sort, but Jackson would always skillfully get himself out of the situation. He tried to avoid her as much as possible, but how could you do that if you both worked at the same place?
"Go ahead. No one's stopping you."
"I know that," Jen snapped back. She took out the jazz CD and turned on the radio. After switching countless stations, she finally found one that satisfied her.
"No way!" she squealed. "I can't believe they're actually playing this song! I love James Blunt!"
'Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.'
'This song isn't so bad,' thought Jackson. ' At least it isn't some idiotic pop song.'
'I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be'
Jackson couldn't help but think of Lisa. Trying to push her out of his mind, he put all his energy into his mop and vigorously swabbed the floor. But that didn't help at all. That song kept entering his ears, forcing him to listen to it.
'I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.'
It was at that moment that Jackson realized that the lyrics were causing the sudden memories to resurface. It was sad to admit it, but he could really relate to this Blunt guy. He wanted Lisa. He wanted her to love him and no one else. He yearned to see her run through that door and embrace him. He desired to touch her one more time, hear her laugh—see her smile.
'I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.'
These feelings made him sick to the stomach. Why was he thinking like this? These emotions were so complex, so heart-wrenching. He didn't know what to do. He had never felt this way before. He cursed Lisa for making him feel this way. He cursed Lisa for not coming back to him. He cursed her for causing him to take this pathetic job. And yet, under all that anger, he longed to be with her.
'Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.'
He couldn't take this anymore. "Will you just shut that damn thing off!" he blurted out.
Jen was completely shocked. "What?"
'Now why did you have to go and say a thing like that?' "I'm sorry. I mean why don't we listen to something else?"
"What's wrong with this song?"
"Nothing. You know what, forget I said anything." He went back to cleaning the floor.
A tad confused, Jen let it go and walked into the storage room to find a cleaning product.
'And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.'
Gino watched Jackson intently, trying to decipher his feelings. "There's someone you love, but she rejected you, didn't she?"
Jackson's mopping halted to a stop. He swung his icy eyes towards the man, wanting to swear and tell him to shut up, but he refrained. He simply sighed and went back to work.
This gesture didn't cut it for Gino. "Who's the girl?"
"What girl?" asked Jen as she walked out of the storage area. "Are you dating someone Jackson?"
"No. No I'm not."
He could see the relief on her face. "But you probably want to be with someone, don't you?"
He produced a fake smile. 'You got to be kidding me. Don't ask that question.'
"You know, you look like a fun guy." She strutted her way to Jackson and slid her hand down his chest.
Jackson struggled to keep his hand from breaking her fingers.
"You and me, dinner, tomorrow night." She tried to pucker her lips so that they'd seem sexy, but Jackson just found it disgusting.
Come to think of it, he could take the girl's offer. Maybe if Lisa saw him and Jen together she would grow jealous. But what was he thinking? Lisa wasn't going to witness it anyways. She hasn't visited since a month ago. If she really did love him, she would've returned by now. Jackson didn't want to waste his time with Jen. Just the thought of kissing her sickened him.
Man, none of these problems would have happened if Jackson just shot Lisa in the first place. But no, now it's too late. He's just gonna to have to deal with it.
"I can't do that."
Jen jumped back. "What! Why?"
"There's someone else."
"Oh." She turned away, not wanting him to see the disappointment in her eyes. "That's fine. Someone else asked me out the other day anyway."
"Sorry."
"It's fine, it's fine." Her figure disappeared behind the bathroom door.
Jackson was relieved to get her off his back. With a smug expression on his face he once again put his attention towards the floor. That feeling of relief did not last long.
"Didn't I tell ya? You did get rejected by a girl!"
Reality hits Jackson again: Lisa.
"Come on, tell me," nags Gino. "Who's the girl?"
An explosion of anger runs through Jackson's veins. He throws the mop on the floor and storms off into the back room, leaving old Gino alarmed and baffled. He didn't spend any time finishing off his drink. He stuck the tip and money on the table and went out into the pouring rain.
Meanwhile Jackson plopped himself down on a stool, his hands digging into his skull. "Dammit Leese. Dammit." In the background he could still hear the final stanza of the song.
'I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.'
A/N: I had a fun time writing this chapter : ) Oh, and could you tell? I love James Blunt's song 'Goodbye My Lover.' I just had to add it to the story, haha. But right now, I feel like I'm getting sorta side-tracked. I'm obsessed with the book 'Rebel Angels' by Libba Bray and I'm starting to write another story. Meh, I'm determined to finish this though.